A lemonade seller and the businessman.

A lemonade seller was standing in the hot sun selling lemonade. A customer, who is a businessman approached him and asked him the prices.


"$3 for a full glass, $30 for 5 empty ones."


Astonished, the businessman asks him, "What is that supposed to mean?" The seller remained sil...

What did Jay-Z say when Beyonce released Lemonade?

I got 100 problems.

Three Southern Belles are sipping a lemonade on the porch swing one hot summer day.

The first one says "Ah heard tell of a boah kissin' anothuh boah. They call them 'ho-mo-seck-shules'."

They all giggle and fan themselves.

The second one says "Wail, AH heard of a gurl kissin' anothuh gurl. They call them 'lez-bee-ans'."

They all turn slightly red and sip their ...

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A family holds a reunion and decides to run a lemonade stand.

The mother was an architect, the father was a computer scientist, the son was a business owner, and the daughter was a prostitute. The family held a reunion and decided that a great bonding exercise would be to run a lemonade stand.

The family split tasks when designing the lemonade stand. Th...

When life hands you lemons.....Make lemonade

Then, find someone for whom life has handed them Vodka....

Where did the baseball keep its lemonade?

In the pitcher!

A boy was at a lemonade stand.

He was deciding between a glass or a full pitcher. He told the seller he was really thirsty, to which they replied, "Take a pitcher, it'll last longer".

I gave my crush a glass of lemonade yesterday, and she seemed to instantly fall in love with me.

I think I schwepped her right off her feet.

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. When life gives you melons...

You're dyslexic.

If the musicians, Ice T and Lemonade formed a band, what would it be called?

Arnold Palmer

What does Batman have in his lemonade?

Just ice.

GOP Lemonade Stand

A Republican senator has set up a lemonade stand selling lemonade for a dollar to raise money for his campaign and remind his constituents of “the good old days”. It’s a big success, as many parents and grandparents take their children and grandchildren to show them how they used to make money back ...

When I was a kid, I had a lemonade stand. I'd give away the first glass for free and charge $20 for the second.

The refill contained the antidote.

What kind of scientist put bubbles in lemonade?

A FIZZicist

Communist Lemonade

A taste worth standing in line for.

What do you call an unsweetened, kosher lemonade?

acidic juice

Why do orthodox rabbis like lemonade so much?

Because, it's acidic juice.

A philosopher and a political scientist are drinking lemonade on a porch in a nudist colony. The philosopher says, "I suppose you've read Marx?"

The political scientist replies, "Yes! It's these darn wicker chairs!"

Lemonade

A man stumbles upon a little girl's lemonade stand and asks, "How much for a glass?" "First one's twenty-five cents," she responds. He hands her the money, downs the lemonade, and asks for another. "The second cup is twenty-five dollars", she states. Confused, the man asks, "Why?"

"This one h...

Why does hitler not like jewish lemonade ?

Its to hasidic

A man sees a lemonade stand

A man sees a lemonade stand run by a small girl. He notices that 1 glass of lemonade is $1 and that 3 glasses are $5. The man explains to the girl that buying 3 glasses for $5 is more expensive than buying 3 glasses for $1 each. The girl disagrees and says that it costs less to buy 3 glasses for $5....

Did you head about the rabbi who only drank lemonade?

He's an acidic Jew....

Three men are looking for somewhere to have a drink.

There are three beverage stands. The lemonade stand, the iced tea stand, and the fruit punch stand. As it’s a hot summer day, the men agree to quench their thirst and decide which stand to go to.

The first man says to the other two, “Because I’m thirsty and behind on my citrus intake, I’ll be...

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One day while at the farmers market a man came upon a cart with a sign that read “Magic Apples”

He asked the farmer what could possibly be magic about apples. The farmer handed him a fruit and said try it. After taking a bite the man said to the farmer, “It’s a fine apple, but still just an apple.” To which the farmer replied “Turn it over”. The man turned the apple over, took another bite, an...

Good, Better, Best

GOOD:



A Madison, WI policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn’t getting many. Then he discovered the problem. A 12-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand-painted sign, which read, “RADAR TRAP AHEAD.”

The officer later found a young accomplice ...

Ghoul in the Pub (Credit to Paul Sloane & Des MacHale)

Bill, a tourist in Devon, spends the day sightseeing, then decides to finish the day at a pub in a nearby village. He gets absorbed in the rustic atmosphere, but in the midst of drinking a Guinness, he notices what appears to be a ghoul drinking from a small green bottle, across the room. This perso...

Would you like a free coupon?

A man is selling lemonade from a sidewalk stand. A boy rides by on his skateboard.

"WOULD YOU LIKE A FREE COUPON?!" the man shouts at the boy. The boy is so startled that he falls backwards off his skateboard.

The boy wasn't wearing a helmet and cracks his head open on the sidewalk. Th...

What do you call a medical treatment based on lemons?

Lemonade.

A man's friend is having a party at her house.

The man is invited. he asks what kinds of food and drinks there will be. His friend tells him there will be hot dogs, salad, burgers, club sandwiches, and pizza, and for drinks there will be beer, wine, lemonade, and fruit punch. The man is excited about these options, and is in a great party mood. ...

the heads of Coors, Budweiser and Guinness go to lunch.

