The 119+ Best Coke Jokes

I called my wife and told her that I'll pick up pizza and coke on the way back from work. But it seems she was not happy.

She still regrets letting me name the kids.

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A horse walks into a bar and asks for a Coke

A horse walks into a bar and asks for a Coke.

The bartender is very surprised yet he picks a Coke from the fridge and puts it on the counter.

Horse: “Thanks. How much?”

Bartender: “T... ten... d... dollars”

The horse gets his wallet from the saddle and pays 10$.

Ba...

I was fired from my last job because they searched my desk and found coke

But who wants to work at Pepsi Co anyways

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[Nsfw] Man walks into bar and orders a rum a coke.

Bartender gives him an apple
Man gives him a surprised look and says "I ordered a rum and coke!"
Bartender says "just take a bite"
Man bites it and says "This tastes like rum."
Bartender say "now turn it around."
Man turns it and take a bite "Wow, this tastes like coke. This is amazin...

When I was a kid, you could walk into a gas station with a $1 bill and leave with a bag of chips, a candy bar, and a coke.

Now, they have cameras everywhere.

My wife was just in a minor accident. She's told the police that the man she hit was on his phone and drinking a Coke at the time

But they keep going on about how he can do what he wants in his own living room.

How much coke did Charlie Sheen snort?

Enough to kill Two and a Half Men

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a rum and coke, but the bartender hands him an apple.

"What the hell is this? I ordered a rum and coke," the guy protests.

"Just take a bite of the apple," says the bartender. So, the guy bites the apple, and his eyes light up.

"Hey this apple tastes just like rum! What did you soak it in it?"

The bartender tells him, "Turn it arou...

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A man walks into a bar and orders a rum and coke

Bartender: "Hold on" as he puts an apple on the bar

Man: "What's this?"

Bartender: "Try it"

Man: "It tastes like rum!"

Bartender: "Turn it around."

Man: "This side tastes like coke!"

Another man walks into the bar and asks for a gin a tonic, and the bartende...

If you get pulled over and you have some Coke in your car, you’re likely to get arrested.

However, if you get pulled over and you have some Pepsi in your car, you’re likely to make a new friend.

Remember to always brush your seatbelts, buckle your teeth, and drink Pepsi.®️

Got a can of coke for my girlfriend

Best trade ever

Coke vs Pepsi…

Well, I wouldn’t recommend snorting Pepsi so Coke wins.

A coke addict accidentally snorts his grandma's ashes; how much of it did he snort?

About half a gran.

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A man walks into a bar and orders a Jack and Coke.

The bartender reaches behind the bar and grabs a dark red apple, and hands it to the customer.

Dumbfounded, he says “Hey man, what the hell is this? I asked for a Jack and coke!”

The bartender said “Just go a head and take a bite.”

So the man took a bite and his eyes widened “W...

So I asked the bartender for a rum and coke. He said, "Is Pepsi okay?"

"Sure, whatever," I said.

So he handed me a glass of pepsi and coke.

Did you hear about the mortician that tried to smuggle an 8-ball of coke in a dead body?

Authorities found it in the coroner pocket.

I just saw two hotdogs and a burger stumble out of a club, blind drunk and blazed on coke and weed. I was disgusted...

I hate to see food wasted like that. Frugal upbringing.

A horse walks into a bar and orders a glass of coke.

The bartender asks: "Would you like a straw"

"Yeah, straw, lots of straw".

We only have Coke

Me: I'll have a Pepsi please

Waiter: We only have Coke

Me: Cool, I'll have a gram

Selling Coke.

The disappointed salesman of Coke returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. B...

Did you know that if you mix diet coke, bicarb soda, table salt and bleach together in a mop bucket....

You get yelled at by the manager of Walmart

A guy asks a barman how much a coke is.

The barman says it's $5 but asks for $10.

So the guy's confused and asks why,

to which the barman answers: "$5 for the coke, $5 for the service."

The guy pays up but the barman gives him $5 back.

So the guy's confused and asks why,

to which the barman answers: "Y...

There's a new social media platform where people can take pictures of how they've been conned by their coke dealer.

Isntagram.

I walk into my Granddaddy's house drinking a coke

He tells me, "Boy, you drinking too many of those cokes. Don't you know that isn't good for your teeth?"

I say, "You be drinking bourbon everytime I've seen you since I can remember. For breakfast, lunch, and dinner. "

He says, "yeah , but that ain't gonna mess up my teeth."

You...

