John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!”

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of the night”

She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”

John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in chu...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."
"Yep," replies the duck.
"And you can talk!" exclaims the barman.
"Yep again”, says the duck, "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly, sorry about that”, says the barman as he pulls th...

A guy walks into bar alone and orders two beers.

"Are you expecting someone?" Asks the bartender.

"No, my brother is in the army and before leaving he told me that everytime i drink i have to also drink for him as well"

"That's nice of you, here this round is on the house"

A week or so passes and the guy orders two beers each ...

I put root beer in a square glass

Now I just have beer

Someone threw a beer at Trump at Indianapolis NRA convention. He's fine.

It was a draft so he dodged it perfectly.

My pizza is burnt, my beer is frozen, and my girlfriend is pregnant...

...I can’t pull anything out in time!

Two Canadians are drinking beers in a bar. One of them gets up.

His friend asks him, "Where are you going." "To the bathroom," he replies. "Why?" "I pee, eh?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

HERCULES: Hey Perseus, have you seen my beer?

PERSEUS: Oh, I think Achilles took it.



HERCULES: Motherfucker!



OEDIPUS: You called?

And he orders a beer

A time traveler walks into a bar

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He call for everyone's attention, orders a beer and proceeds to put his balls in the gator's open mouth.

The gator closes its mouth, the man drinks the beer and then takes the bottle and whacks the gator on the head with it real hard. The gator opens its mouth and the man shows off his unharmed balls.

He looks around the bar and says, "I'll give anyone here a 100 dollars to try this."

The...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two guys are talking over a beer, discussing various sex positions. The first guy says his favourite position is the "rodeo". The other guy asks what the position is, and how to do it?

The first guy says, "You tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours and then do it doggy style. Once things start to get underway and she's really enjoying it, lean forward and whisper in her ear - 'Your sister likes this position too'..... Then try to hang on for 8 seconds."

I like my beers as I like my Paralympians

strong and hoppy

​

*^((I'll delete this if it's deemed to be offensive)**)*

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two young attractive men walk into a bar and order a couple of beers. Upon noticing two hot babes sitting at a table, alone, they summoned the bartender to send two drinks to the table.

The bartender warned them "Guys, they're lesbians, and they'll have no part of you."

After persisting, the bartender finally sent two drinks to the lesbians sitting at the table. The two lesbians invited the men to join them, so they obliged.

One lesbian asked one man if he would like ...

A Beer Before It Starts

Husband sitting on the couch watching TV, yells to the wife in the kitchen “hey babe, will you bring me a beer before it starts?”
Wife: sure

10-15 minutes go by....

Husband: hey babe, will you bring me another beer before it starts?
Wife: I suppose

This continues several m...

An Irishman walks into an American bar

He sits down and orders 3 beers.

“You know, you don’t have to order these all at once - I’m happy to make them fresh,” says the bartender.

“Oh no, ya see,” replies the Irishman, “the extras are for me two brothers back in Ireland. We all order 3 beers so it feels like we’re drinkin tog...

4 beer company CEOs walk into a bar

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light.

The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light.

The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.

The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.

The first three ask the CEO of Guinness why he didn't order a Guinness, to which he replied:

"I figured if yo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy goes into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, “that’ll be a dollar”

The guy thinks, “man, that’s cheap,” but the beer was delicious. So he finishes his beer and decides to take a chance. “Bartender, I’ll have your finest wine” bartender goes through a long process of showing the bottle. Opening it. Aerating the wine. Pouring it into nice a nice glass and says. “Tha...

I remember 30 years ago with a dollar you went to the supermarket and went out with 2 sandwiches, 1 box of 6 beers and a pack of cigars.

Today, unfortunately, there are cameras everywhere.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two irishmen, lost at sea...

Two irishmen are floating on a boat, lost at sea. They ran out of food a couple of days ago, and ran out of water just today, so naturally they're pretty desperate.

Out on the water, one of them spies a genie's lamp, and they both frantically paddle towards it.

One of them pull out the...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three friends are chatting, drinking beer...

The first one says: "lately, I only have sex with my wife once a month..."
The second: "me--once a week..."
The third: "me—two, even three times a week!”
The first: “dude, come on! You don’t even have a wife!!”
3rd: “wait a minute, I thought we were talking about YOUR wife!!!”

