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Tennis Jokes

Never date a tennis player

Love means nothing to them

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball...

and seeing no one around that it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.

Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A blonde girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. "What's that?" she asked, her ...

I’ve made a website for depressed tennis players…

The servers are currently down...

A tennis ball walks into a bar

The barkeep says, “Have you been served?”

According to ATP rules whoever gets to the tennis match earlier gets the ball

First come, first serve

My girlfriend was devastated when she found out the reason why my nickname is “The Love Machine”.

It’s because I’m terrible at tennis.

My dad told me that on their walk today my dog was able to retrieve a tennis ball that landed 2 miles away

Sounds far fetched

My local tennis club doesn't allow courts to be pre-booked.

It works on a first come, first serve basis.

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Tennis Elbow

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose...

My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis."

I replied, "That's 15 love."

If a tennis player can get tennis elbow

Does that mean a gynecologist can get tunnel vision?

A Serbian tennis player walks into a bar

The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of Djok?"

I went to the pub as a tennis ball the other night.

I got served straight away.

Why did the old man hate living next to the tennis courts?

He couldn't stand all the racket!

Why do orphans like playing tennis so much?

Because it’s they only way they’ll ever get love.

Tennis ace Novak Djokovic has refused to take the Coronavirus vaccines

He's now known as Novax Djokovic

Why do librarians hate tennis?

Too much racket.

What happened after Trump cried when he lost the tennis game?

He was indicted for racket-tear-ing!

My neighbor, who makes tennis equipment, makes me want to move out.

He is ALWAYS making racket.

What do you call a girl who stands in the middle of a tennis court?

Annette.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I got home my wife had 2 gorgeous friends with her.

She said, we were just talking about having a foursome if you're up to it... She smiled and winked. 2 minutes later I appeared naked with my dick in my hand..

They all had golf clubs in theirs.

(Edited from Tennis to Golf.)

You ever heard of silent tennis?

It’s essentially tennis but without the racket.

Why did Jabeur lose the U.S. Open Tennis final?

She was Iga to play, but she just couldn't turn it ons.

A tennis player is leaving the court and and a guy walks up to him.

“Hey what’s all that in your pocket?”

He says “It’s tennis balls”

“Well, if it’s anything like tennis elbow, it must be painful!”

I'm really big into tennis...

So I hate when people make a Djokovic.

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Tennis elbow

Johns tennis elbow was hurting one morning so he decided to go see the doctor.
When he gets to the office he is asked to take a urine test. He complains about it but finally does it anyway.
About 15 minutes later the doctor called him into the examination room.
"Hey John, that tennis elbow...

Some Swedish tennis players come into this world born human, some born machine ...

and some bjorn borg.

Did you know Joseph from the bible played tennis?

He served in the courts of Pharaoh.

Tennis

Serbia is creating a new tennis competition so people can compete against the world no. 1.

They are calling it the "Novax Welcome".

Haddaway didn't understood the vocabulary used in tennis the first time he saw a match.

He asked "What is love ?"

Bill Gates dies and goes to heaven,

where Saint Peter gives him a nice, modern six-bedroom house with a pretty garden and a tennis court. Pleased with his lot, Bill quickly settles into the afterlife.

One day he is out walking when he bumps into a man wearing a fine tailored suit.

"That's really nice," says Bill. "Where ...

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A doctor and his wife were playing golf at the local country club.

While on the 1st tee, his wife drove a 300 yard tee shot straight down the fairway. The doctor was amazed and exclaimed, "Wow! I've never seen you hit the ball this well before!" His wife replied, "Well, I took lessons."

A couple of days later, the doctor and his wife were on the tennis cour...

A priest and a nun are having a tennis match...

The priest is very competitive, but can’t seem to bring his A-game to the nun who is clearly better. After a volley from the nun, the priest misses and yells: “Goddamn it! I missed!”, startling the nun. She let it slip by and the match continues.

