A museum tour guide told his visitor group that their T-Rex skeleton was 65,000,023 years old.

When one of the visitors asked how they knew the skeleton's age so precisely, he replied that it was 65 million years old when he started working there 23 years ago.

How did the T-rex feel after his first trip to the gym?

He felt Dino-sore

Do t-rex like explosions

I dont know but another dino might

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can’t a T-Rex clap?

Because they’re extinct, dumbass.

Why didn't the T-Rex workout today?

He was dinosaur

A T-Rex and a Velociraptor are sitting in a bar

And the velociraptor points to a triceratops in the corner and says
“Why is he first to get served?”
And the T-Rex says
“Because he was herbivorous”

What do you call a Russian Tyrannosaurus Rex?

A DinoCzar!

I buy all my guns from a T. Rex

He's my small arms dealer.

Why couldn't T-Rex fly?

Because Di-No-Soar

Why can't a T-Rex clap their hands?

They're dead.

what do you call a carnivorous dinosaur who falls in love with his own mother?

Oedipus Rex

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex makes your whole day,

Anal sex makes your hole weak.










Edit: added “whole”
Props to a fellow redditor for correction. u/rex-natchez!

I once met a T-rex who was working at a casino.

He said he was hiding out from the cops.

I think he was a small arms dealer.

What did the Tyrannosaurus Rex feel when it saw the Ankylosaurus approaching?

Ankxiety

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Old Joke

The year is 2120, and our story follows Joe McFlinch and his journey to overcome his inner demons. 'Who is Joe?', you may be wondering. Well, Joe is a cowardly 29 year old male. He has no special talents or skills, no hobbies, and most sadly, no friends. If I were to describe him as a dish, he would...

What do you call a sleeping Tyrannosaurus Rex?

A DynaSnore!

A popsicle stick joke that cracked me up today.

What do you call a shipment full of military issued t-rexes?

small arms

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are T-Rex always angry?

Because it’s really hard for them to masturbate.

What do you get if you cross a dog and a T-rex?

A very frightened mailman.

"Where'd you get that gun?"

"This? I got it from T-Rex"

"T-Rex?"

"Yeah he's a small arms dealer nearby"

My 85-year-old grandfather was rushed to the hospital with a possible concussion.

**The doctor asked him a series of questions: “Do you know where you are?” “I’m at Rex Hospital.” “What city are you in?” “Raleigh.” “Do you know who I am?” “Dr. Hamilton.” My grandfather then turned to the nurse and said, “I hope he doesn’t ask me any more questions.” “Why?” she asked. “Because all...

What did the T-Rex with herpes get?

Dinosores

T-Rex ran into a girl at a vegan restaurant who said she knew him...

But T-Rex never met herbivore.

What do a T-Rex, a thot, and my pizza have in common?

They’re all meat lovers

Why do T-Rex’s only sell handguns?

Because they’re small arms dealers

Why did the herbivores keep their young away from the t rex

Because he was a predator

How do you call a thin T-Rex?

Ano-Rex...

"HEY, is that a rare T-Rex fossil leg?

"Nope, fossil arm"

Pronounced false alarm. Nobody got it last time and I think it's good.

Why don't T-rex go to war?

Because they're short on arms.

Three T-Rexes are walking when one of them brushes against a shiny stone.

A genie appears and grants them one wish each.

The first says
"Make a huge hunk of meat fall from the sky in front of me."
The genie clicks his finger and it happens. The first T-Rex begins eating happily.

Thinking of the possibilities the second T-Rex yells
"Make a shower ...

You either die a T. Rex

Or live long enough to become a chicken

Why can’t T. rex touch their toes

They are all dead

My Joke

What do you call a T-Rex in pain? A Dino-Sore

Why did the T-Rex go extinct?

He couldn't embrace change.

Most people think that t-rexes can’t clap because they have short arms

Actually it’s because they are dead

Why did the T-Rex attack the LGBTQ parade?

It wanted to Taste the Rainbow.

Toronto missed out on an opportunity to call their basketball team the torontosaurus rexes

Boo me, I deserve it

What's a flower plus a t-Rex?

A squished flower!

(An original from my 5 year old)

A Tour Guide at a dinosaur museum is guiding around a group of people. Looking at a T-Rex he says

"This fossil is 23,000,011 years old." One of the members of the group asks out of curiosity, "Wow, how'd they find out such a specific number?" the guide replied "Well, it was 23,000,000 when I started 11 years ago."

*Source: Reader's Digest*

Why did the T-Rex family business fail?

They couldn't keep up with the orders... They were always short handed!!

Joke from my 10 year old niece. What do you call a sleeping T-Rex

A dinosnore

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the T-rex get fired?

Sexual Jurassment

Why does T-Rex get to play only when his teammate is in penalty box?

He only scores short-handed goals

Why did the T-Rex run away from the bathroom?

Because extinct

Why couldn’t T-Rex get to second base?

Baseball wasn’t invented back then.

What's T-rex's favorite file extension?

.rar

Why was the T-Rex forced to close shop?

It was seriously short handed.

Why was the T-Rex Cafe always hiring?

No matter what, they always seemed a bit "short handed".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wanted to borrow a copy of Oedipus Rex, but the library told me the city had banned it.

"Banned it?" I asked.

The librarian nodded. "Yes, for inappropriate content."

I blurted out "Motherfucker!".

She calmly replied "That's exactly why.".

Names T Rex and I can meet your needs for handheld weaponry​...

I'm kind of a big deal in the small arms trade

Why do we write T-Rex instead of Tyrannosaurus?

Because its a shorthand

The T-Rex waiters and waitresses at the restaurant seemed really stressed out

I guess they must have been short-handed

How do Tyrannosaurus Rexes decide something they disagree on?

A quick game of scissors scissors scissors.

What do you call a T-Rex with a bomb strapped to it's chest?

Dinomite

I was driving my son to pre-school and he was having fun making dinosaur sounds.

"ROAR!" he yelled.

"What dinosaur is that?" I asked.

"T Rex!"

Then he said, "HONK!"

"What dinosaur is that?" I asked with a chuckle.

"Triceratops," he said.

"Why does a Triceratops honk?"

And he said, "Because it has horns!"

Why can't t-rexs do push ups?

Because they have been extinct for 65 million years.

I think one of my friends is a T-Rex

Because whenever it's time for him to pay for drinks he can never quite reach his wallet.

I just got fired from my job as a palaeontologist because I didn't recognise a female Stegosaurus .

In my defence I'd only ever dug up Tyrannosaurus Rex, so I'd never seen herbivore.

Why did T-rex have to register with police?

He was a small arms dealer.

I'm very sorry, I'll show myself out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hated studying Oedipus Rex in high school.

That play was a real mother fucker.

Today the authorities busted the local T-Rex shop, causing a huge uproar amongst the dinosaur community

Apparently he was a small-arms dealer

"Hey, is that a rare T-Rex fossil leg?"

"Nope, fossil arm."

What's the difference between Caitlyn Jenner and a 6 year old pretending to be a T-Rex?

The 6 year old never killed anyone with a car

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People are talking about this guy, Oedipus Rex...

Word is, he's a real motherfucker.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.