I was sitting at a bar last night and this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.

I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu. He says no, WTF man!? Are you asking because I’m Chinese?

I said no, it’s because you’re drinking my beer.

When I was a kid, my parents used to give me 10c and I would have to go down to the shop. I would get a pack of Potato’s, a bunch of bananas, 5 loafs of bread and a bottle of beer.

But of course, you can’t do that anymore as most stores have security cameras.

A man rushes home late from work, slams the door open and plops himself down on the sofa. He turns on the tv and looks at his wife “quick” he says “get me a beer and some food before it starts!”

The wife gets up slowly looking startled but slightly excited. She wanders into the kitchen and comes back quickly with a beer and some food for her husband.

The man gulps down the beer and looks back to his wife “quick!” He says “get me another beer before it starts!” The man goes back to fl...

Man in a wheelchair at the beer store

I was buying beer and there was this older southern gentleman in a wheelchair was looking at beer too. I said if he needed help grabbing anything to let me know and I'd help. In a slow long southern draw he said:

"I appreciate cha... I'm just shopping for my son... He really likes these craf...

An old professor of Particle Physics and his assistant were having beers at a pub in London when the conversation drifted to the experiments with the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva, Switzerland.

The assistant mentioned one of the wonderous things the famous particle collider can do. "The Collider can accelerate protons," the assistant began.

The professor smiled and said, "Yes, I've seen it do that, personally."

Surprised and intrigued that his mentor had worked with ...

She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit.

Then I caught her spending $100 on make-up. So I asked, “how come I had to give up stuff and not her.”

She said, “she needed the make-up to look pretty for me.”

I told her that was what the beer was for.

I don't think she's coming back.

A man walks into a bar and sees a sign that says, "Free Beer For Life If You Can Pass Our Test!"

He asks the bartender, "What's this 'test' you have?"

The bartender says, "Well first, you gotta chug a gallon of pepper tequila. Next, you have to go out back and pull the sore tooth out of our angry alligator. And finally, we have a girl up stairs who's never slept with a man, and you gott...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A recent study has found that beer contains female hormones.

A test group of 100 male volunteers each consumed six pints of beer, and the effect was that they all talked endlessly about nothing and couldn't drive for shit.

Juan arrives at the Mexico/US border

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on a bicycle. He's got 2 large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"
"Sand," answered Juan.
The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them ou...

In America moosehead is a beer,

In Canada moosehead is a misdemeanor.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob are sitting in a bar, enjoying beers.

Jim turns to Bob, and says, "You know what, I'm going to go to college!" He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college. He is met with the Dean of Administration, who is explaining to Jim what classes he is going to take.

"Alright, Jim. You are going to take 4 classes," t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer

"That'll be five dollars", says the bartender, and the guy throws 20 quarters onto the floor. Reluctantly, the bartender picks up the coins and serves the beer.

The next day, the guy comes into the bar, asks for a beer, throws 20 quarters onto the floor, etc.

The next day, again.
...

A beer bottle, a mirror, and a condom are all talking to each other about luck....

Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!




Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get 7 years bad luck!



Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

... the first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a quarter of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours them 2 beers and says "you guys should know your limit".

The CEOs of four beer companies are having a meeting and decide to place an order. (Not the ending you'd expect)

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud light. The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Lite. The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light. The CEO of Guinness orders coke.

The three CEOs then ask him, why aren't you ordering a Guinness?

He replies: "If you guys aren't drinking beer then I might as well s...

A beer brand made my friend a lot smarter

In other words, it made my bud wiser

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

light beer is like Love on the beach

Fucking close to water.

A proton, a neutron and helium walk into a bar and order three beers.

The bartender appears with 3 beers and asks the proton, “Are you sure you’re over 21?” The proton replies, “I’m positive.” So the bartender gives him the first beer. He gives the second beer to the neutron and says, “For you, no charge.” He throws the third beer in helium’s face ... helium doesn’t r...

A sandwich walked into a bar and orders a beer.....

and the bartender says
"I'm sorry but we don't serve food"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy and his friend are sitting on a sofa having a few beers. Guy #1 - “What would you do if we found out an asteroid was going to hit the earth in one hour?”

Guy #2 - “I would fuck the first thing that moved. What would you do?”

