People keep avoiding me because they think I'm a heartless murderer, but I do have a heart.

Well, 28 to be exact.

What do you call a heartless thief?

A redditor

Why is North Korea so heartless?

because they have no seoul

ahahahah.. please laugh

Tennis players are heartless.

Love means zero to them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man catches his wife in bed with another man. He pulls out a gun...

...and holds it to his head, saying "I'm going to kill myself!"

His wife turns to her lover and says "See? I told you he was an idiot."

The man turns red-faced with anger and shouts "Oh, don't you worry, you heartless bitch. You're next!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four surgeons

Four surgeons sit around discussing their favorite patients.



The first surgeon says, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order".



The second surgeon says, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everythin...

The telegraph must be the most heartless invention...

...because Samuel had no remorse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The heartless taxi driver

One night a guy decided he takes a taxi home, because it was cold, and the weather was bad. He finds one, and asks the taxi driver how much it will cost him to take him home.

- It's around 20 bucks... - the taxi driver says.

- Good. I just happen to have that money on me.

So the...

What do you call someone who is known for being heartless and cold to others?

Dead

They say Kim Jong Un is heartless and a murder...

It's because he has no Seoul

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cinderella was being a brat...

Cinderella was being bitchy and bratty days before the ball and it pissed her fairy godmother off something furious. To teach her a lesson, the fairy godmother said;

"Look I'm not going to be heartless. You can go to the ball and dance with Prince Charming, but if you're back ONE MINUTE after...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I first became an Ancap.....

>When I first became an Ancap, I was just an unemployed high schooler who had never worked a labor job in his entire life. I had that whole "welfare recipients are parasites, just pull yourself up by your bootstraps, forcing people to subsidize your shitty life choices is morally wrong, nobody is...

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I bought a defective pack of playing cards. It had only three suits and all the cards were jacks.

I'm still trying to get a refund from those heartless bastards.

Three surgeons are sitting in a bar...

discussing which people are their favorite to operate on.

The first surgeon looks at the other two, and tells them that his favorite patients are librarians. The other two then ask him why.

"Well," he begins, "I like librarians, because their insides are always filed away in alphabeti...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a man with an arrow through his neck?

An ambulance you heartless bastard.

Three doctors

Three doctors are discussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, ''I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.'' Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ''I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.'' Doctor Ahn says, ''I prefer lawyers. They’re gutless, heartless, brai...

Let He Without Sin Cast the First Stone.

Jim had caught his younger brother stealing money from his room earlier. He had chased him all the way into the back yard and was about to throw a stone at his brother when his father appeared.


Dad: In the bible it says: “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone......”...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fellow is standing at a urinal, doing his business.

A second person enters the mens room and quickly approaches the urinal next to him, then proceeds to just stand there. The fellow casts a glance sideways to see what is going on.

He sees a young man with no arms standing and looking forlornly at the urinal. His little arm nubs stick out of hi...

Another Tom Swifty

"I have only diamonds, clubs, and spades," said Tom heartlessly.

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