What does a hidden compartment in a drawer have in common with Kim Kardashian?

The false bottom

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps.

Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness.

On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The old lady thinks, “I bet...

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My wife is deathly afraid of snakes so I got her last year by placing a rubber Copperhead in her glove compartment.

She nearly shit herself! Sadly, she finally got me back today and I must admit it was pretty crafty.

She knows that every morning I have a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast so last night before she went to sleep she fucked my brother and emptied my bank account.

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A jew and a goy are seated together in a train compartment. No one else joins them and as the train gets underway, the goy decides to engage the jew in a conversation.

The goy asks the jew all sorts of questions about his religion. The jew patiently answers them all.
Eventually they take out their pack lunches and continue the conversation. The goy asks:

« Why is it you people are so smart? »

The jew thinks about it for a while and responds:
...

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A man and a woman who had never met before but were both married to other people found themselves assigned to the same sleeping compartment on a trans-continental train...

though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1 a.m., the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the clos...

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A girl reaches into the glove compartment of her boyfriends car for a condom...

and finds one missing. They had bought that box together, and it was now open and missing one. Furious, she asked him what the deal was.
"Oh, I masturbated with one on, just to see what it would feel like."
Satisfied with this answer, but still curious, they went on with their business. She wa...

Four strangers travelled together in the same compartment of a European train.

Four strangers travelled together in the same compartment of a European train. Two men and two women faced each other. One woman was a very wealthy and sophisticatead 70 year old lady who was decked out in the finest of furs and jewelry. Next to her sat a beautiful young woman, nineteen years old—wh...

A Free Trip to Italy

A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean, but just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.

“You have so much to live for,” said the man. “I’m a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow....

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Physics oral exam in high school

Teacher: 'Sit down, please. Okay, let's start. You're travelling on a train and it's really hot. What do you do?'

Student 1: 'I open the window.'

Teacher: 'Excellent. The train's speed is 130 km/h and is going towards the north-north east. Outside, you have a south east wind of 25 km/h...

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A Frenchman walks into a compartment to see an Englishman, a ravishing blonde and an old Woman

Upon seeing this he says: “Oh not this shit again”

A girl, her grandma, a guy and his boss share a compartment in a train.

A girl, her grandma, a guy and his boss share a compartment in a train. From the beginning of the journey it's pretty obvious that the girl and guy like each other. Once when the train passes through a tunnel and plunged into darkness a kissing sound and slap is heard. When the train comes out into ...

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A Russian and a Jew (long joke)

On a train to Moscow, a Jew and a Russian army captain were sharing a compartment, the Russian was little bigot and have stereotype towards Jews, so he asked the Jew, "Hey Jew how come you all are so smart" The Jew was eating herring so he kept quite and didn't reply, so the Russian keep on asking h...

Late one night...

Joke: Late one night a man is driving down the road, speeding quite a bit. A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over. The cop says to the man, "Are you aware of how fast you were going?"

The man replies, "Yes I am. I'm trying to escape a robbery I got involved in."

The co...

A man in a bra.

A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, “How long have you been wearing that bra?” The friend replies, “Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment.”

A police officer and a hot blonde

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window.
The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works.

"I've pulled you over for spee...

Two guys in a gym, one putting on a girdle. One guys says, "Since when have you been wearing a girdle?"

Other guy says, "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment of our car."

A guy is pulled over by a cop for speeding

The cop approaches the car and the driver rolls down the window.

"Driver's licence and insurance?"

"I don't have a driver's licence and the car was stolen."

Cop slowly backs up a bit and puts his hand on a gun.

"Is there anything else I should know? Any weapons in the ca...

The Train Carriage Compartment

So, traveling by train through Europe were a Ukrainian man, a Russian soldier, an old lady, and a beautiful young woman. Naturally, there was some tension, and nobody spoke.

Then the train went into a tunnel, and everything, for a moment, was pitch dark.

There's the sound of a loud ki...

So I'm sat in my mums car at the moment, just me, her and one of my friends who we are giving a lift to...

For the joke she made to make sense, I'll just mention I'm male.

I was bored and digging around in the glove compartment a moment ago, and found a trigger spray suncream container. It's labelled on the front "50+ kids", so I asked her why she had a squirty thing with 50 plus kids in it?
...

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Two students are taking a physics exam

One of them enters and the professor says:

-Imagine you are riding a train and its really hot inside. What would you do?

-Well,i'd open the window.

-Excellent. Now, the windows surface is 1,5m^2, your compartments volume is 12m^3, train is going west at the speed of 80km/h, the ...