Guy #1 - “I’d sit very fucking still for the next hour!”

A man grabs a case of beer off the store shelf...

His wife stops him and asks "What do you think you're doing?" The man responds "It's a 24 pack on sale for $10. That's a great deal." His wife tells him they can't afford it and to put it back. A little while later the wife grabs a $20 jar of skin cream off the shelf. The man stops her and asks "Wha...

A cowboy, who just

moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.

He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy,
"You k...

A man walks in a bar and orders a beer to drink...

Everyone looked at him like he was crazy for talking to an inanimate object.

A piece of string walks into a bar, and asks the bartender for a beer.

The bartender says ‘sorry but we don’t serve string here’
The piece of string, feeling dejected goes outside, ties himself into a knot and rubs himself up and down on a wooden light post.
He walks back inside and again asks for a drink. The bartender looks him up and down and says ‘Are you a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar, followed by an ostrich, followed by a cat.

All three sit down at the bar. The bartender looks at the man and says, “What’ll ya have?” The man says, “Gimme a beer.” The ostrich says, “I’ll have one too.” The cat says, “I want two beers, but I’m only gonna pay half price.” The bartender serves up four beers, and tells the man, “that’ll be $12....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Tom and Clark are standing on the roof of their building drinking a few beers on their break when Clark says,

“Hey Tom, did you know that if you jump off this building, after you get down so far, a draft will pull you back inside the building on the third floor?”

“Get outta here,” says Tom.

“I’m serious. Watch me,” Clark says. Clark hops off the building, and sure enough, he is taken in by the...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy is enjoying a nice cold beer in a bar when out of nowhere...

A clearly drunk old man walks over and says to him "Hey boy! Guess what! I saw your little sister naked! Wotcha gonna do about it pussy?"

The guy says "Nothing. Go and sit down and leave me alone."

10 minutes later the old man comes back and says "Oy young fella! I once touched your Gr...

Guy walks into a bar with a brown paper bag and orders a beer. The barman delivers but notices something moving in the bag and asks what's in it.

Guy puts his hand in the bag and pulls out a small piano, then a tiny chair and finally a miniature guy in a tuxedo that proceeds to sit down and play.

"That's amazing," says the barman. "Where did you get him?"

Guy pulls a genie's lamp out of his jacket.

"Wow, do you mind if I ...

What’s the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?

Beer nuts are a dollar seventy-five and deer nuts are always under a buck.

A guy walks into the bar of a restaurant and goes to the bartender and asks "How much for a beer?"

The bartender replies "Free".

The customer, completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender "Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire cheesecake for desert?"

The Bartender replies "Free".

The guy, still amazed, then orde...

What was Jesus' favorite beer?

Rolling Rock

I like my beer the same way I like my violence

Domestic

How did the Jewish man make his craft beer.

Hebrew-ed it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."

"Oh c'mon" says mathematician #...

A pig walks into a bar, orders twenty beers, and starts chugging them all one by one.

“That’s impressive,” says the bartender. “Want to know where the bathroom is?”

​

The pig replies, “No thanks, pal. I’m just going to go wee wee wee all the way home.”

If Beer Nuts cost $1.59 a bag, how much do Deer Nuts cost?

Under a buck...

Non Alcoholic Beer

It's like going down on your first cousin. It might taste the same, but that doesn't make it right.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3.2 beer is like sex in a row boat

It’s fucking near water!

Joke that my great grandmother always told when we visited. "Does beer make you smarter?"

No, but it made Budweiser.

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer.

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. After having the beer, he asks the bartender for the bill. "$3", says the bartender.

The man just for fun goes on and places $1 coin on the three ends of the table. The bartender gives him a bad look but has no other option but to pick them up.
...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Drinking non alcoholic beer is like giving oral sex to your sister

It tastes similar, But you know it's wrong.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Jim, Jeff and Joe are having a few beers at the local watering hole....

and seeing as their wives aren't around to tell the REAL truth, they start talking about what happens when they get in an argument.


"Well, when Jessica and I get in an argument about what to watch on TV, I tell her I bought the damn TV so I get to pick what we watch and when we watch it...

What beer do the cast of Toy Story drink?

Buzz Light.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.

The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they're gone.

He then orders three more and the bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one, and I'll bring you a fresh one as soon as ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Pavlov is chilling in a pub having a beer. Then his phone rings.

