A rich man was driving in his Cadillac when he sees a poor man eating grass on a hill

“What are you doing” - Says the rich man.

“I have 3 days without food for me and my family, so the grass on this hill is our last resource”

“Daaaammmm, say no more, get in” -Says the rich man, exited.

“Ohhh, thank you very much. Do you mind if I tell to my wife and 2 kids about...

I was going to post a Cadillac joke...

But things Escaladed too quickly

What’s wrong with 5 Clinton supporters driving a Cadillac off of a cliff?

The car holds 6. (It also works for Trump supporters- try it!)

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Cheap cadillac

In a cadillac showroom in New York a man asks the salesman: "How much for the red cadillac?"

The salesman friendly replies: "10 dollars."

The man is stunned about the price and asks: "If I buy 2 cars, how much would that be?"

The salesman friendly replies: "10 dollars."

N...

Hear about the Cadillac-worshipping Satanist?

He sold his soul to the Deville.

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Four men went golfing together one day...

Three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill.

The three men started talking, bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder and he's so successful that he gave a friend a new home - for free."

The second ma...

A very rich snail slimed into a Cadillac dealership...

...and said,"I want your most expensive car."
The salesman said,"Very well sir. Is that all?"
The snail said,"No. I'd like it to have a custom paint job." The salesman said,"Yes sir. What do you want the car to look like?"
The snail said,"I'd like every door painted
with a large letter ...

There were three men driving across the desert in a Cadillac.

All of a sudden, the car just stops, so they all get out and start walking. After a little bit, Guy 1 runs back to where the car was left and returns with the hood of the car.

The other two ask, “Why’d you do that?”
Guy 1: “Well, we can hold this over our heads so we don’t overheat!”
Gu...

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to prom...

A teenage boy named Avery Won is is getting ready to take his girlfriend to prom. First he goes to buy a suit, and thankfully there isn't a line at the store, so he buys the suit quickly.

Next, he goes to the florist to get some beautiful flowers for his girlfriend. Thankfully, the store is p...

Why did the car die on the highway?

It went into Cadillac arrest

What is the difference between a Cadillac and five dead Asian hookers?

I don't have a Cadillac in my garage

What do you call a Cadillac with a staircase on the back?

An escalador.

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I give you my Aunt's best joke - The Cadillac dealership

A man walks into a Cadillac dealership and begins to browse. After a few minutes, a car salesman approaches the man. "Good morning Sir, are you thinking about buying a Cadillac today?" The man pauses. "Well, I'm going to buy a Cadillac today. But I was thinking about pussy."

What's sad about three black guys driving over a cliff in a Cadillac?

They were my friends :(

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“God bless you.”

3 sisters were sitting in the porch drinking mint juleps.
Mary says, “My husband loves me so much, he built me a beautiful house with a wrap-around porch! Mable says, “That’s nice.” Irma says, “Bless your heart.”
Mable says, “My husband loves me so much, he bought me a brand new Cadilla...

An elderly man is having difficulty keeping up with his wife any more

so he goes to see the doctor and is gone for most of the day.

When he gets home, he arrives in a chauffered Cadillac, and is resplendently turned out in pinstripe trousers, waistcoat, frock coat, top hat and spats. He has a gold pocket watch in the waistcoat, a gigantic cigar, and an ebony ...

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What's the worst part about seeing 4 black people go off a cliff in a Cadillac?

Cadillac seats 5.

What's big, black and loaded with aids?

A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.

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A woman's husband dies unexpectedly, and as per his wishes, she has him cremated.

Once she gets home, she sets his urn on their patio table. "Honey, there are so many things I wish I could have told you before you had passed." she says. "I don't know if you can hear me, but I'll do my best to say them all now."



She sits down in a chair, chin propped on her hands. "...

In a suburb of Boston, there was a Catholic church across the street from a Jewish synagogue.

Over the years, a friendly rivalry had grown between the two congregations. One weekend, the members of the synagogue gave their long-time rabbi a brand new Cadillac. By sheer coincidence, the parishioners gave their pastor a new Cadillac on the same day.

Everyone laughed at the coincidence...

Cletus takes out a loan for a new truck.

He keeps up with the payments, and everything seems to be going well, when suddenly the bank repossesses it without warning.

He decides to go to the police, and it turns out he's not the only person who's been ripped off by this particular bank.

After talking to the police chief, it'...

Obituary

Schwartz dies and his widow calls the New York Times and asks the price of an obituary. She is told it’s $10 per word. Okay, she said, have it read, “Schwartz dead” The clerk then tells her there is a $50 minimum, for which you get 5 words. Okay, she said, have it say, “Schwartz dead, Cadillac for ...

Tips for Buying a Car

A retired older couple returned to a Cadillac dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they had been keen on buying to a beautiful, leggy blonde in a tight skirt, stiletto heels, and halter top.

The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply: "Young man, I thought ...

