A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for "One Corona, two margaritas and......... a lemonade". The bartender replies "Sure, but why the big pause?"

The bear looks down and says "That's just the way I'm built".

A 10 year old girl opens a lemonade stand and sells at such low prices her competition can’t keep up, and is forced to close down.

Maybe it would have helped if there were a punch line..

Why is Lemonade bad?

Because it's Not-tea by nature.

I emptied my lemonade bottle down the drain and filled it with my urine, in hopes of catching my roommate in the act.

I learned the following morning that I had the uncanny ability of sleep-drinking.

Where did the baseball keep its lemonade?

In the pitcher!

I went to a party and went to the lemonade stand...

I don't know what they put in it, but I was schwepped off my feet!

How does Michael Rosen like his lemonade?

No ice.

The next person that asks me for a pineapple juice

a cranberry juice and some lemonade with a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a punch..

A zombie walks into a bar and asks for a hard lemonade

The bartender replies "Certainly, I've never seen a Stiff Drink"

What kind of scientist put bubbles in lemonade?

A FIZZicist

A girl agreed to go out with me after I offered her a bottle of lemonade.

You could say I schwepped her off her feet!

My mate loves red wine. She hates it when people mess with it....

I thought I know I'll add some fruit and Lemonade....



But now she’s sangria than ever...

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Some of my favourite cat jokes

What's a cats favourite colour? **Purr-ple!**

What do you call a cat who drinks lemonade? **A Sour-Puss!**

What is a cats favourite car? **A Cat-illac!**

What is a cat's favourite day of the week? **Caturday!**

A lemonade was only given 60 seconds to clean her house

She hired a minute maid

When I was a kid, I had a lemonade stand. I'd give away the first glass for free and charge $20 for the second.

The refill contained the antidote.

When life gives you...

...High Fructose Corn Syrup, Citric Acid, Ascorbic Acid, Maltodextrin, Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate, Magnesium Oxide, Calcium Furmarate, Yellow #5, Tocopherol and less than 2% natural flavors...

...Make lemonade.

Then the duck walked up to the lemonade stand and says to the man running, “hey” (bom bom bom)

“you never expect the spanish inquisition“

If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade.

And try to find somebody who's life gives them vodka, and have a party.

Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?

Benedict Arnold Palmer

I gave this lady a sip of my lemonade last night and she fell in love with me.

I schwepped her off her feet. :)

A boy was at a lemonade stand.

He was deciding between a glass or a full pitcher. He told the seller he was really thirsty, to which they replied, "Take a pitcher, it'll last longer".

What's the most profitable part of owning a lemonade stand?

Selling the antidote.

Three Southern Belles are sipping a lemonade on the porch swing one hot summer day.

The first one says "Ah heard tell of a boah kissin' anothuh boah. They call them 'ho-mo-seck-shules'."

They all giggle and fan themselves.

The second one says "Wail, AH heard of a gurl kissin' anothuh gurl. They call them 'lez-bee-ans'."

They all turn slightly red and sip their ...

What did Jay-Z say when Beyonce released Lemonade?

I got 100 problems.

What do you call a lemon grenade?

Lemonade!

If the musicians, Ice T and Lemonade formed a band, what would it be called?

Arnold Palmer

Why do orthodox rabbis like lemonade so much?

Because, it's acidic juice.

GOP Lemonade Stand

A Republican senator has set up a lemonade stand selling lemonade for a dollar to raise money for his campaign and remind his constituents of “the good old days”. It’s a big success, as many parents and grandparents take their children and grandchildren to show them how they used to make money back ...

Dave and his girlfriend are at a party on a hot day.

It’s a good party, everyone is having fun. And eventually the catering comes in, and everyone starts lining up to get their food and drinks. Dave’s girlfriend is feeling a bit tired, so Dave offers to go up and get her a drink. She happily thanks him and asks for some lemonade just to quench her thi...

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Why does hitler not like jewish lemonade ?

Its to hasidic

Lemonade

A man stumbles upon a little girl's lemonade stand and asks, "How much for a glass?" "First one's twenty-five cents," she responds. He hands her the money, downs the lemonade, and asks for another. "The second cup is twenty-five dollars", she states. Confused, the man asks, "Why?"

