The 73+ Best Tennis Jokes

Never date a tennis player

Love means nothing to them

I’ve made a website for depressed tennis players…

The servers are currently down...

My local tennis club doesn't allow courts to be pre-booked.

It works on a first come, first serve basis.

A Serbian tennis player walks into a bar

The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of Djok?"

Why do librarians hate tennis?

Too much racket.

My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis."

I replied, "That's 15 love."

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Tennis Elbow

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose...

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Tennis Balls

One day a man was walking into the store and found two new tennis balls laying in the parking lot, so he decides to put them in his pockets before going into the store. He looks around one aisle and a woman happens to notice them in his pockets. She looks a couple of times and he notices he catches ...

Haddaway didn't understood the vocabulary used in tennis the first time he saw a match.

He asked "What is love ?"

Tennis ace Novak Djokovic has refused to take the Coronavirus vaccines

He's now known as Novax Djokovic

My neighbor, who makes tennis equipment, makes me want to move out.

He is ALWAYS making racket.

A tennis player is leaving the court and and a guy walks up to him.

“Hey what’s all that in your pocket?”

He says “It’s tennis balls”

“Well, if it’s anything like tennis elbow, it must be painful!”

A tennis ball walks into a restaurant....

a waiter asks: "Have you been served?"

What do you call a girl who stands in the middle of a tennis court?

Annette.

According to ATP rules whoever gets to the tennis match earlier gets the ball

First come, first serve

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time.

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pro...

Some Swedish tennis players come into this world born human, some born machine ...

and some bjorn borg.

My girlfriend was devastated when she found out the reason why my nickname is “The Love Machine”.

It’s because I’m terrible at tennis.

Why do orphans like playing tennis so much?

Because it’s they only way they’ll ever get love.

A priest and a nun are having a tennis match...

The priest is very competitive, but can’t seem to bring his A-game to the nun who is clearly better. After a volley from the nun, the priest misses and yells: “Goddamn it! I missed!”, startling the nun. She let it slip by and the match continues.

But alas, after a fierce back-hand from the nu...

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My first NSFW joke that I proudly wrote when I was 9 years old: What's the difference between tennis and badminton?

A: One you play with your balls, one you play with your cock.

Did you know Joseph from the bible played tennis?

He served in the courts of Pharaoh.

I just got back from my friend’s funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball.

It was a lovely service.

I beat my chiropodist at poker, pool, darts, table tennis AND 15 different video games, but at no point did he stop smiling.

The man knows how to deal with de feet.

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Low wage workers play basketball. Tradesmen go bowling. Middle managers play softball. Upper managers play tennis. CEOs play golf.

The lesson: the higher you climb, the smaller your balls get.

You ever heard of silent tennis?

It’s essentially tennis but without the racket.

A man found a tennis ball while out jogging and put it in his pocket to give his dog back home...

As he stopped to wait at the traffic lights, a woman next to him couldn't help but notice the large bulge in his trouser pocket.

"Tennis ball" the man said.

"Oh, that must be painful,” she replied. “I had tennis elbow once!"

Why did Jabeur lose the U.S. Open Tennis final?

She was Iga to play, but she just couldn't turn it ons.

Two brothers live together, and one of them makes tennis equipment for people with gigantism.

Late one night, he is up, hard at work, when his brother knocks on the door. He gets up from his desk, and answers the door.

"What do you want?" he asks.

His brother responds: "Hey, I'm trying to sleep. Can you stop making a huge racket?"

Never date a tennis player

She’ll drop a deuce when you least expect it.

Bill Gates dies and goes to heaven,

where Saint Peter gives him a nice, modern six-bedroom house with a pretty garden and a tennis court. Pleased with his lot, Bill quickly settles into the afterlife.

One day he is out walking when he bumps into a man wearing a fine tailored suit.

"That's really nice," says Bill. "Where ...

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Two young boys walk into a pharmacy store to buy tampons

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'

'Eight', the boy replied.

The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used ...

Did you know that if all the capillaries of a human lung were rolled out onto a tennis court...

The game would likely be cancelled

Wife comes home one day wearing a brand new diamond tennis bracelet.

Husband asked were she got it from. She tells him she won a raffle at work, than ask him to get a hot bath ready for her.
Not thinking to much about, the husband gets her bath ready.
A week later the wife comes home with a mink coat on. Again the husband asked were she got it from. She again...

What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder?

Endless love

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No Sex Tonight!

I've never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing or why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example… One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

We...

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The man who invented unisex Tennis has died.