New Kind Of Car

At the bar, Tom and Bill were talking. “My uncle tried to make a new kind of car. He took the wheels from a Cadillac, the radiator from a Lexus, and tires from a Ford," said Tom.


“What did he get?" asked Bill.


“Two years,” said Tom

Damn women drivers!

This morning on the highway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman In a brand new Cadillac doing 65 kms with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away for a couple seconds... to continue shaving... and when I looked back she was halfway over in m...

A Texan in Scotland

A Texan is touring Europe and he ends up in a Scottish pub sitting across from an older Scotsman. As Texans tend to do, he starts bragging about how big everything is in Texas.

“Down on my ranch outside Dallas, I can walk out my front door at sunrise, get in my big ol’ Cadillac, start ‘er on...

The General's Report

An Army general was in Washington for a meeting and decided to call his base for a report. A young private answered the phone.

"I'd like an inventory report of the base please," stated the general.

The private had not dealt with such a request before and thought it was a fellow private...

Three Jewish Mothers

Three Jewish mothers are sitting on a park bench in Miami Beach talking about (what else?) how much their sons love them.

Sadie says "You know the Chagall painting hanging in my living room? My son, Arnold, bought that for me for my 75th birthday. What a good boy he is and how much he loves h...

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That's nice...

Three recently married southern belles are sitting together catching up on all that had happened since their respective nuptials. It's not long before the three ladies begin showing off what their husbands had done to spoil them.

The first belle sticks her left hand out and lets the sun hit ...

3 men pass away and are in line at the pearly gates.

3 men pass away and are in line at the pearly gates.

St. Peter is there and he is checking to see how they lived their lives.

First man steps up and Saint Peter says, “you lived a good life. You were faithful to your wife and never cheated on her. You get to ride up to heaven in t...

A professor asked one of his automotive students if he knew what the definition of "mixed emotions" was...

The student said "watching your mother-in-law drive off a cliff in your new Cadillac."

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Oh Henry !

A woman is on one of those funeral cruises where the ashes of loved ones may be dumped into the sea.
She had been married to a real cheapskate, who after 30 years of marriage finally died.
The lady had her husband cremated, at his wishes, because he felt a plot would cost too much.
After th...

Why do you make more money?

A heart surgeon takes his Cadillac to his mechanic to get his engine fixed. When he returns a few days after to pick up the car, the mechanic calls him over to show him something. He says, "Okay Doc, I've changed the seals out and fixed everything up but I have one question. The engine is to the car...

What kind of car does a cat drive?

A Cadillac.

An old man died...

When he was in the line at the pearly gates, God asked him "Have you ever cheated on your wife?". The man said "Of course not! Never ever in my life". So he entered and they gave him a Cadillac to drive around in. The next man in line walked up to the pearly gates and God asked, "Have you ever cheat...

Anti-jokes

Does anyone have any good anti-jokes? I'll go first!

Q:What's sad about four black men in a Cadillac driving off of a cliff?
A:*They were my friends.*

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What are you afraid of

One day on a lonely bit of road a police officer sees this old lady speeding in her Cadillac.

So the police officer pulls her over and tells the old lady that she was speeding a bit, then ask her "Are there any weapons in the car ma'am?"

She says "there is a gun rack with rifles and sh...

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The Silver Tongued Salesman

A young hotshot from New York moves to California for some fun in the sun.

He goes to the local mega store looking for a sales job.

The manager, a little doubtful, asks, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The cocky kid responds, "Yup. I did sales back in New York."

The b...

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Mmmm, that's nice.

Two little old ladies in the South were sitting on the porch sipping mint juleps one day. Betty Lou had come to visit Mary Jean for lunch at her beautiful country estate.

Mary Jean said to Betty Lou, "Oh Betty Lou, I'm just so pleased with mah adorin husbind - he went and bought us this beaaa...

What do you call a car made out of Canadian money?

A CADillac.

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Many years ago, I was passing a church in San Antonio, Texas.

There in the courtyard was a large statue of Jesus, and praying to the statue was a wealthy Texas rancher. These are the words I heard him say,

"Jesus! Please help me! My Cadillacs are all in the shop. My oil wells have run dry. My cattle got the blight. My Internal Revenue Service is after m...

A Jewish man dies,

his wife calls the newspaper to publish a death notice. The person taking the call asks her what it should say and politely informs her that they charge by the word.

She tells him to put: "Saul died."

The newspaper person tells her that the paper has a strict five word minimum ...

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My therapist told me a joke about two southern bells.

So two southern bells grow up in a small town in the south and when they finish high school, one moves up to the north for school and the other stays in the town and marries her high school sweet heart.


Years later, the first one comes back to town to visit her friend who happens to be qu...

Hell of a driver

A young man approaches a bus stop to find an older gentleman man sitting down and just facing forward. “Hell..of...a… driver…” says the older gent. The young man doesn’t think much of it. A few minutes pass and again the man blurts out “Hell of a driver!” Perplexed, the young man turns the older man...

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