If you're using public transport never give up your seat

If you're using public transport never give up your seat to an old lady...
That's how I lost my job as a bus drive

What’s the difference between a dirty waiting area for public transport and a lobster with breast implants?

Ones a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean

Because of my dyslexia, sometimes I get lost when I use public transportation.

Oops sorry. Wrong bus.

LPT: If you know somebody with dyslexia that uses public transport, offer to help them read their timetable to prevent any mixups.

Whoops, wrong bus.

As a dyslexic person who frequently fails to board the proper means of public transportation...

Whoops, wrong bus.

Did you hear about the politician who wants our public transportation to run on alternative fuels?

He promises to make the trains run on Thyme.

The new Director of Public Transportation is obsessed with "green" fuels.

He's made all the buses run on thyme.

I love public transport, even though I get excessively sweaty.

Also, I think I take my Train Simulation game too seriously.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do people occupy two seats at public transport?

One for their assholes, another cuz they're assholes

[x-post from r/dyslexia] Today I misread 63 as 68 so it took me twice as long to get home with the public transport

Whoops, wrong bus

Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?

Anubis

(If you don't get it, say it slower.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My boss just asked, "Do you think you can come in on Saturday this week? I know you enjoy your weekends, but I need you here."

I replied, "Yeah, no problem. I'll probably be late though as the public transport is bad on weekends."

He said, "Okay, when do you think you'll get here then?"

I said, "Monday."

I See Death

All around me, i see death. In the streets. In public transportation. I don't know if i should isolate myself in my room and never leave, or wear a mask that might not even work.

I see death whenever i take a breath. I feel the tingle in my throat, the tears in my eyes, the fluids running dow...

I missed the bus today.

I really shouldn't be this sentimental about public transport.

I tried to join a gymnastics class, once.

I had to bend over backwards just to get in.

Thank you to the dad I overheard telling his daughter this on public transport... a genuine dad joke.

Two toothpicks are hanging out in a forest,

... when all of a sudden they see a hedgehog passing by. So, one of them shrugs and goes like, "Hm, I didn't even know they had public transportation here."

[my gf's fav joke, literal translation from German]

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Engineer in Hell

One day, an engineer dies. He goes before St Peter and is told that he'll be spending eternity in Hell. So, he goes to Hell, looks around and says to Satan: 'This place sucks'.

The engineer gets to work building a functional fresh water system, air conditions the whole place, builds a sewerag...

Why did they plant trees in Harlem?

Public transportation.

What do you call a county that lacks a modern telecommunications system?

"Technologically backward"

What do you call a county that lacks a fully integrated banking system?

"Economically underdeveloped."

What do you call a country that lacks a well-connected public transportation system?

"America"

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