What's it called when a red head snorts a line of coke?

A ginger rail.

A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender “I’ll have a rum …………………. and coke.”

The bartender asks, “What’s with the big pause?”

The bear shrugs. “I was born with them.”

I remember when you could walk into a store with a quarter and walk out with a can of coke and a candy bar.

nowadays they have cameras everywhere

Dear Diet Coke

Dear Diet Coke,

I feel like you are overreacting.

Sincerely,
Mentos

When I was a kid you could walk into a shop with a quarter and come out with 2 cokes, 3 bags of chips and an Ice cream...

Nowadays, CCTV everywhere.

The CEO of Coke was fired today

They found traces of Pepsi in his system....

Wait shi........

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I'm going to get in a lot of trouble for sitting on the coke rimmed toilet lid

I guess you could really say my ass is on the line this time.

Me and my wife got into an argument once so she smashed a glass coke bottle over my head

Thank God it was a soft drink

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I don't sell coke

I'm not a drug dealer.

I'm a prostitute, I sell crack.

A guy says to a librarian "I'd like a Big Mac, French Fries and a Coke"

The librarian says "I'm sorry sir but this is a library".

The guy says *whispering* "Oh, sorry, I'd like a Big Mac, French Fries and a Coke"

A woman died after drinking 18 litres of coke

She ate a packet of mentos and they found her head 3 miles away

Where are those little 8oz Coke cans manufactured?

*Minisoda*

Coke is like Russian roulette:

If the first time is mind-blowing your life is probably over

An ex husband an ex wife are in court fighting in a bitter custody battle over their child.

The judge asks the woman: "Why do you feel you deserve custody?"

The woman says: "I brought that child into this world. My child literally came out of me! That is why I deserve custody."

The judge nods his head, and says "That is a simple and logical reason. It makes sense."

The...

A blonde goes to the counter and in a very loud voice declares, “I’ll have a cheeseburger, a small order of fries and a Diet Coke, please!”

The lady behind the counter is astonished and says,” Ma’am, this is a library.”
The blonde apologizes and leans in close and says in a whisper, “I’ll have a cheeseburger, a small order of fries and a Diet Coke, please.”

What did Gimli say after the elves poured him some coke?

THEY CALL IT A LINE!

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An Indian and two Pakistanis sat on a Plane.

An Indian got a seat between two Pakistanis on a plane. Relaxing, he took his shoes off.

Soon enough, he got hungry.

"Hey, I'm going to get myself a snack. You guys want anything?" He asked the Pakistanis.

The man to his right said he would like a Coke.

"Of course." s...

For years I've stuck with coke but recently tried switching to pepsi.

But the bubbles really burn my nose.

The saddest activity in my life is crushing my Coke cans.

Its soda pressing.

(tch tch, that was lame)

No one ever asks how Coke is doing.

It's always, "Is Pepsi okay"?

What do they call a Double Quarter Pounder with cheese, large fries, and a Diet Coke in France?

"The American Weight Loss Plan."

I was doing drugs with my friends and we ran out of coke, so we snorted some estrogen.

Now my nose bleeds once a month.

What did the fresh Coke say to the flat Sprite?

“Wow, you’re sodapressing.”

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A man walks into a bar and asks for a rum and coke

The bartender says “sure thing” and reaches below the bar. He puts an apple down in front of the guy and says nothing. The man says “sorry but I ordered a rum and coke.” The bartender says, “just take a bite.” So the man takes a bite and is surprised. “This tastes like rum.” He says. The bartender n...

In Vegas, a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin.

Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.

She returns and starts feeding the machine madly, and of course the machine keeps popping out the drinks.

Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping he...

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Sex is like coke...

You can’t put a finger on what it feels like in your mouth

A man goes up to his drug dealer and asks, “Hey, I want to try something stronger. Got any coke?”

His dealer shook his head. “Would Pepsi be okay?”

My AA sponsor said coke & hookers are not an appropriate Birthday gift..

So i took my business elsewhere!

Customer: "Can I have a number 5 with coke?

Me: "I'm so sorry, maam, but we don't sell cocaine."

Manager: *pulls me aside* "Why the heck would you say that!?"

Me: *goes back to the customer* "My bad, we do sell cocaine".

What do you call a Coke bottle full of bees?

A redneck vibrator.

A man walks into a bar and asks for a rum and Coke

The bartender says "sorry to disappoint, but is Pepsi okay?"

