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Tennis ace Novak Djokovic has refused to take the Coronavirus vaccines

He's now known as Novax Djokovic

A tennis ball walks into a bar..

Barman asks: hey have you been served?

Did you know that there are 25 feet of intestines in your body, so if you laid them out on a tennis court...

..you would die.

A woman comes home and finds a letter from her husband on the dinner table

She opens it and reads:

"My Dear Wife,

you will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, as a 54-year-old, can no longer satisfy. I'm very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. However, after reading this letter, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact th...

Why should you never date a tennis player?

Because love means nothing to them

I'm really big into tennis...

So I hate when people make a Djokovic.

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The man who invented unisex Tennis has died.

RIP Mick Stubbles

What do you call a tennis player who doesn’t get vaccinated?

No-vac Djokovic

What was the name of that very calm Russian tennis player?

Oh yeah, I got it - Panikova!

The Feds have just raided a tennis club used as a front for a large Mafia organisation.

No doubt they'll be charged with racquet-eering.

What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?

Annette

Why do librarians hate tennis?

Too much racket.

If tennis players get tennis elbow, and squash players get squash knees, what do gynecologists get?

Tunnel Vision

Tennis

Serbia is creating a new tennis competition so people can compete against the world no. 1.

They are calling it the "Novax Welcome".

My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis."

I replied, "That's 15 love."

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When I got home my wife had 2 gorgeous friends with her.

She said, we were just talking about having a foursome if you're up to it... She smiled and winked. 2 minutes later I appeared naked with my dick in my hand..

They all had golf clubs in theirs.

(Edited from Tennis to Golf.)

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My first NSFW joke that I proudly wrote when I was 9 years old: What's the difference between tennis and badminton?

A: One you play with your balls, one you play with your cock.

There's a new game called "Silent Tennis."

It's like regular Tennis, but without the racquet.

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A man tells his friends his elbow hurts...

He says that nothing he's tried has worked, so his friend suggests that go to the pharmacy.

"They got this new machine! When you pour in a urine sample and it'll tell you what's wrong and how to fix it!"

So, following his advice, he finds this machine and pours his urine sample in. Fi...

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A man complained to his friend

A man complained to his friend "My elbow hurts I better go to the doctor." "Don't do that," volunteered his friend "there's a new computer at the drug store that can diagnose any problem quicker and cheaper than a doctor. All you have to do is put in a urine sample, deposit $10, then the computer wi...

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A man goes to the doctor with a tennis elbow.

The doctor doesn’t even look at it, tells the guy to pee in a cup. Then he inserts the cup in a machine which prints out a paper reading, you have a tennis elbow. The man can’t believe this actually works, so when he gets home he asks his wife to pee in a cup, and then his son to pee in a cup as wel...

Did you hear about the Vietnamese brothers who became table tennis doubles champions?

It was a Nguyen-Nguyen situation.

Ever Date a Tennis Player?

Remember Love means nothing to them.

Never marry a tennis player...

...because love means nothing to them.

---

Good luck to everyone at the US Open!

Where does a half-man, half- horse play tennis at Wimbledon?

Centaur Court

Wife comes home one day wearing a brand new diamond tennis bracelet.

Husband asked were she got it from. She tells him she won a raffle at work, than ask him to get a hot bath ready for her.
Not thinking to much about, the husband gets her bath ready.
A week later the wife comes home with a mink coat on. Again the husband asked were she got it from. She again...

My wife was disappointed when she found out why my friends call me “The Love Machine”.

Because I suck at tennis.

If you are a serious tennis player, you should string your own equipment

Anything off the shelf is a racket

Did you see the news about the fight that broke out when they played the wrong national anthem for the winning team at the Asian table tennis finals?

The headline read "Hong Kong Ping Pong Sing Song Ding Dong".

I went to a fancy dress party dressed as a tennis ball.

I got served straight away.

I’ve made a website for depressed tennis players…

The servers are currently down...

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Tennis elbow

Johns tennis elbow was hurting one morning so he decided to go see the doctor.
When he gets to the office he is asked to take a urine test. He complains about it but finally does it anyway.
About 15 minutes later the doctor called him into the examination room.
"Hey John, that tennis elbow...

You ever heard of silent tennis?

It’s essentially tennis but without the racket.

A priest and a nun are having a tennis match...

The priest is very competitive, but can’t seem to bring his A-game to the nun who is clearly better. After a volley from the nun, the priest misses and yells: “Goddamn it! I missed!”, startling the nun. She let it slip by and the match continues.

But alas, after a fierce back-hand from the nu...

Why do elephants wear blue tennis shoes?

(So they land softer when they're sky diving?) No, because white ones scuff up too easily.

\---

Why shouldn't you go out in the savannah between 4pm and 6pm?
\--That's when the elephants go sky-diving

\---

Why do elephants live in herds?
\---To get the group dis...

