A Chevy Silverado, a GMC Sierra, a Ford F150, a RAM 1500, and a Toyota Tacoma are driving in convoy

Best pickup line ever

What did Toyota name it's slower SUV?

A 4walker

I have a Toyota Highlander. My wife said she wanted one too.

I told her no. In the end, there can be only one.

Toyota and Ford decided to do a rowing competition

They both got their best teams together and had them compete. The result was a disaster for Ford. The Toyota rowing team beat them by leagues.

Ford had a crisis meeting, hired the best analysts and consultants, and after half a year they came up with a conclusion: The Toyota rowing boat had ...

My Toyota died today.

I think it was the Corollavirus.

3 men enter heaven together

Upon entering, they are greeted by god. God tells them that they will receive a vehicle, however the quality and value of the vehicle will vary based on how frequently they cheated on their wife. So the first man says “I never cheated once in my life” god inspects him and finds this out to be true. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Get your free tetanus shot today at your local junkyard!

Sponsored by Pfizer and Toyota.

Moishe Cohen and his wife Sarah were married for 50 years. Then one day, sadly, Sarah passes away of natural causes...

Moishe wants to put an obituary in the newspaper and calls up the office.
“Yes, I’d like it to say just that: SARAH DIED. I thought people should know.”

The person on the phone, his heart breaks. The poor man’s wife of 50 years!...
“Mr. Cohen, I’m so, so sorry. Are you *sure* that’s al...

Everyone I know is buying a new Toyota!

Damn Corolla virus.

My neighbour recently bought a BMW, a Volkswagen, 2 Fords, a Toyota and a Chrysler...

I think he's got the car-owners virus.

I'm worried about my flatmate. In the last week he has recently just purchased himself a new Ford, Tesla, BMW, Toyota

I think he might have a car owner virus.

My reddish-brown Toyota minivan caught on fire yesterday

It’s a burnt burnt sienna Sienna.

Every day for the past week there have been more and more Toyota’s parked on my block.

I think the Corrola virus has arrived.

My Toyota was slow to start this morning

It must have this Corollavirus.

Can a Toyota stretch?

No, but a Mercedes-Benz

Mama Toyota asked her son what he wanted for lunch

Son replies "a Taco,ma."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does my asshole and my Toyota have in common?

They're both leaking tranny fluid.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men die and go to Heaven

3 men die and go to Heaven. St Peter meets them and starts reviewing their files.

He starts talking to the first guy: “I see that you lived a good life, but you cheated on your wife 30 times. That’s not very good, but not bad enough to send you to hell. So you can stay in heaven, but you’ll h...

What disease do you get from buying too many Toyotas?

Corollavirus.

Symptoms include fever, cough, really good gas mileage and you run for 250,000 miles.

Rabbits are trying to eat away my old Toyota!

Mechanic said it could be car rot.

(I remain optimistic that one day reddit will like one of my dad jokes)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The new Toyota Supra was engineered in cooperation with BMW.

I’m not saying I don’t like it, I’m just worried because of the last time Germany and Japan teamed up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"How can you watch porn but still claim you love only me?" My wife asked

" The same way I watch Formula 1 whole weekend but still happily drive my 2010 Toyota Camry everyday" I replied..

That satisfied her...

I just failed to mention I take rental at Enterprise when I go on business trips

A man forgot to zip his trousers...

so a lady told him politely...

“Sir your garage is open.”

The man gave her a naughty smile and zipped his trousers and asked..

“Did you see my Range Rover parked inside?”

The lady smiled back and said..

“No, just one small Toyota with two flat tires.”

Three friends die and reach the gates of Heaven

Three friends named John, Mike and Nick die and reach the gates of Heaven. There they meet St. Peter,he calls the first man, John, and says:"John, as I can see you have never cheated on your wife so take this Lamborghini to cruise around Heaven forever! John happily takes the car and goes to Heaven....

What do you call a cross between a Toyota and a Honda?

A cross. A priest must have dropped it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So i saw some people translating jokes so here is a Turkish one. One day a Japanese man walks into a bar in Turkey...

One day a Japanese man walks into a bar in Turkey and challenges everyone in the bar for a fight.

\-Are there anyone who believes he can defeat me ?

Temel gets up and walks to the door saying:

\-I can do it. Let's see what you are made of.

A few minutes later Temel walks ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three guys go to heaven

St Peter at the gate greets them and says ‘Alright. We’ve just built some new roads up here and we need to get you each a car. Depending on how faithful you were to your wives will determine the quality of the car. Sound good?’
1st Guy: ‘I was happily married thirty years with my wife and never c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Since translated jokes are becoming a thing now, I will(attempt) to translate a Turkish joke...

