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A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.

You need to be a complete dick.

l already suspected on my drive to the Political left convention that l wouldn’t be welcome

I was right.

I took a political test and it was very traumatizing

I think they call it the pro-state exam?

Personally, I am against political jokes.

They get elected to office too often.

Why is the Z the only politically-correct letter?

Because all the other letters are not-Z's.

Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.

The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.

After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and ...

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Politically Correct joke

It's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority so:

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Dutch, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Chinese, a Jap, a Pakistani, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Portugese, a Rus...

Politically charged joke. Knock Knock

Who's there?


Putin.


Putin who?


Putin a doorbell I'm tired of knocking.

In light of recent political tensions, please refrain from wishing Putin falls into a vat of concrete.

That would set a very dangerous president.

PSA: the term “Hipsters” is politically incorrect and is considered an offensive slur in many circles

Please use the medically-recommended term “conjoined twins” instead.

I won the first place in the Politically correct quiz contest

To be fair, so did the rest of them

Karl Marx is a historically famous philosopher and political theorist,

but very few people know about his sister,

Onya, the inventor of the starter pistol.

Political dad joke.

What did the United States say when Russia annexed Ukraine's peninsula?

Ohh, Crimea River.

Aliens arrive on earth

And all political and religious leaders line up to meet with them.

Finally it's the Pope's turn, and he asks them about Jesus.

P: "So have you heard about Jesus?"

A: "Yeah! Nice guy, comes to visit every year!"

The Pope is puzzled by this, and he replies "that's weird, ...

How did the philosopher commit political suicide?

He jumped out of the Overton window.

Current political meetings

Ministers said to have considered three options during yesterday's cabinet meeting, thought to be Stilton, Wensleydale and Brie.

Which European political leader likes to write at sea?

Marine Le Pen

The problem with the American two-party system is that everyone agrees one political party is stupid and the other party is evil

But they violently disagree about which one is which.

Three political prisoners sit in a gulag prison...

One of the men asks the other, "What are you in for?"

He responds, "I opposed Comrade Popov in 1937. What about you?"

The first man replies "I supported Comrade Popov in 1938. How about you?" he asks the third man

The third man says "I am Comrade Popov."

A political science joke

I got quasi-federal with your mom last night.





It was both a coming together and holding each other federation.

What are the two most disruptive words you can say on stage at a political rally?

"Hey Siri"

Q: What do you call a flowers political structure?

A: Pollentics

(Please don’t kill me, I made this when I was 11 after a 8 hour plane ride. I was delirious.)

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How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers ...

What do you call a failed political campaign?

An **elect**ile dysfunction.

You know why fish are so political?

They are always taking debate.

A hotel in Soviet Russia

And, as usual, since there isn't enough space available (ok, the other rooms are in even worse condition and the stoves ain't working, but I didn't tell you that) three men have to share a room. Two of them start drinking vodka and telling political jokes, laughing and joking all night while the thi...

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A Labour politician, a BBC TV reporter and a British SAS soldier were captured by ISIS...

They were, as usual, sentenced to death by beheading.

Unexpectedly, the ISIS leader said they could have one last request before their sentence was carried out...

The Labour politician asked to hear a rendering of "Keep the Red Flag Flying Here".

The BBC TV reporter asked that t...

What's the difference between a car's rear bumper and a Facebook page?

One is a terrible place to express complex political opinion, and the other protects the rear of a car by absorbing shock in the event of an accident.

With Biden declared the winner, regardless of what side of the political spectrum you’re on, I think we can all safely say...

Thanks, Obama.

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A jew visits a brothel

He talks to the guy at reception:

- Hello, I want to see Samantha.

- One moment sir.

A beautiful young woman comes downstairs.

-Have you asked for me?

- Yes, I want to spend the night with you.

- Alright but my service is a bit expensive. $1000 for a night....

Two political rivals are out hunting

For publicity...
One of them falls out of his spot high in a tree.
The other one calls 911 and says “I think my friend, my dear old friend has died!”
The operator then says “you need to check to make sure he’s...”

He interrupts and responds “okay hold on.....<bang!>”

Oka...

I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint

You have to say

Leroy, please paint that wall

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How is Putin like Hitler's father?

They both should have pulled out sooner.
___

I think of it as a Dad Joke, even though, this is more of a r/riddle. They don't allow political ones, there. Sorry.

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What's the difference between 100,000 political jokes and a kid falling off a bike.

I still laugh every time I see a kid fall off a bike....
(For real this shit just ain't funny anymore fellas.)

I won the first place in the Political Correctness Quiz contest..

To be fair,so did everyone else...

In a recent interview, Vladimir Putin was accused of poisoning political opponents, including Alexei Navalny.

"This is complete nonsense!" Replied Putin,
"I have never considered anyone an opponent!"

What’s the most attention grabbing way to advertise a political candidate?

Poll dancing

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Old World War II political joke my granddad told me when I was a kid.

I'll try to retell it exactly as he told it to me when I was about seven or so.

>There's this intersection with a four way stop. Four cars displaying reichstag flags approach the intersection. You know, like those official flags the president's got, except they got the kraut eagle and car...

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How are my political preferences and my dick similar?

They both lean a little to the left.

What's the difference between rednecks and a political advisor?

Some hicks got the president into the White House, and another Hicks got him out.

Two men were talking one day and one mentioned he was visiting the USSR.

The friend tells him that it's politically rough over there and that they check letters leaving the country for dissenters. So, he instructs the man to use a code - write in black ink if everything is fine and red ink if things are bad. The man goes to the USSR and a few weeks later the friend gets ...

A recent poll found that just over 40% of Americans consider themselves political pundits.

This is interesting, because the same poll found that just under 15% of Americans know what the word pundit means.

[LIGHTLY POLITICAL] North Korea is a horrible nation to its citizens, why can't it be more like South Korea?

Because North Korea has no Seoul.

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What do you call the extremes in the political spectrum?

Political Rectums

Example sentence: It’s impossible to have a civilized discussion with Tim, he is too far right/left up in the Political Rectum.

A political door-to-door poller asked me how I would feel about America moving further to the right.

I said "Well, if nothing else, it'll make flights to Europe shorter."

How did a Chinese guy end up with a Tamil name

I recently met a Chinese man in Toronto and got to know that his name was Kandaswami.

I asked him, "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"

He said -"Many, many years ago when I first went to Canada, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter......

If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States

If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States

This is not a political post, I just want to travel

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Siamese twins walk into a bar in Australia...

Siamese twins walk into a bar in Australia and park themselves on a bar stool.
One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Fosters beers, draft please."
The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pour...

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What's the difference between a political convention and porn?

In porn, the dicks don't talk.

Comrade Putin, is it true that you collect political jokes?

Putin: "Yes"

Me: And how many have you collected so far?

Putin:
“Three and a half prisons”

I used to really enjoy political jokes...

Unfortunately, too many of them got elected.

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