Never fall in love with a tennis player.

Love means nothing to them.

What do you call 2 Mexicans playing tennis?

Juan on Juan!

How do you trick a guy into going to a tennis match?

Tell him you're going to a women's singles event.

My friend asked me if I knew the difference between table tennis and ping pong

I said yeah, ones what it looks like ones what it sounds like

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing no one around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.

Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A blonde girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.

“What’s that?” she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.

“Tennis ball,” came the breathless reply.

“Oh,” said t...

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I once attended a 50s music themed table tennis festival in a far east country, hosted by an Asian dictator where all the participants were dressed as famous movie gorillas...

It was Kim Jongs Honk Kong Honky Tonk King Kong Ping Pong Ding Dong

I'll see myself out.

A tennis ball walks into a bar...

The bar man asks: “have you been served?”

A tennis player is leaving the court and and a guy walks up to him “Hey what’s all that in your pocket?” He says “It’s tennis balls”

They guy says “Well, if it’s anything like tennis elbow, it must be painful!”

Why did the blonde enter the tennis courts naked?

Because the sign said tennis shoes only.


*edit*
Thanks for the sliver kind person

I’ve started playing silent tennis...

It’s a lot like regular tennis, but without the racket.

I was dating a tennis player, but then she cheated on me

For a while I was at my break point until I realized it wasn’t my fault. Love means nothing to them.

What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?

Anette

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I got some tennis experience last night

Had popped two viagras, to surprise my wife, but she never came home.

Didnt want to waste them.

They say I’m too indecisive to be a tennis umpire

but I still haven’t ruled it out.

It was time to take my noisy tennis equipment making business elsewhere

The neighbours threatened to report me for making a racket.

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So there's a new machine down at the drug store...

Kevin and Tom are talking one day at the bar when Kevin mentions his elbow has been bothering him and he needs to make a doctor's appointment.

Tom tells him, "No, don't make an appointment. There's an amazing new machine down at the drug store. All you do is put in a urine sample and $10 and...

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Guy walks into a dr office complaining about a tennis elbow.

Dr- okay I need you to pee into a cup
Patient- why? It’s my EL-BOW!
Dr- ::sigh:: we have this new machine in back and all it needs is the patients urine and it will diagnose ANYthing. Will you just humor me?

The patient agrees, goes into the bathroom, produces a urine sample, hands the ...

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NO SEX TONIGHT!

I've never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing or why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example… One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

We...

I'm just back from my friend's funeral. He died after a tennis ball hit his head...

It was a beautiful service, to be fair...

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Why do woman sound like they orgasm when playing tennis?

And why does my mother always play tennis in the bathroom?

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A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.


The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.


Finally, after many side glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls."


Nevertheless, ...

Why Donald Trump likes to play Golf not Tennis?

He is not good at returns!

I went to see my doctor with suspected tennis elbow

She examined me and confirmed it is indeed tennis elbow
She then said “how many years have you been suffering with this ?”
I replied about 15, love...

The cowboy

A lady sees a cowboy and says "are you really a cowboy?" The cowboy says "why yes mame, born and raised right here in Montana and have worked on the ranch since I was knee high to a pup."

The woman says " I've always wondered why cowboys always wear those big hats." The wide brim keeps the s...

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Low wage workers play basketball. Tradesmen go bowling. Middle managers play softball. Upper managers play tennis. CEOs play golf.

The lesson: the higher you climb, the smaller your balls get.

A guy is out jogging when he sees a tennis ball in the gutter

He picks it up and puts it in his pocket, and keeps on going.

A while later comes across a friend also out jogging, and they carry on together. After a while his friend says "What's that lump in your shorts?

”"That's a tennis ball" he replies.

"Wow!" says his friend, "I've had t...

I used to make extra money by selling illegal tennis equipment on the side, but I was approached by some thugs who told me to stop.

I guess they control the Tennis Racket around here.

I was heartbroken when I left my tennis-player girlfriend

But unfortunately, we had very different definitions of love.

I hate tennis

It’s such a wack sport

The depressing thing about tennis is

I will never be as good as a wall.

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A man is out playing golf one day. He finds some golf balls that have been lost by other golfers and they look like they are of a high quality so he puts them in his pocket and plays on.

Back at the club house he goes to the bar to get a drink when a stunning, large breasted young blonde lady comes and stands next to him. They get to some polite conversation and the guy is acting cool. The blonde looks down and notices a bulge in trousers and begins to blush in embarrassment as she ...

Whats Miss Piggy's favorite sport?

Tennis, she can't resist those fuzzy green balls.

What did the tennis instructor name his daughter?

Annette.

Why do tennis players love vending machines?

Because they don't have to wait to for their food to be served.

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Two Guys Are Playing Tennis, One Said To The Other...

Maan! My elbow hurts like hell, what should I do about it?? His friend quickly replied, well you could just go down to that new drug store they just built not far from here. They’ve got this, NEW technology, and boy is it amazing— there’s a machine in there that you just put a sample of pee in a tub...

I was wondering why the tennis ball kept coming closer.

But then it hit me!

all the shots used to get very noisy whenever I’d play tennis

It was quite the racket

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When I got home my wife had 2 gorgeous friends with her.

She said, we were just talking about having a foursome if you're up to it... She smiled and winked. 2 minutes later I appeared naked with my dick in my hand..

They all had tennis rackets in theirs.

What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder?