So, the heads of Coors, Budweiser and Guinness are all sitting in a restaurant. When the waitress comes over she takes their drinks order first

- 'Ill have a silver bullet' says the Coors guy
- 'Ill have the king of beers' says the Budweiser guy
- 'Lemonade please' says the head of Guin...

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One day, a red fruit loop looked at himself in the mirror and said, "I need to become an orange fruit loop."

It was a daunting task. But after working out for two hours a day, with five-gram weights, and getting a degree in economics, *wa-zaam!* he was an orange fruit loop. But he was still hungry.

Again Looking at himself in the mirror, he said, "I need to become a yellow fruit loop." It was a d...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

a duck walks into a bar

he asks "got any peanuts??"

the bartender says

"haha. I've heard this joke, but this isn't a lemonade stand. go away"

"but I want peanuts?" the duck says

"we don't sell any. go away."

so the duck walks away.

the next day, he walks back and asks the bartender...

The next person

The next person that asks me for a pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade and a slice of orange in the same cup is gonna get a punch.

The beverage factory

Steve just got a job at the beverage factory and is getting a tour from the manager on his first day. The manager spends this time explaining the different assembly lines.

"Over here," the manager says, "is the lemonade assembly line. we take the product, package it up and prepare it to ship....

If life gives you lemons...

I hope ~~he~~ life also gives you water and sugar or else your lemonade's gonna suck.

What's the name for the emergency service for lemons?

Lemonade

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Dating in 1962

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1962 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.
He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.
"Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A homeless man walks into a restaurant...

He sits down at a table and asks to speak to the manager. The manager walks over to the man and says

"Can I help you?"

"I'm going to be honest with you. I have no money to pay for a meal. But I want to make a little wager with you. I want you to take any spoon that you want and then I ...

There was a boy who grew up in San Francisco and he absolutely loved watching the street cars going up and down the streets.

His goal, when he grew up was to eventually drive those things. Before he even graduated high school, he applied to the street car driving school. He got accepted and once he graduated high school he headed off to training. After months of classes and tests, he was off to his first day of work as an...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

ADVICE FROM RON - A RETIRED HUSBAND

It is
important for men to remember that, as women
grow older, it becomes harder for them to
maintain the same quality of housekeeping as
when they were younger. When you notice
this, try not to yell at them. Some are
oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an
oversensitiv...

Brewers Convention

There's a big convention of brewers from all over the world. At the end of the first day, Nils, Hank and Paddy go for a drink together to share their thoughts. They get settled at the bar, and the landlord comes over to take their order.

Nils says, "I've worked for Carlsberg for ten years, so...

Sick Lemon and Sick Bird

What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment


What do you give a sick lemon?

Lemonade

If you see someone doing a crossword puzzle

Whisper in their ear, 7 up is lemonade.

A bear walks into a bar..

A bear walks into a bar and asks the barman for "One Corona, two margaritas and.........a lemonade". The barman replies "Sure, but why the big pause?". The bear looks down and says "That's the way I am".

Ok, so lets share our Christmas cracker jokes. Mine was awful.

A bottle of lemonade fell on a barmans head. Why wasn't he hurt? It was a soft drink.

There's a little known country in central Europe that is ruled by a monarchy... (x-post /r/dadjokes)

Not many people are aware of its existence but I assure that it is there all the same. The king of this little land faces a lot of difficulty. He wants to make his kingdom into a sovereign nation but unfortunately they do not have the infrastructure, population, or economy to do so. In fact, this sm...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Mr. Cheerio, the Fruity Cheerio (long, but it's worth it)

Once upon a time, there was a Fruity Cheerio. He was a poor cheerio, and lived on the streets. He had no family, and begged other cheerios for money every day. One day, Mr. Cheerio decided to pray to the Cheerio God.

"Dear Cheerio God. I am your humble Cheerio servant. I kindly ask that you ...

What's Intelligence?

Joe and his buddy Jim are digging a ditch, while their foreman sits on a lawn chair in the shade, drinking lemonade. It's a hot day, and Joe starts wondering why the foreman isn't doing any of the work. "Hey Jim?" he asks. "How come we're down here digging the ditch, and the boss is up there, drinki...

A corpse walks into a bar...

And asks the bartender for a lemonade.

"Of course!" says the bartender, "I've never seen a stiff drink!"

Courtesy of the video game Fable 3.

A woman comes home from work...

And as she's pulling into her driveway, she sees that next door, the wife is mowing the lawn while the husband sits on the porch drinking lemonade.

It was an exceptionally hot day, and the woman is so shocked and outraged that she decides that she's going to give the husband a piece of her m...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A duck is waddling around...

...and he waddles his way up to a lemonade stand. The duck goes up the the guy and says "Quack! You got any grapes?"

"What? No." The guy exclaimed "This is a lemonade stand, why would I have grapes?"

"Quack! Okay." He says, and he waddles away.

About an hour goes by and the duck...

What do you call assistants that help citrus fruit?

Lemonade.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My Favorite Golf Joke

A guys is working on his game by hitting golf balls into a net in his backyard. It's a pretty hot day and his wife comes out to bring him some lemonade. Just as she approaches from the side he takes a swing and shanks it. The ball zoom right towards his wife, goes into her mouth and she drops to ...