USA: "Trump won the presidency!"

UK: "Hold my tea."

How will they tell Trump that he's losing the presidency if the impeachment goes through?

"you're fired"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump decided to take a break from presidency and visit Greenland..

He's put up in a nice hotel with the best service in the region.

However, there is a problem.

Every time he goes out to do some sightseeing, someone keeps calling him "Cunt".

He comes back to the hotel and asks the manager about this strange phenomenon.

The manager says, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump's Presidency

That's it. That's the entire fucking joke.

During his presidency, there were some files that even Obama couldn’t touch.

The \*For Biden\* files.

It's interesting how different a US president looks at the end of their presidency. Obama had gray hair. Bush had a bunch of wrinkles..

At the end of JFKs presidency, half of his head was missing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At a news conference, a journalist said to the politician running for the presidency, "Your secretary said publicly that you have a small penis. Would you please comment on this."

"The truth is," replied the Politician, "That she has a big mouth."

Trump's Presidency is like climate change

Every day it gets worse and Republicans try to deny it.

What's the best thing that ever happened to George W. Bush's presidency?

Donald Trump's election.

There's only one way the US is going to be able to redeem themselves after this presidency, and that's to outlaw the sale of pre-shredded cheese.

Make America grate again.

On the last day of Barack's presidency, he and Donald Trump go to the same barbershop to get their hair done.

On the last day of Barack's presidency, he and Donald Trump go to the same barbershop to get their hair done.

Barbers decide not to talk about politics, and everybody ends up not talking at all. The air is so tense. it could be almost cut with the barber's knife.

Donald's hair gets fi...

Congratulations to Donald Trump winning the presidency...

May his global impact be as tiny as his hands

I'm actually really happy with Trump's presidency so far.

He's had the nuclear codes for a couple of days now and hasn't tweeted them yet.

Donald Trump's presidency is already positively affecting the economy.

Alcohol sales have never been higher.

Did you know that the 16th presidency had the best records kept?

I think they were called the Lincoln Logs.

When Trump visited the White House before his presidency...

He asked then president Obama how he managed to run two successful terms.

"Simple", Obama replied, "Just get an intelligent wife"

"How do I know my wife is intelligent?" Trump asked.

"Just ask her intelligent questions and if she answers correctly, then you know she is intellige...

Say what you will about Trump's Presidency, but you can't overlook what he has accomplished in terms of healthcare specifically life expectancy...

He managed to turn one year into something that feels like an eternity.

Hey, I understand now. Trump's just trying to turn his presidency into his favorite musical.

The Lyin' King.

Monica Lewinsky has released the following statement on Hillary Clinton's run for the American Presidency:

"I will not vote for Hillary Clinton. The last Clinton Presidency left a very bad taste in my mouth."

Why is the word "impeach" so popular with Donald Trump's presidency?

Lack of a better term.

How can Trump improve both his golf game and presidency?

Reduce the number of downhill lies.

If Donald trump takes over the presidency after Obama

I guess you could say orange really is the new black

Trump's presidency is historic...

He's the first president to ever be more concerned about personal insecurity than he is about national security.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nine months into his presidency...

Nine months into his presidency Donald Trump asked his advisors to poll the American people to find out what they thought America would be like by the next election.

After a few weeks fact finding the advisors returned with an answer. They said “Mr President, there are two prevailing views t...

How was Bill Clinton able to maintain a steady surplus during his presidency?

He had a great Al Gore rhythm.

If Trump wins the presidency, what will be his reelection slogan in 2020?

Make America decent again.

The Trump presidency will be fine...

Remember when NWO took over WCW? In the end, it turned out ok too.

Trump won the presidency and 1... 2... POOF!

The Mexicans were gone without a tres

I like my nudes the same way I won the presidency

Black male.

What does Hillary Clinton's presidency and Bill Clinton's presidency have in common?

They were both ruined by weiners.

Now that Donald Trump having a real shot at the presidency, who is most afraid?

​Every Juan!

Nixon: "I bet you can't run a more scandal-ridden presidency than me"

"Hold my beer"

"Sure.. Wait this isnt beer"

Look on the bright side of a Trump presidency...

There won't be an America to have this drama four years from now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you piss off 100s of millions of people at the same time?

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton were both upstanding candidates fully deserving of the US presidency.

Who do you see winning the presidency in 4 years?

I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision.

The U.S. presidency is like my ex.

Anyone can get in.

What's one definite outcome from a Drumpf Presidency?

Four more years of great South Park!

What does Bill Clinton's presidency and Hillary Clinton's future presidency have in common?

Weiners got them both in trouble but in the end nobody really cared.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Hillary and Bill Clinton?

Hillary tried to use her sex to become president, and Bill used his presidency for sex.

If Gingrich were to win the presidency...

...can we call his current wife the "third lady?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle.

This was not your ordinary wasp though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself, ...