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A man was pulled over for speeding.

A man was late for an important function and was speeding a good 25 mph over the speed limit when a state trooper pulled him over.

Officer: Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?

Man: I guess so officer, I knew I couldn’t outrun the law forever. The gun is in my glove compartment, a k...

An Engineering Viva Exam

Students went for an Engineering Viva Exam...

The first guy goes into the class, and the Professor begins the Viva with a question. "Let's say you are traveling by train and it's getting hot. What will you do"? "Open the window", he answered.
.
Very good. The Professor continued... "...

I read this joke in a book of Jewish humor some years ago.

An elderly Jewish woman was about to board an El Al flight from JFK to Tel Aviv, carrying her little lap dog in a cage, covered by a blanket. The gate agent informed her that there was no way she could carry the dog aboard the plane, but assured her the dog would be perfectly safe in the luggage co...

A group of guys were playing a round of golf..

After 9 holes they stopped to have a cigar. So one of the guys opens his golf bag and pulls out 2 cigars and a great big lighter.

His friend asks him "Hey, where did you get such a big lighter?"

He responds "From my magic genie, of course!"

Of course his friend doesn't believe...

Open and shut case

A cop stopped a speeding car, approached the driver's window and said, "Can I have your license and registration, please?"
The driver said, " I don't have a license. I've never even took driving theory."
The officer asked: " Can I have the car registration?"
"it's not my car, I stole it" an...

Some of the worst case scenarios:

1. A case falling on me from an overhead compartment.
2. Someone stealing my case.
3. Realising I've picked up someone else's case by mistake.
4. Not remembering the combination to the lock on my case.
5. Being required to carry a heavy case for a very long distance.

How did they know princess Diana had dandruff?

They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment.

3 men and a young woman

In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a young woman.

The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic.

Then, the young woman proposes, "If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs."

The men, charmed by this young college girl,...

Roman Numerals are very interesting... [LONG JOKE]

You turn on the radio one morning to find another one of those Rap songs where every 4th word is a swear. Naturally the Radio bleeps it out, but you realize that it sounds familiar. You realize that the rappers are speaking in Morse code.

Your eyes widen as you swerve over onto the shoulder ...

Being seduced by the younger sister

So apparently this guy was engaged to a beautiful woman. He got along well with her family but he could not deny that her younger sister was drop-dead gorgeous and he felt a strong attraction to her. A week before the wedding, he gets a mysterious phone call from the sister asking him to come over...

A man is pulled over by police for speeding

Police 1: do you know how fast you are going?

Man: no, but I do know I am escaping a bank heist.

Police 1: Really?

Man: yes, I robbed the bank and the loot is in my car's trunk

Police 1: is that everything?

Man: no sir, I have a dead body in my backseat and a gun i...

There’s a road train in the outback and it hits a wild boar

The driver, seeing a lot of meat on it, puts it in one of the compartments to sell at one of the stops. He sells it to the landlord at a hotel he’s staying at. The next he walks down to the dining room and asks for breakfast. The landlord says
“We’ve got roast pork, barbecued pork, pork sausages,...

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A man in a van with a plan

A man was speeding along the road in a van, doing well over 100, until he was pulled over by a police car.

"Sir, do you know how fast you were going? Let me see your license"

The man responded "Officer, I don't have a license"

"What?? Where is the paperwork for this van?"
...

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Trump, Melania, Macron and

....the French First lady are traveling in a train.

The ride is pretty smooth and the train suddenly enters a tunnel. It's dark everywhere and a loud slap is heard in the private compartment. Everyone is calm except Trump who has a huge red slap mark on his right cheek. ...

During WW2 a German soldier based in France is proceeding home on leave in a fully loaded passenger train

He shares a compartment with a decrepit lady, a beautiful young French woman, and a young Frenchman. The train enters a tunnel, and no one can see anything.

A kiss is heard, then a hollow slap. When the train comes out of the tunnel, the German has a horrible black eye.

'So unlucky' th...

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A police officer pulls over a 85-year-old lady

As she's pulling out her license he sees her carry permit and asks if she has any guns in the car.

She says: "yes sir I do, I have a .22 in the glove compartment, a .38 snub-nose in the center console, and .45 under the seat."

The officer is taken back and asks: "Ma'am what are you s...

A young private and an elderly officer on a train...

A young private and his commanding officer are on a train and they're sharing a compartment with a beautiful young lady and her father. The private and the young lady exchange glances much to the chagrin of her father.

A voice from the hall announces that they are approaching a tunnel. The yo...

