Matthew McConaughey is campaigning to be Governor of Texas..
Running on an alt right, alt right, alt right platform.
A politician dies...
...and ends up at the pearly gates. St. Peter looks at him and finds his name in his book.
"So, you're a politician..."
"Well, yes. Is there a problem?"
"Oh no, there is no problem. But we have a policy for people in your profession, you have to spend a day each in heaven and he...
Bill is out campaigning with Hillary...
they stop for lunch in a small diner and when Bill orders, he says, "I'll have a quickie."
The waitress giggles and Hillary glares, but says nothing.
The next day, at lunch in a diner, Bill orders: "I'll have a quickie." Same response.
The third day, Bill ordering lunch say...
What happens when Trump gets “jinx” called on him by the Vice President while campaigning in Florida?
He has to buy Mike Pensacola.
While walking down the street one day, a senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed.
His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let ...
A Politician Dies And Has To Spend Just ONE Day In Hell
A politician dies and ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.
"So, you're a politician..."
"Well, yes, is that a problem?"
"Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for p...
Well, Since You Ask
A politician was visited a nursing home while campaigning. He met an old lady in the lounge area and found that she was 105 years old. “Well that’s remarkable!” he said to her. “You look beautiful and so healthy. Have you ever been bedridden?”
She blushed and replied, “Oh, my yes! Many...
A true story that my history teacher told me
President Calvin Coolidge was famous for barely talking at all and not speaking to anyone. While campaigning, a woman encountered him on the street and excitedly said “Mr. President! My friend bet me $20 that I could get you to say three words!” Coolidge simply responded “You lose”
Mike Pence and Donald Trump walk into a steakhousehouse...
After a long night of campaigning in Nebraska Donald Trump and Mike Pence end up at Outback Steakhouse, where they are seated alone.
The waiter approaches with pen and pad, and asks "What can I get for you gentlemen tonight?"
"I'll take the New York Strip, well done. Can't stand the s...
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