Political Jokes

Karl Marx is a historically famous philosopher and political theorist,

but very few people know about his sister,

Onya, the inventor of the starter pistol.

I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint

You have to say

Leroy, please paint that wall

Recent political joke circulating in China

Three men who don’t know each other sits in a prison cell. Each explains why he was arrested.

The first man said: “I opposed covid testing.”

The second man said: “I supported covid testing.”

The third man said: “I administered the covid tests.”

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A British spy goes undercover in America and tries to infiltrate the political ranks.

To get into politics, he has to pass an oral exam.

Examiner: When did the USA gain independence?
Spy: July 4, 1776

\- Good. How many continents are there?
\- Easy peasy, seven.
\- Damn, you're good. Which continent is Turkey in?
\- Technically, Turkey...

I read on Facebook there is a Canadian political party leader that everyone loves

It's probably not tru-deau

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Not for the easily offended - my favourite politically incorrect joke...

Man is walking through park. He sees a girl in a wheelchair crying.
"What's wrong?" man asks.
"Never been kissed before" girl says.
Man kisses her and she goes home happy.

Next day man walking through same park. Sees girl in wheelchair again crying.
"What's wrong?...

A Chinese political joke based on recent Chinese political affairs

In a CCP high profile officials meeting.

Xi: let’s vote on the announcement why Foreign Minister Qin Gang suddenly disappeared. Those who don’t agree with the announcement that Qin committed suicide, please hands up.

After counting the votes.

Xi: Qin, put your hand down.

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Political joke

A boy asks his father:

What is politics?

Father answers:

It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business . Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.

Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law...

How do you begin a politically incorrect joke?

President Ben Franklin walks into a bar...

Have you heard about the political party that’s using really good weed to promote their political views and opinions?

It’s propaganja.

I hate political jokes

And it disgusts me that two are running for president.

I'd make a political joke but it would just end up being elected president

Ba Dum Tss

I used to really enjoy political jokes...

Unfortunately, too many of them got elected.

The eclipse did two things our political leaders cannot.

It slowed global warming and gave us all something to look up to

Joke I heard on a Russian political discussion show.

Do honest politicians exist?
Of course! But they are the most expensive!

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Politically Correct joke

It's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority so:

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Dutch, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Chinese, a Jap, a Pakistani, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Portugese, a Rus...

In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes (old Soviet joke)

"What did they arrest you for?" asks the first. "Was it a political or common crime?"

"Of course it was political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.' So they gave me seven ...

A political party promising free beer are currently third in the polls in Austria...

A tonic wine party was tried in Scotland, but people thought it was a con, with the organisers just trying to make a Buckfast

If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States

If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States

This is not a political post, I just want to travel

You know why fish are so political?

They are always taking debate.

An old political joke from Imperial Russia (reign of Nicholas II)

A man yells in the street: "Nicholas is a moron!". He is taken away by the police on charges of lese majeste (insulting the monarch). He tells the policemen "Please let me go, I meant another Nicholas!". The police chief replies: "Do not lie. If you said 'moron', you certainly meant the Czar!"

Why do political parties hate organised crime?

They don't like voter competition.

Political correctness gone mad.

I can't even refer to my own child as my disabled son.

Apparently it's my "daughter."

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Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...

Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.

Why is the political discussion in Alabama so respectful among the entire population?

It's all relative.

Three political prisoners sit in a gulag prison...

One of the men asks the other, "What are you in for?"

He responds, "I opposed Comrade Popov in 1937. What about you?"

The first man replies "I supported Comrade Popov in 1938. How about you?" he asks the third man

The third man says "I am Comrade Popov."

Have you heard about the rising political tensions between yogurt and penicillin? One side is probiotic, and the other is antibiotic.

They're calling it a culture war.

What's the worst thing about a political joke?

They usually get elected

A political science joke

I got quasi-federal with your mom last night.

It was both a coming together and holding each other federation.

In America, prison reform is a political issue.

In Russia, political reform is a prison issue.

Fast & Furious : The politically correct edition

Fast 10 - The seatbelts

Political speeches are like steer horns: a point here, a point there,

and a lot of bull in between.

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A Republican and a Democrat end up as neighbors

Every single day they have fights for their political beliefs in which they spiral out of control. As the years goes by they hate each other more and more.

One day the Republican(John) has a terrible car accident right in front of the Democrats(Mike) house.

Mike!! he yells. Come qui...

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A political joke that makes everyone laugh.

One day, North Korea decides that they wish to invade America by destroying it from the inside. They decided to scrap the idea when they realized that there is an entire political party already trying to do that.

Current political meetings

Ministers said to have considered three options during yesterday's cabinet meeting, thought to be Stilton, Wensleydale and Brie.

I just finished a book in braille that said communism was the best political system

I mean it didn’t say it directly, but I could feel between the lines.

Political joke good joke

A politician is visiting a local school.