Suddenly he jumps up and says "Shit! I forgot to feed the dog!".

A woman asks a man - "do you drink beer?"

Man: Yeah.

Woman: How many beers a day?

Man: Usually about 3.

Woman: How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00, including the tip.

Woman: And how long have you been drinking?

Man: About 20 years, I suppose.

Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beer...

The best beer in the world

An American, a Duchman and an Irishman walked into a bar. Ill have a Budweiser, the best beer in the world, said the American. Ill have a Heineken, said the Dutchman, the ONLY beer in the world. The Irishman yawned and said, Oh, I guess Ill just have a glass of water like these girls are having.
...

Barman: "Would you like a beer for your wife?"

"That sounds like a fair swap"

How does an Irishman describe a pub with no beer?

"Pintless."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Tim Apple walks into a Washington DC bar and drinks couple of beers and prepares to leave

The bartender, a certain gentleman called Dump Trump tells him he owes $8.

"But I already paid you. Don't you remember?" says Tim.

"OK," says Trump, "if you say you paid, then I suppose you did."

Tim goes outside and sees Bill Pornhub & tells him that the bartender can't kee...

What Beer does Mr. Potato Head drink?

Spud Lite

What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?

They're both empty from the neck up.

How do you keep a Mormon from drinking all your beer on a camping trip?

Take two of them with you.

A Kiwi and an Aussie are fishing one afternoon and have a couple of cold beers

After a while the Kiwi says to the Aussie, "If I was to sneak over to your house and make wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?" The Aussie after a great deal of thought, says, "I don't know about related, but it su...

Two friends are drinking beers in a bar. One guy says to his friend,"I'm thinking of divorcing my wife,she hasn't spoken to me in almost two months."

His buddy replies, "Better not be to hasty, women like that are hard to find."

Blind guy walks into a bar. He sits down, orders a beer and after a while asks the bartender if she wants to hear a blonde joke.

The barkeep replies, "Before you say anything else, you should probably know that I'm a blonde. So is the woman sitting next to you. There are also a couple of blondes playing pool behind you, one of them is twice your size. So, you still wanna tell the joke?" The blind guy pauses for a second, then...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A very drunk Irish man runs out of money for beer while in a pub...

In desperate need of another drink he says to the bartender "Please, I am out of money but I will do anything for another beer"

The bartender thinks about it for a minute and says "well mate I got a dog in the backroom with an awful toothache, I don't have the heart to pull it out myself but...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks in to a bar, and says "G-g-gimme a b-b-beer."

​

​

The bartender says, "Seems as though you’ve got a major stuttering problem."

​

The man replies, "N-n-no k-k-k-idding!"

​

The bartender says, "I used to stutter, but my wife cured me. One afternoon she gave me o...

This St. Patrick's Day, Julia Roberts has a new movie coming out. It's about a woman who fights to expose the toxic levels of green beer.

It's called Erin Go Bragh-kovich.

What is a better beer than Budweiser?

Budweisest beer

A horse in in a pub having a few beers when he spots a donkey in the corner, so he goes over for a chat....

The donkey asks “What do you do for a living?”

The horse says “I run on the flats in the summer and do the jumps in the winter.”

And the donkey says “I work with the kids on the beach.” He then ask the horse “Did you win anything?”

The horse replies “Yes, on the flats I won the...

Beers are like children

I can nurse the first two, then I just start throwing them down

Nicolas Maduro walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a beer

"That'll be 1.254,430,197 bolivars, sir!"

"1,279,722,978 bolivars?! No one can afford a 1,327,003,407 bolivar beer!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A drunk, who smelled of stale beer, sat down on a subway seat next to a priest.

The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Tell me, Father, what causes arthritis?"

...

An infinite number of Mathematicians

An infinite number of Mathematicians walked into a bar. The first one asked for 1 beer, the second asked for half a beer. The third asked for 1 quater of a beer and so on. After some thought. The bar tender poured to beers into a jug for them to share. A bystander said. Wow that was a really weird s...

Ocean full of beer

Two men are adrift in a lifeboat for days. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, one of the men stumbles across an old lamp. When he touches it, a genie comes forth. This particular genie, however, states that she can deliver only one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much though...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all sitting in a pub

The Englishman looks down, sees a fly in his beer, and calls out to the bartender, "Hey mate, there's a fly in my beer. Get me another pint!"

