A wife comes home one day and tells her husband she has been diagnosed as suffering from split personality syndrome.

“I thought you were just role playing”, replied the husband.

“No, but my psychologist has given me two options, live with it or lose one of the personalities” she says. “What do you think I should do”?

The husband thinks for a moment, “remind me dear, which one likes it in the ass”?

If you are suffering from acute depression, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed....

That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

I feel terrible for people suffering from vertigo.

They don't know what's up.

Art is suffering...

You can't spell paint without pain.

Doctor: I'm afraid your body is suffering from a magnesium problem

Patient. 0MG!

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A man went to the doctor suffering from severe headaches.

After a thorough examination, the doctor turned to him and said: "Jerry, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration." "You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates these serious headaches...

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A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches...

A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches. He goes to a bunch of doctors, runs any test imaginable, and no one can figure out why. One day a doctor tells him- “I think we figured out a solution, but you’re not going to like it. If we cut off your balls, the constant headache will stop”. ...

Russian literature is built on suffering.

Either the character suffers, the author suffers, or the reader suffers. If all three are suffering, then it's considered a Russian masterpiece.

Q: My doctor asked if anyone in my family is suffering from mental illness...

A: I said, “No, we all seem to enjoy it”.

I've been suffering a lot of seizures recently...

...so far they've taken my house, my car and my boat.

My next door neighbor is a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s

Every morning at 9 AM he knocks on my door and asks me if I’ve seen his wife.

Which means every morning at 9 AM I have to explain to a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s that his wife has been dead for several years.

I could move. I could just not answer the door. But it’s wo...

I believe there is a point in life after which the suffering becomes unbearable and euthanasia is the only humane option.

That point is birth.

We did it Reddit! For ONE GLORIOUS DAY, people of the world will put aside their differences! There'll be no hunger, no pain, no suffering! No war, no fighting! Peace will embrace us like a warm blanket! Sickness and disease will cease! So please welcome this momentous occasion....

February 30, 2021

A patient suffering from dementia is rolled into ER.

Doctor asks : "Who is the President of the United States of America?"

Patient answers : "Who is the President of the United States of America?"

The Bad News - I've been suffering from chronic Insomnia

The Good News - Only 2 more sleeps until Santa arrives.

I just wanna say to all people suffering from Paranoia

You are not alone

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After many years of sadness and suffering, I tearfully buried my loving wife today.

She insisted that she wasn't actually dead, but that bitch told lies.

My grandfather always said: "If you hit something with the car, you should release it from its suffering"

Still, I felt sorry for the cyclist

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A guy suffering from banging headaches, finally gets to see a specialist after baffling doctors for years.

He explains to the specialist that for years now he has been suffering from banging headaches, and everything he has tried so far has no impact on the headaches at all.

The specialist carries out an examination, pokes and prods around a bit and has an idea. He runs a couple tests to be sure, ...

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Man has suffered severe headaches since his teenage years.

Man has suffered severe headaches since his teenage years. He is now in his 30s still suffering terrible headaches. Doctors have run every test known, tried every medicine but still the headaches continue.

Eventually the man finds himself another doctor who after a thorough examination tells ...

Reporter: "This local man is suffering with a disease that causes holes to suddenly appear on his body."

"Tonight, on the 6PM news, he opens up about his problem."

I've been suffering from amnesia...

or was it dyslexia?


All I know is that I can't remember it and I sure as hell can't spell it.

I'm suffering from deja moo.

It's the feeling that you've heard this bull before.

Long term pain

During a congress about health care, the speaker asks:
"which food causes extreme suffering, even after years of being eaten?"

After a long silence an elderly raises his hand and replies "A WEDDING CAKE"

The three types of rings pertaining to marriage…

1. The engagement ring.
2. The wedding ring.
3. The suffering.

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Suffering from a mineral deficiency? The only mineral you're going to need,

is some cocktanite

I know a guy who had a pet pig.

This pig got sick one day, suffering from fear of what would happen when he finally got eaten, and turned into a nice juicy ham. My friend took him to the vet, to see why this pig was acting depressed(not eating, not sleeping, etc.). The vet prescribed one thing: cure him.

tld;dr: my friend'...

Police suspect that a recent string of burglaries have been committed by a person obviously suffering from severe IBS. The culprit has left their "calling card" at each house they've broken into.

Unfortunately, the police have no firm leads.

A small town is constantly suffering catastrophic flooding when the nearby river crests...

The mayor puts out a solicitation for someone to offer a solution to this problem. Three men respond: a civil engineer, a chemist and a literary critic. They arrive to the town, and the civil engineer and the chemist go to the city hall to present their approaches, but the critic checks into a nearb...

What did the doctor say to the patient suffering from a bacterial infection?

Ah, I see you're a man of culture as well

I put Whiskers down today. It was time to end the suffering.

I'm not that sad about it though. It was a dumb name for a kid anyway.

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Dave was suffering from a terrible headache, so he went to see his doctor, who was a recent medical graduate.

The young doctor listened to him carefully and told him, "Go home, lie down on your tummy, open your ass wide and ask your wife to pour some gin down your ass."


