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Wrestling Jokes

I always bring a piece of paper to a wrestling match, just in case...

The Rock is my opponent.

Two silk worms are in a wrestling match

It ended in a tie.

John Cena gets knocked out during a wrestling match

3 hours later he wakes up in a hospital

John: (slowly) Where am I?

Nurse: I. C. U

John: No you can't!!

Who decided to call it "Dwayne Johnson's Wrestling Career" instead of...

Classic Rock?

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Olympic wrestling

A Russian and a Norwegian wrestler named Ole were set to square off for the Olympic Gold Medal.

Before the final match, the Norwegian wrestling coach came to Ole and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian.. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold h...

What’s a chef’s favourite wrestling move?

The artichoke

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The wrestling match was about to begin...

...and the Contender's coach was once again lecturing the Contender.

"If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times-don't let the Champion get you in The Pretzel! No one has ever been able to get out of The Pretzel!"

The Contender nodded his head, getting ready for the match. ...

Chuck Norris and Superman once had an arm wrestling contest

Loser has to wear his underwear above his pants.

I just watched an entire, three day long, arm wrestling match by accident.

Turned out to be more gripping than I expected.

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What is Gordon Ramsay’s favourite wrestling show?

It’s fucking RAW!

Arguing with strangers online is like wrestling sharks

Even if you win, it was a really stupid thing to do.

A man went to the doctor and told him, "Every night for the past month and a half, I have dreams in which I have wrestling matches with donkeys."

The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Take these, and your dreams will go away."

"Can I start taking them tomorrow?" the man asked.

"Why?" the doctor inquired.

"Because I'm scheduled to wrestle in the championship match tonight," he replied.

No wrestling event is ever sold out

they always have a couple extra seats under the ring

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Lock & Stock were a famous pro wrestling tag team. They had a long, successful career, won many titles, had a wonderful retirement match and were inducted into the Hall of Fame of every company they wrestled in.

One day, chilling on the porch and reflecting on the many blessings of their career, Lock asked Stock "You know, I've always wondered; is there pro wrestling in heaven?"

"I've always wondered that myself," Stock replied.

So the two agreed, "Whichever of us gets there first needs to fin...

I just made my new wrestling name. My name is Off In Church...

Because no one beats off in church

What do you call it when a British policeman gets defeated in a wrestling match?

A Bobby pin

I’m in the World Thumb Wrestling finals.

We’ve been deadlocked in competition for the past 15 hours. Given how worn out our thumbs are, the judges have ruled we play sudden death with our big toes.


This will end in defeet.

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World Wrestling Championship. At the final are American and Japanese wrestlers.

Before the game, the American coach said:

- See John. I have not told you yet, but this Japanese is very strong and very corrupt. He has a favorite grip. If he applies it, everything is lost.

- No problem, trainer. I'll handle him somehow.

The fight begins. The wrestlers go out ...

Have you ever seen ....

I've been saving these to send to my grandsons. The more the merrier - feel free to add your own.

A horse *fly*?

A goldfish *bowl*?

A shoe *box*?

A floor *mop*?

A cat *fish*?

A spelling *bee*?

A chimney *sweep*?

A chicken *strip*?

A monk...

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Porn is a lot like pro wrestling...

All of it is exciting at first, and it's great to watch when you're free, but when you know how much of it is fake, it gets boring fast.

Wrestling is stupid...

Some guys with no pants fight for a belt.

I was devastated that my tag team wrestling partner turned out to be morbidly obese...

I say this with a heavy Hart.

How can you tell that Wrestling is tougher than Rodeo?

When you win at Rodeo you get a buckle but win Wrestling and they give you the whole belt!

( ಠ ͜ʖಠ)

My dog decided to join the Mexican Wrestling circuit.

I guess it was his dream to become a Puchador.

What's a comedians favorite wrestling move??¿?

The Knee Slapper

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Bob, an Olympic class wrestler - has a match with Bjorn, a Lapland wrestling grandmaster

Before the meet, Bob's coaches warned him that Bjorn has a deadly stranglehold move called "the pretzel". They warned him not to dip his right shoulder while standing face to face, or he will certainly lose.

Bob keeps this advice in mind as he wrestles Bjorn - but he loses concentration for ...

So I was in a wrestling match in highschool

It was senior night, I was in the 185 lb weight class and our team desperately needed the points from my bout. The only problem was I up against killer Kenny D from Spartanburg. Dude was going Division 1 and was all state. I didn't think I had a chance against him and his signature pretzel move. Thi...

Q: How did the cannibal get caught at the wrestling match?

A: He yelled "Food fight!"

When I was a kid, my parents told me the noise from their bedroom at night was them wrestling. I didn't believe them so I snuck in one night...

...and got taken out by an RKO out of nowhere.

