I always bring a piece of paper to a wrestling match, just in case...

The Rock is my opponent.

John Cena gets knocked out during a wrestling match

3 hours later he wakes up in a hospital

John: (slowly) Where am I?

Nurse: I. C. U

John: No you can't!!

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My friend made fun of me for being a wrestling fan. He said, "You know that stuff is fake right?"

I said, "So, are your wife's boobs, but I still enjoy them for three hours every Monday night."

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What is Gordon Ramsay’s favourite wrestling show?

It’s fucking RAW!

Who decided to call it "Dwayne Johnson's Wrestling Career" instead of...

Classic Rock?

What's a comedians favorite wrestling move??¿?

The Knee Slapper

Q: How did the cannibal get caught at the wrestling match?

A: He yelled "Food fight!"

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The wrestling match was about to begin...

...and the Contender's coach was once again lecturing the Contender.

"If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times-don't let the Champion get you in The Pretzel! No one has ever been able to get out of The Pretzel!"

The Contender nodded his head, getting ready for the match. "...

Jimmy is in the school yard...

and goes over to his friend Billy and notices he has a brand new smart watch.

Jimmy: How did you get that?

Billy: well last night I walked into my parents room and caught them wrestling and my dad told me if I left and forgot what I saw he’d get me a watch.

Jimmy: Oh wow I’ve h...

What’s a chef’s favourite wrestling move?

The artichoke

A man went to the doctor and told him, "Every night for the past month and a half, I have dreams in which I have wrestling matches with donkeys."

The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Take these, and your dreams will go away."

"Can I start taking them tomorrow?" the man asked.

"Why?" the doctor inquired.

"Because I'm scheduled to wrestle in the championship match tonight," he replied.

Arguing with strangers online is like wrestling sharks

Even if you win, it was a really stupid thing to do.

Two silk worms are in a wrestling match

It ended in a tie.

A dying kid makes a wish to meet Dwayne Johnson

Dwayne sits at the side of the hospital bed and asks the kid if he was a fan of wrestling.

The kid says yeah, and that he knows his only weakness.

Dwayne looks puzzled, and asks what it is.

"Come closer" says the kid.

Dwayne leans in, and the kid shows him his open palm....

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Pissed Off

A small, balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight."

The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit worse for the wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink an...

Wrestling is stupid.

Men without pants fight for a belt.

I just watched an entire, three day long, arm wrestling match by accident.

Turned out to be more gripping than I expected.

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Bob, an Olympic class wrestler - has a match with Bjorn, a Lapland wrestling grandmaster

Before the meet, Bob's coaches warned him that Bjorn has a deadly stranglehold move called "the pretzel". They warned him not to dip his right shoulder while standing face to face, or he will certainly lose.

Bob keeps this advice in mind as he wrestles Bjorn - but he loses concentration for ...

American Indian female wrestling

A tribe of Native Americans generally referred to their woman by the animal hide with which they made their blanket. Thus, one woman might be known as Squaw of Buffalo Hide, while another might be known as Squaw of Deer Hide. This tribe had a particularly large and strong woman, with a very unique...

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World Wrestling Championship. At the final are American and Japanese wrestlers.

Before the game, the American coach said:

- See John. I have not told you yet, but this Japanese is very strong and very corrupt. He has a favorite grip. If he applies it, everything is lost.

- No problem, trainer. I'll handle him somehow.

The fight begins. The wrestlers go out ...

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A woman goes to visit her neighbour...

... and says she caught her daughter and the neighbours son wrestling.

"Well," the mother of the son says "It's only natural for them to explore sexuality at that age."

"Sexuality?!" The first woman cries, "She powerbombed him through a flaming table!"

How can you tell that Wrestling is tougher than Rodeo?

When you win at Rodeo you get a buckle but win Wrestling and they give you the whole belt!

( ಠ ͜ʖಠ)

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Olympic wrestling

A Russian and a Norwegian wrestler named Ole were set to square off for the Olympic Gold Medal.

Before the final match, the Norwegian wrestling coach came to Ole and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian.. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold h...

I just made my new wrestling name. My name is Off In Church...

Because no one beats off in church

No wrestling event is ever sold out

they always have a couple extra seats under the ring

A rabbi, a priest and a minister want to see who is best at their job...

So they decide to go out into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. A few days later, the the priest and the minister bump into each other at the hospital, where each person is being treated for their particular injuries. They then tell each other about their experience.

The prie...