Endless love.

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Walmart installed a medical kiosk

For $10 and a urine sample, it would diagnose any condition. When my friend went with a sore elbow, the computer printout read "You have tennis elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy work for 2 weeks" Impressed, my friend wondered if he could fool the machine.
He mixed tap water with dog cr...

I absolutely hate the noises that tennis players make at Wimbledon...

What a racquet!

I'm on a customer help live chat right now and the message tone sounds like someone hitting a tennis ball.

Now that's service.

Did you know that if all the capillaries of a human lung were rolled out onto a tennis court...

The game would likely be cancelled

My grandmother didn't approve of me working at the nudist tennis club.

But you should have seen her face when I told her I'd been promoted from ball boy to head of staff.

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My buddy went to the bull fights

My buddy returned from Spain a few days ago and was telling me about his trip. He said he went to the bull fights and later found the best Italian food he had ever had right outside the stadium. The pasta was fresh, the sauce was amazing, and the meatballs were the most tender and well seasoned he h...

A man complains about the noise of a tennis factory

"You lot are making a racket in there."

I'm not saying I'm lazy, but during a game of tennis...

The umpire said "break point" and I headed for my chair.

A guy goes to his doctor for elbow pain...

The doctor gives him a specimen cup and requests a urine sample. “But doc, I’ve got elbow pain, why do you need a urine sample?”
Doc assures him,”we have the latest in technology, just go to the men’s room and give me a sample”, which he does. The doctor pours it in the top of a complex analysis ...

A man is jogging along the road when he find an absolutely pristine tennis ball on the ground.

It doesn't seem to belong to anyone. So he picks it up and puts it in his pocket.
While waiting at a cross walk another man notices the bulge and asks "What is that?"
"A tennis ball" he replies.
"Oh, that must hurt a lot! I once had a Tennis Elbow"

What’s the difference between a waiter and a tennis scorekeeper?

One sets the tables and one tables the sets

What time does Sean Connery prefer to play tennis?

Tennish

I know a store that sells tennis equipment at ridiculously high prices.

What a racket!

The walls are so thin at the tennis racquet factory i work at...

The walls are so thin a the tennis racquet factory I work at. That whenever I try to get some work done all I hear are people making racquet.

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A Man Visits His Friend In The Psych Ward

A man went to visit his friend in a psych ward. On the way to his room, he sees a patient facing a wall, pretending to swing a tennis racket. He asks him, "What are you doing?" and the guy says back "I'm a pro tennis player, and when I get out of here, I'm going to play in the Grand Slam." The man s...

Hear about the tennis players that didn’t score?

Ya, well, they still made love

What's a glutton's favorite place to play tennis?

A food court.

Selling all of my old tennis equipment but I can't figure out

What's the net worth?

I went to a busy bar last night dressed as a tennis ball

I got served straight away.

Three old men in a car

Three old men are in a car on their way to see a tennis match.

After a couple of hours of driving, the first man asks, "Is this Wembley?"

The second man says, "No, it's Thursday."

The third man says, "So am I, let's stop and get a drink!"

My wife got knocked up by her tennis instructor.

Serves her right.

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A tennis ball walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "We don't serve tennis balls here." The ball throws a fit, calls over his friend, and the two make a scene expecting the bartender to give in. Instead, the bartender yells at the friend, "You get out too! I don't want a racket in here."

What state loves a sport so much they named themselves after it?

It's tennis, see?

Two brothers live together, and one of them makes tennis equipment for people with gigantism.

Late one night, he is up, hard at work, when his brother knocks on the door. He gets up from his desk, and answers the door.

"What do you want?" he asks.

His brother responds: "Hey, I'm trying to sleep. Can you stop making a huge racket?"

Bill Gates dies and goes to heaven,

where Saint Peter gives him a nice, modern six-bedroom house with a pretty garden and a tennis court. Pleased with his lot, Bill quickly settles into the afterlife.

One day he is out walking when he bumps into a man wearing a fine tailored suit.

"That's really nice," says Bill. "Where ...

Did you hear about the dog who told his owner to invest in tennis balls?

They had a high rate of return.

How many tennis players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

What?!? It's out? That's totally in.

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[Blonde]Tennis Elbow

A little old man boards a bus with bowling balls in each of his front pockets. He sits down next to a beautiful young blonde lady, and she can't help but glance quizzically at the man and his bulging pockets.

It's an uneasy few minutes before, finally, the little old man can take no more. "Bo...

A manager was told by his doctor to take up some sport for exercise, so he decided to play tennis. After a couple of weeks, his administrative assistant asked him how he was doing.

"It's going fine," the manager said. "When I'm on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says, "To the corner! Backhand! To the net! Smash! Go back!"

"Really? What happens then?" the woman asked enthusiastically.

"Then my body says, 'Who? Me? Don't talk...

Why was Cinderella so bad at tennis?

Because her coach was a pumpkin

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Tennis Elbow

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose...

Tennis players grunt too much when they practice...

There's no need for all that racket.

I always wondered why there is such a high rate of divorce among tennis players

Then I realized love means nothing to them.

So Roger Federer retired from his tennis career

He got bored so he started working as a waiter at a restaurant for fun. When he had to bring his first meal to a customer, he suddenly grabbed his tennis racket, threw the meal in the air and smacked it with his racket, against the wall. The customer freaked out. 'WHAT THE HELL!? I'M CALLING THE MAN...

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