It had been a long day, so the man said "yeah, that's fine"

The bartender turned to pour the drink, then handed it to the man.

"Here you go. Pepsi and Coke"

Can you all please stop hating on Pepsi, Coke, and Orange Crush?

Seriously, it's soda pressing.

Me : What's the wifi password?

Bartender : you need to buy a drink first.

Me : Okay, I'll have a coke.

Bartender : Is Pepsi ok?

Me : Sure, How much is that?

Bartender : 3$

Me : There you go. So what's the wifi password?

Bartender : you need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase.

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A friend of mine realized that he had to give up coke, drinking and fucking dirty hookers every day

During this time of abstinence, his physical health improved a lot. He put on some healthy weight and even some muscles. However, mentally he got really depressed, a total wreck. He was especially sad over his new sex life.

Long story short, now he's back at it again; drinking, taking cocaine...

I went to the world of coke today...

I can say it's a lot better than the world of Coca-Cola.

My girlfriend is an alchemist. Last night she drank 8 rum & cokes.

Then she vomited 7-up.

There once was a guy so dumb, he got sent to colombia for coke

He returned with pepsi

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A guy walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich and a cat behind him..

The waitress asks for their orders. The guy says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $18.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket an...

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Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an attorney got on and took the aisle seat next to the two physicians.

The attorney kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the physician in the window seat said," I think I'll get up and get a coke."

"No problem," said the attorney, "I'll get it for you."

While he was gone, one of the physicians picked up the attorney's shoe and s...

4 beer company CEOs walk into a bar

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light.

The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light.

The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.

The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.

The first three ask the CEO of Guinness why he didn't order a Guinness, to which he replied:

"I figured if yo...

A man walks into a bar and orders a whisky-coke.

Barman : "Sorry Sir, we have only Pepsi".

The man : "I don't mind".

And the barman serves him a glass with half Pepsi, half Coke.

Personal trainer just got 10 years for dealing coke

I’ve been going to him for years. Just shows you never really know someone.

I genuinely had no idea he was a personal trainer

Guy walks into a bar and orders a whiskey-coke.

Bartender asks if Pepsi is okay and guy says that's fine.

Bartender turns around to make the drink and when finished presents the drink and says "here's your pepsi-coke."

Why do people in the US get so happy when they drink coke?

Because it’s a merry can.

A boxer used to do coke on his bocing gloves after winning.

That was the punch line.

TIL that fanta was created during WWII, when Coke Germany invented a way to efficiently process juice.

You should have seen Adolf's face when he realised he had misheard his receptionist.

How do coke dealers meet women?

Pickup lines.

I just saw a video of someone crushing a 6 pack of Coke in a hydraulic press. All that wasted cola made me so sad.

It was soda-pressing

The power of Pepsi

So a couple of friends of mine, one black, one white were at a protest and wondered which carbonated drink makes the police the most peaceful. Turns out it really is Pepsi. You see, my white friend went up to the front of the protest and shouted to the cops "Anybody wanna buy some Pepsi?!" and the c...

A nurse, a doctor, and an anti-vaxxer walk into a bar.

The nurse sits down at the bar and says, “I’ll have a Bloody Mary!”

The doctor sits next to her and says, “Give me a rum and coke!”

The anti-vaxxer does nothing. She collapsed and died from polio.

What do you call a stoner's Coke?

Baking soda

Why was the weight lifter upset after lifting a case of Coke?

It was just soda pressing.

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I persuaded my girlfriend to smuggle my coke through customs by sticking it up her arse.

I didn't know I could buy another can in the departure lounge.

I don't have a coke problem...

...I just love the way it smells.

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(NSFW) Three guys are hanging out together at a house. One is white, one is black, and one is Mexican. After doing a couple lines of coke, they are all revved up and horny. The white guy says “hey we should get a hooker and we can take turns for a little entertainment”

The other two guys agree this is a great idea and so the white guy makes a phone call to a pimp. Ten minutes later, a prostitute arrives.

After a few minutes of discussion, the white guy says “well I paid for her so I’m going first”. The other two guys, while annoyed, agree to this.

T...

I have a friend who once sneezed while snorting coke, and sprayed it all over his goatee.

He immediately went and shaved the goatee off.

When he came back, I asked him why he'd shaved it.

**"Because you dont get high off your own 'stache"**

If you add coke to your whiskey, you're a novice drinker.

If you add whiskey to your coke, you're ruining good drugs.

What does a Scandinavian coke addict do?

Snjort.

