A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms

He replies, "Yes we do.
Would you like to buy some?"

She responds, "No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"

Young Guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms for the first time.

The cashier said "That will be 5.99 plus tax".

The young guy says "Tacks!!! I thought these things stayed on by themselves!!!"

A young man walks into a drugstore to buy condoms.

The cashier says that the condoms come in packs of 3, 9, and 12. He asks the boy what pack he wants. “Well, I’ve been seeing this girl for a while now, and I think tonight will be ‘the night’. We’re having dinner with her parents, and then going out. Once she’s had me, she’ll want me all the time. I...

A pharmacist arrived to his drugstore when he see a man on the ground moaning lightly.

So the pharmacist goes in his store and ask his assistant if she took care of the guy outside. She explains him that he had a bad cough but there was no more cough mixture.
Pharmacist: What did you tell him?
Assistant: I gave him a bottle of laxative and tell him it was cough mixture and he dr...

A woman goes into a drugstore.

"Do you sell XL condoms?" she asks the pharmacist.

"Yes, of course, family planning is in aisle 5," he replies.

"Thanks," she says, and walks over.

About a half hour later the pharmacist is stocking shelves and sees the woman still standing in aisle 5.

"Did you find the c...

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An 18 year old girl tells her mom she's missed her period...

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom
that she has missed her period for two
months. Very worried, the mother goes
to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy
kit. The test result shows that the girl is
pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the
mother says, "Who was the pig that did...

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A guy walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist...

"I've gotta know, does Viagra really work?"

The pharmacist replied, "it sure does. In fact, I use it myself."

"Good to know. Can you get it over the counter?"

"Well, yes, if I take two of them."

Two elderly widows, Dolores and Mary, met at a restaurant after a heavy rain.

Both were smokers, but they arrived drenched from head to toe. Dolores noticed that Mary’s cigarette was still dry because it had a covering. Dolores said "Mary, what's that on your cigarette?" Mary responded "It's a condom. I buy them at the drugstore to keep my cigarettes dry on rainy days." D...

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A man walks into a drugstore asking for viagra...

A man walks into a drugstore asking for viagra,

The pharmacist says he has two kinds, one that costs $20 and one that costs $30

The man asks for the one that costs $30, opens the bottle and pops a pill. He pulls out a credit card to pay and the pharmacist says

“Sorry, we don’t...

A blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant.

The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.

"I'm sorry," says the pharma...

Google knows!

Subject: Today's Reality


CALLER: Is this Gordon's Pizza?


GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.


CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.


GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.


CALLER: OK. I would like to order a ...

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A little old woman went to the drugstore and pleaded, "My husband isn't performing as he should, do you have anything that can help?"

The pharmacist smiled and said, "Yes, of course! Viagra!"

Puzzled, she asked, "Is it any good?"

"It's marvelous! I take it myself!" he exclaimed.

"Sounds brilliant, can you get it over the counter?" she inquired.

Sheepishly, he responded, "Well, only if I take four!"

A guy is at a drugstore buying condoms

Cashier: Would you like a bag, sir?


Guy: No need: she's not that ugly this time!

A guy walks into a drugstore and sees a guy leaning heavily against the wall

He asks the clerk, 'What's with that guy?'

Clerk says, 'He came in with a bad cough and asked me for cough medicine. We were out of cough medicine, so I gave him a whole bottle of laxative instead.'

The guy says, 'What?! You can't treat a cough with laxative!'

The clerk replies...

Duck walks into a drugstore, asks for some Chap Stick.

Guy behind the counter says "That'll be fifty-nine cents"

Duck says "Put it on my bill.'

Next day, duck walks into a drugstore again. Asks for a package of condoms.

Guy behind the counter says "That's three bucks; you want I should put them on your bill?"

Duck says "So...

Love at Last!

George, age 92 and Edith, age 89 are all excited about their decision to get married.They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. George suggests they go in and he addresses the man behind the counter.

"Are you the owner? "The pharmacist answers, "Yes". <...

A woman walks into a drugstore....

She asks the druggist if they have vibrators. The druggist motions with is finger and says... "Come this way". The woman look at him disgustedly and says... "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need the damn vibrator!"

