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Bi Jokes

Me: Are You Bi?

Her: Yeah, i am

Me: Have you told your parents?

Her: Yes. Why are you asking?

Me: That must’ve taken them.. bi surprise


:D

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If you're bi and single then you aren't bisexual

Your bi yourself

I’m into girls, and I’m into guys, yet I’m still single.

So I guess you could say I’m all bi-myself.

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A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar, sits down and asks the bartender for a drink.

“What’s the occasion?” Asked the bartender

The man replies “I just found out my oldest son is gay.”

Bartender apologizes, the man downs his drink and leaves.

Same man comes in the next day.

“...

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What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bi sexual Hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?

A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie watching sci-fi on wifi.

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How could you tell that the ambidextrous baseball player was bi-sexual?

Cuz he swings both ways.

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Some are heterosexual, some are homosexual, some are bi sexual but i am try-sexual

I’ve been trying my entire life

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I told my boyfriend I was bi-sexual....

He *buys* me food, and I'll get *sexual*.

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Some people are bi-sexual

I'm just bi-myself

I'm bi curious

I wonder what it's like to speak a second language

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Mental health hotline.



Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.


If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.


If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.


If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.


If y...

What would you call a child born to bi-parents?

A byproduct.

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After 20 years of marriage, I've now become bi-sexual...

I get sex twice a year...

When I was told I was bi-polar...

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

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What do you call the sexuality where you're attracted to men and women but neither are attracted to you?

Bi-yourself.

speak, three languages you are trilingual, two, bi-lingual, what do they call you if you only speak one language?

American

I hate being bi-polar.

Its so awesome.

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I was let down by a pickup line in a club last night.

I walked up to a girl at the bar and said, 'Hey, I'm bisexual, let me buy you a drink and then we can get sexual?'

I was rather disappointed when she turned around and replied, 'No, your bi-curious, you can go buy me a drink and when you come back, you can wonder where the fuck I've gone.'

Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain...

In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support...

I found out my pianist boyfriend was bi

He says he really likes debussy

found on an e-mail from2004 from my uncle who has sinced passed r.i.p. jack!(long,somewhat nsfw)

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now enjoy it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives of...

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Three religious bi-curious dudes are driving down a dark and dangerous road

As they speed along they're comparing the lewd details of their same sex encounters when they all suddenly die in terrible crash.

When they arrive at the gates of Heaven they see Saint Peter waiting for them with a welcoming smile.

As they approach Saint Peter says to the first man. "W...

Now that it's pride month, I finally have the courage to come out as Bi

All bi-myself.

I was listening to my son do his math homework at the kitchen table

And then all of sudden he said 3+6 the son of a b !tch is 9, and then he said 2+5 the son of a b!tch is 7, so I said, what are you saying, son?! He said, but my teacher she showed us how to do Math and that's what she said...so just to make sure I was like, OK go on. He said 2+2 the son of a b!tch i...

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Remember men, ALL women are bi

…but it’s up to you to figure out if it’s “sexual” or “polar”

The Pastor of the local church calls on the congregation for volunteers for Bible sales....

A gentleman with a severe stutter approaches the pastor after Sunday service.

"I-i-i... I-i-id like to v-v-v-v-vol-vol-vo-volunteer to s-s-s-se-sell b-b-b-bi-b-bibles, f-fff-f-f-fa-fa-father..."

"That would be wonderful, my son. We'll start you with one box. Please go door to door thr...

What is the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

his door-to-door entrepreneur became rather bored with his job of selling Bibles, so he decided to become a boss, hiring three people to sell Bibles for him.

He interviewed three people. The first came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you." "OK, you're hired. Here's your kit; go sell!"


The second came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you." "OK, you're hired! Here's your kit; go sell!"
The third came in and said, "I- i ...

I only believe in about 12.5% of the bible

I’m an eighth-theist

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I think my girlfriend is bi-sexual

The more I bi for her, the more sexual she gets.

What animal loves and hates the Arctic?

The Bi-polar Bear

I call my wife Bambi

She thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes. But it's really because I want someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle.

**Edit:** Some people have accused me of "being a plagiarist" and "stealing other's jokes"... Their words, not mine...

*Pause for comedic value*
<...

I keep meeting bi women on the apps

Every time I say hello they say Byeee

What do you call a bear that likes to spend his summers at the north pole and his winters at the south?

a bi-polar bear.

