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Why do the election results take so long?

It’s a race between two 70+ year old men. What do you expect?

The best part about being Russian, is getting to vote in American elections.

Which is nice, because we never get to vote in our own.

Why did Trump play golf after the election ?

Because that’s where the winner has the lowest score.

The reason Nevada doesn’t have any election results yet is

If you count in Vegas, you get kicked out

If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States

If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States

This is not a political post, I just want to travel

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says,

'So, Daddy, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a 16 hour driv...

As a Syrian, I don't know why America is taking so long to get a definitive result from their election.

We know our results months in advance!

A vegan bitcoin investor who does CrossFit and didn't vote in the 2016 election walks into a bar.

Now everyone's wondering what he's gonna bring up first.

A man walks into the Election Office.....

and says to the receptionist: "I would like to put my name forward for the forthcoming elections to be an Independent candidate."

The receptionist replied: "Certainly, sir. Please fill in this form.''

He was filling the form until he came to the question - ''Are you circumcised?'' So...

I guess things really are upside-down in Australia

A conservative lost an election and actually conceded.

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What is common between election and erection?

A dick rising to power.

Biden runs for re-election in 2024.

He promises it will be a great first term.

I wish my college professors graded papers like Trump 'wins' elections

\*Professor grading my test\*

Well he got the first couple questions right looks like I can stop grading the rest.

I was going to post a joke about free and fair elections....

But I’m not sure the Americans will get it.

"Ugh, I hate this time of month," she said. "It's like I've got the 2000 election in my pants..."

"Cause there's Bush and there's Gore.

Why is bribery illegal in election?

Because you actually get what you were promised.

How much time does it take a politician to change a lightbulb?

4 years

They have to wait until election season before they can get anything done.

Library patron: Can I get the book on Kyrsten Sinema's re-election?

Librarian: Is this a joke?
Library Patron: Yeah, that's the one.

I don't care what the liberal media says about the election. Come January, my national leader isn't going to change, and his name starts with T, R, and U.

It's Justin Trudeau. I'm Canadian.

The U.S. election results delay is pathetic

In Egypt, we know who won before the elections.

I’ve just time travelled from next week to tell you who won the election

It was the rich, old white guy

Waiting for election results is like waiting for a grade on a group project.

I know I did my part right, but I am worried the rest of you screwed it up.

On her death bed, the Sheriff's wife confesses that she cheated on him three times, but swears it was always for a good reason. He asks what happened,

and she says, "Well, the first time, remember when Dr. Smith said he we couldn't afford the operation, and then he changed his mind and did it for free?" He says yes, and forgives her. "And the second time, do you remember when our boy got a DUI, and the judge let him off with probation?" He says ye...

How do you tell the difference between a fully vaccinated person and an unvaccinated person if they aren't wearing a mask?

Ask them who won the election.

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The 2016 US Presidential Election

That's it. That's the entire fucking joke.

Question: Who is the Governor of California after Yesterday's Election?

Answer: We can't recall.

How can you know for sure whether someone is really vaccinated?

Ask them who won the election.

Why does Warsaw get nervous during its neighbor's election season?

Because of Germans rushing to the polls!

The election of Vladimir Putin will commence in a few days

Citizens will be asked to choose between Putin and the firing squad.

As of now, 80% of the population approve of him.

>!The rest 20% are missing!<

Why is Donald Trump actually angry about the election outcome?

It's a loss he **can't** write off on his tax returns.

two hardcore trump supporters die and ascend to heaven.

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions.
One of them says, “yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?”.

God says, "my son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232”.

Afte...

I'm still undecided for the upcoming election...

But I've narrowed my choices down to Mexico or Canada based on moving costs.

There was clear fraud and cheating in the 2020 United States Presidential election

and despite cheating, Trump still lost!

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What's worse than inciting insurrection to overturn a democratic election?

Lying about a blowjob, apparently.

The 2020 election results are in!

Oh sorry, this is just for us Russians.

What kind of leader do Indians look for in election?

A currysmatic leader

What did the Republicans do when Obama won the election 2 times in a row?

They pulled out their Trump card

Donald Trump claims he won the election by a landslide

How else would you describe his campaign other than a ‘natural disaster’?

Covid is not a joke and should be taken seriously

A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards, he wrongly believed he'd won an election he actually lost by millions of votes.

After the election, I'm moving to Greenwich, England

I don't know what I'll do in the mean time.

Breaking News: Supreme court has ruled that basic intelligence tests for Election voting is Discriminatory.

The judge said that it is unfair to block all Republicans from voting.

It’s 294 days after the US Election...

...Biden has progressed to 269.99 electoral votes, and Nevada has discovered 26 million uncounted postal votes that were discovered on ‘Storage Wars’. More updates coming soon.

As they say during election season in Transylvania...

Every Count Votes

I know who is gonna win the US election

Not the american people

Don't let this election distract you...

From the fact that Slytherin blew a 472 to 312 point lead to Gryffindor for the House Cup during the trophy presentation ceremony at Hogwarts back in 1992.

Maybe we should start believing Donald Trump about election fraud

Because nobody knows more about fraud than donald trump.

A politician visits a rural area to gain appeal for the upcoming elections

He schedules a meeting with the local leaders to discuss problems the town has been experiencing so that he could provide help and solutions.

"Governor, our town has been experiencing two big problems," says one of the leaders

The politician pounds his table, "Ok tell me what they are,...

What do you call an election ballot in mexico?







pick-o-de-guy-o

Greek vs. Italian

Two old men are arguing about the history and the splendors of Athens and Rome.