One day Temel goes to the local caffe with his friends. While playing games and drinking tea a Japanese dude walks in and says "Does anyone in here got the balls to beat me ?". After this Temel gets up and says "I do", then they both head outside. 5 minutes later Temel comes back with a broken nose ...

Have you heard of the latest Chinese car rip-off?

They're now producing the Toyota Corona

Three guys arrive at the pearly gates, and St. Peter decides which vehicle to give them.

“Heaven is a big place,” he says. “You’ll need something to get around. What I give you is based on how well you treated your marriage on Earth.”

The first guy says, “Marriage was difficult for me. We both had affairs and eventually got divorced after 10 years. But I still tried to live a goo...

Heaven

So three men are waiting in heaven to get their vehicles, and the angel asks the first man “ have you ever cheated on your wife.” The man says “yes lots of times and gets a tricycle.

The next man comes up and the angel asks “have you ever cheated on your wife” the man says “only once” so he g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The head of ISIS finally agreed to be interviewed...

So the interviewer said, "I noticed that every time ISIS releases a video there are always Toyota trucks in the background. Whether it is ISIS members riding in the back of the truck or a torture video, you always see a Toyota truck. Why it is that you guys drive Toyota trucks?"

The head of ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The high-speed Prius.

There is a broken Toyota Prius on the side of an American highway.

Suddenly, a Bugatti driver pulls up next to the Prius and offers to tow the hybrid to the nearest repair shop. The Toyota owner agrees. They also agree on that the Prius driver will flash his high beams when he'll want to slow...

Cheating husband dies and makes it to the pearly gates.

St Peter looks at him and says "You were unfaithful to your wife 28 times. Don't worry, you'll be accepted in -- only you won't get a brand new car like those who were more loyal in their marriage"

Confused the man asks "I get a car though?"

St Peter replies "Of course. Everyone needs ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say 3 out 10 people in Japan have cataracts.

The rest drive Toyota or Mitsubishis!

Billy was very proud of his new car.

He was driving back home after striking a great deal with the salesman. As he neared the intersection, a grey Toyota crashed into his car at a high speed. He was furious, as he knew he had the right of way. He was about to let loose a barrage of four letter words at the other driver, when a gorge...

A man was browsing Craigslist one day...

...when he comes across this insane deal. A good-as-new Porsche, for 20 bucks. "It's a prank," he thinks. "Like that Hooters girl and the Toyota/'toy Yoda' thing." Still, he's not really in need of $20, so he decides to be a good sport and humor the seller.

He drives out to the address in the...

Two Irish guys walk into a pet shop

Seamus heads straight over to the back of the shop, knowing what he's looking for, and Finton follows shortly behind.

"Dats dem up der!" Says Seamus, pointing at high up bird cage. "Oi'll tek two a dem budgies up der," He says to the shopkeeper, "an wouldya put em in a pepper bag?"

So...

3 men enter the gates of heaven

They are met by Saint Peter who explains in heaven they are given a vehicle. The quality is based on how faithful a partner they've been.
The first man receives a brand new Ferrari. He jumps in and takes off.
The second man receives a recent model Toyota Camry, somewhat satisfied he jumps in a...

3 men make it to heaven.

man 1, man 2, and man3.

An angel tells them: "The vehicle that you get to travel with in heaven will depend on the number of times you cheated on your partner"

So the angel asks the man 1, and man 1 says that he cheated on his wife 5 times. The angel checks to see if he is lying, and i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy who has spent his whole life in the outback of Australia decides he wants a change in his life, so he moves to the city.

He arrives in Sydney, and the first thing he does is looks for a job. He goes to the biggest department store downtown and applies for a job. The HR rep asks him if he has any experience in sales. So the guy says 'yea I was considered one of the best salesmen out Bush'. The rep isn't amused. 'This ...

An old lady decides to check on his 3 son-in-laws

She wanted to see who respects/cares for her the most. She goes to the lake near the eldest son-in-laws place and jumps. The son-in-law dives in and rescues her. Next day, he sees a toyota corolla parked in front of his house with a letter -- Thanks from your Mother-in-law.


Then she goes ...

I've been having trouble meeting girls, so I asked my dad for some advice. He said that if I wanted to break the ice, the next time I go out, I should use this pickup line...

"Ford F-150, Chevy Silverado, Dodge Ram, Toyota Tundra, Nissan Titan, GMC Sierra, Honda Ridgeline..."

Condoms galore

Nike Condoms: Just do it.


Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.


Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.


Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.


Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.


Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: T...

Dougal The Scot

Dougal was a typical Scot. His wife Janet had just died and he wanted to place the least expensive death notice.

He went to the newspaper office and wrote on the lodgement from, "Janet died".

The clerk explained that there was a minimum charge and he could have six words.

Dou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Japanese guy takes a taxi to the airport In the US.

During the journey, a Honda zooms past the taxi. The man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda’s are very fast because they’re made in Japan!" After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota’s are very fast because they...