Wrestling

Coach says can you describe a half Nelson ? Wrestler says a half nelson is when one arm is passed under the opponent's arm from behind and the hand is applied to the neck . Very good how about a full Nelson? When both arms are passed under opponents arms from behind and the hands are clasp behind th...

My son walked in on me and my wife "wrestling" on the bed.

We call it "wrestling" because he can't pronounce jiu-jitsu.

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I double majored in asian wrestling and sex therapy

I graduated sumo cum laude

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Olympic wrestling is the only time there is a "Clean and Jerk"...

in every other case, it's the other way round.

A drunk man walks into a bar

After a really good party a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk and delirious, the man turns to the person sitting next to him and says, "You wanna hear a blonde joke?"


The person replies, "I am 240 pounds, world kickboxing champion and a natural blonde. My frien...

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A man goes to Spain on vacation

While he's there he goes to a restaurant and the waiter gives him an additional side dish along with his meal

The man loves the side dish and when he asks the waiter what it is, he says "A bull died in a bull wrestling show and these were its testicles"

The next day the man asks for t...

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Pissed Off

A small, balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight."

The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit worse for the wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink an...

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A woman goes to visit her neighbour...

... and says she caught her daughter and the neighbours son wrestling.

"Well," the mother of the son says "It's only natural for them to explore sexuality at that age."

"Sexuality?!" The first woman cries, "She powerbombed him through a flaming table!"

American Indian female wrestling

A tribe of Native Americans generally referred to their woman by the animal hide with which they made their blanket. Thus, one woman might be known as Squaw of Buffalo Hide, while another might be known as Squaw of Deer Hide. This tribe had a particularly large and strong woman, with a very unique...

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Wrestling

The World Wrestling Championship was being held in the UP of Michigan, at the "Paper Clip Center' just outside UMPsville, between the 2 finalists, a American and a Russian. The Russian was known for his "Pretzel Hold". No man in history had got out of the Pretzel Hold. The Russian had won 1 bout and...

Wrestling Match

A man waited almost an hour in line to get a ticket to a wrestling match.

Ticket Master: "Quite the wait, don't you think it would be more efficient if these were sold online?"

Man: "Yeah I suppose, but then there'd be no punchline"

I was watching the WWE wrestling with my son today...

...when I finally snapped at the whole charade and blatant fakeness of it all.

It's about time he was told he's adopted.

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Here is one of my favourite Iranian jokes that I've translated to English for you all, hope you like it

One day there was a king who had the the most beautiful daughter anyone had ever seen.

Everyone wanted to sleep with his daughter so he thought he would make a game of this.

King: "Anyone who can wrestle my lion and kill it will be given permission fuck my daughter"

For days m...

The story of Arthur Nelson

Arthur Nelson is one of the least known pioneers of professional wrestling. He invented many of the submission holds that we still see today, and two of them bear his name: the half Nelson and the full Nelson. According to numerous sources, he also created many of the variations of the chokehold....

A russian village has a tradition...

...where each year they they hold a very unusal contest, that consists of 4 challenges: First, the contestants must down a bottle of vodka, then they must swim across an icy lake, third they must shake hands with a chained up wild bear on the other side, and finally they have to run to the closest v...

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Son of a bitch fish

On the last day of his vacation, the priest landed a monster; he struggled for long minutes wrestling the fish into the boat, and when he did, his guide exclaimed, “Wow, that’s the biggest son-of-a-bitch I’ve ever seen come out of this lake!”

“Son, it’s true it’s a fine fish, but you needn’t ...

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A guy moves to the countryside.

His neighbour comes over and invites him to a party. The neighbour says there will be some drinking, some wrestling, and some fucking. The guy says "Err what time should I come over?". The neighbour says "Any time it'll just be the two of us"

A blind man walks into a bar

He makes his way to the front, takes a seat and says to the bartender:
"You wanna hear a blonde joke?"
To which the bar tender replies:
"Mate, im blonde, and over there we have the world wrestling champion and he is blonde, on the other side of the room we have the womans boxing world cha...

Chip shop fight

I got into a fight with a chip shop owner, we were wrestling on the floor and one of his assistents chucked yellow gunk over us, as I got up the owner pushed me and I fell into the fryer and in that moment I knew i'd been battered.

Jimmy is in the school yard...

and goes over to his friend Billy and notices he has a brand new smart watch.

Jimmy: How did you get that?

Billy: well last night I walked into my parents room and caught them wrestling and my dad told me if I left and forgot what I saw he’d get me a watch.

Jimmy: Oh wow I’ve h...

Unconditional love

Repost due to incomplete joke, if anyone wants to trim it or change it for the better feel free:
I was watching Jimmy Kimmel and discussing where to go for lunch with my girlfriend when the topic of “unconditional love” was brought up. I nodded and told her “…of course I love you and you love...