In one class, he asks the students if anyone could give him an example of a ‘tragedy’. Mohan stands up and says, ‘If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy.’

‘...

I hate all the political correctness in recent years.

I can't even say "black paint" anymore, I have to say "hey Jamal, would you please go paint that fence over there?"

How did the philosopher commit political suicide?

He jumped out of the Overton window.

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As a country, we should treat our bickering political parties like how we treat our bickering children

Instead of siding with one or the other, we should yell, “IF YOU TWO KEEP *FUCKING* FIGHTING, I’M TURNING THIS *GODDAMN* CAR RIGHT AROUND!”

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A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.

You need to be a complete dick.

Q: What do you call a flowers political structure?

A: Pollentics

(Please don’t kill me, I made this when I was 11 after a 8 hour plane ride. I was delirious.)

Hey guys, So next week my sister is graduating with a degree in political science. I decided I want to get a bunch of political Jokes together to tell at her grad party.

If anyone has any good political Jokes please let me know. Thanks!

Why is the Z the only politically-correct letter?

Because all the other letters are not-Z's.

Two political rivals are out hunting

For publicity...
One of them falls out of his spot high in a tree.
The other one calls 911 and says “I think my friend, my dear old friend has died!”
The operator then says “you need to check to make sure he’s...”

He interrupts and responds “okay hold on.....<bang!>”

Oka...

Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.

The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.

After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and ...

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How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers ...

What do you call a failed political campaign?

An **elect**ile dysfunction.

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Political opinions are like penises

It's fine to be proud of it, just don't take it out in public or try to force it down someone else's throat.

Political Joke

Bernie Sanders: Hey Trump. Wanna hear a joke?

Trump: Sure

Bernie: A second presidential term

Trump: I don’t get it.

Bernie: Exactly.

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Bit of a political

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your ...

What's the difference between rednecks and a political advisor?

Some hicks got the president into the White House, and another Hicks got him out.

How do you define political correctness?

Carefully.

Which European political leader likes to write at sea?

Marine Le Pen

A political joke for both sides:

Joe Biden has forgotten more about governing than Trump ever learned.

Politically charged joke. Knock Knock

Who's there?

Putin.

Putin who?

Putin a doorbell I'm tired of knocking.

This is not a political joke.

Ha ha, you took "de" bate.

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How are my political preferences and my dick similar?

They both lean a little to the left.

Chrome is too political for me

It has a feature that closes all the tabs that belong to the right

Political joke competition in the USSR

Grand prize: 15 years

A band of russian friend are in their hotel room, joking about Stalin’s regime and cracking political jokes.

Worried that they were going too far, Sasha decides to play a practical joke on his pals and lighten the mood a bit. He slips downstairs to the lobby and asks the receptionist for an orange juice to be brought to room 304.

When he comes back to the room, he tells his friends “Guys, stop playi...

How does Putin refer to his greatest political allies?

The creme de la Kremlin

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What's the difference between 100,000 political jokes and a kid falling off a bike.

I still laugh every time I see a kid fall off a bike....
(For real this shit just ain't funny anymore fellas.)

I just read some great political news today!...

...Arizona, Georgia and North Carolina have all projected that they will probably have the 2020 ballots counted in time for the 2024 presidential election.

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What's the difference between a political convention and porn?

In porn, the dicks don't talk.

Hipsters

I had the joy of meeting a couple of hipsters today, and they yelled at me for making fun of them. Apparently the politically correct term is "conjoined twins".

I won the first place in the Political Correctness Quiz contest..

To be fair,so did everyone else...

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Why did Hitler win every political race?

Because he's the fascist

What would Hemingway call our current political nightmare?

Old men and disease

Comrade Putin, is it true that you collect political jokes?

Putin: "Yes"

Me: And how many have you collected so far?

Putin:
“Three and a half prisons”

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What do you call the extremes in the political spectrum?

Political Rectums

Example sentence: It’s impossible to have a civilized discussion with Tim, he is too far right/left up in the Political Rectum.

I hate when political candidates put their signs up in my front yard..

Who the hell is Foreclosure?

[just wrote this one] Political Massage

So I went to this masseur. Great reputation. People say he’s good with his hands.

We get down to business, and he starts asking me about politics.

He asks, “So are you for states or against states? You’ll get a different massage depending on your answer.”

I guess he’s probably a...

l already suspected on my drive to the Political left convention that l wouldn’t be welcome

I was right.

Turkish Political Humor

Current Turkish gallows humour: A prisoner goes to the prison library, asks for a specific book. The guard tells him, "we don't have that book... but we do have the author." From Moshik_Temkin on Twitter

What’s the most attention grabbing way to advertise a political candidate?

Poll dancing

Why did the chicken cross the political aisle?

To distance itself from the Trump administration.

Politically correct

I identify as as a comedian
My pronouns are HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE

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