Sean Connery was making a tennis date with a lady friend.

He asks her "what time would you like to meet?"

She says "Tennish"

He says, "I know but what time?"

Why do orphans like to play tennis ?

Because the ball comes back

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What Chris Rock should have said....

Well, now I know why you didn't win for Ali. You tennis dad bitch.

my neighbour started playing tennis for money

it was quite the racket

Why can't a computer play tennis?

server unavailable

My tennis coach got really upset at me for how I was re-stringing the equipment. He said...

"STOP MAKING SUCH A RACKET!!"

What's common between my ex girlfriend and a tennis player?

Love means nothing to them and they love to play with balls

I just got back from my mates funeral

He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball

It was a lovely service

Where did the pizza and tennis racquet get married?

At the supreme court

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A guy comes in to his doctor's offices having symptoms of tennis elbow. The doctor tells him to go home & pee in a cup & return it for analysis.

The patient thinks this is ridiculous so decides he'd mess with the doctor by taking a pee sample a from his wife. Gets some out of the unflushed toilet after his teenage daughter pee'd. Added some changed oil from his car. Even going so far as to put his sperm in it. The guy returns it for analysis...

My tennis career has taught me that I can be the best basketball player ever

Nothing but net

What do you call a tennis match between Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder?

Endless love.

Eastern European Charade

I am stuck between Russia and Poland.

I am getting hit very violently.

Yellow is one of my two colors.

What am I ?

.

.

.

.

.

.

**A tennis ball in Dubai Semi Final**

.

Iowa has produced a new Tennis sensation

Anna Cornacoba

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The administration at my high school was very corrupt

Allowing disgusting school lunches, affairs between teachers and students, and faculty that would show up to school intoxicated.

But one time it went too far. My dad was the tennis coach at my high school, and he always struggled to get funding from the school for his program.

My mom w...

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Breaking News:

In a shock move,The English Cricket Board have announced tennis World No.1 Novak Djokovic as temporary batting coach.

"We acknowledge he doesn't no fuck all about Cricket, but we couldn't overlook the fact it took Australia two weeks to get him out."

After tennis, I came across 2 dogs fighting in the park

so I whistled and threw a tennis ball into the brush. They immediately stopped fighting and chased after the ball. Minutes later they returned, but didn't have my ball.

So I gave them a no ball peace prize

A man found a tennis ball while out jogging and put it in his pocket to give his dog back home...

As he stopped to wait at the traffic lights, a woman next to him couldn't help but notice the large bulge in his trouser pocket.

"Tennis ball" the man said.

"Oh, that must be painful,” she replied. “I had tennis elbow once!"

Basketball sued Tennis for no reason

Now they have to go to court

I told my mom that I found a tennis court to play on

Mom: " Now you just need friends"

Why did the blonde enter the tennis courts naked?

Because the sign said tennis shoes only.


*edit*
Thanks for the sliver kind person

Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."


Passenger: "Who?"


Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you ...

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Low wage workers play basketball. Tradesmen go bowling. Middle managers play softball. Upper managers play tennis. CEOs play golf.

The lesson: the higher you climb, the smaller your balls get.

Why are fish no good at tennis?

They don’t like getting close to nets

A stalker was caught sneaking into Emma Raducanu's house and also stole her father's boot.

The tennis star chose to downplay the incident but her father is hopping mad .

Why did the founder of Reddit, Alexis Ohanian, get married to the tennis superstar Serena Williams?

Redditors are always looking for better servers.

Dating a female tennis player is always a good idea.

They've got good aces.

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Guy goes to the doctor complaining of tennis elbow...

Doctor says to him that because of social distancing, he’s got this new machine that can diagnose anything with just a urine sample and just drop it off at his convenience.

The guy is upset and just wants his tennis elbow looked at, so he pees in a cup, has his wife and daughter pee in the s...

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I started playing tennis recently. on the first day I had to tell my tennis partner "I can't grasp these balls" he asked why not.

I said "I'm used to holding a shuttle cock"

The Story of Creation as told by Dog

On the first day of creation, God created the dog.

On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.

On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth (especially the horse) to serve as potential food for the dog.

On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that ma...

As a tennis ball falls off a table, a golf ball shouts a question, "Are you going to be ok?"

The tennis ball replies, "Of course. I'll bounce back."

With the US Open going on...how do tennis players discipline their kids?

Mostly with their forehand, sometimes their backhand.

What was the first mention of tennis in the Bible?

When Joseph served in Pharoah’s court.

Did you know that if all the capillaries of a human lung were rolled out onto a tennis court...

The game would likely be cancelled

What's the loudest part of tennis?

The Racquet

My dad told me that on their walk today my dog was able to retrieve a tennis ball that landed 2 miles away

Sounds far fetched

This joke is not sponsored by the AUstralian open





**Q:** Can tennis players cook?

**A:** No, they can only serve and return.

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