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Golf Cart Jokes

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Many years ago during my married days, I accidentally overturned my golf cart.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: "Are you okay? What's your name?"

"It's John, and I'm okay, thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.

"John," she said, (firm loose breasts undula...

Why does Trump always use a golf cart when golfing?

Walking the course is far too taxing on him.

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Two guys want to share a golf cart

Pro: Sorry, because of Covid19 you can't share a cart unless you're cohabitating.

Customer points to friend; Well, I'm fucking his wife.

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A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course

A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course.

As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don't you see the sign? It says, 'Private property - Stay Out!'"

The golfer says, "I'm sorry I did not see it. That is my ball there. May I have it, please?"

The man s...

Moses, Jesus, and an old man are playing golf

They reach a pond of water.

Moses smacks the ball over the water, and raises his staff. Suddenly, the waters part and his ball rolls to the green.

Then, Jesus hits the ball toward the water. He closes his eyes in prayer and the ball rolls on the surface of the water all the way to th...

Why don't auto repair shops fix golf carts?

Because they work with parts for cars, not carts for pars.

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A golfer is absolutely killing it out on the course. (Long)

He’s playing at one of those residential courses surrounded by beautiful homes.

He nails the drive on the 6th hole. He’s so excited and proud of himself that he guns his golf cart full speed ahead to get to the putting green.

He’s going so fast that he misreads a curve and ends up topp...

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Pussy Willows

Two old friends hadn’t seen each other in years, because they lived so far away from each other. So they decided to meet in the middle, and take a weekend getaway golf trip.

They hit up a course tucked high up in the rockies, in a valley surrounded by white capped mountains. It was truly som...

I realized that driving a golf cart isn’t as easy as it looks.

But I finally got it down to a tee.

A deaf-mute goes golfing

...at a country club (it's Sunday, and open to the public) and is having a pretty good game. So good, in fact, that he ends up having to wait on a member playing ahead of him.
He politely waits on the slow golfer, but eventually gets fed up with the delay. So he writes a note, and gives it to the...

There was a couple celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary by having a round of golf together as was their weekly custom since they had met.

The husband was set to tee off as his wife was waiting for her turn in the cart.

"You know honey?" the husband said. "I have a confessions to make. Years ago, after we were first married, i had an affair. It did not last long but i never told you and i wanted to tell you now."

His wif...

Two guys are out golfing, an out on the back 9 they see sheep with it's head stuck in the fence. One of the two says "Look, I haven't had a woman in quite a while and that sheep is looking pretty good right now. Just don't say anything about this"

Two guys are out golfing, an out on the back 9 they see sheep with it's head stuck in the fence. One of the two says "Look, I haven't had a woman in quite a while and that sheep is looking pretty good right now. Just don't say anything about this"

So he heads over to the sheep, pulls down hi...

A fancy country club has a severe bee problem on the golf course.

The board of trustees decide to eradicate the bees they need to hire an expert. The bee entomologist is very expensive and the board decides they need to assess each member an additional $100 to their monthly dues for bee eradication.

Weeks after the treatment and it appears the course is b...

Separate but equal?

A guy dies and ends up in front of St. Peter at the entrance to heaven.

St. Peter says “Welcome to heaven! You’ve lived a good and decent life; we have to find you a place to live up here. Hop in my golf cart and let’s take a tour of the different subdivisions. Let’s start in the Methodist ...

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The one-armed golfer

A man lost an arm when his golf cart rolled over on him on a downward slope. He became very depressed because he loved to play golf so one day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide and end it all.



He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off. He was st...

Dammit

Three men were riding a golf cart and it crashed, killing them all. When they got to the gates of heaven, Peter said: "I have to ask you all a question before you go in. "

So he asks the first guy: "Have you ever cheated on your wife?"

He replied: "No, I have been a good and faithful h...

3 men go to heaven

(context: this heaven is different, very different, your way of transportation is based on how many times you’ve sinned, ex. larger amount of sins = worse car, low amount of sins = better car)

3 men go to heaven, 1 man walks up to God, God asks the man “How many times have you cheated in you...

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Robot Caddies

So a guy decides to take the day off from work for a round of golf, and when he gets to the course he asks for a caddy. The pro shop manager asks if he'd like to try out one of their new robot caddies. "Sure, why not," the man replies. As he goes through the course the robot caddy is giving him the ...

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A Priest and a Nun go golfing...

...They reach the first teebox and decide the Nun shall go first. She sets up her ball and then proceeds to pray

"Oh Father, we thank for this wonderful game of golf and this beautifull day that we can come together and play golf for you glory. I ask for you blessing with this drive. Father,...

A cabbie and a priest are at the gates of Heaven...

St. Peter invites the cabbie and the priest into his golf cart, to show them to their new residences. Although the cab driver had spent his life speeding, drinking and scamming, he was dropped off at a beautiful lakefront mansion.

Seeing this, the priest thought to himself: "if that's where ...

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