If I buy a Prius, I’ll make sure to put a bobblehead Yoda figurine on the dash

Then I’ll have a toy Yoda in my Toyota.

So my rich brother in law bought a Jag. And one day while he was at a stop light

My destitute nephew, Ronnie, pulled up beside him in his 2003 Toyota. 

They are happy to see each other, the difference in wealth has never been an issue between them.

"How are you nephew?" say Mel “Have you seen my new Jag?"

"My that’s a fancy car, so let me ask you, what kind ...

What kind of car does the president of the palindrome society own?

A Toyota

Three man dies and goes to heaven..

Three man dies and goes to heaven where it has been decreed that to each will be given a vehicle to use in heaven according to their deeds.

First man arrives and St. Peter asks "How long were you married for?"

"20 years" answered the first man.

"And how many times did you cheat...

Car analogies

are the Toyota Corollas of linguistic comparisons.

A police officer pulls up to a stop sign

A police officer pulls up to a stop sign with a beaten up Toyota Camry in front of him. The officer comes to a stop and waits, but the Camry refuses to move. The officer waits a minute and begins to get agitated. Finally, the officer gets out of the police car and walks up to the Camry. The window c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Japanese tourist in Malaysia calls for a taxi to get to the airport

On the way, a Toyota overtakes the taxi on the road. The Japanese tourist sees this and says: “Wa! Toyota! Made in Japan, very fast!”

After this, a Mitsubishi flies by the little taxi. The Japanese tourist says: “Wa! Mitsubishi! Made in Japan, very fast!”

Then a Nissan passes by, and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Silver Tongued Salesman

A young hotshot from New York moves to California for some fun in the sun.

He goes to the local mega store looking for a sales job.

The manager, a little doubtful, asks, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The cocky kid responds, "Yup. I did sales back in New York."

The b...

Pinocchio is being interrogated by police

Police Officer: Were you going 60 miles on a 40 mile road?

Pinocchio: Noooooooo

Police Officer: But didn't an officer flag you down?

Pinocchio: Noooooooooooooo

Police Officer: Your car is the red Toyota right?

Pinocchio: Noooooooooooooooooooooooo

Police Offi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three young women at a party

were trying to
impress each other by bragging about their husbands.
The first said: "My husband is taking me to the French Riviera this summer. We're going to hire a yacht and hang out with movie stars."
The second said: "My husband just bought me a new Mercedes."
Unimpressed, the thi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Japanese businessman hails a taxi...

As they go along the highway, a car zooms past by.

"Oooh," exclaims the businessman, "that's a Toyota. Made in Japan, very fast!"

Moments later, another car speeds ahead.

"Ahhhhh," exclaims the businessman again, "a Nissan! Made in Japan too, also very fast!"

...

Which car will you get in heaven?

Three guys are standing in heaven, their names are Greg, James, and Tony. They are at a car dealership, and an angel asks them "were you faithful to your wives?" Greg answers "yes, I never cheated on my wife." He is given a new Lamborghini. The angel then asks James if he ever cheated on his wife. H...

Gambling in Vegas

My friend came back from Las Vegas once. He told me the slot machines are easy to win big at. He went to town in a $20,000 Nissan, left in a $360,000 Porsche.

I thought "nice, I'm going to get in on that." So I left for Vegas in my $30,000 Toyota. Came back in a $800,000 vehicle.

A G...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Farting Honda

A sales rep for an American auto parts supplier was in Tokyo for an important meeting with the chairman of Toyota to close a huge deal. After he got to his hotel, he farted and strangely it sounded like his ass said "Honda". Puzzled, he forced out another fart and sure enough it came out "hooonda". ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy asks a doctor how long he will live

So the doctor, looking at his clipboard and taking notes, begins to ask him a series of questions.

Doc: Do you eat red meat?

Patient: No

Doc: Do you smoke cigarettes, cigars, or a pipe?

Patient: No

Doc: Do you use any illicit drugs?

Patient: No

Doc: D...

A jewish man's wife dies

So he decides to place an obituary in the newspaper, and phones their agent.

"Just put 'Sarah died' in the paper."

"But Sir, for the same money of only one line, you can add another four words!"

"Oh. Let me think about that.."

He phones back a few minutes later and says...

Death Notice

An old man and his wife had just moved to Australia when the wife passed away after a stroke. While talking to the neighbour about her passing, it was mentioned that in their new country, it is common to announce deaths with a classified ad in that section of the newspaper. Well, the old man decides...

Three men died and went to heaven...

... and met St. Peter at the pearly gates, who was explaining a new reward system to the newcomers. Each person who made it to heaven would receive a vehicle, the quality of which would be determined by how faithful they were to their spouses on Earth. The first man had his fair share of adulterous ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.