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If you sniff coke off of someone's butt

...is it called crack cocaine?

What does Batman have with his coke?

Just ice

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One day a guy dies...

...and finds himself in hell. Walking around, he runs into the devil.

Devil: Why are you so sad?

Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.

Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Devil: Well ...

A friend just grabbed my coke can and destroyed it.

That's soda pressing.

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A duck walks into a bar and just fucking screams at the barkeep.Give me a fucking jack and coke you fucking stupid ugly motherfucker.

Whoa there partner, capitulates the tender of fine libations...whats with the fowl language?

What’s the difference between a bag of coke and a 4 year old boy?

Eric Clapton wouldn’t let a bag of coke fall out the window

Why did the coke addict take to bee keeping to get sober?

Finally found something that would give him a buzz

An Indian has a seat between two Pakistani's on board an airplane.

It's quite obvious to each of the three men know where they are from. The Indian asks, "Pardon me gentleman, you wouldn't mind me sitting between you to do you? This is my seat after all."

The Pakistanis look at each other, and then look back at him. One of them smiles and says, "Not at all! ...

A coke user waits in line for a bar.

That’s the joke. Thought it was a good line, I bet it made you snort.

I had to buy my mother 144 ounces of coke.

They were out of 2-liters.

What did the Coke can say when we got crushed?

I'm soda pressed.

In the past I could get into a store with a penny and came out with 2 coke cans, 1 bag of chips and some mints, but not anymore...

...the store put cameras today.

Why do Anti-Vaxxers drink Coke and Pepsi?

Because they think Dr, Pepper causes autism

Just saw a coke can get crushed in front of his family

Soda pressing....

A coke dealer is waiting for a customer at a diner

the customer sits down, slides over the money, the dealer slides over a bag of white powder. At that moment the cops burst in to arrest the dealer and the buyer. The dealer quickly says "it's just some caster sugar to put on his pie", a cop doesn't believe him and checks the white powder, it is inde...

What did the alien say to the coke bottle?

Take me to your liter

What's the difference between a baby and an ounce of Coke?

Eric Clapton would never drop an ounce of Coke out of a window

What do English teacher and Coke dealers have in common?

Focus on the last line.

What happened to the guy that drank 6 cokes?

He burped 7 up.

In honor of his passing, my dad's favorite joke to tell waiters

Waiter: "And to drink, sir?"

Dad: "I'll have a blind coke."

Waiter: "I'm sorry?"

Dad: "You know, a blind coke. No ice."

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A guy walks into a bar...

... and asks the bartender for a Jack and Coke. The bartender hands him an apple. The man, looking confused, asks, "What's this?" The bartender replies, "Take a bite out of the apple." The man does and surprised, he says, "Wow, this tastes like Jack Daniels!" The bartender says, "Now turn it around....

How do you call a self-restrained coke addict?

A one-liner

I got beaten up after I told a customer “we don’t have coke, is Pepsi okay?”

My first and last day as a drug dealer.

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This guy walks into a bar and orders a rhum and coke

The bartender says I got something similar, here’s an apple

Guy: that’s an apple?! I asked for a rhum and coke

Bartender: just have a bite

Guy: WOW! it tastes like rhum!!!

Bartender: turn it around

Guy turns it around and bites: WOW tastes like coke!! Rhum n coke!...

What do you call a Goldfish cracker laced with Coke

The snack that’s also crack

I just had to start taking anti-depressants after starting my new career testing the strength of Coke cans...

I love my job, but its soda-pressing

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Jack Daniels?

Jack Daniels comes alive when you add Coke.

I knew an amateur boxer with a coke habit.

He kept his stash in his headgear because he thought it would soften the blow.

I like American cola just fine, and Mexican cokes are even better!

But Columbian coke is especially great!

A bot walks into a sub and orders a rum and coke...

[Removed]

Id like to order a number 3 combo with a Mac n cheese side and large coke

Okay that will be $7.86 sir, what kind of drink would you like?

...

What do you get when you cross Coke and Pepsi?

Diabetes.

Had the choice between 3 Cokes and 4 Dr Peppers.

I picked seven up.

Why was the blonde snorting Sweet and Low?

She thought it was diet coke.

I walked in to a bar, and ordered a Jack and Coke

Two key bumps later, all four tires are off my car

Why did the Pepsi executive get fired?

He tested positive for Coke.

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Dicks and vaginas are like Coke and Pepsi.

I strongly prefer one, but my dad says they both taste the same.

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