Why did the chicken cross the road?







To take a photo in front of a church.

This farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster that he would sell.

The other farmer says, "Yep, I've got this great rooster, named Kenny. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem." Well, Kenny the rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny.

The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barny...

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Why did the semen cross the road?

I put the wrong socks on this morning

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A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery.

He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a very strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was...

Why did the pig cross the road?

Because the chicken told him to teargas protestors for a photo-op

Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

"Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?"

The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out "352!"

He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.

"I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!"

"Hey lady," says the ...

A man was driving down the road

A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man’s truck and said, “Why are these penguins in your truck?”

The man replied, “These are my penguins. They belong to me.”

“You need to take them to the zoo,” the policeman said.

...

A man was driving along a country road when he looked next to his car and saw a chicken was running alongside his car

The man checked his speed and saw he was going 30mph. He thought, "Am I crazy, or is this chicken keeping pace with me at 30mph?" So he sped up 40mph, and to his surprise, the chicken kept running right next to his car.

"This can't be right.", the man thought. "No chicken can run this fast." ...

A young man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The young man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The...

A beautiful blond woman was driving down a curvy back country road in her pink Cadillac.

As she comes around a corner, she sees an extremely large rabbit lying dead in the middle of the road. It looked to be about three feet tall. The rabbit had a blue and pink vest on. On the ground next to the bunny was a large wicker basket, and strewn about the road was an abundance of candy, small ...

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

I asked him, “what’s the word on the street?”

Why did the dad cross the road?

Because the gas prices dropped by 1 cent.

Why did the serial killer chicken cross the road?

To kill the chicken on the other side....

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

Joe Biden:...

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Why did the mods of r/iamatotalpieceofshit cross the road?

To collect money from Joel Michael Singer.

Why did the duck cross the road?

To get to his quack dealer


(Sorry)

A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.

The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?'

'I'm out of gas,' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

'Try ...

What do you call Joaquin Phoenix when he's walking across a busy road?

Jay Joaquin Phoenix.

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.

In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, “My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to the market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road. The basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke.” The moral of the...

Two std's crossing the road.

All of a sudden a lorry approached at a very high speed.

One says to the other I think I am a gonorrhoea.

Wanna watch Mad Max: Fury Road in VR so realistic you'd swear it's real?

Go to America

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I'm from India and if I had a dollar for everytime someone asked me if I shit on the road

I wouldn't have to shit on the road anymore

Why did Kermit cross the busy road?

To Kermit suicide...

I was in a long McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order.

“Take the high road,” I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own.

The cashier must have told her what I'd done because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had rep...

Late one night a man is driving down the road, speeding quite a bit. A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over. The cop says to the man, "Are you aware of how fast you were going?"

The man replies, "Yes I am. I'm trying to escape a robbery I got involved in." The cop gives him a skeptical look and says, "Were you the one being robbed?" The man casually replies, "No, I committed the robbery." The cop looks shocked that the man admitted this. "So you're telling me you were speed...

Why did the chicken cross the road ?

It wanted to play animal crossing

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A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town.

They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.” The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t w...

Why did EA cross the road?

Buy the DLC to find out!

My 8 year old cousin: " Why did the chicken cross the road?"

8yo cousin: To get to the idiot's house.

Me (patronizingly): Oh..uh..yeah good one haha.

8yo cousin: Wanna hear another one? Knock knock

Me: Who's there

8yo: The chicken.

A woman is watching the news, and it says that there is a car driving down the wrong side on the road her husband takes to work.

Worried, she calls her husband and says: ‘be careful on the road, there’s a car driving the wrong way where you are’

The husband replies, ‘I know...

But there’s not just one car, there’s hundreds of them!’


Sorry if this has been posted before, couldn’t find it from searching...

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The couple across the road have started making a sex tape...

Obviously, they don’t know that yet.

Where did the heart, liver, and kidney go on a road trip?

Oregon

I wanted to crack a joke about the road that splits the US-Canada border..

But then I realized, it would be crossing the line.

A rabbi, a priest, and an imam were walking down a deserted road when they stumbled upon a pot filled with gold coins

After a few moments they all agreed that being men of God, they can't take all the gold for themselves. They have to give something back to God. The Priest said: i'm going to draw a square on the ground and throw the pot high in the air. Whatever fells inside the square is mine to take, whatever ...

Why did the DINOSAUR cross the road ?

Because chickens hadn't evolved yet.

A man was driving a rental car along a old mountain road in Eastern Europe at night when he started having engine problems

Unable to get a signal on his mobile phone, he saw a lit building not far off and made it there just as the car stalled. Getting out of the car, he knocked on the door. A monk in a brown habit opened the door.

"Good evening, brother!" greeted the monk. "What can I do for you?"
"I'm ver...

Road Kill

The Texas Department of Transportation (TxDOT) found over 200 dead crows on a highway this past week, and there was concern that they may have died from the Coronavirus.

