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Elections Jokes

The best part about being Russian, is getting to vote in American elections.

Which is nice, because we never get to vote in our own.

Elections

If the Republicans win the midterms, I will leave the United States.

If the Democrats win the midterms, I will leave the United States

This is not about politics, I just want to travel.

I wish my college professors graded papers like Trump 'wins' elections

\*Professor grading my test\*

Well he got the first couple questions right looks like I can stop grading the rest.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the difference between sex and US Presidental elections?

In sex,the decision to choose the cunt or the asshole is a pleasure

I was going to post a joke about free and fair elections....

But I’m not sure the Americans will get it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The 13th Amendment makes it illegal to buy people.

Apparently, it doesn't apply to congressmen.

Edit: Wow...so this is what it’s like to reach the front page... really underwhelming...

In all seriousness, while there are a bunch of corrupt politicians out there, DO call your congressman and DO participate in your local elections and pr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are strippers good at elections?

Because they know how to work the pole.

After elections president Putin receives a call

- Mr. President I have two news, a good one and a bad one.
- Start from the good one.
- You got elected president again.
- And the bad one?
- No one voted for you.

A politician visits a rural area to gain appeal for the upcoming elections

He schedules a meeting with the local leaders to discuss problems the town has been experiencing so that he could provide help and solutions.

"Governor, our town has been experiencing two big problems," says one of the leaders

The politician pounds his table, "Ok tell me what they are,...

A man owns an elections store

One day, another electronics store opens up beside him with a massive sign proclaiming "Best deals"

In the afternoon of the same day another electronics store opens up on the other side with a ginormous sign claiming "lowest prices"

The man is worried until he has a brilliant idea. The...

Russian Elections

Ministry of Russian election announcement: Elections of Vladimir Putin will commence as planned in 2018.

A man walks into the Election Office.....

and says to the receptionist: "I would like to put my name forward for the forthcoming elections to be an Independent candidate."

The receptionist replied: "Certainly, sir. Please fill in this form.''

He was filling the form until he came to the question - ''Are you circumcised?'' So...

Russian Elections

[Best said with a horrible Russian Accent - Arnold Schwarzenegger in Red Heat bad.]

So after the last Russian Election, Putin's campaign advisor came up to him:

CA- Comrade Putin (you know that's how he's addressed in private) I have good news and bad news.

Putin- Give me the...

The U.S. election results delay is pathetic

In Egypt, we know who won before the elections.

I'm gonna vote for Trump at elections...

Cuz I a'int ever seen a president assassinated

UK ELECTIONS UPDATE

It's post election fever in the UK.
And the British ladies are more confused than ever!
They are Conservative in the day, Liberal at night and nine months later in Labour😂😂

If Russia interfered in USA elections, that proves the system works just a little

At least someone's vote counts

I'm upset about the election

SNL will have to go back to political satire instead of news.

How do you stop the Russians from interfering your country's elections?

Bring in the Olympic drug-testers.

With the elections around the corner, do you know who had the best shot at POTUS?

Lee Harvey Oswald.

Hillary Clinton is the Windows 10 of the election

She's terrible at keeping your information safe, keeps promising new upgrades but really has been the same OS since 98, and is constantly trying to install herself when you're happy with the system you've been using for the last 8 years.

How often do Chinese people have elections?

When they wake up every morning.

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