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Wheelbarrow Jokes

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Drunk private with a wheelbarrow

Sergeant: So as I understand it, private, yesterday after curfew, you were caught arriving from a night out, piss-drunk, with a fucking wheelbarrow?!

Private: Yes, sir that is correct but I think-

Sergeant: I'm thinking 10 days solitary confinement! This is absolutely unacceptable beha...

What are you stealing?

I worked at a factory making furniture. Every night I would leave the gate with a wheelbarrow full of sawdust and every night the factory guard checked through the sawdust as I left, looking for what I might be stealing… but I was too cleaver, he never found anything!

After 20 years, the guar...

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging...

...that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, the older worker had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a whe...

I bet you $20 that you won't be able to push the same thing back in my wheelbarrow.

Two workers - one big and strong, the other small and weak - are on a building site.

The small chap says "I bet you $20 that I can push something to the end of the yard in my wheelbarrow and you won't be able to push the same thing back."

"You're on," says the big guy.

"Right...

I just saw this guy going up a hill with a wheelbarrow full of horseshoes, four leaf clovers and rabbit's feet.

I thought: “He’s pushing his luck!”

I used to own a wheelbarrow full of four-leaf clovers...

But then I realized I really shouldn't push my luck.

John is going up a hill with a wheelbarrow, swearing at everything.

A priest comes up, and says "God is everywhere son. Don't swear."

John says "Is he in the grass?"

Priest says "Yes."

John: "Is he in the wheelbarrow?"

Priest: "Yes."

John "Then why the f\*\*k does he not come out and help me push it up the hill?"

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A different view of Three Little Pigs

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.


She read "and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said:
'Pardon me s...

A man lives in a border town between the US and Canada

He lives on the Canadian side, but works in construction on the US side. Every morning, he walks over to the American side, and every evening, he comes back over to the Canadian side with a wheelbarrow full of sand. And, every day without fail, the Canadian Customs officers check him for any contrab...

An old joke told in the Soviet Union wheelbarrow factories...

Every other Friday a guard at the wheelbarrow factory saw a worker coming out of the factory pushing a wheelbarrow packed with hay.
The guard searched inside the hay, found nothing and let the guy go. This ritual repeated over several years until a time when the guard was about to retire from t...

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Two men walk into an Irish bar, one of them pushing a wheelbarrow full of body parts...

When the bartender sees this the bartender exclaims "Jesus Christ, Murphy, what in God's name is that?"

Murphy replies "Don't you recognize me old pal Smitty?"

"Well what the hell happened to him?"

Murphy sighs "Well me and Smitty and Mickey here we're walking down the street ...

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...try the wheelbarrow... [long]

After hearing a couple's complaints that their intimate life wasn't what it used to be, the sex counselor suggested they vary their choice of positions. "For example," he suggested, "you might try the wheelbarrow? Just lift her legs from behind and insert your penis and off you go!" The eager husban...

A factory worker is leaving with his wheelbarrow after a long workday.

On his way out, the worker is stopped by a security guard.

"What's in the box?" asks the guard.

"A box." replies the worker.

Annoyed, the guard says, "I know you have a small box. What's in the box?"

"Well, you know the sawdust on the floor is swept up and thrown away. W...

Due to inflation a man had to carry a wheelbarrow filled with $1 billion dollars, all in $1 bills

All the banks fail so he has to store his money in a wheelbarrow

He carries the wheelbarrow around town looking for things to buy with his enormous amount of money

He can’t buy anything since even the simplest thing like an apple or a banana cost $2 billion dollars

One day he...

A worker was suspected of stealing

Every day the security guys would check his wheelbarrow when he was leaving the factory site. They never found anything. It took them weeks to realize that he was stealing wheelbarrows.

A construction worker goes to the foreman and says "Sir, there's something wrong with the wheelbarrow"

The foreman says "What do you mean?" and the worker says "Well, when I push it, it goes 'Squeak... *squeak*... Squeak... *squeak*... Squeak... *squeak*... Squeak... *squeak*... ' "

The foreman says "You're fired!" and the worker says "What for?"

"Because," says the foreman, "it shoul...

Sheeps

3 sheep farmers, an Australian and a New Zealander and a Welshman are in a bar having a drink and chatting.

The Welshman asks the other two in what position they have relations with their sheep if needs become desperate.

The Kiwi says "Well, I'll grab a sheep by the back legs like a wh...

Back in Soviet Russia...

...there was a man working at a Siberian coal mine. Every Friday he would take a wheelbarrow full of dirt home. Every time he did this the security guard would stop him, make him dump out the dirt and sift through it searching for coal or other stolen valuables. The security guard always found nothi...

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A tourist in Mexico goes into a bar to get wasted

It’s his last week on vacation and one of the things on his bucket list to do is basically to drink until he is completely wasted. As the night prolongs, he notices little by little the bar begins to empty. The bartender in his best English that he can muster says to him, “Señor, I think you should ...