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Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra...

The police are on the lookout for two hardened criminals...

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Jane and Arlene

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink
and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene : What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get w...

New Salesman

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Bob, the owner, had had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he asked John for their best ...

A curvy blonde walks into a drugstore

She asks the clerk, "Can you show me where the flashlight batteries are?".

The clerk says, "Sure." and wiggled his fingers at her in a come-hither gesture. "Come this way", he continued.

She replied "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need the flashlight batteries."

A duck walks into a drugstore, looking for a condom.

The druggist says, "It will be $5. Would you like to pay now, or should I put it on your bill?"

The duck responds, "What kind of duck do you think I am!?!?"

A man goes into a drugstore

and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face.
"What did you do that for?" the man asks.
"Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?"
The man says, "No, but my wife out in the car still does!"

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My First Condom

I was 14 the first time I went to the neighborhood drugstore to buy a pack of condoms. In those days it took a lot of guts to walk into the drug store and ask for condoms because everyone knew everyone else.

Mary, the girl behind the counter, was almost 20 and knew what they were for. She...

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So he walks in for a Condom...

This young 18 year old young man walks into a drugstore nervously and after hesitating, summons the courage to approach the pharmacist at the counter and gets even more nervous. The wise and experienced pharmacist smiles and asks him to relax and open up. He finally blurts out:
"I'd like to buy ...

Cowboy and a Drugstore Clerk

Cowboy: Give me three packs of condoms please.

Clerk: You need a bag with that?

Cowboy: Nah... She's purty good lookin...

A good looking guy walks into the drugstore to buy condoms....

The gal working at the drugstore (also very good looking) asks him, "What size do you need?" He responds "I don't know". She looks at him and tells him "There is a fence out back with 3 different sized holes, put your pecker in each one and then tell me which size it was." The guy walks around to th...

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Polish husband

A  Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. 
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. 

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circu...

So, a man walks into a drugstore...

...goes up to the counter and asks the clerk for two boxes of condoms. The clerk retrieves the rubbers and while she's ringing them up she asks, "Would you like a paper bag?" To which the man says, "Nah, she's pretty good lookin'."

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A joke older than Internet

One day Joe complained to his friend, ‘My elbow really hurts. I guess I should go to the doctor.’

His friend advised ‘Don’t do that. There is a computer at the drugstore that will diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will dia...

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Two women are smoking cigarettes outside...

...when all of a sudden, it starts to rain. One woman reaches into her pocketbook and pulls out a small square item. She tears it open and unfurls a condom, only to place it over her cigarette, which keeps it dry.

The other woman looks on in awe. “What is that thing? It’s genius! Normally I ...

A man goes to a pharmacy and asks to talk to a male pharmacist

The woman behind the counter replies that she is the pharmacist, that she and her sister own the drugstore, and that there are no males employed there. “But surely I can help you,” she says.

“This is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent erection that causes me a lot of pain and severe ...

Tax? A blonde, worried about the HIV crisis

A blonde, worried about the HIV crisis, walks into
a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms.
"That will be $1.08, please," says the clerk.
"What's the 8 cents for?" asks the blonde.
"It says one dollar right here on the packaging."
"Tax," replies the clerk.
"Gee", says the blo...

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A man is about to have sex for the first time

He goes to the local drugstore to buy condoms, but seeing as he has never bought them before he's a little confused on which size he will need.


Slightly embarrassed he explains his situation to the clerk. The clerk tells him that the situation is fairly common, and walks him to the bac...

99¢ condom

A young guy walks into a drugstore to buy a condom. He sees they are on sale for 99¢ each and luckily he has $1 on him. He gives the condom to the clerk.

Clerk: That'll be $1.04

Guy: I thought they were on sale for 99¢. What's the extra 5¢ for?

Clerk: Tax

Guy: Tacks!? I t...

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Smart diagnosis machine

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Kevin says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample ...

A Blonde and Condoms

The most beautiful blonde woman you've ever seen walks into the drugstore. She walks to the pharmacy and asks if they sell Extra-Large condoms, the cashier says yes and points her down aisle 11. About 30 minutes go by and the pharmacist notices that the blonde is still looking at the condoms. He de...