But alas, after a fierce back-hand from the nu...

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Two young boys walk into a pharmacy store to buy tampons

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.


The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'


'Eight', the boy replied.


The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used ...

Two brothers live together, and one of them makes tennis equipment for people with gigantism.

Late one night, he is up, hard at work, when his brother knocks on the door. He gets up from his desk, and answers the door.

"What do you want?" he asks.

His brother responds: "Hey, I'm trying to sleep. Can you stop making a huge racket?"

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My first NSFW joke that I proudly wrote when I was 9 years old: What's the difference between tennis and badminton?

A: One you play with your balls, one you play with your cock.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The man who invented unisex Tennis has died.

RIP Mick Stubbles

What's worse than tennis elbow?

Golf Balls

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No Sex Tonight!

I've never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing or why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example… One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

We...

Why can't a computer play tennis?

server unavailable

Ever Date a Tennis Player?

Remember Love means nothing to them.

Wife comes home one day wearing a brand new diamond tennis bracelet.

Husband asked were she got it from. She tells him she won a raffle at work, than ask him to get a hot bath ready for her.
Not thinking to much about, the husband gets her bath ready.
A week later the wife comes home with a mink coat on. Again the husband asked were she got it from. She again...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to the doctor with a tennis elbow.

The doctor doesn’t even look at it, tells the guy to pee in a cup. Then he inserts the cup in a machine which prints out a paper reading, you have a tennis elbow. The man can’t believe this actually works, so when he gets home he asks his wife to pee in a cup, and then his son to pee in a cup as wel...

Why do orphans like to play tennis ?

Because the ball comes back

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time.

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pro...

What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder?

Endless love

Why don’t they call Pickleball what it really is…

…Wiffle Tennis.

Why did the blonde enter the tennis courts naked?

Because the sign said tennis shoes only.


*edit*
Thanks for the sliver kind person

What was the name of that very calm Russian tennis player?

Oh yeah, I got it - Panikova!

my neighbour started playing tennis for money

it was quite the racket

Basketball sued Tennis for no reason

Now they have to go to court

What do you call a tennis player who doesn’t get vaccinated?

No-vac Djokovic

Did you know that if all the capillaries of a human lung were rolled out onto a tennis court...

The game would likely be cancelled

Sean Connery was making a tennis date with a lady friend.

He asks her "what time would you like to meet?"

She says "Tennish"

He says, "I know but what time?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys are playing tennis.

After they finish their game, one turns to the other and tells his friend his elbow really hurts. His friend tells him to go down to the local pharmacy. At the pharmacy they have a machine where you put in $5 and a urine sample, and the machine will tell you what's wrong and how to cure it. The frie...

Where did the pizza and tennis racquet get married?

At the supreme court

The depressing thing about playing tennis is.....

No matter how much you practice, you'll never be as good as a wall.

Why do elephants wear blue tennis shoes?

(So they land softer when they're sky diving?) No, because white ones scuff up too easily.

\---

Why shouldn't you go out in the savannah between 4pm and 6pm?
\--That's when the elephants go sky-diving

\---

Why do elephants live in herds?
\---To get the group dis...

Where does a half-man, half- horse play tennis at Wimbledon?

Centaur Court

A cheating husband decided to write a letter to his wife.

"My Dear Wife,



You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, as a 54 year-old, can no longer satisfy. I'm very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. However, after reading this letter, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the...

Iowa has produced a new Tennis sensation

Anna Cornacoba

What's the loudest part of tennis?

The Racquet

Why are fish no good at tennis?

They don’t like getting close to nets

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three new cellmates are contemplating their life sentences in prison.

The first guy pulls out a deck of playing cards and says, “Don’t worry, guys. I brought these cards with me so that we can play poker to pass the time.”

The second guy pulls out a harmonica and says, “I brought this harmonica so that I can play some music to cheer us up when we’re feeling dow...

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