Why do orphans like to play tennis ?

Because the ball comes back

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My wife walked in on me watchung Internet porn so I quickly switched to a YouTube video on tennis

As she left the room she said turn it back to the porn, you already know how to play tennis

You ever heard of silent tennis?

It’s essentially tennis but without the racket.

Wife comes home one day wearing a brand new diamond tennis bracelet.

Husband asked were she got it from. She tells him she won a raffle at work, than ask him to get a hot bath ready for her.
Not thinking to much about, the husband gets her bath ready.
A week later the wife comes home with a mink coat on. Again the husband asked were she got it from. She again...

Dating a tennis player is horrible...

Love means nothing to them!

my neighbour started playing tennis for money

it was quite the racket

What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?

Annette

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Tennis Elbow

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your pr...

Where did the pizza and tennis racquet get married?

At the supreme court

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A guy comes in to his doctor's offices having symptoms of tennis elbow. The doctor tells him to go home & pee in a cup & return it for analysis.

The patient thinks this is ridiculous so decides he'd mess with the doctor by taking a pee sample a from his wife. Gets some out of the unflushed toilet after his teenage daughter pee'd. Added some changed oil from his car. Even going so far as to put his sperm in it. The guy returns it for analysis...

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Tennis elbow

Johns tennis elbow was hurting one morning so he decided to go see the doctor.
When he gets to the office he is asked to take a urine test. He complains about it but finally does it anyway.
About 15 minutes later the doctor called him into the examination room.
"Hey John, that tennis elbow...

Why can't a computer play tennis?

server unavailable

I told my mom that I found a tennis court to play on

Mom: " Now you just need friends"

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Not having sex tonight

One evening last week,my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well,the passion starts to heat up,and she eventually says,‘I don‘t feel like it,I just want you to hold me.‘

I said,‘WHAT??!! What was that?!‘

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear.... <...

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman... he's a guy who did everything right all the
time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like
that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not ...

Basketball sued Tennis for no reason

Now they have to go to court

I’ve made a website for depressed tennis players…

The servers are currently down...

My tennis career has taught me that I can be the best basketball player ever

Nothing but net

With the US Open going on...how do tennis players discipline their kids?

Mostly with their forehand, sometimes their backhand.

A tennis factory was recently established near my house.

They’re making quite the racket

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Did you hear about the tennis tournament that forced its players to masturbate to determine who gets the ball?

First cum, first serve.

Why are fish no good at tennis?

They don’t like getting close to nets

What do you call a tennis match between Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder?

Endless love.

A tennis ball walked into a bar

It was served right away

The depressing thing about playing tennis is.....

No matter how much you practice, you'll never be as good as a wall.

(From a 6-year old) Why did Cinderella always lose at tennis?

Because her coach was a PUMPKIN.

What was the first mention of tennis in the Bible?

When Joseph served in Pharoah’s court.

After tennis, I came across 2 dogs fighting in the park

so I whistled and threw a tennis ball into the brush. They immediately stopped fighting and chased after the ball. Minutes later they returned, but didn't have my ball.

So I gave them a no ball peace prize

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I started playing tennis recently. on the first day I had to tell my tennis partner "I can't grasp these balls" he asked why not.

I said "I'm used to holding a shuttle cock"

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Two guys working at a sawmill....

Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm.
His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached.
The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis.
"Incred...

Dating a female tennis player is always a good idea.

They've got good aces.

My dad told me that on their walk today my dog was able to retrieve a tennis ball that landed 2 miles away

Sounds far fetched

As a tennis ball falls off a table, a golf ball shouts a question, "Are you going to be ok?"

The tennis ball replies, "Of course. I'll bounce back."

What do you call 2 Mexicans playing tennis?

Juan on Juan!

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Guy goes to the doctor complaining of tennis elbow...

Doctor says to him that because of social distancing, he’s got this new machine that can diagnose anything with just a urine sample and just drop it off at his convenience.

The guy is upset and just wants his tennis elbow looked at, so he pees in a cup, has his wife and daughter pee in the s...

Why did the founder of Reddit, Alexis Ohanian, get married to the tennis superstar Serena Williams?

