So my brother works at a research facility. His employer only stocks the bathrooms with single ply toilet paper.

They say it leads to the most breakthroughs

I got in touch with myself today.

That's the last time I buy single-ply toilet paper.

The man who invented single-ply toilet paper

made a serious breakthrough.

One-ply toilet paper is like seeing my uncle

At the end of the night, there's going to be a finger in my ass.

I got in touch with my inner self today.

Note to self, never get the 1 ply toilet paper again.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Why don't you mess with one-ply toilet paper?

It doesn't take shit from anyone

It was an overwhelming experience when I touched my inner self.

Anyway, I only use 4-ply toilet paper since then.

Why are the Charmin bears so good at math?

They can multi-ply!

I always thought I would discover my inner self through Eastern philosophy

Not through a piece of single-ply toilet paper.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

What do 2 tissues do before they have sex?


What do you do when youโ€™re in a public bathroom and out of toilet paper ?

You ply for help.

What kind of tissues do mathematicians like?


This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

There's a party in the Olympic Village one night...

... and from across the room, a sprinter sees a diver talking to the most beautiful woman that he has ever laid eyes on. Later in the evening, the sprinter approaches the diver to ask about her.

"I just can't get her out of my head!" the sprinter says. "I have to sleep with her! Who is she?"<...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”


Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to,...

You gain appreciation for a lot of things in your old age...

Simple things that maybe you didn't realize you treasured before - that bring you comfort in their familiarity.

You come to cherish those little things. For me that thing is single ply toilet paper. When I use it, I feel whole again.

Trump summons all his top aides to his office one day

He declares "This is a national emergency! Someone find me my important papers!'
The Secretary of Defense pulls out an urgent report on North Korea. "No not those you moron!"
The CIA director hands him evidence of an upcoming terrorist plot. He rips it in half and yells "No! You're fired!"

A physicist, an economist, and a mathematician decide to TP a house.

A physicist, an economist, and a mathematician decide to TP a house.

The physicist does some calculations and says, โ€œWe should buy 2-ply toilet paper in order to maximize kinetic energy.โ€

The economist thinks for a moment and replies, โ€œBut single-ply toilet paper would maximize the am...

What is a math teacher's favorite kind of toilet paper?

The kind that has multi ply's.

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