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The pretzel hold

So the wrestling coach comes up to jimmy. "Listen Jimmy, I've seen this kid wrestle 3-4 times. Hes got this pretzel hold man and if he gets you in it your done. Over. So IDK how to avoid it or what but whatever you do watch for that pretzel hold."

Match starts. Not 2 seconds in Jimmies in a ...

A Jew, an African-American, and a redneck are walking along a beach....

... when they come across a lantern. They all grab it and as they are wrestling over it a genie pops out. He says, "This is unusual. Normally I give one person three wishes, but all three of you are holding my lantern. What I'll do is grant each of you one wish."

The Jewish guy steps forward ...

New husband and wife

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.

But lo and behold, the next morning,...

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A single mom and her 5 year old son...

are living in a small apartment. One day, the boy walks past his mothers room and notices that her door is slightly open. He peeks in and sees his mother standing in front of a mirror rubbing her hands all over her body. She is rubbing her breasts and her vagina and is moaning the words, "I want a...

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My wife walked into the lounge after she heard me grunting.

She looked at me on the floor, sweating, with baubles around me. "Why the fuck are you wrestling with our Christmas tree?" she asked.

I said, "Because you told me to take it down."

A rabbi, a priest and a minister want to see who is best at their job...

So they decide to go out into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. A few days later, the the priest and the minister bump into each other at the hospital, where each person is being treated for their particular injuries. They then tell each other about their experience.

The prie...

Went to WW3 with the squad

And we got shot. I thought this was supposed to be a fake Wrestling competition.

The Russian Pretzel. Slight NSFW

It is the day of the World Championship in Freestyle wrestling. Just before the Gold medal match, a coach is giving one last pep talk before his man goes on the match.
"O.k. This Russian is known as the best of all time. He has gone undefeated for 7 years now and it is all because of his famous P...

An alien comes to earth and tries to learn English by repeating everything it hears.

The alien walks by an opera and hears someone sing "Me me me me me me me", so the alien repeats "Me me me me me me me"

Next the alien walks by a restaurant and hears people shouting "Forks and knives! forks and knives!", so the alien repeats "Forks and knives! Forks and knives!"

Then ...

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Fresh recruits are lined up at bootcamp waiting to meet their new Seargent.

Out walked this absolut unit of a marine carrying a big black duffel bag. He sets the bag down and yells,
“Do you know what it means to be a marine! You gotta be tough! Do you wanna see what tough is?!"
And with that he unzips the bag and pulls out an alligator. While he's wrestling with the ...

You browse the channels all night until you catch a glimpse of what you think is a nipple among the static.

You turn back to the channel in question to occasionally hear some grunting through the snow. You figure now is the best time if ever and for 30 minutes the picture finally comes in clear enough for you to discover that you have been spanking it to Mexican Wrestling.

The Russian pretzel

Three Americans were up against a very large Russian in a wrestling meet. They were nervous because he had a famous move called "The Russian Pretzel," which often landed his opponents in the hospital.

When the first American caught a glimpse of him, he said, "Coach, he's HUGE. I'm scared."...

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Ever had to force your dog into taking their medication?

It's the worst, right? You try to cover it with peanut butter, even then they know you're up to something. So it gets kinda physical, have to get in there with both hands and hold them open and push it in with your finger, hoping they don't bite you. Turns into a wrestling match, sometimes. But as i...

What's the difference between US Politics and WWE?

one is a predetermined charade that takes a tremendous amount of willingness to suspend disbelief


the other is pro wrestling.

I'm not saying that I am unfit...

But I just tried mud wrestling and the mud won.

A Prayer before Dinner

During a weekly dinner date between two neighbours, the 5 year old boy of the host was instructed to pray for the dinner.

5 Yr Old:"But dad I don't know how to pray.

Host:"Just pray for your friends,family,the neighbours and the poor.

5 Yr Old: Dear Jesus, thank you for the neig...

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Since the success of The Rock, fans suggest more wrestlers should participate in acting.

They are. It's called wrestling.

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"FREE BEER FOR LIFE CHALLENGE!"

A Man walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads

"FREE BEER FOR LIFE IF YOU CAN PASS OUR CHALLENGE!"

He asks the bartender, "What's the challenge?"

The bartender says "first you have to finish a 5th of tequila without making a face, then you have to go out back and remove my ...

One day, a man exploring a jungle stumbles upon an ancient village.

One day, a man exploring a jungle stumbles upon a legendary ancient village. The villagers, who to the man's surprise are still alive and well, lavish him with praise. They think he must be a god! But he must first be tested, just to be sure.

So the chief of the village takes him to a row of ...

My Girlfriend was really athletic

After all she was on the jv wrestling team, on the football team, and hockey goalie.

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