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Broken Heart Jokes

My broken heart

Think it's time I told everyone a little bit about me. I was seeing this amazing woman up until last year. Now I absolutely adored this girl, and would do anything for her. But this is a story about how it all went wrong.

A big part of my life was I used to be a harpist. Not to brag, but I co...

Here I Sit, Broken Hearted. Tried to S*** but Only farted.

Until one day, I took a chance.
Tried to Fart, and S*** my Pants

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Here I sit broken hearted, came to shit...

... and started playing on my phone until my legs went numb.

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A notorious womanizer left a trail of broken hearts behind him, until he betrayed the wrong woman - a practicing witch.

The morning after she caught him with another girl, he awoke with an itchy bump in the middle of his forehead. He thought it was a pimple, but it continued to grow to ridiculous proportions throughout the day. In a panic, he sought the advice of a physician, who examined the man and ran tests on the...

A man decides to put his life savings into opening an aquarium...

A young man took every penny he had and used it to open an aquarium. He worked tirelessly, growing it from a small roadside attraction into the greatest aquarium ever. Over a lifetime, he amassed the largest collection of sea life ever assembled. He and his team conducted scientific research and ran...

There was once a taxi driver named Skyye...

...who frequented the taxi stands by the port and, one day, a Russian captain flagged him down. The captain wanted a good time in New York City, so Skyye took him to an early Broadway show, a couple of exceptional bars, and to see the girls at an alley gambling joint.

Skyye dropped them off a...

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Mens Help Line

Alright, so here's a letter from a guy who's written in to the Men's Help Line, and it's like,

'Dear John, I've got a serious problem.

I think my wife might be cheating on me.

You know, all the usual signs: the phone rings and I answer, they hang up.

She's always out with...

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Restroom Thinker

I came here, To shit and stink,

But all I do, Is sit and think,

And here I sit, Broken hearted,

Couldn't shit, But only farted,

Some come here to sit and think,

Some come here to shit and stink,

Often I come here to scratch my balls,

And read all the ...

The Lord Promised 3 things

Pslam 147:3, he won’t leave you broken hearted.

John 6:37, he won’t reject you.

Hebrew 13:5, he won’t leave you nor forsake you.

Basically, he will never give you up, let you down, run around and desert you, never gonna let you cry, or say goodbye, he will never tell a lie and h...

Three men approach the gates of heaven

Three men approach the gate of heaven and meet Saint Peter who tells them that heaven is getting full and only those with the most awful deaths will be allowed in that day.
The first man steps up and says picture this...My boss let me go home early so I rushed home to my 22nd apartment floor buil...

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A deaf and mute orphan in a small village...

...is found pregnant. The villagers cannot find any way to get the poor girl to help them find out what happened. As the girl is due to give birth, a nasty rumor begins to circulate among the folk: the preacher is to blame.

The preacher does not expect the villagers to care much for the vile ...

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So there was this wasp who lives in a jungle. (long)

So there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle. This was not your ordinary wasp though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would g...

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A little story of a boy and his dog

Timmy's best friend was his dog. His dog was his only friend when his dad got a new job and they had to relocate. His dog was there to scare away the bullies when he was an awkward kid in school. Timmy's dog was even there as a shoulder to cry on when Timmy had his first broken heart. They grew fro...

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