UPJOKE
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A man goes to the doctor because it burns when he pees.

When the doctor walks in the man notices how buff he is. This doctor is SWOLE.

The exam begins and after some time the muscular physician cannot stop bringing up the weather.

"Hotter than normal this time of year, don't you think?"

"There's a storm coming in this weekend."
<...

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Do you know why chicken breasts are so meaty?

They are always working on their pecks.

A Boy Named Meaty

There once was a boy named Meaty. He was wrong about everything. In school his teacher would ask "Meaty, what's 1+1?" Meaty would answer, "11!" The teacher would respond, "Meaty, you're wrong." But Meaty didn't give up easily. He always raised his hand and gave his best answer, and his teachers woul...

A knight and a wizard encounter a dragon.

Near the end of the battle, the dragon breathes fire at the knight, taking 2,199 of his 2,200 HP. The wizard uses 10 of his last 15 MP and deals 200 damage. The dragon, only having 199 HP left, dies and the knight and wizard are victorious.

The knight's remaining 1 HP starts fading. The wizar...

I cooked dinner last night.

It was gumbo I made with only sausage and okra. It wasn't good or bad .

It was meaty okra.

What do you call a fat weatherman that sees a lot of genitalia?

A Meaty Urologist.

A young cowboy walks into a dirty old Cafe in Montana.

He takes a seat at the counter and notices an old cowboy next to him with his arms crossed staring blankly at a full bowl of meaty chili.

A few minutes go by and the young cowboy gets the courage to speak up "Sir, if you ain't gonna eat that would you mind if I did?"

"It's all yours f...

What do you call a buff guy who predicts the weather and can treat a UTI?

A meaty urologist.





BONUS (courtesy of my girlfriend)



What do call someone who's available 24/7 and treats cancer?

An always oncologist.

2 Mexican gang members...

Carlos and Pepe; are lost in the desert after a drug deal gone wrong...

After days wandering aimlessly, Pepe finds a tree covered in pork. Bacon of all kinds and thicknesses, gammon, sausages and pulled pork hanging in place of leaves.

Not wanting to waste energy on what could potentia...

What do you call an overweight kidney doctor who can also predict the weather?

A meaty-urologist

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Nine medical tests you can do yourself.

Wander into the back garden and piss on your neighbor’s fence (again).

If it dries quickly, you have high sodium (salt) levels and pending heart problems.

If it attracts ants your sugar level is too high and you might be diabetic.

If your piss is dark and of limited quantity, yo...

What's the difference between a pork chop and a small rock entering Earth's atmosphere from space?

One's meaty, but the other is a little meteor.

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Best Golfer in the World

After a long week of work, Frank grabs his clubs and heads to the golf course for some needed R&R. After a few holes Frank catches up to a man and a gorilla standing on the par 5. Frank finds this odd, but strolls up and sets his ball up to tee off. The man with the gorilla looks at Frank and sa...

I cracked open two eggs for breakfast this morning. One had two yolks, the other had a little chunk of steak.

The double-yolker was great! The meaty-yolker was just okay.

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What's the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you put the meat.

Also.....


What's similar between dildo and sushi?

Both are meat substitutes.


K imma go, this has been too meaty.

My friend claims that he can make the best red paint you’ve ever seen out of raw beef

It looks great, but it’s only meaty ochre

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What do you call a fat weather man that studies penises?

A meaty-urologist

What do you call an overweight average ogre eating beef flavored yogurt?

A mediocre meaty ogre eating meaty yogurt.

Stupid joke I made when I was young

What do you call a fat monster who’s okay-at-best at his job?

Meaty ogre

The other day, I decided to tie one on at the local bar.

No sooner than I sit down, when a big guy walks up to the bar, slapping it with his big, meaty paw, yells, "Hey Jackass! Get me another round of beers!"

Aghast, I watched the poor bartender slouch over to the tap, and pulled three perfect pints, which he deftly delivered without spilling a dr...

What do you call not bad, not good brown beef?

Meaty-ochre

What's the difference between a weatherman and an overweight doctor that handles the urinary tract?

One's a meteorologist and the other's a meaty urologist.

What the food critic say after eating Shrek?

"He was just meaty ogre"

Why did the astronomer use two hams to row his boat?

He liked meaty oars.

Why did the chubby kidney doctor go to the weather convention?

He heard they were looking for meaty urologists.

God is giving the animals purpose during Creation.

He goes over to three of the animals and quizzes them: "What is your purpose with Man?"

The horse, a large, strapping beast, says, "My purpose is to be Man's feet when he is tired, his back when he cannot lift, and his last refuge in times of hunger."

The cow, a rotund, meaty animal, s...

So I invented a new beef and vegetable recipe, but it wasn't so great...

It was meaty-okra.

2 Mexicans were walking through the desert...

It'd been more than a week since either of them had eaten anything, and their last bottle of water had just gone dry. They'd been walking for hours on end.

Suddenly on the horizon, one of the Mexican's spotted something. 'Look over there my friend, you see the green thing?'

His friend ...

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