The Greek man says "Look, all I'm saying is that the Greeks invented everything the Romans get credit for!"

The Italian says "Yes, may be, but the Romans improved it and made it useful!"

The Greek...

Putin and the Journalist

With the Russian Elections coming up, a reporter asks Russian President Vladimir Putin a question at a press conference.

"With Hillary Clinton almost becoming president, and Kamala Harris being elected the Vice President in the United States, do you think that a Russian woman could ever rise ...

There were two Qanon believers who were absolutely convinced that Trump won the 2020 election

They were traveling together and were killed in a traffic accident. When they got to heaven, God met them and told them that he’d reveal anything about Earthly life they’d always wanted to know. They asked him how Biden stole the 2020 election. God looked kindly upon them and said, “Biden didn’t ste...

Shhhh, Want to know the secret of how Biden won the election?

He got more votes.

This 2020 Presidential election reminds me of the 2000 election....

But a lot less Gore-y

After the losing party refuses to accept election results, a country is teetering on the edge of a civil war.

Armed insurgents invade the capitol, threaten violence and are ultimately overpowered. But intelligence shows that they may be planning another attack.

The country’s leaders ask for advice in how to handle the violence.

The winning party yells “Impeach the outgoing president during...

Psychiatrist: So how long have you believed in reincarnation?

Ever since the last election.

Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote

Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn't want to look suspicious

No matter who wins the election

Oklahoma will be OK

If your election lasts more than 48 hours,

consult a physician.

I was going to make a joke about the result of the US election

But I don't think you would ever get it

If Donald trump knew the Democrats we're going to rig the election months ago and still couldn't stop them

Does that make their plan fool proof?

Apparently Monica Lewinsky didn’t vote for Hillary Clinton this election.

She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

If Trump loses the election at least he’ll get a movie deal

The Lyin’ King

What is the only thing that if you fix you make it worse?

Elections

How do you properly milk a flock of sheep?

Tell them the election was stolen, then ask for money.

I'm upset about the election

SNL will have to go back to political satire instead of news.

Why did the block of cheese run in the US presidential election?

Because he wanted to make America grate again.

My wife is a lot like the general election...

She only comes once every 4 years.

Las Vegas will decide the presidential election

What are the odds?

Donald Trump still doesn’t realize that he has lost the 2020 Presidential Election.

Things like this become obvious when the writing is on the wall, but the wall was never finished.

How many insurrectionists does it take to change an election?

Apparently more than that.

This election is crazy.

One candidate has a Trump card. The other is just Biden his time. There's a lot of Harrisment between the the two of them and I don't think it looks good on either of them, that's just my 2 Pence though.

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What's the difference between an erection and an election?

One involves only one dick, and the other involves many.

Even after losing the election and his image, what is the one thing Trump still hasn’t lost?

His weight.

Biden and Trump compete against each other in an election. Who loses?

The American people

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The REAL winner of this election is...

WEED!

It may not be funny but I'm laughing my ass off.

I’m nineteen and won’t vote in this upcoming election. Here’s why:

I’m Swedish

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Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven...

God: welcome to the St. Peter's Gates. With my omniscient knowledge, I can tell you anything you wish to know.

Conspiracy Theorist 1: Who won the 2020 US Presidential Election?

God: Joseph R. Biden

Conspiracy Theorist 2: \*Looks at his friend\* shit dude, this goes even deeper t...

What's the only truly accurate way to determine if someone's been vaxed against Coivd-19?

Ask them who won the election.

With the election coming up Tuesday, Exit polls show Donald Trump having a 300 point lead in one state...

Dementia.

Trump is missing in action since the election, where is he?

Shredding documents

What's the difference between the Special Olympics and the 2020 US election?

~~Everyone cheers the winners of the Special Olympics.~~

Venue.

It's that time of the year when many Americans go around in public pretending to be something they're not, with many choosing to appear as monsters and ghouls. But enough about the elections, it's also Halloween.

But enough about the elections, it's also Halloween.

If Kanye West actually won the US Election and became the president, I think he would turn America into a communist nation.

Because he believes no one man should have all that power.

The election is finally over!

Let “Bye, Dons” be “Bye, Dons”!!!

Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election?

Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

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What's the medical term for an asshole transplant?

An election.

Joke about it all you want, but Rudy Giuliani is prepared to fight election fraud all the way up to the Supreme ...

... Courtyard by Marriott

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As the election is getting closer..

It's important to make sure your Viagra says "Made in the USA".

We don't want foreign countries meddling in our erections.

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There was an election inside a body. The brain said "without me this body loses control, i am the coordinator, so i should be the president"

The lungs objected "if we stop working you all die in a few minutes, we should be the ones who rule".

The heart sneered "if i stop, you will die within a few seconds, i am the president."

The ass exclaimed "I am the most vital organ, you don't get it, but i will show you" and the ass ...

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Walking home after a blowout Election Day party.

Two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wi...

How many Bernie Sanders supporters does it take to win a primary election?

Trick question. They can't win, because they don't vote.

Trump Advisor: "You should't have called Putin to congratulate him on winning a sham election...."

Trump: "Why not? He called to congratulate me!"

Why did Ronald lose the election?

People thought his elect Ron campaign was too negative.

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I'm starting to think this election is really sexist

Pundents are constantly going on and on about Male ballots, and I haven't heard a single mention of Female ballots!

Drains on society

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "You know, this past election year has really got me thinking. Did you know 4 million of these people enter our country each year? They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hard-working Americans and the government ...

No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic.

We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president.

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