I have Bi-Polaroid Disorder

All that comes out of me is negatives

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He knows it, everything, the whole truth.

While playing in the street, little Johnny's 9-year-old friend shows him his new bike.

\- “Whoa, where did you get that from” Johnny asks.

\- “Well”, his friend tells him: ‘I bought it for a 100 bucks that I made yesterday.’

Johnny, 9 years old and getting 1 dollar per week of p...

If two wheeled vehicles make you angry, are you bi-furious?

You know, just asking for a friend...

I think my son is bi-curious

We were rolling through the village and he was pretty obviously checking out everyone's bikes.

What do you call a monkey who swings both ways?

Bi-curious George

What train goes to the psychiatrist office?

The Bi-Polar Express

My neighbours want me to come over for a threesome

I told them I might be bi later.

I was chatting with a guy when he told me he's bi and walked away

I wonder to this day what he wanted to tell me before such an abrupt exit

My girlfriend said she was "Bi".

Little did I know she meant bipolar...

When I first met my wife she told me she was bi.

I didn't realize until much later she meant polar.

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I’m into boys and I’m into girls… but I’ve been single for so long I no longer think I’m bisexual

I’m officially all bi-myself

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I had sex for two hours straight last night...

Then one hour gay. Two bi. Then one more hour straight.

I think I stand a decent chance of getting the job.

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I'm not a discriminatory person, and I'll say it again : It doesn't matter for me if you're gay, bi, trans, black

or normal.

Don't you hate it when you meet a hot girl who says she's "bi"...

...then the next morning you realize she meant "polar".

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What does a bi-sexual porn star do at work?

Fuck all

How can you tell if a woman is bi-polar?

She works at two different strip clubs.

My grandma is very conservative. It would break her heart if she knew I was bi

-partisan.

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Rumors are that Harry Styles is BiSexual according to a recent interview

I hear they're going to change the name of the band to 'Both Directions'

A Canadian couple takes their pet polar bear to Antarctica

Years ago, a couple in Canada found an abandoned polar bear cub and decided to adopt and raise it themselves. By the time the bear was grown up, it had become very tame, very friendly, and rather jovial.

Life with a pet polar bear turned out to be pretty fun, but one problem was that takin...

My wife and I were riding our bikes near the beach and I caught her checking out some ladies sunbathing.

I guess she's a bi-cyclist.

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The latest scientific study on polar bears was just published

The study noted that loss of habitat in the north pole has caused some bears to migrate to the south pole, and also a severe increase in the number of manic/depressive symptoms in the bears studied. Due to lowering numbers, many bears were expressing sexual behaviors towards other bears of both sex...

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A horse begins learning the guitar as a teenager

A horse begins learning the guitar as a teenager. He was dealing with depression at the time, and learning an instrument was exactly what he needed to help him cope. You see, he didn't know it, but he had bi-polar depression. This means it was a chemical thing; he couldn't get out of it easily. So t...

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Pink kryptonite turns Superman gay. What does Thor use?

The Bi-frost.

My 14 year old just came in and told me this one, said he made it up himself. I was impressed.

I divided two types of the LGBTQ into two sections...

There was the trans-section, and the bi-section.

What do LGBT people say at the end of a conversation?

Bi

What did Joe say to Donald on his way out of the White House today?

Bi-don

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How much sex does a person who likes both men and women have?

Just enough to get Bi

A Farmer with a dog found a new activity group within LGBTQ community.

And BI NGO was it's name.

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What do you call a bisexual who can't get men and women to fall in love with them?

Bi-yourself

Why did the mentally ill billionaire try to purchase Antartica?

Because he was bi-polar.

I've got a mate who weighs 110kg and dates both men and women.

He's bi and large, a good person.

Why did Ryan Murphy ride a unicycle?

Because he thinks *bi*cycles are just deep in the closet.

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What does the gamer girl say after sex?

What does the gamer girl say after sex?



U-bi-soft

The Stuttering Bible Salesman

A man had just accepted his new job as a door-to-door Bible salesman and was introducing himself to his new co-workers.

It quickly became clear that the man had a severe stutter and the other workers began to make fun of him for it. But by the end of the week when the man had sold over 1,000 ...

What do you call a Santa Claus that goes both ways?

Bi-polar.

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