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Kebab Jokes

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Johnny got kicked out of class today

The teacher asked him, "If I gave you £20 and you paid £5 to Joanne, £5 to Jane and £5 to Katie, what would you have?"

Apparently, "Three blowjobs and enough left for a kebab," was the wrong answer.

What do you call a kebab prepared by a librarian?

A shush-kebab

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One of the British national daily newspapers was asking readers: "What it means to be British?".

Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a Swiss was a winner.
 
"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for
a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on a Swedish furniture and watch
Americ...

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A man goes to a kebab street food restaurant

“One classic portion with extra sauce please.”

The man in the window writes down the order and yells to the back:

“One Oh fuck with a guitar”

“What?! That’s not what I ordered!”, replies the confused customer.

“Oh don’t worry. It’s just our slang for your order sir.”
<...

I phoned up my local take away and asked for a kebab.

I said: do you deliver? The guy said no, just lamb or chicken!

How would you call Lamb kebab in Italian?

Lamborghini

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Sex is like Kebab. When it's good, it's really good...

...and when I'm drunk I'm willing to pay for it in a roadside turkish buffet.

A man sees a kebab shop owner, who is cooking some meat, and asks him a question

"Islam?"

"Yes, is lamb."

What do you call an MMA fighter in a kebab shop?

Doner McGregor

How do you call a kebab that asks a lot of questions?

Quebab

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Sikh Joke

Each Friday night after work, Sardar would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbors were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled ...

Found my first grey pubic hair last night.

Just a shame it was in a kebab.

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I got thrown out of math class today.

The teacher asked me "If I gave you $20 and you gave $5 to Katie, $5 to Claire and $5 to Laura, what would you have?"

Apparently, 3 blowjobs and enough left for a kebab wasn't the answer...


EDIT: Holy, this blew up fast. Kind of like when the teacher gives me $20, but less sticky, ...

Where does Kylie Minogue get her Kebabs from?

Jason's Donner van

How do you silence a Turkish person?

Feed them a shush kebab

What do you call a shish-kebab at a fancy restaurant?

A Shish-ke-Robert

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I tried sharing a Kebab with a homeless person

He told me to fuck off and buy my own.

I made so many kebabs

It was a shish load

What did the Dalai Lama say to the guy in the kebab shop?

"Make me one with everything."

my gf always worries that I will cheat on her if I am on a night out

I reassure her "why would I have a kebab when I have the best steak ever at home"

But when you are drunk those greasy kebabs sure are tasty

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Same Lunch Everyday

A Mexican, Armenian, Korean, and Redneck are construction workers. Every day, there is a bell that sounds at 12:00 PM notifying the workers that it is their lunch break. The workers go on with their day and as soon as the bell rings, they grab their lunches and sit together to eat.


The ...

What’s a librarians favorite thing to bring to a BBQ?

A shush kebab

How do Turkish Germans curse?

DÖNNER VETTER KEBAB!!

A man suddenly appeared at the gates of Hell… (Story Joke)

He looked up to see the Devil sitting at a chair.

“Hello my friend,” The Devil said kindly, “How are you this fine eternity?”

“A bit confused,” the man replied, “I didn’t realise that I was dead.”

“I understand,” the Devil said sympathetically, “Why don’t you tell me how you go...

A tasty dish made by Voldemort

Avada - KEBAB- ra...

What food did people in The Quiet Place eat?

Shush kebabs

Constantine XI : Ships can't walk on lands

Mehmed II the Conqueror: Hold my Kebab

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Following England in the world cup...

Every time England play I try to get in the spirit so when they played Tunisia I had a kebab, when they played Panama I treated myself to a cigar, when they played Belgium I pulled out the chocolates, can’t fucking wait for this Colombia game!

What did the exasperated man serve at his barbecue?

Sheesh kebabs

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Insults

She had a fanny like a stab wound in a gorilla's back

Look's like she's been dunking for apples in a chip pan

Had more hands up her than Sooty!

She's got a face like a dog lickin piss off a nettle

It looks like she's been set on fire and put out with a golf shoe!

S...

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Wife said that I only ever want sex...

*My wife said that I only ever want sex with her when I'm drunk.*


*That's not true. I usually want a kebab as well.*

What do you call a really, really quiet piece of meat?

A shh-kebab.
---
I love you too, fellas.

Secret Recipe

Mishu and Yanku both operate Romanian restaurants opposite one another. Yanku is doing very well, but Mishu is doing very poorly.

One day, Mishu mans up and walk over to Yanku, asking him "Tell me, my friend, how come you are so successful? What's the secret recipe you use for the Romanian Ke...

Turkish fundraising dinner

Donor Kebab

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The Shah and the Vizier

Once upon a time there was a Shah and his vizier. The Shah didn't like his vizier as the vizier was a smart-ass and the Shah was looking for a way to kick him out of his palace. One day he told the vizier to make him a kebab with male ants.

"I want to know for certain that those ants are male...

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A woman has 12 children throughout her life

For her 60th birthday her kids all chip in some money for her to choose a present. She decides to get her vagina tidied up, as it now resembles a badly packed kebab.
Waking up after the operation, she sees 3 cards on the windowsill.
She recognises the handwriting on the first as her sister's...

I don't understand how Authorities can tell us that we "Can't Negotiate with terrorists..."

I just got a free can of Coke with my kebab...

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