A veterinary epidemiologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT...

Old Russian joke. Russia has 2 major problems: roads and idiots. One of them can be solved by a road roller...

But it's impossible to figure out what to do with roads.

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A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says… “Hang on! You're a duck!”

"I see your eyes are working.” replies the duck.

"And you can talk!!” exclaims the barman.

"I see your ears are working, too.” says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"C...

As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."

"Until the pressure got to him."

A woman saw in the news that a crazy driver was going in the opposite direction on a one way road, so she called to warn her husband.

Her husband said "it's not just one, honey, it's all of them!"

When I was a young boy, I was walking down a gravel road with my grandpa...

When I was a young boy, I was walking down a gravel road with my grandpa. I accidentally took a misstep and fell to the ground, cutting my knees. Grandpa gently bent down and began to clean the wound, removing the little pebbles now embedded in my skin as I cried.I'd always heard adults talk about i...

There was a marking on the road that said "Taxi Rank" and a driver pulled into it.

After assessing the car, I tapped on the window and he wound it down.



I said, "Hello, pal. I'd give your taxi a 7/10."

Why did the chicken cross the road?

he had to get to the bar, he has more than one joke to star in!


*Knock knock

"who's there?"

"It is I, the chicken. Let me in the bar man, I'm late for my joke!"



... a chicken walks into a bar.

A man is driving down a road, when suddenly, he notices that his gas tank is running dangerously low.

A man is driving down a road, when suddenly, he notices that his gas tank is running dangerously low. He pulls over at the next gas station he sees, and while his gas is being refilled, goes into the station to get a drink.

He picks out a drink, and as he is buying it, notices a sign that re...

Why did the spy cross the road?

Becouse he never realy was on your side.

Some people came over a man lying on the middle of the road...

"What happened" they asked

"Black motorcycle, traveling at 50 miles per hour"..the man said in a whisper.

"Wow you can say that just by listening to the vibrations on the road !" The people exclaimed.

"No ! I fell off the dammed thing" croaked the man.

A man got arrested for selling tropical fruit on the side of the road

As I was walking by I told the police
“Hey that man is just trying to make a living. Let that mango”

Why did the Coronavirus cross the road?

Cuz it likes to walk old people to the other side.

4 college guys go on a weekend road trip.

They are having such a good time that they decide to play hooky and skip out on their Monday exam in psychology. They all send their professor an email saying they had a flat tire while out of town and the professor said no problem, unexpected things happen. They could take it on Tuesday.

Ce...

My friend stole from his job as a road worker.

Should have known. Everytime we went to his house the signs were there.

A Duck was sitting on the side of the road, thinking about crossing it..

A chicken walks up to him and says, “don’t even think about it mate. You’ll never hear the end of it”

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A man and woman are driving on the same road.

A man and woman are driving on the same road. They pass each other.

The woman yells out the window, “PIG!” The man yells out the window, “BITCH!”

The man rounds next curve.

Crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road, and dies.



Thought for The Day: If only men would...

Why did the rooster cross the road?

He heard there were some pretty hot chicks at KFC.

A man is driving down a road, swerving every now and then, so he’s pulled over by a cop, believing him to be drunk...

The cop then takes out a breathalyzer, and asks the driver to breath into it, the driver says he cannot, the cop asks why, and the driver tells him he has asthma.

The cop then walks back to his car and takes out a tube, he then returns to the driver and asks him for a urine test. The driver t...

Two friends are walking together down a road

Guy 1: I wish I was a millionaire like my father
Guy 2: Was your father a millionaire?
Guy 1: No, he just wished he was

After taking his asphalt to the bar and asking for one beer for him, and one for the road, the bartender refuses the man's offer.

'I won't serve him!' He says, 'he's a cyclepath!'

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side. The chicken knew it was a busy road. The chicken knew he was no longer meant for this world.

I saw a sign on the side of the road, in a nice neighborhood, it said "drive like your kids live here"...

So I drove away.

what did the singing chicken say when it crossed the road?

Hello from the other sideeeeeeee!!!

Two construction workers were eating lunch on a bench on the side of the road...

As they were eating lunch, they notice a very attractive woman walking on the other side of the road. The two workers start to cat call her until she stops and looks at them.
Once she looks at them, they make the notion for her flash them by pulling up on their shirts. The woman looks around and...

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A hearse was driving down the road...

When all of the sudden the back doors fling open. The coffin flies out of the hearse and it bounces all around the town, it cannot stop.

Eventually it stops and lands right in front of a drug store. The man in the coffin rises up and says “Hey, you guys have anything that can stop this coughi...

Why did princess Diana cross the road?

Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

Two guys are walking down the road with their dogs, one guy has a doberman and the other has a chihuahua, when they come across a restaurant

They want to go in but there's a sign on the door that says "no pets allowed - service dogs only". The guy with the doberman says, "don't worry I got this." He proceeds to put on a dark pair of sunglasses and walks inside.

