I’m nineteen and won’t vote in this upcoming election. Here’s why:

I’m Swedish

I've decided that I will not vote in the next election for the following reasons, please hear me out.





I'm 14

Obama once visited North Korea and he asked Kim Yong Un: "Do you ever have elections?" (NSFW)

Kim replied: "Yes I have elections evely molning!"

A non-partisan election joke! Not Republican or Democrat

Since we're at the end of the presidential campaign, I figured some political humor might be in store. The following is a funny and true story shared with me by KC Williams who teaches AP Government at Santa Fe High School. In one of KC's classes, they were discussing the qualifications to be presid...

The 2020 election results are in!

Oh sorry, this is just for us Russians.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This must be the place where the US election happen

Because they have a fucking joke of a president.

I can’t believe they’re considering an all mail election...

...females worked so hard to get voting rights

Why are strippers good at elections?

Because they know how to work the pole.

As election season ramps up, I'd like for us to take a moment and Pray for our President.

Psalm 109:8.

The papal elections came down to two contenders:

Cardinal Koch and Cardinal Sea. The votes were tallied and Cardinal Koch won by 1 vote. However, moments later, Koch suffered a massive heart attack.

The Dean came out of the room where they took Koch. He looked at the assembled cardinals. They asked, “Will we have Pope Koch?”. The Dean shook...

How many Bernie Sanders supporters does it take to win a primary election?

Trick question. They can't win, because they don't vote.

Latest Fox News election poll shows Trump way ahead ...

... in all 87 states.

The 2020 election might be full of great choices

Like which elderly racist New York businessman to vote for.

Why did the Three Stooges win the election?

They had Moementum

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Greek man and an old Italian man are arguing. The Greek man says "Look, all I'm saying is that the Greeks invented everything the Romans get credit for!"

The Italian says "Yes, may be, but the Romans improved it and made it useful!"

The Greek man says "We invented the Democracy!"

The Italian says "We realized the challenge of direct elections and the benefit of the legislature, and thus created the Republic!"

The Greek man says "...

We’ll probably see an uptick in write in votes for “Shakira’s hips” during this years election.

They - for one - at least do not lie

If Trump wins the election, Mexicans be like..

[removed]

Following are the options of the north korean elections

A:Kim Jong Un
B:A
C:B
D:C

Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote

Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn't want to look suspicious

Someone just asked me, "Who do you think will win the 2020 Presidential Election?"

I said, I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision.

Did you hear the one about the Senator who won his election despite not having thumbs?

He ran unopposed.

There was an election amongst the elements of the periodic table and Iron voted for Zinc...

... because Zinc was able to galvanize Iron.

If lawyers are disbarred and priests are defrocked, then...

Electricians are delighted

Corpses are decrypted

Cowboys are deranged

Models are deposed

Underwear models are debriefed

Dry cleaners are depressed, decreased and depleted

Jilted women are debrided

HVAC technicians are deducted

Tennis linemen ar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It seems like the world is ending these days

We’ve got all this awful shit just falling from the sky. Climate change, global pandemics, economic crashes, Australian wildfire, elections, Kobe Bryant,

What do you call a multiple choice quiz in Russia?

An election.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Election and Erection are almost spelled the same....

They also mean the same thing... A dick rising to power

I say this next election we learn from our mistakes in the past and try to move forward to a brighter tomorrow. This election vote...

Hindsight 2020

It’s important to look closely at lawn signs during election campaigns

Last time I voted for a real estate agent

Whats the difference between a presidential election and a nascar race?

In nascar they wear their sponsors on their shirts.

Congratulations to Justin Trudeau on the results of the Canadian Election

He always did want to be a minority.

People say Bernie Sanders isn’t a Democrat...

But what’s more like a Democrat than winning the popular vote and losing an election?

Voting in the election is similar to this sub

the same speech will win, but there’s always a different face to it

I’m from a future where Trump won re-election and solved Global Warming

Just a heads up though, nuclear winter is a bit chilly.

I'm appalled that the quadriplegic society won't allow me to run in their presidential election

I won't stand for it!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and Adolf Hitler?

Hitler won an election.

What if Jagmet Singh won the election

and it was actually Justin Trudeau all along.

Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election?

Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

After the Russian election Putin meets with his staff

Staff: “Sir Comrade Vlad, we have got good news and bad news for you.”

Putin: “I’m not scared of bad news, I’ve wrestled bears, tigers and a small rhino with my bare Russian hands. Hit me!”

Staff: “Your opponent got 51% of the votes.”

Putin: “That is terrible news! What on earth...

Trump chats with russians

Trump: Hey Russia, have you heard about rigma?

Russia: No, what’s rigma?

Trump: RIGMA ELECTION

Trump Advisor: "You should't have called Putin to congratulate him on winning a sham election...."