Donald Trump somehow makes it to the Pearly Gates

After a long life, and a tumultuous presidency, Donald J Trump dies and arrives at the Gates of Heaven, where he sees a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asks an angel, "What are all those clocks?"

The angel answers, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time...

What is in common between a comedian, a chocolate factory owner and a criminal?

They are all running for Ukraine Presidency in 2019.

The only reason a Hillary Clinton presidency would be good for our country

At $0.78 cents to the dollar, she'd be a bargain for our country

The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It’s not the end of the world."

Stupid auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Each president has subconsciously affected the porn industry in various ways [NSFW]

During the Clinton era, infidelity and work place scenarios became really popular.

During the Bush years, the demand for "dumb blonde" types hit an all time high.

During Obama's presidency, the interracial genre took off.

And recently, incest porn has become really popular.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, a red fruit loop looked at himself in the mirror and said, "I need to become an orange fruit loop."

It was a daunting task. But after working out for two hours a day, with five-gram weights, and getting a degree in economics, *wa-zaam!* he was an orange fruit loop. But he was still hungry.

Again Looking at himself in the mirror, he said, "I need to become a yellow fruit loop." It was a d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was once a man named Juan...

Juan was the most charismatic person around, and because of this he made a brilliant teacher. All of his students loved him, and Juan had helped their grades go up by at least 10%. So of course, when the principal at the time resigned Juan's pupils pushed him to become the next principal and so he d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump is really a proved racist and sexist, because...

He beat a woman badly in his run for the presidency and threw a black family out of a white house...

Hillary and Trump tie in the election...

And the election moderator isn't sure what to do. So he decides that the president will be decided by a foot race around the White House lawn.
Trump is up first, and his final time around the lawn is 10 minutes 11 seconds.
Hillary is up next, and her final time around the lawn is 9:20.
The ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump.

I heard this was the subreddit for old jokes that aren't funny and won't die.

 

 

 

 

______________________________________________________
**Edit:** My goal (reddit bucket list type thing) was to create an organic, original,...

When I went to Heavan...

I meet with Paul the Saint. He points to a bunch of clocks behind him

Paul: These are clocks that measure how honest you are. Yours is at 12:45, meaning you have lied 45 times in your lifetime
Me: Whose that clock at 12:00 belongs to?
Paul: That's Mother Teresa's. She has been a p...

The candle

It's two months away from the presidential election. Current president also running the presidency again, but he's already losing. One devoted supporter goes to a subway and asks the people to gather around him.

"I'm gonna tell you all a story" shouts the supporter. He continues, "Once upon a...

Do you know why Irma quit wreaking havoc?

She just gave up when she realized, no matter how hard she tried, she would never become as big a disaster as Trump's presidency.

The 2016 Presidential Election ended in a tie

So then president Obama decided the tie breaker would a race around the White House, with the fastest time being awarded the presidency. Bernie Sanders being the honest man he is went first, but is older and well past his physical prime, completed the race on 17 minutes 46 seconds. Trump being the n...

No matter what you think about Trump there is one thing you have to give him credit for...

...he really tries hard to end the worst presidency in history.

This really crashes my belief system.

Hilary Clinton spent 40 years building up her career to lose presidency to a man who picked up politics as a hobby last year.

If this Hillary case blows up...

It will be the second time a weiner has ruined the presidency for a Clinton

Trump really does make everything overseas

He had his shirts made in Korea, his glasses made in China, and his Presidency made in Russia.

Sometimes when you eat too much carrot,

you turn orange and you run for presidency.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A jew called Bernie ran the biggest ponzi schema ever , he took millions from gullible low information people promising them unrealistic returns .

I was talking about Bernie Madoff not Bernie Sanders you a**holes

Donate 27 $ and we can still win the Presidency !!!

What do you call the WaltDisney show featuring Donald & Mickey running for 4 years?

US Presidency

I've got good news and bad news...

GOOD NEWS: Hillary lost the presidency

BAD NEWS: Trump won the presidency

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hillary Clinton Riddles

Q: Apparently Monica Lewinsky won’t be voting for Hillary Clinton this election
A: She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth

Q: All Trump has to say to beat Hillary in the debates
A: I have the receipts.

Q: What does Bill say to Hillary after sex?
A: H...

Monica Lewinsky's statement on Hillary's run for President

Monica Lewinsky released the following statment on Hillary Clinton's run for President..
"I will not vote for Hillary Clinton . The last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in my mouth. As we get closer to the 2016 election year, citizens must remember that they cannot even trust Hillary Clinton ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old but gold

Slightly old joke about Bill Clinton and former Serbian would be dictator, Slobodan Milosevic
(In a word for word translation to English, his name means: Freeman Gentlefuck)
Anyway, here is actual joke:

Milosevic goes to visit White House during Clinton's presidency.
He participate...

Phew, don't have to think of a catchy title today

Why is Monica so exited for the next Clinton presidency?

This time she won't have to swallow.

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