Why do orphans like to play tennis ?

Because the ball comes back

My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis."

I replied, "That's 15 love."

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My first NSFW joke that I proudly wrote when I was 9 years old: What's the difference between tennis and badminton?

A: One you play with your balls, one you play with your cock.

Though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player.

Love means nothing to them.

There's a new game called "Silent Tennis."

It's like regular Tennis, but without the racquet.

Did you see the news about the fight that broke out when they played the wrong national anthem for the winning team at the Asian table tennis finals?

The headline read "Hong Kong Ping Pong Sing Song Ding Dong".

A priest and a nun are having a tennis match...

The priest is very competitive, but can’t seem to bring his A-game to the nun who is clearly better. After a volley from the nun, the priest misses and yells: “Goddamn it! I missed!”, startling the nun. She let it slip by and the match continues.

But alas, after a fierce back-hand from the nu...

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A man goes to the doctor with a tennis elbow.

The doctor doesn’t even look at it, tells the guy to pee in a cup. Then he inserts the cup in a machine which prints out a paper reading, you have a tennis elbow. The man can’t believe this actually works, so when he gets home he asks his wife to pee in a cup, and then his son to pee in a cup as wel...

Wife comes home one day wearing a brand new diamond tennis bracelet.

Husband asked were she got it from. She tells him she won a raffle at work, than ask him to get a hot bath ready for her.
Not thinking to much about, the husband gets her bath ready.
A week later the wife comes home with a mink coat on. Again the husband asked were she got it from. She again...

What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?

Annette

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Tennis Elbow

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your pr...

My tennis coach got really upset at me for how I was re-stringing the equipment. He said...

"STOP MAKING SUCH A RACKET!!"

my neighbour started playing tennis for money

it was quite the racket

Where did the pizza and tennis racquet get married?

At the supreme court

You ever heard of silent tennis?

It’s essentially tennis but without the racket.

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Tennis elbow

Johns tennis elbow was hurting one morning so he decided to go see the doctor.
When he gets to the office he is asked to take a urine test. He complains about it but finally does it anyway.
About 15 minutes later the doctor called him into the examination room.
"Hey John, that tennis elbow...

Why can't a computer play tennis?

server unavailable

What time does Sean Connery play tennis?

Ten-ish

Iowa has produced a new Tennis sensation

Anna Cornacoba

I’ve made a website for depressed tennis players…

The servers are currently down...

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Not having sex tonight

One evening last week,my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well,the passion starts to heat up,and she eventually says,‘I don‘t feel like it,I just want you to hold me.‘

I said,‘WHAT??!! What was that?!‘

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear.... <...

Basketball sued Tennis for no reason

Now they have to go to court

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman... he's a guy who did everything right all the
time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like
that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not ...

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Three new cellmates are contemplating their life sentences in prison.

The first guy pulls out a deck of playing cards and says, "Don't worry, guys. I brought these cards with me so that we can play poker to pass the time."

The second guy pulls out a harmonica and says, "I brought this harmonica so that I can play some music to cheer us up when we're feeling dow...

My tennis career has taught me that I can be the best basketball player ever

Nothing but net

(From a 6-year old) Why did Cinderella always lose at tennis?

Because her coach was a PUMPKIN.

What do you call a tennis match between Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder?

Endless love.

Why are fish no good at tennis?

They don’t like getting close to nets

A tennis ball walked into a bar

It was served right away

With the US Open going on...how do tennis players discipline their kids?

Mostly with their forehand, sometimes their backhand.

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Did you hear about the tennis tournament that forced its players to masturbate to determine who gets the ball?

First cum, first serve.

A tennis factory was recently established near my house.

They’re making quite the racket

What's the loudest part of tennis?

The Racquet

After tennis, I came across 2 dogs fighting in the park

so I whistled and threw a tennis ball into the brush. They immediately stopped fighting and chased after the ball. Minutes later they returned, but didn't have my ball.

So I gave them a no ball peace prize

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I started playing tennis recently. on the first day I had to tell my tennis partner "I can't grasp these balls" he asked why not.

I said "I'm used to holding a shuttle cock"

As a tennis ball falls off a table, a golf ball shouts a question, "Are you going to be ok?"

The tennis ball replies, "Of course. I'll bounce back."

What was the first mention of tennis in the Bible?

When Joseph served in Pharoah’s court.

A man found a tennis ball while out jogging and put it in his pocket to give his dog back home...

As he stopped to wait at the traffic lights, a woman next to him couldn't help but notice the large bulge in his trouser pocket.

"Tennis ball" the man said.

"Oh, that must be painful,” she replied. “I had tennis elbow once!"

Dating a female tennis player is always a good idea.

They've got good aces.

The doctor and his wife were playing golf at the club and she

Drove a 300 yard tee shot straight down the fairway. The doctor said Wow I have never seen you play this well before! Marie says, I took lessons.

A couple of days later on the tennis court in mixed doubles, she smashes her serves and never misses a point. The doctor said Wow I have never seen...

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Guy goes to the doctor complaining of tennis elbow...

Doctor says to him that because of social distancing, he’s got this new machine that can diagnose anything with just a urine sample and just drop it off at his convenience.

The guy is upset and just wants his tennis elbow looked at, so he pees in a cup, has his wife and daughter pee in the s...

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Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day,

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'

'Eight', the boy replied.

The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'
...

Why did the founder of Reddit, Alexis Ohanian, get married to the tennis superstar Serena Williams?

Redditors are always looking for better servers.

My dad told me that on their walk today my dog was able to retrieve a tennis ball that landed 2 miles away

Sounds far fetched

I just came back from a coworker's funeral who died when he was hit on the head by a tennis ball..

It was a lovely service..

Why did the blonde enter the tennis courts naked?

Because the sign said tennis shoes only.


*edit*
Thanks for the sliver kind person

It costs a lot to use the tennis courts in my city

It’s a tennis racket

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Two guys working at a sawmill....

Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm.
His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached.
The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis.
"Incred...

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A survey was conducted for poor tennis players who were bad at sex

It was decided on a worst come worst serve basis

How do you trick a guy into going to a tennis match?

Tell him you're going to a women's singles event.

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Low wage workers play basketball. Tradesmen go bowling. Middle managers play softball. Upper managers play tennis. CEOs play golf.

The lesson: the higher you climb, the smaller your balls get.

You do the Math

A lawyer writes a letter to his wife Janie...

My Dear Janie,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not...

While getting ready to go play outside with my kids, my wife asked me "Do you have tennis shoes?"

I responded, "No, I only have 9 issues."

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I once attended a 50s music themed table tennis festival in a far east country, hosted by an Asian dictator where all the participants were dressed as famous movie gorillas...

It was Kim Jongs Honk Kong Honky Tonk King Kong Ping Pong Ding Dong

I'll see myself out.

A tennis player is leaving the court and and a guy walks up to him “Hey what’s all that in your pocket?” He says “It’s tennis balls”

They guy says “Well, if it’s anything like tennis elbow, it must be painful!”

Did you know that if all the capillaries of a human lung were rolled out onto a tennis court...

The game would likely be cancelled

They say I’m too indecisive to be a tennis umpire

but I still haven’t ruled it out.

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Two Guys Are Playing Tennis, One Said To The Other...

Maan! My elbow hurts like hell, what should I do about it?? His friend quickly replied, well you could just go down to that new drug store they just built not far from here. They’ve got this, NEW technology, and boy is it amazing— there’s a machine in there that you just put a sample of pee in a tub...

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