Redditors are always looking for better servers.

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Oh, Little Johnny

Little Johnny's teacher began the school year by announcing a new contest. Every Friday, 30 minutes before the final bell, she would ask the class a question. The first student to answer it right could leave early, and the rest of the class would take a quiz.

The first Friday, the teacher a...

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What's the difference between Serena Williams and a shady Five Guys?

One serves you tennis balls and the other serves you ten-ish balls

Why did the blonde enter the tennis courts naked?

Because the sign said tennis shoes only.


*edit*
Thanks for the sliver kind person

A man found a tennis ball while out jogging and put it in his pocket to give his dog back home...

As he stopped to wait at the traffic lights, a woman next to him couldn't help but notice the large bulge in his trouser pocket.

"Tennis ball" the man said.

"Oh, that must be painful,” she replied. “I had tennis elbow once!"

I just came back from a coworker's funeral who died when he was hit on the head by a tennis ball..

It was a lovely service..

You do the Math

A lawyer writes a letter to his wife Janie...

My Dear Janie,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not...

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So a guy decides to walk to the bar by strolling across an adjacent golf course.

So a guy decides to walk to the bar by strolling across an adjacent golf course. As he walks he picks up stray balls and stuffs them in his pants pocket. Later, seated at the bar he notices the lady next to him staring at the huge bulge in his pants. "Golf balls," he explains. "You poor man," the la...

While getting ready to go play outside with my kids, my wife asked me "Do you have tennis shoes?"

I responded, "No, I only have 9 issues."

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A survey was conducted for poor tennis players who were bad at sex

It was decided on a worst come worst serve basis

A young man stood at the side of the road and hailed a taxi. When he got in, the driver said, "Well, that was perfect timing. You're a lot like Frank." The passenger asks, "Who's Frank?" The taxidriver explains, "Frank Feldman. He also had perfect timing and was always there at just the right time."

"Ok, but nobody's perfect. Everybody makes mistakes once in a while," says the passenger." "No, no, not Frank Feldman!" replies the Taxi driver. "He was great at everything, sports too. If he'd played tennis, he probably would have won Wimbledon. He would have blown pro golfers out of the water as w...

How do you trick a guy into going to a tennis match?

Tell him it’s a women’s singles event.

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guy goes to the doctor ..

a guy goes to teh doctor .

doc says " well what seems to be the problem?"



guy says " its my elbow doc , its killing me !"



doc says " well a normal visit would have a $50 co-pay , but we have a new machine that can diagnose you just by peeing in a cup and the co-p...

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Low wage workers play basketball. Tradesmen go bowling. Middle managers play softball. Upper managers play tennis. CEOs play golf.

The lesson: the higher you climb, the smaller your balls get.

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Guy walks into a dr office complaining about a tennis elbow.

Dr- okay I need you to pee into a cup
Patient- why? It’s my EL-BOW!
Dr- ::sigh:: we have this new machine in back and all it needs is the patients urine and it will diagnose ANYthing. Will you just humor me?

The patient agrees, goes into the bathroom, produces a urine sample, hands the ...

A tennis player is leaving the court and and a guy walks up to him “Hey what’s all that in your pocket?” He says “It’s tennis balls”

They guy says “Well, if it’s anything like tennis elbow, it must be painful!”

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing no one around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.

Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A blonde girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.

“What’s that?” she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.

“Tennis ball,” came the breathless reply.

“Oh,” said t...

They say I’m too indecisive to be a tennis umpire

but I still haven’t ruled it out.

Did you know that if all the capillaries of a human lung were rolled out onto a tennis court...

The game would likely be cancelled

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Two Guys Are Playing Tennis, One Said To The Other...

Maan! My elbow hurts like hell, what should I do about it?? His friend quickly replied, well you could just go down to that new drug store they just built not far from here. They’ve got this, NEW technology, and boy is it amazing— there’s a machine in there that you just put a sample of pee in a tub...

Why Donald Trump likes to play Golf not Tennis?

He is not good at returns!

I hate tennis

It’s such a wack sport

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