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During WWII, An Old Man Worked At a Concentration Camp in Poland...

Due to the Nazi's bombing the factory he used to work in. His job was to move straw back and forth, he would take new straw bales shipped in every morning, put the hay in wheelbarrows where prisoners would then bring the wheelbarrows to where it was needed.

Every night, he had to bring the o...

A building contracter hires an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Chinaman.

He gathers them all in his office and tells each of them their jobs. The Englishman to shovel a pile of sand. The Irishman has to take the sand in the wheelbarrow to the truck. The Chinaman is in charge of supplies.
The boss comes back two hours later and he sees the Englishman and the Irishman h...

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After 50 long years, you promise not to tell?

A man works at a factory and every day he takes an empty wheelbarrow home after his shift. Each day he walks past a security gate, and each day the security guard standing guard suspiciously inspects the wheelbarrow and lets the man pass.

After 50 long years the guard finally asks the worker...

I think there's nothing cooler than being a lone wolf

Except at wolf picknicks when you don't have a partner for the wolf wheelbarrow races

Lost in Translation

An Italian guy, a Mexican guy and a Chinese guy are hired to do some construction labor. The Foreman pulls them together and says, “I need you three to move this big pile of sand to the other side of the jobsite.”

He tells the Italian,”You’re in charge of shoveling the sand into the wheelbar...

I used to work for a construction company, until one day...

My boss approached me on the jobsite and said, "Hey, we need a new wheelbarrow. There's a hardware store just down the street. Take this purchase order and grab us one."

So I do as I'm told and head to the hardware store. I come back a few minutes later with two wheelbarrows; one stacked i...

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Confucius did NOT say

>Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.

>Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

>Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

>Woman who dance wearing jock strap, have make believe ballroom

>Squirrel who runs up woman’s' ...

My great grandfather was a pilot in the Army.

My grandfather told me this one.

"Boy, did I ever tell you your great grandfather was a pilot in the Army?"

"Hmm no, I don't think so...Wait, the army had pilots back then?"

"Oh yeah, for sure! The seargent used to call for him and say, 'PRIVATE! GET THAT WHEELBARROW OF D...

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A Newlywed Couple Try A New Sex Position

The husband asks his wife if she's familiar with the 'Wheelbarrow Position'. She says she isn't. He explains "You face the ground and put your hands on the floor, and I put your legs around my hips and away we go".

She says "Okay, but only if we don't pass my mum's house".

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A billionaire commissions an artist to paint a mural in one of his currently white walls in his mansion...

The billionaire is a huge history buff. He tells the artist to depict his interpretation of the final thoughts of General Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn. He trusts the highly recommended artist that upon his return in a week, the mural will be incredible.

The billionaire returns a w...

A joke from my Philosophy textbook

The employer introduced himself to his new gardener.

"I am a professor of logic," the employer said.
"Oh. What's that?" the gardener asked.
"I shall give you a demonstration," announced the professor. "Do you own a wheelbarrow?"
"Yes," replied the gardener.
"Then I infer you are ...

A young man buys a silver mine...

A young man heads out to Utah looking for adventure, and he finds a sign in town advertising an abandoned silver mine out in the desert. Intrigued he decides to go check out the mine, and finds the walls absolutely glittering with silver. He rushes back to town and buys the mine, and then goes to th...

The Chinese Workman

An Australian man comes to Oregon during the great gold rush knowing of a location where tons of gold has yet to be discovered. Keeping it as secretive as possible, he comes alone and needs to hire help as he arrives. He heads to the local bar where many of the miners spend their evenings. He has ma...

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The avid fisherman. NSFW

A man checks into the the office at a fishing lodge in the Scottish highlands. After being given the key to his cabin he asks that he be given a 6 am wakeup call because he wanted to get started as early as possible.

The next morning after a quick breakfast he strides out of his cabin and pas...

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A man and his wife are having some trouble in the bedroom.

No matter what they try, the wife does not climax. They tried everything, from Lady on Top to Inverse Wheelbarrow, but the wife never reaches orgasm.

Eventually they decided that they needed some outside assistance, so they went to a doctor for some advice.

After they explained their...

[Long] A man and his wife are living in a cabin in the woods...

One day, the man goes to the well to get some water for the cabin before going to chop firewood, and clumsily drops his trusty hatchet into the well. The spirit of the well rises and says 'I am the spirit of the well, and help those who lose possesions in my well'. He asks the man what he needs help...

What do you call a Lada at the top of a hill?

A miracle.

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A man drives his Lada to a mechanic and asks, "Can I have a spare hubcap for my Lada?" The mechanic says, "Sounds like a fair trade."

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A Russian man enters a car raffle. Dropping the tic...

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Rooty the Rooster [NSFW]

Farmer John found himself in a bit of a rut. His crops weren't yelding like they use to, cattle prices had hit an all time low, and he was really strapped for cash. After discussing it with Mrs. Farmer John, they decided to salvage what they had, sell the farm, and move to greener pastures. He kisse...

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