Why should you never date a tennis player?

Because love means nothing to them.

Why do tennis players not ever get married?

They think that love means nothing.

Iowa has produced a new Tennis sensation

Anna Cornacoba

Have any of you ever played quiet tennis?

It's regular tennis, but without the racket.

Basketball sued Tennis for no reason

Now they have to go to court

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Not having sex tonight

One evening last week,my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well,the passion starts to heat up,and she eventually says,‘I don‘t feel like it,I just want you to hold me.‘

I said,‘WHAT??!! What was that?!‘

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear.... <...

My tennis career has taught me that I can be the best basketball player ever

Nothing but net

With the US Open going on...how do tennis players discipline their kids?

Mostly with their forehand, sometimes their backhand.

A tennis factory was recently established near my house.

They’re making quite the racket

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Did you hear about the tennis tournament that forced its players to masturbate to determine who gets the ball?

First cum, first serve.

Why are fish no good at tennis?

They don’t like getting close to nets

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Tennis Elbow (Long and Old)

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."


His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will dia...

What do you call a tennis match between Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder?

Endless love.

What was the first mention of tennis in the Bible?

When Joseph served in Pharoah’s court.

I’ve made a website for depressed tennis players…

The servers are currently down...

A tennis ball walked into a bar

It was served right away

After tennis, I came across 2 dogs fighting in the park

so I whistled and threw a tennis ball into the brush. They immediately stopped fighting and chased after the ball. Minutes later they returned, but didn't have my ball.

So I gave them a no ball peace prize

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I started playing tennis recently. on the first day I had to tell my tennis partner "I can't grasp these balls" he asked why not.

I said "I'm used to holding a shuttle cock"

My dad told me that on their walk today my dog was able to retrieve a tennis ball that landed 2 miles away

Sounds far fetched

(From a 6-year old) Why did Cinderella always lose at tennis?

Because her coach was a PUMPKIN.

Dating a female tennis player is always a good idea.

They've got good aces.

You do the Math

A lawyer writes a letter to his wife Janie...

My Dear Janie,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not...

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guy goes to the doctor ..

a guy goes to teh doctor .

doc says " well what seems to be the problem?"



guy says " its my elbow doc , its killing me !"



doc says " well a normal visit would have a $50 co-pay , but we have a new machine that can diagnose you just by peeing in a cup and the co-p...

Why did the founder of Reddit, Alexis Ohanian, get married to the tennis superstar Serena Williams?

Redditors are always looking for better servers.

As a tennis ball falls off a table, a golf ball shouts a question, "Are you going to be ok?"

The tennis ball replies, "Of course. I'll bounce back."

What do you call a girl in the middle of a tennis court?

Annette

What do you call 2 Mexicans playing tennis?

Juan on Juan!

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Guy goes to the doctor complaining of tennis elbow...

Doctor says to him that because of social distancing, he’s got this new machine that can diagnose anything with just a urine sample and just drop it off at his convenience.

The guy is upset and just wants his tennis elbow looked at, so he pees in a cup, has his wife and daughter pee in the s...

I just came back from a coworker's funeral who died when he was hit on the head by a tennis ball..

It was a lovely service..

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A survey was conducted for poor tennis players who were bad at sex

It was decided on a worst come worst serve basis

Why did the blonde enter the tennis courts naked?

Because the sign said tennis shoes only.


*edit*
Thanks for the sliver kind person

A man found a tennis ball while out jogging and put it in his pocket to give his dog back home...

As he stopped to wait at the traffic lights, a woman next to him couldn't help but notice the large bulge in his trouser pocket.

"Tennis ball" the man said.

"Oh, that must be painful,” she replied. “I had tennis elbow once!"

While getting ready to go play outside with my kids, my wife asked me "Do you have tennis shoes?"

I responded, "No, I only have 9 issues."

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Why is Italy in the shape of a boot?

Because you couldn't squeeze all that shit into a tennis shoe.

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just as it's going by. As he gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Impeccable timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Fe...

How do you trick a guy into going to a tennis match?

Tell him it’s a women’s singles event.

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Men of 25 play football and . . .

Men of 25 play football, men of 40 play tennis, men of 60 play golf . . .
You notice as you get older, your balls get smaller.

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Low wage workers play basketball. Tradesmen go bowling. Middle managers play softball. Upper managers play tennis. CEOs play golf.

The lesson: the higher you climb, the smaller your balls get.

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Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day

They picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'
'Eight', the boy replied.
The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'
The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. Th...

My wife was really disappointed when she found out why my nickname in college was “The Love Machine”.

It was because I was terrible at tennis.

A tennis player is leaving the court and and a guy walks up to him “Hey what’s all that in your pocket?” He says “It’s tennis balls”

They guy says “Well, if it’s anything like tennis elbow, it must be painful!”

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing no one around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.

Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A blonde girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.

“What’s that?” she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.

“Tennis ball,” came the breathless reply.

“Oh,” said t...

They say I’m too indecisive to be a tennis umpire

but I still haven’t ruled it out.

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After a two year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's ball-related recreational preferences:

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is basketball.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling.

3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is football.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball.

5. Th...

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Guy walks into a dr office complaining about a tennis elbow.

Dr- okay I need you to pee into a cup
Patient- why? It’s my EL-BOW!
Dr- ::sigh:: we have this new machine in back and all it needs is the patients urine and it will diagnose ANYthing. Will you just humor me?

The patient agrees, goes into the bathroom, produces a urine sample, hands the ...

Did you know that if all the capillaries of a human lung were rolled out onto a tennis court...

The game would likely be cancelled

Here's my attempt to translate a joke

Two friends meet each other and one of them is holding a small tennis court with two dwarfs playing. The other asks: „Man, that's cool, where did you get it?“
„Well, there's this old man sitting on the rock, and he fulfills wishes.“ answers his friend and points the way. So the guy walks there an...

The depressing thing about tennis is

I will never be as good as a wall.

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A man invites his friend to his club for lunch.

They arrive and go in, and there are tons of trees with vaginas on them, and a clubhouse. No tennis courts, no weight room, nothing.

His friend says to him, “what the hell is this place?”

“What, haven’t you ever been to a cunt tree club before?”

I went to see my doctor with suspected tennis elbow

She examined me and confirmed it is indeed tennis elbow
She then said “how many years have you been suffering with this ?”
I replied about 15, love...

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Two Guys Are Playing Tennis, One Said To The Other...

Maan! My elbow hurts like hell, what should I do about it?? His friend quickly replied, well you could just go down to that new drug store they just built not far from here. They’ve got this, NEW technology, and boy is it amazing— there’s a machine in there that you just put a sample of pee in a tub...

Why Donald Trump likes to play Golf not Tennis?

He is not good at returns!

What did the tennis instructor name his daughter?

Annette.

I hate tennis

It’s such a wack sport

I was wondering why the tennis ball kept coming closer.

But then it hit me!

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