UPJOKE
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Breaking News: There was a break in at the police station today and the toilet was stolen.

The police have nothing to go on.

Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross...

“Something for this I have.” Yoda says. He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, th...

Two thieves break into a house. Once inside, they sneak into the master bedroom and tie up the naked woman they find in there.

A startled, naked, man comes out of the bathroom, sees what's happening and says, "Please, please, take whatever you want, I will even give you the combination to my safe. Just, please, untie her and let her go."

The thieves were surprised by how heartfelt the pleas from the man were. One of...
AI Image Generator

How did the burglar break in?

Intruder window

Two lawn workers were taking a break in the yard

From down the block they heard a familiar mournful tune coming from the local church.

"Guess there's a funeral in town today," one man said. "Wonder who died?"

The second man said "I'm not sure but usually it's the one in the coffin."

In France, what do you call the break in between strikes?

You call it "lunch".

Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin are taking a coffee break in Yalta...

Churchill takes out a small black notebook and starts writing something down.

"Taking notes?", Roosevelt asks.

"No," Churchill says, "I heard a new political joke about myself this morning. I collect all jokes about myself. I already have over 100 in this notebook."

"How funny,"...

A break in the routine

A famous clown was performing his routine on stage. After a particularly funny gag, an audience member in the front row clutched his chest and crumbled out of his seat to the floor.

The clown immediately broke off his routine. He leapt off the stage to attend to the man. “I think I’m having ...

Where to go for a city break in the south of France?

Let's go somewhere Nice

A duck was standing by a busy roadside, waiting for a break in traffic as cars went roaring by

A chicken walks up and says, "don't do it, mate. You'll never hear the end of it."

Dr. Watson: It seems like there are a lot of break ins lately.

Inspector: Any ideas what we should do?

Watson: Sure..Lock..Homes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just arrived home early from work and saw some thieving bastard that had been trying to break in to my house

....he managed to escape by hopping over the neighbour's gardens...

I'm proud of my wife though, she must have put up some fight because she's half naked, covered in sweat and can hardly walk.

Two men were standing around and taking a break in their soon-to-be new store.

As yet, the store wasn't ready, and didn't even have the shelves set up.

A curious old man walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked,
“Vat ya sellin' here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling idiots."

*Without skipping a beat, t...

I just got my first big acting break in a play about neurosurgery...

I'm a bundle of nerves...

Today I had two 3 hour exams with a three hour break in between.

My teacher told me not to sleep during the break. However he didn't say what I could do during the exams.

A young couple was getting ready to give birth to their first child,

and they had determined that the child should not be named until after it was born, so that they could meet it and make the name based on that first magical moment. On the day of the birth, a beautiful baby girl was born and the parents were instantly smitten.

"It's 'Love.'" said the mother....

Hey girl, are you the SAT?

Because I'd do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes, with a 10 minute break in between for snacks. Then I'd stare at you for another 5-10 minutes thinking, "Wow, I really hope I don't screw this up."

"Officer, what can you tell us about the break in at the bakery today?"

"Man I've seen all kinds of thieves in my career, but this one takes the cake"

A duck was standing by the roadside waiting for a break in traffic so it could cross.

It watched the vehicles zooming past, seemingly uncaring of its plight. Just when the mayhem started to lull a chicken walked up and said "Don't do it, mate. You'll never hear the end of it"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Germany, Russia and Poland are competing in a vault breaking competition...

The rules of the competition are simple. There is a vault in the middle of a room. The light in the room is shut off for 3 seconds. In those 3 seconds the team can do whatever they want to the vault to try and get in. If the team manages to break into the vault before the light comes back on they ge...

I went to see Don Quixote at the theater yesterday and there was a short break in the middle of the play.

We didn't know it would happen, no one expected the Spanish intermission.

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