RIP Mick Stubbles

I'm really big into tennis...

So I hate when people make a Djokovic.

What was the name of that very calm Russian tennis player?

Oh yeah, I got it - Panikova!

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A man goes to the doctor with a tennis elbow.

The doctor doesn’t even look at it, tells the guy to pee in a cup. Then he inserts the cup in a machine which prints out a paper reading, you have a tennis elbow. The man can’t believe this actually works, so when he gets home he asks his wife to pee in a cup, and then his son to pee in a cup as wel...

The Feds have just raided a tennis club used as a front for a large Mafia organisation.

No doubt they'll be charged with racquet-eering.

A cheating husband decided to write a letter to his wife.

"My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, as a 54 year-old, can no longer satisfy. I'm very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. However, after reading this letter, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the...

I was dating a tennis player, but then she cheated on me

For a while I was at my break point until I realized it wasn’t my fault. Love means nothing to them.

Did you hear about the Vietnamese brothers who became table tennis doubles champions?

It was a Nguyen-Nguyen situation.

If tennis players get tennis elbow, and squash players get squash knees, what do gynecologists get?

Tunnel Vision

What do you call a tennis player who doesn’t get vaccinated?

No-vac Djokovic

Why do orphans like to play tennis ?

Because the ball comes back

Why did the blonde enter the tennis courts naked?

Because the sign said tennis shoes only.

*edit*
Thanks for the sliver kind person

Did you see the news about the fight that broke out when they played the wrong national anthem for the winning team at the Asian table tennis finals?

The headline read "Hong Kong Ping Pong Sing Song Ding Dong".

I went to a fancy dress party dressed as a tennis ball.

I got served straight away.

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Tennis elbow

Johns tennis elbow was hurting one morning so he decided to go see the doctor.
When he gets to the office he is asked to take a urine test. He complains about it but finally does it anyway.
About 15 minutes later the doctor called him into the examination room.
"Hey John, that tennis elbow...

Where did the pizza and tennis racquet get married?

At the supreme court

Why can't a computer play tennis?

server unavailable

Tennis

Serbia is creating a new tennis competition so people can compete against the world no. 1.

They are calling it the "Novax Welcome".

Where does a half-man, half- horse play tennis at Wimbledon?

Centaur Court

Sean Connery was making a tennis date with a lady friend.

He asks her "what time would you like to meet?"

She says "Tennish"

He says, "I know but what time?"

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When I got home my wife had 2 gorgeous friends with her.

She said, we were just talking about having a foursome if you're up to it... She smiled and winked. 2 minutes later I appeared naked with my dick in my hand..

They all had golf clubs in theirs.

(Edited from Tennis to Golf.)

If you are a serious tennis player, you should string your own equipment

Anything off the shelf is a racket

What's worse than tennis elbow?

Golf Balls

my neighbour started playing tennis for money

it was quite the racket

What's common between my ex girlfriend and a tennis player?

Love means nothing to them and they love to play with balls

After tennis, I came across 2 dogs fighting in the park

so I whistled and threw a tennis ball into the brush. They immediately stopped fighting and chased after the ball. Minutes later they returned, but didn't have my ball.

So I gave them a no ball peace prize

Ever Date a Tennis Player?

Remember Love means nothing to them.

Why do elephants wear blue tennis shoes?

(So they land softer when they're sky diving?) No, because white ones scuff up too easily.

\---

Why shouldn't you go out in the savannah between 4pm and 6pm?
\--That's when the elephants go sky-diving

\---

Why do elephants live in herds?
\---To get the group dis...

My tennis coach got really upset at me for how I was re-stringing the equipment. He said...

"STOP MAKING SUCH A RACKET!!"

My tennis career has taught me that I can be the best basketball player ever

Nothing but net

Iowa has produced a new Tennis sensation

Anna Cornacoba

Basketball sued Tennis for no reason

Now they have to go to court

Why did the founder of Reddit, Alexis Ohanian, get married to the tennis superstar Serena Williams?

Redditors are always looking for better servers.

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Three new cellmates are contemplating their life sentences in prison.

The first guy pulls out a deck of playing cards and says, “Don’t worry, guys. I brought these cards with me so that we can play poker to pass the time.”

The second guy pulls out a harmonica and says, “I brought this harmonica so that I can play some music to cheer us up when we’re feeling dow...

Why are fish no good at tennis?

They don’t like getting close to nets

Dating a female tennis player is always a good idea.

They've got good aces.

With the US Open going on...how do tennis players discipline their kids?

Mostly with their forehand, sometimes their backhand.

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