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Public Transport Jokes

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Public transport is cheaper than DUI and funerals.

A warning to all you drivers, be careful about drinking and driving and plus police are randomly checking vehicles for drunk drivers.

Public transport is cheaper than DUI and funerals. Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many cocktails and then...

If you're using public transport never give up your seat to an old lady...

That's how I lost my job as a bus driver

Did you hear about the guy who got caught living on public transportation?

Bus Ted

Because of my dyslexia, sometimes I get lost when I use public transportation.

Oops sorry. Wrong bus.

What do good manners and public transport have in common?

They were designed to be used by others, not oneself

Where do crabs and lobsters park their public transport vehicles?

At the Bustacean

The new Director of Public Transportation is obsessed with "green" fuels.

He's made all the buses run on thyme.

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A bodybuilder takes public transport to work..

Bus conductor ask him to buy a ticket

Bodybuilder "I never buy ticket!"

Bus conductor was a thin fella so he couldn't argue much with him.

Next day Bodybuilder again takes the same Bus to work.

Same story he again denies to buy the ticket.

Conductor was very frust...

To deal with the high price of petroleum, public transport systems are looking at alternative fuels, including grasses and herbs.

The program has had some failures, but on the bright side at least the trains run on thyme.

I love public transport, even though I get excessively sweaty.

Also, I think I take my Train Simulation game too seriously.

What’s the difference between a dirty waiting area for public transport and a lobster with breast implants?

Ones a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean

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Why do people occupy two seats at public transport?

One for their assholes, another cuz they're assholes

As a dyslexic person who frequently fails to board the proper means of public transportation...

Whoops, wrong bus.

Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?

Anubis

(If you don't get it, say it slower.)

there was a Saudi guy

Who was studying in Pennsylvania University.
His father was one of the richest Sheikh in middle East.
Everyday he comes to his college in his own Ferrari GT 250 while the others use public transport.
This makes him quite uncomfortable and sad.

One day he texts his dad and says " ...

I missed the bus today.

I really shouldn't be this sentimental about public transport.

[x-post from r/dyslexia] Today I misread 63 as 68 so it took me twice as long to get home with the public transport

Whoops, wrong bus

Boss: Can you work this weekend?

Me: Yeah no worries but I'll probably be a bit late as public transport is slow on weekends.

Boss: What time will you get here?

Me: Monday.

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They woke me up with oral sex

I do not sleep in public transport with my mouth open again

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Do you work on weekends?

My boss just asked, "Do you think you can come in on Saturday this week? I know you enjoy your weekends, but I need you here."

I replied, "Yeah, no problem. I'll probably be late though as the public transport is bad on weekends."

He said, "Okay, when do you think you'll get here then?...

old soviet joke (I believe it was created after Czechoslovakia uprising)

So John, Pierre and Ivan are having few drinks. Guys start talking cars. Pierre brags a bit - "Well, in Paris I drive my Citroen, but to countryside I take Peugeot. Of course, for longer trips to Europe my wife insists on Renault - its so much more spacious". "Well, that's nothing, in London I drive...

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An Engineer in Hell

One day, an engineer dies. He goes before St Peter and is told that he'll be spending eternity in Hell. So, he goes to Hell, looks around and says to Satan: 'This place sucks'.

The engineer gets to work building a functional fresh water system, air conditions the whole place, builds a sewerag...

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