Trump: "Why not? He called to congratulate me!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between an erection and an election?

An erection is what a man needs to achieve first to fuck his partner.


An election is what a politician needs to achieve first to fuck his people.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Elections are like trying to sculpt a beautiful sculpture out of shit

You start out with shit and by the end of the day it's still shit

What do Chinese do when they have an election?

They go to their spouse.

What are you called when you're rich and in a hurry to rig the U.S. election?

A Russian Oligarch.

How many Russians does it take to make Hillary Clinton lose an election?

None

Putin recently won the election with about 77 percent of the vote,

Over the next few weeks Russia will see a 23 percent population decrease.

2024 Election

Kanye delaying his 2020 presidential bid to 2024.



That's the whole joke.

No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic.

We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president.

Donald Trump, Bernie Sanders and kid from the make a wish foundation are on a plane.

Suddenly, the pilot comes bursting from the cabin with what appears to be a parachute on.
“The engine is gone and we’re minutes from crashing so grab a chute and follow me.
The captain opens the door and takes a leap from the plane. Bernie runs across the plane to grab a parachute but sees t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This election has been a bit like watching porn...

The hype was fun but now it's over I'm disgusted by what I'm watching.

A Tv-crew is sent to interview a farmer before the election.

"Could you please share with our viewers, how has the past year been for you?"

"Well, you know I can't complain. I had a very good harvest of wheat, so my family definitely won't go hungry. My vegetable patches brought in amazing organic crops, I was able to sell those at a good profit. And ...

Why did Donald Trump win 2016 election?

Because "Deez Nuts" isn't a valid candidate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was once a really smart bee.

Ever since he was little, he had always wanted more than the simple, boring lives led by his fellow bees. After a few years, he left his job, his hive, and his family behind, in search of a better life.
He flew for hours until he came to a small Virginia town, on the edge of a forest. He landed, ...

Two pirates were aboard the Queen Anne's Revenge discussing the upcoming pirate captain's election

One says to the other: "Arrr matey, I'll give ye my clear glass eye if ye give me yer vote for captain tomorrow."

The other considers the proposal for a moment, then squeezes his fake wooden eye out of its socket, throws it overboard, spits on his hand and offers it to the first pirate.
...

let robots vote like any other person

so they wont have to manipulate elections through social networks

A politician walks into a small town...

An election campaign politician visits a small town and asks the mayor what problems do they have. He replies that they have two problems. The first one is that they have a hospital but they don't have a doctor.

The politician takes out his mobile phone, makes a call and discusses for a while...

A man owns an elections store

One day, another electronics store opens up beside him with a massive sign proclaiming "Best deals"

In the afternoon of the same day another electronics store opens up on the other side with a ginormous sign claiming "lowest prices"

The man is worried until he has a brilliant idea. The...

Donald Trump and the Chinese president are in a meeting.

Trump asks: why don't you have elections in your country?
The Chinese president: I have election evly molning

I don't get people who try to predict the next US presidential election

I mean, do they think they have 2020 vision?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the difference between sex and US Presidental elections?

In sex,the decision to choose the cunt or the asshole is a pleasure

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The worst part of this election...

...isn't that Donald Trump won, but that fucking Amy Schumer is reneging on her promise to leave the country.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The change of position over time is velocity

The change of velocity over time is acceleration.
The change of acceleration over time is a jerk.
The change of a jerk over time is an election.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Xi Jinping has ordered 500 tons of Viagra for the people of China.

He heard it makes elections haldel.

She was a Corbynite Labour activist, and he was a tenth-generation Tory

But in spite of their political differences, they found each other irresistible, and after a whirlwind romance, they arranged the wedding for a romantic day in the run-up to Christmas.

As it turned out, there was a surprise call for a General Election and their mid-week wedding day coincided ...

What do you call a Bee that tries to interfere with an election?

A Cagey Bee.

If Steve Jobs was still alive and a presidential candidate, he would have won the 2016 Election...

But let's not compare Apples to Oranges.

Donald Trump, Hilary Clinton, Obama, and a little girl are on a crashing plane wit only 3 parachutes...

Hilary Clinton says, ” I'm off to win the next election, ” takes a parachute, and jumps off. Donald Trump says, ”I’m better than you fools, you're fired, ” picks one up, and jumps off. Obama says to the girl, ” you are our future, you take the last parachute.” The girl responds with, ”no, we both ...

I lost the election to a pair of socks.

I can taste defeat.

Why did Ronald lose the election?

People thought his elect Ron campaign was too negative

Putin recently won the Russian election with a 76.6% majority...

Oddly enough 23.4% of Russian citizens were found poisoned a few days afterwards

Who is going to win tonight's presidential election?

The Voyager Probe, speeding away from Earth at 38,000 mph.

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