When I was a kid, my parents told me the noise from their bedroom at night was them wrestling. I didn't believe them so I snuck in one night...

...and got taken out by an RKO out of nowhere.

I auditioned for the WWE a few years ago

I auditioned for the WWE a few years ago under the wrestling name ‘Paperman’.

I failed to get in though.

At the time Dwayne Johnson was the champion, and the bosses didn’t want me beating him.

Have you ever seen ....

I've been saving these to send to my grandsons. The more the merrier - feel free to add your own.

A horse *fly*?

A goldfish *bowl*?

A shoe *box*?

A floor *mop*?

A cat *fish*?

A spelling *bee*?

A chimney *sweep*?

A chicken *strip*?

A monk...

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I double majored in asian wrestling and sex therapy

I graduated sumo cum laude

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Did you hear the Japanese sumo wrestling team lost to a group of prison inmates?

I guess the cons outweighed the pros.

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A guy moves to the countryside.

His neighbour comes over and invites him to a party. The neighbour says there will be some drinking, some wrestling, and some fucking. The guy says "Err what time should I come over?". The neighbour says "Any time it'll just be the two of us"

Apparently John Cena is going to miss 6-9 months of wrestling.

Now you really can't see him.

Three russian sons set out to prove their manliness by wrestling bears.

The first son returns, sits down and says "father I travelled to vladivastok forest and wrestled a black bear whilst topless"

The father shakes his head and says "you are no son of mine. Leave now"

The second son returns home and says " father I travelled to the forests of poland and w...

My son walked in on me and my wife "wrestling" on the bed.

We call it "wrestling" because he can't pronounce jiu-jitsu.

A russian village has a tradition...

...where each year they they hold a very unusal contest, that consists of 4 challenges: First, the contestants must down a bottle of vodka, then they must swim across an icy lake, third they must shake hands with a chained up wild bear on the other side, and finally they have to run to the closest v...

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Olympic wrestling is the only time there is a "Clean and Jerk"...

in every other case, it's the other way round.

Wrestling demonstration.

This is a visual joke to be told with a friend to another or a group.

First. Put your friend in a Half Nelson hold and ask the others to identify the hold. If they can fine. If they can't you or your partner identifies the hold as a Half Nelson.

Second. Put your friend in a Full Ne...

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The pretzel hold

So the wrestling coach comes up to jimmy. "Listen Jimmy, I've seen this kid wrestle 3-4 times. Hes got this pretzel hold man and if he gets you in it your done. Over. So IDK how to avoid it or what but whatever you do watch for that pretzel hold."

Match starts. Not 2 seconds in Jimmies in a ...

Chip shop fight

I got into a fight with a chip shop owner, we were wrestling on the floor and one of his assistents chucked yellow gunk over us, as I got up the owner pushed me and I fell into the fryer and in that moment I knew i'd been battered.

I was watching the WWE wrestling with my son today...

...when I finally snapped at the whole charade and blatant fakeness of it all.

It's about time he was told he's adopted.

A blind man walks into a bar

He makes his way to the front, takes a seat and says to the bartender:
"You wanna hear a blonde joke?"
To which the bar tender replies:
"Mate, im blonde, and over there we have the world wrestling champion and he is blonde, on the other side of the room we have the womans boxing world cha...

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Fresh recruits are lined up at bootcamp waiting to meet their new Seargent.

Out walked this absolut unit of a marine carrying a big black duffel bag. He sets the bag down and yells,
“Do you know what it means to be a marine! You gotta be tough! Do you wanna see what tough is?!"
And with that he unzips the bag and pulls out an alligator. While he's wrestling with the ...

A Jew, an African-American, and a redneck are walking along a beach....

... when they come across a lantern. They all grab it and as they are wrestling over it a genie pops out. He says, "This is unusual. Normally I give one person three wishes, but all three of you are holding my lantern. What I'll do is grant each of you one wish."

The Jewish guy steps forward ...

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Here is one of my favourite Iranian jokes that I've translated to English for you all, hope you like it

One day there was a king who had the the most beautiful daughter anyone had ever seen.

Everyone wanted to sleep with his daughter so he thought he would make a game of this.

King: "Anyone who can wrestle my lion and kill it will be given permission fuck my daughter"

For days m...

Went to WW3 with the squad

And we got shot. I thought this was supposed to be a fake Wrestling competition.

My Girlfriend was really athletic

After all she was on the jv wrestling team, on the football team, and hockey goalie.

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