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NSFW - sex problem

A guy goes to the doctor and says, “I got this sex problem, doc”.

“Well”, says the quack, “Tell me about your average day”.

“Well, it all starts in the middle of the night. My wife always wakes me up about 3:00 am for a nookie and then again about 5 o’clock so we can spend a couple of ...

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Bill, Hillary, Donald and Melania were sitting together in the train

... when the train went through a tunnel and the compartment reverberated with the noise of a tight SLAP! When the train came out the Donald had a swelling red hand print on his face. Bill thought, "Stupid buffon must have grabbed Hillary's pussy". Donald thought, "Bill must have grabbed Melania's...

Three engineers and three lawyers go to a conference

Three engineers and three lawyers go to a conference. They have a fixed budget and may keep everything they do not spend. The lawyers purchase three train tickets, the engineers only one. When asked about this, the engineers just say: "Wait, and see". In the train, when they see the conductor getti...

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A car is speeding on the highway going insanely over the speed limit...

A cop spots the car and proceeds to chase him. Eventually he catches up with him and pulls him over. The cop goes to the driver's window and asks 'License and registration please?' The guy says: 'I don't have any, this is a stolen car.' The cop says: 'Let me see the glove compartment' and the guy sa...

A train goes under a tunnel. Credits to /u/capilot

A soldier, an officer, a young woman, and a matron are sitting in a train compartment. The train goes into a tunnel, and for a moment all is dark. A kiss is heard, followed by a slap. The light comes back, and the officer is rubbing his face.

The matron thinks "that awful officer kissed the y...

Why do so many redditors claim to be someone they're not when their entire post history is so easily accessible?

As a trans mtf ex-cop who also lost my arm in Afghanistan and whose husband just left me for some woman who is dying of cancer, I find it incredibly insulting. I've been through so much to make where I am right now. (I was abandoned as an infant in Russia in 1962. I grew up on the streets and when I...

The Captain's Parrot

There once was a captain of a large cruise ship that had a very intelligent parrot. To keep the parrot busy while the captain was working, he left him in the ballroom where the magician performed his act. The parrot would watch the magician at work, and over time, the parrot learned the secrets of...

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I decided to play a joke on my dad

Every morning for the past month, I put an index card that said "You are what you eat" in every compartment in the fridge, cupboards and pantry. He was starting to get really annoyed with all of it.

This morning, as I tucked into my bread slathered with delicious peanut butter at the tabl...

A cop pulls over a woman

The officer comes to the window of the car and asks the woman "Mam, do you have any weapons in the car?"

The woman replies "Well, I have a 12 gauge in the trunk, a smith and wesen in the glove compartment, a colt on my side, and a derenger strapped to my boot."

The officer says "My g...

Blonde joke

A blonde is speeding down the highway and notices the flashing lights of a police car behind her. She slows down and pulls over to wait for the police officer, who also happens to be a blonde.

The police officer asks her for her driver's license. The driver says:"I'm not sure what that is... ...

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On a train

A nun, a young woman, a German and a French sit together in a train compartment, each one minding his own business, when suddenly the train enters a large tunnel. Unfortunately the lights are not working and it is pitch dark. While in the dark, a loud slap can be heard and when the train finally lea...

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There is this guy who has this major crush on this girl that works at the bar he hangs out at. He would love to talk to her but every time he sees her he gets the biggest boner.

One day he
noticed her behind the bar and quickly sat on a
bar stool. He felt this was the perfect chance
to talk to her knowing that if he got a boner it
would be hidden under the bar top. They get to
talking and he finally asks her out. She said yes
and the man was ecstatic, h...

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A nun, a blonde, a German and a Dutchman...

A nun, a blonde, a German and a Dutchman are sitting in a train compartment. The train goes through a tunnel, it's completely dark,
and suddenly there's a slap. The train comes out of the tunnel and the Dutchman is rubbing his face.
The nun's thinking: "The Dutch guy probably touched the blon...

Schrödinger gets pulled over by a cop...

When the officer walks up to the window and asks Schrödinger for his license and registration, the psychologist seems to be a little off. Not sure if Schrödinger is drunk and/or on drugs, the officer asks him to step out of the car so he can perform a sobriety test. Schrödinger passes with flying co...

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American marine looks for a seat in a train

In one compartment, he finds a seat near a French elderly woman looking very important. Unfortunately, that seat is occupied by that woman's chihuahua. So he politely asks her if he can sit there.

She very angrily responds: “You Americans are so rude! My Ruby is sitting there!”

He give...

Two middle aged men went to the gym for a workout.