The Scotsman looks down, sees a fly in his beer, scoops it out and keeps drinking.

The Irishman looks down, sees a fly in his beer, picks it up...

When it's sunny, I think, beer garden! When it rains, I usually go to the bar for a while. When it's snowing, I like to sit in front of the TV with a case of beer.

I'm starting to think I have a problem with the weather…

A horse walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barkeeper says "you're in here pretty often. Think you might be an alcoholic?", to which the horse says "I don't think I am.", and vanishes from existence.

See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'I think therefore I am", but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be to put Descartes before the horse.

A guy was watching the game, drinking a few beers and popping beer nuts into his mouth, when his wife began yelling at him. He turned his head toward her and accidentally popped a beer nut into his ear.

Both him and his wife tried and tried but neither could get it out. All right she said, lets get you to the hospital. As they walked outside their daughter and her boyfriend walked up and she asked, where are you and dad going. The mother said, we're off to the hospital, your father has a beer nut c...

Two Jewish brothers started up a craft beer distillery

called He-Brews

After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer...

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives hi...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Horse went to a bar and started drinking beer. He ended up drinking too much beer.

He then accidentally spilled beer of another guy sitting next to him. He apologized and said he’s gonna buy beer for him. The guy agreed. Horse had already ran out of money though. So he hides behind the counter and silently pissed on the glass and fills it up. He gives the glass to the man.
Af...

I told me friends a joke about old beer last night,

But it fell flat.

I'm highly skeptical over the existence of "alcohol-free beer"...

There's literally zero proof.

Guy goes into a bar

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve beers and starts drinking them as fast as he can.

The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."

The bartender says, "What do you have?"

The guy says, "75 cen...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's a vampire's beer of choice?

Bloodweiser. (Or Blood Light, if he's a total pussy.)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Beer versus Religion

Top Ten Reasons
Beer is better than Religion

10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.

9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.

8. Beer has never caused a major war.

7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.

6. When you have Bee...

How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer

None. It should already be open when she hands it to you.

The guy is carrying a keg of beer

It's Friday evening, great weather, long weekend ahead. Everything is just perfect.

Suddenly he sees some rusty antique lamp in a pile of garbage. Curious, he picks it up.
Surely enough genie appears.

- what's your wish?

- what, just one?

- yep, this is a used lamp, o...

What's my favourite beer?

The next one.

I can only have one beer when watching Star Wars.

Only one Peroni.

Did you hear about the Irishman caught stealing beer?

His name was Nick McGuinness .

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just emailed in my application form for a dominatrix club..." he tells the bartender.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just emailed in my application form for a dominatrix club..." he tells the bartender. "What happened?" the bartender asks. "I got an instant reply thanking me for my submission."

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?" the guy asks the bartender. "Yes, but let's be fair about it," the bartender replies. "It's really hard for a goose to kill a shark."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man and a woman are at a bar having a few beers.

They start talking and soon realize they’re both doctors. After an hour the man says, “Hey, how about if we sleep together tonight? No strings attached.”

The woman doctor agrees to it. They go back to her place and he goes into the bedroom. She goes into the bathroom and starts scrubbing up l...

In the Store with my wife I saw a box of beer on offer for half price so I said can I have them? she said no, budget is tight, I said well you just bought lots of makeup, she replied, that is to make me look beautiful, I replied..

That is what the beer was for.

Someone asked if I ever put an orange slice in my beer.

Once, in a Blue Moon.

What do you call a physicist that only drinks one beer?

Einstein.

A Quality Assurance engineer walks into a bar and orders a beer. The QA then proceeds to order 999,999,999 beers, 0 beers, a lizard, -1 beers, and plate of ueicbksjdhd.

The first real customer walks into the bar and asks where the bathroom is. The bar bursts into flames, killing everyone.

One night in Baghdad, an American, an Englishman and an Iraqi were sitting, chilling with cold beer in a night bar.

The American took his glass, drank the beer, threw the glass into the air, pulled his pistol, shot the glass, commenting that they have such cheap glasses in America that they do not have to drink from the same one twice.

The Englishman, impressed, grabs his glass and does the same thing as ...