The manager comes up to him and says, "sir, you can't have your dog in...

Why did the crab cross the road?

It didn't. It used the sidewalk.

(This was a joke my teacher made)

Why did the console gamer cross the road?

To render the buildings on the other side.

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A bus full of blind people was traveling on the road.

After driving for a long time, the bus driver gets tired and needs to rest. He parks the bus near a cafeteria.

"I'm going to eat lunch and take a rest," the driver says to the blind passengers. "I'll come back in an hour."

"No problem," says one of the blind men. "We'll play soccer whi...

Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?

Because Karen bought it all.

Why did the lizard cross the road?

To meet his flatmate

A B-road walks into a Bar, he orders a pint, sits down, and starts reading the newspaper.

5 minutes later an A road walks into a bar, he orders a pint, sits down, and starts reading the newspaper.

The B-road moves to the opposite side of the bar, peeking frightfully over the top of his newspaper at the larger, higher maintenance A-road.

Later, a motorway walks into a bar, h...

How is crossing the road like music?

You better C# or else you'll B♭!

I saw a wonderful lady on the opposite side of the road to me earlier. I said hi from a safe distance.

It was lovely 2 metre.

A kitten and a Bengali tiger meet on a disused road

"Why so serious?"The tiger says to the kitten.

"I thought you were gonna eat me," the kitten replies.

"'Course not," the tiger says. "You're a cat; I'm a cat. No beef here."

"Yeah, good point. Haven't seen any cows for miles anyway."

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Its lockdown you fool. Chicken goes wherever chicken wants to go...

Where do bees stop to use the bathroom on road trips?

The BP station.

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A hungry drifter walks down a country road, and spots a small farmhouse. Looking for a bite, he knocks on the door, and a cheap, stingy farmer answers...

The drifter says, “Well hello, sir! Say, I’m mighty hungry, might you have something I could eat?”
The farmer replies, “No sir, I have nothing to spare.”
The drifter says, “Well then, I noticed you have some Honeysuckle growing out in your fields....mind if I go get myself some honey?”
The...

A man was driving home and was stopped by a traffic cop. He said, 'You're weaving down this road, 'What is in that Water Bottle?' The man said, 'Plain water.' the Cop took a sip and said, "This is red wine.'

The man looked at him, raised his eyes heavenward, and said, 'THANK YOU JESUS, YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN.'

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A man is driving along a dusty old back road when he sees a sign that says, "Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution."

A man is driving along a dusty old back road when he sees a sign that says, "Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution."

Barely believing his eyes, he turns into an old truck stop - and sure enough - there's a big neon sign that says "Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution."

He knocks and...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To keep 6 feet away, and minimize exposure and contact with other chickens outside the coop during these trying times.

Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over,

“Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.”

“Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I...

A man is driving along a country road and sees a sign; "$5 for talking dog, take next left."

Thinking this is some sort of joke, the man decides to check it out. So the man takes the left onto a a farm, and a farmer comes out.

F: You here about the dog?

M: Yeah, does the dog really talk?

F: Sure does, come here and I'll show ya.

The man and the farmer walk to the...

Why couldn’t the meth cross the road?

Because it fell into a pot hole

I didn’t want to believe my friend was stealing from the road construction site.

But I went to his house to confront him and all the signs were there.

I once knew a girl who was always on the road to bad health.

I called her Path-o-Jen.

I crossed the road, walked into a bar, and changed a lightbulb.

Then I realized that my life was a joke.

Why didn’t the toilet paper make it across the road?

It got stuck in a crack

Trump’s being driven through a backroad out to the White House...

Trump’s being driven through a backroad out to the White House one night when suddenly, the car lurches to a halt.

The driver explains that a pig from a nearby farm wandered onto the road and he hit it.
Trump is a bit annoyed, but tells the driver, "Just go to their house, tell them you're...

Why was it messy when the elephant crossed the road?

There were a lot of squished chickens

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Three families are driving along a mountain road, all collide and die in a wreck of twisted metal and fire. (Long)

All of them end up in a line standing before St. Peter and the pearly gates.

St. Peter motions the first head of the family forward. "What have you done to deserve to get into heaven?"

The man dressed in a business suit said, "My family never wanted for anything and I provided whateve...

A guy’s driving down the road when he sees three penguins on the side of the road.

He looks around and doesn’t see anyone around so he stops and picks them up. He’s driving down the road when a cop pulls him over. The cop looks in the car and sees the three penguins sitting on the front seat. He exclaims, “You’ve got three penguins in your car!”

The guy replies, I know! I j...

Chicken walking down the road with a book under her wing

Walks past a frog saying: “Book, book, book, book, book”

Frog responds: “Reddit”

Why did the horse cross the road?

I don't know, he left before I could ask equestrian.

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Why couldn't the dildo cross the road?

Because it got stuck in a crack.

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"The car insurance company down the road wouldn't give me an offer because I'm gay. Will you guys help me?"

"Of course we will. We're Progressive."

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