As they undressed beforehand, the first man was stunned to see the second wearing a corset beneath his shirt.

"Since when have you started wearing that?" asked the first man.

The second man replied "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment."

A cop pulled over an elderly lady...

He approached the car. "License and registration, please."

The elderly lady handed the officer the requested documents, along with her firearms carry permit. The officer, on seeing the permit, asked the woman if she had any guns with her.

"Why yes. I've got a Smith & Wesson revolve...

A cop pulls over an old lady for speeding...

..."Afternoon ma'am. May I see your license and registration?" The old lady wordlessly hands the officer these items. As the officer reaches for the papers, he takes observation of the old woman.

She wasn't just old, she was very old. Must have been in her mid 90's. The fact that she was spee...

A gentleman carrying an infant was travelling from London to Bristol on a train...

A gentleman carrying an infant was travelling from London to Bristol on a train. Another gentleman entered the compartment, dumped his 2 huge suitcases, and sat beside the first.
As you know, Englishmen don't immediately speak to each other. So the first gentleman waited very politely for a whil...

Sicilian reasoning

One lovely summer an italian couple go on holiday to Sicily with their two kids. They park their car close to the seaside, unload their swimsuits, towels and buckets and happily walk to the beach. As they sit down on the sand, Giorgio (dad) suddenly remembers that he left his sunglasses in the car...

THIS is the best way to beat a speeding ticket.

** *Most of you have probably seen this before, but its still a good one!* **

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding...



Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my fifth DUI.

Officer: Can I see the r...

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A little old lady gets pulled over.

The cop asks for her licence and registration. He then asks her if she has any illegal drugs or weapons in the car.

She says, "Yes, I have a 9mm in my purse, a .357 in the glove compartment, a sawed off shotgun between the seats and an assault rifle in the trunk."

The cop is surprised...

Moon race

During Cold War when the space race was at its highest. Following is an report of communication between Houston and US moon rocket.

USMR: Houston, we see the SSSR ship approaching the Moon.

Houston: You have your orders. Just wait.

USMR: Houston, the SSSR ship is in the Moon orb...

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Magic Dildo

A man was in a sex shop looking for a gift for his wife. Mother's Day was just around the corner and he wanted to get her the perfect gift. He was having trouble deciding so he went up to the counter to get some help. He asked the girl at the counter, a stunningly hot blonde, what her favorite toy w...

Healing Kiss

In a train compartment a young couple and an elderly, somewhat ragged man were sitting.

The girl looks like she’s having some discomfort so her boyfriend asks her, "What’s wrong honey?"

She replies. "My head hurts."

Her boyfriend kisses her forehead, and asks her, "Is it bett...

Jane goes to buy a car...

Jane went to buy a new car that she saw advertised for a certain price. After telling the salesman which car she wanted, they sat down to do the paperwork. The salesman handed Jane the bill, and she declared, “This isn’t the price I saw!”

The salesman went on to tell Jane how she was getting ...

4 people are on a train....

An old guy, a young man, an old women, and a young women are all riding in a train. The two women were facing the two guys in the same compartment. As the train was going crossing the countryside, it enters a tunnel, and everything becomes dark. While in the tunnel, you hear a KISS then a SMACK. Whe...

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Lousy elephant jokes

These are best all told in rapid succession:

--------

How do you fit four elephants in a VW Bug?

Two in the front, one in the back, one in the glove compartment.

-----------
How can you tell if there's an elephant hiding in your refrigerator?

There's a set of fo...

A teenager gets pulled over for speeding...

The cop says "License and Registration please."

As the teenager is grabbing it out of the glove compartment, the cop then says, "Ya know, I've been waiting for a stupid kid like you all day."

The teenager says, "Well officer, I got here as quick as I could."

My cousin Fred wears lace underpants

My cousin Fred, who I had not seen for years, visited us during the holidays. After a good game of racquetball, I noticed in the shower that he was wearing frilly lace underwear.

It was kind of awkward, but on the drive home, curiosity got the better of me and I had to ask him: "Say Fred, ...

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Three students of physics were taking a final test...

...and they were entering the room one at a time.
The first student comes in and the professor asks him this question: "Mr. Johnson, imagine that you're in a compartment in a train. The temperature in the compartment is 55 degrees Celsius and the air pressure is 1011 hPa. Apparently, you're get...

The Priest And The Rabbi

The Priest And The Rabbi
A priest and a rabbi were sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest put down his book and said to the Rabbi, "I know that in your religion you're not supposed to eat pork... but have you really never ever tasted it?"
The rabbi closed his newspaper and...