UPJOKE

Big Nose Jokes

A very handsome man gets into a terrible car accident....

The doctors save his life, but he loses one eye. Before a nice glass one can be fitted, he is temporarily given a wooden eye.

The man becomes very depressed because of his eye loss and sits at home, moping around. Eventually his friends come over and drag him out to a bar to try and cheer him...

A big nose is no excuse to not wear a face mask

After all, I wear pants...

Just because you have a big nose doesn't mean you shouldn't wear a mask

I mean, I still wear underwear.



Saw this on a church billboard a year ago.

What do protestors and people with big noses have in common?

They both know how to picket.

I don’t understand people who say they cannot wear masks because of their big nose

I wear my underwear everyday and don’t complain

Why do Dutch people have big noses?

Because air is free.

### Bonus joke:

* How was copper wire invented?

Two Dutchmen found a penny at the same time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a child born missing an eye...

At birth the doctors decided it best to give the child a wooden eye until the family could afford to get the baby a nice glass eye.

Sadly the family could never afford it. And the boy was bullied a lot in school over it and eventually was taken out and home schooled. Everywhere he went he had...

A man with a wooden eye is at a dance..

During a slow dance, he can't find a partner to dance with him. He sees from the opposite side of the dance floor a girl with a large nose. Seeing that she is also without a dance partner, he makes his move. He approaches her and is frank with her, asking "Would you dance with me?" Filled with exc...

Two construction workers are eating lunch together

"Say, friend," says the one, "do you like fat women with long greasy hair?"

"Not on your life!"

"Do you like them with cross-eyes, big noses, and flat faces?"

"Never!"

"Maybe you like girls with crooked teeth and bad breath?"

"Of course not!"

Silence fell fo...

What do you call a man with no legs and a really big nose?

An amputee.

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A shy 8th grader has a wooden eye.

He was born with only one working eye and constantly feels insecure about his condition which he is ridiculed for by the rest of his class. But he is not the only person in the class subject to the class' tormentors. There also happens to be a young girl in the class who is frequently made fun of fo...

A man who has lost an eye wants to go to the town ball

He is very self concious about his eye but is too poor to buy a glass one. Eventually he finds a wooden eye that he can afford and goes to the ball.

After a while he sees a woman sitting by herself with a very large nose and noticies no one is asking her to dance.

He goes up and says "...

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A man goes to the circus

A young man named John was a huge fan of the circus all the way through childhood, he had a huge affection for the acrobatics, showmanship and the hilarious clowns.

Finally, one day, a circus came to his tiny village and he saved all his money to make the trip.

He had a great time, the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jokes to offend Abrahamic religions

* JESUS SAVES! HE PASSES TO GRETZKY, GRETZKY SHOOTS, GRETZKY SCORES!

* How was copper wire invented?

Two jews found the same penny


* What did the jew do when he heard clouds had silver linings?

Got his pilot's license


* Why doesn't Jesus eat skittles?
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome was strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one sunny afternoon....

An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome was strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one sunny afternoon.

Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window: 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.

"Fucking get in there you cunt!" he says to himself...

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