"What???" said Dave. The Doctor repeated patiently, "Go home, lie down on your tummy, open your ass wide and ask your wife to ...

What did the person who found Stalin dead after suffering from a stroke say?

That’s gonna leave a Marx

What is the difference between being a vegan and suffering from the novel coronavirus?

In the case of COVID-19, the loss of sense of taste is only temporary.

Doctor: Sir, I think you are suffering from amnesia

Man: Yeah, and I think that girl over there likes me
Doc: Yeah, she's your wife

my husband, who works in a funeral home

Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where they gave him a series of tests to determine the source of the pain.

My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was...

Why was the eagle sufferings from a sickness not allowed to enter the country?

Because it was an ill eagle.

My girlfriend wanted to look slimmer for a party so she invested in a corset.

She’s had a very hard year coping with things and was determined to go looking like a million bucks. She told me what it meant to her to be with me and how this was the only thing she had been looking forward to for months. I helped her into her corset and between us we managed to lace her up.
<...

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To everyone out there suffering from constipation...

I sincerely hope you have a really shitty day

An Oxygen molecule go sees a doctor

"Doc, Im suffering from terrible cramps" says the Oxygen Molecule.

"That's an easy fix," says the doctor, "Just eat some Potassium and you'll be OK!"

So a politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

‟So, you’re a politician...”
‟Well, yes, is that a problem?”
‟Oh no, no problem. But we have recently adopted a new system for people in your line of wo...

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A man suffered from excruciating headaches for years.

He saw doctor after doctor, and tried many different medications and treatments without success. At long last he found a specialist who discovered the cause of his problem. The doctor informed the man that his pain was being caused by a rare condition in which his testicles were pushing into the bas...

Bull has Erectile Dysfunction

Farmer tells a veterinarian that his bull won’t mount the cows because of E.D. The vet says that’s easy to fix the vet walks over to a cow sticks his hand in the cow’s privates and takes his wet hand and rubs it over the nose of the bull. The bull immediately gets excited and mounts the cow. The sa...

Buddha was feeling a little down about all the suffering, so he went to the local pizzeria for a boost of spirit.

He said to the chef, "make me one with everything."

Listen, because I won't tell you again - I'm suffering from short-term memory loss.

Ah, and one more thing - I'm suffering from short term memory loss.

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Get it?

There was a guy who had just one out of two testicles.


So naturally he was very ashamed of his condition and decided to do something about it.


So he went to a doctor and told him "Doc, I suffer from a condition which I am very ashamed of and it's likely that you wouldn't have ...

To everyone out there suffering from anxiety

You are not alone there's someone behind you

I just opened my own kosher hot dog stand in my neighborhood but business is suffering even though I've been told it's to die for.

So please support your local businesses and come on down to Anne's Franks. You won't regret it!

Amazon is launching a new personal assistant for people suffering from depression.

They are calling it Alexa Pro.

When people suffering from baldness go abroad, they often fly on...

..Receeding Airline.

Once upon a time on a dig in Egypt...

A few years ago I was in Egypt, on a dig site, not far from the banks of the Nile but out of the way of the Pyramids and Statues you'd associate with the usual "big finds" of the late 19th/early 20th century.

We were looking for a tomb, a new paper had raised interesting questions about a po...

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A college professor reminds her class of the next day’s final exam saying, “I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever"

A guy sitting at the back asks, “What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, and says, “Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.”

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During his routine medical check, the long suffering patient asked the doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?"

"I doubt it", said the doctor, "Mercury is in Uranus right now."

The patient said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."

“Neither do I", replied the doctor, "My thermometer just broke in your ass."

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Jesus Christ is dying on the cross.....

His disciples are gathered around, crying. Peter looks up and notices that Jesus seems to be calling him, “Peter, come hither!”

Immediately Peter rushes over to the cross, only to be hit severely over the head by the roman guard. He gets on his feet again and wants to return to the other disc...

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NSFW I told my doctor

I’m suffering from premature ejaculation. He asked; How does your wife feel about this ? I said; She took it on the chin at first, but recently it’s been getting on her tits.

While I was cleaning the pool one hot day...

I overheard my college daughter’s friend:
Your dads hot!
Daughter: really??
I smiled
Friend: I think he’s suffering heat stroke, you should tell him to get in the shade

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Why is a small cruise ship like a guy suffering from premature ejaculation?

Both of them only need a couple of tugs.

A man suffering from terrible stress goes to a psychiatrist for help...

He sits on the couch and jitters nervously.

"What seems to be the problem," the Psychiatrist asks.

"Well Doc, I've been having these two reoccurring dreams for months, and they're really starting to worry me. I'm sleeping less because I'm scared and it's taking a toll on me"

"I...

Doctor: I'm afraid you're suffering from Auto Correct Syndrome

Patient: I didn't even know I was I'll

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A man has been getting horrible debilitating headaches for a long time a& finally decided to go to the doctor...

And he’s just begging for some relief. “They just won’t stop,” he says. “I can’t do anything, my work is suffering, I can’t spend time with my family, it’s just gotta stop!”

So the doctor does some tests and says, “well there’s good news & bad news. The good news is, I found the problem, ...

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