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Toilet Paper

A Native American Medicine Man walks into a drugstore one day to buy supplies for his tribe. Having walked to the toilet paper section, the medicine man notices alongside the name brands there was a package of toilet paper that had no logo or anything on it. Inquiring about it, the clerk said that...

Penguin

A penguin is driving his car into town when it starts to smoke. He brings it to the local garage and asks the mechanic to look at it.
"I'll be across the street at the drug store." he tells him. He goes to the drugstore and orders a dish of vanilla ice cream which he has to eat with his beak bec...

A husband’s new wife really wants...

A husband’s new wife really wants to go on a cruise for their honeymoon. The husband agrees, even though he tends to get horribly seasick on the water.

So the day before the wedding, he goes to a drugstore. He gets a jumbo pack of condoms, and the largest bottle of dramamine in the store.
...

One day, a princess kissed a frog...

The frog immediately turned into a handsome prince!

And soon they fell madly in love with eachother.

Before long they were at the drugstore picking out condoms.

The prince noticed that they had three kinds, and, being the gentleman that he was, asked the princess:

"Would ...

Cyanide please

A lady walked into a drugstore and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide right away. The pharmacist naturally was concerned by such a request and asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explained that she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got bi...

Three women friends are sitting outside and smoking together.

In a freak turn of weather, it suddenly starts to pour down rain. For two of the women, this means no more smoking, as their cigarettes go out. For the third, however, it's not a problem as she pulls a condom out of her pocket and slips it over her cigarette.

Seeing that she is still able to...

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A middle-aged woman decides to have a face-lift for her birthday.

She spends $8000 and feels great about the results. On her way home she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 32," was the reply.
"I'm exactly 47, " the woman says happily. ...

Once when I was a teenager

...I stopped at the drugstore to purchase some of those "necessary supplies." I told the pharmacist, "Better give me a dozen, I've got a hot date tonight with the school tramp!" When I got to her house, her mother insisted I join them for dinner. I offered to say grace, and I prayed and prayed and p...

An Excellent Vintage.

A drunk walk into a drugstore and asks for a bottle of mouthwash.

"I’m not selling you that," says the druggist. "You’ll drink it for the alcohol and get sick outside my door!"

"Not true!" insists the drunk. "I have my first date in over a year, and I want to make a good impression."...

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Two Old Ladies

There were once two old Jewish ladies on a vacation in Israel. They are floating together out in the dead sea when one says to the other, "want a smoke?"

She replies, "Here? How?" The first lady reaches in to her bathing suit and pulls out a balloon with two cigarettes and a lighter in it. Th...

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A man and his wife....

A man and his wife had been married for over forty years. Every night since their marriage, they would have sex. But one afternoon, the man is told by his doctor that he can't have sex with his wife anymore. Now wanting to punish his wife and leave her with out something to give her pleasure, the ma...

A woman takes her dog for a walk in the snow...

A woman takes her dog for a walk in the snow. When she gets home, she sees that his paws are frozen solid, and caked with ice! The next day she takes her dog to the vet, and asks
"can you shave my dog's paws so that snow doesn't get stuck in his fur?" The vet responds
"Shaving isn...

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So, I was a pallbearer at a funeral

I was once a Pallbearer at a funeral in Wisconsin during the winter and it was cold as shit with alot of snow and ice on the ground. As we were carrying the coffin down the stairs, one of the pallbearers slipped and fell down which caused all of us to lose our grip and the coffin fell onto the icy s...

How you Know if you're in America

-- a pizza can get to your house faster than an ambulance.
-- there are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
-- Sick people must walk to the back of the drugstore to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes in the front.
-- Banks leave both vault doors...

The pharmacist

Peter walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store.

The next day he comes in again, buys condoms, and walks out laughing.

Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to...

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Bowels no move

An Indian named Chief Bowels lived in a teepee on the reservation. One day he received a letter from the state division of highways that said that they were going to build a freeway and it would go right through where his teepee was located and he would have to move.

He was very upset about ...

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