"This one h...

A joke I heard a while ago

So there’s this Cheerio. In cheerio-land, there are three kinds of people: original, blueberry, and honey nut. He desperately wants to be honey nut. So he goes to the tattoo shop, and the cheerio running it says he can become a blueberry cheerio first, but it’s gonna cost some money.

He star...

A philosopher and a political scientist are drinking lemonade on a porch in a nudist colony. The philosopher says, "I suppose you've read Marx?"

The political scientist replies, "Yes! It's these darn wicker chairs!"

Did you head about the rabbi who only drank lemonade?

He's an acidic Jew....

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Why did the nazi refuse to drink lemonade?

He hated acidic juice.

A man sees a lemonade stand

A man sees a lemonade stand run by a small girl. He notices that 1 glass of lemonade is $1 and that 3 glasses are $5. The man explains to the girl that buying 3 glasses for $5 is more expensive than buying 3 glasses for $1 each. The girl disagrees and says that it costs less to buy 3 glasses for $5....

A King is thirsty

During a royal party, the king finds himself parched.

Rather than ask one of his many servants for a beverage, he thinks back to his more humble years, when he would fetch things for himself.

The king decides he will get up and get the drink himself.
As he approaches the concessions...

A lottery winner celebrates by buying himself a Rolls-Royce and membership of the local golf club.

Obviously when he gets the car he has to drive it straight round to the golf club and make sure all the members get to see it, and he's ostentatiously buying drinks for the whole bar but sticking to lemonade himself because he's "got to drive the Roller home later, you know", and when it's time to g...

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Young naive couple

A young naïve newlywed couple from rural China decided to move to America to start a new life with nothing but big dreams and the love for each other. They arrived at their new home in rural Minnesota, and although they were happy and still in love, the first couple of months were difficult. They ...

Three men are looking for somewhere to have a drink.

There are three beverage stands. The lemonade stand, the iced tea stand, and the fruit punch stand. As it’s a hot summer day, the men agree to quench their thirst and decide which stand to go to.

The first man says to the other two, “Because I’m thirsty and behind on my citrus intake, I’ll be...

3 men were stranded in a desert

3 men were stranded in a desert.

They were dying of thirst when a genie appeared to them. The genie said, “Here, I have a magical slide. Slide down it and shout any liquid and you will land in a pool of said liquid.”

So the first man got to the slide, slid down it and shouted ‘WATER’ ...

the heads of Coors, Budweiser and Guinness go to lunch.

So, the heads of Coors, Budweiser and Guinness are all sitting in a restaurant. When the waitress comes over she takes their drinks order first

- 'Ill have a silver bullet' says the Coors guy
- 'Ill have the king of beers' says the Budweiser guy
- 'Lemonade please' says the head of Guin...

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One day while at the farmers market a man came upon a cart with a sign that read “Magic Apples”

He asked the farmer what could possibly be magic about apples. The farmer handed him a fruit and said try it. After taking a bite the man said to the farmer, “It’s a fine apple, but still just an apple.” To which the farmer replied “Turn it over”. The man turned the apple over, took another bite, an...

Would you like a free coupon?

A man is selling lemonade from a sidewalk stand. A boy rides by on his skateboard.

"WOULD YOU LIKE A FREE COUPON?!" the man shouts at the boy. The boy is so startled that he falls backwards off his skateboard.

The boy wasn't wearing a helmet and cracks his head open on the sidewalk. Th...

3 men are lost in a desert

They're on the verge of dying from dehydration when they find a genie lamp on the ground. They rub it and a genie comes out and says:"You have freed me from a 2000 years slumber. You will be rewarded with a wish each." The first man, excited, asks to go back home and drink some of his mom's deliciou...

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A person, diagnosed with HIV for years, decides to visit a wise old sage.

The person visits the wise man and asks him, "I am very depressed with my life. What should I do? Please gives me guidance, O wise man!"

The old man says, "When life gives you lemons, made lemonade."

The person then walks out.

Days pass by but the person is still as sad with hi...

The beverage factory

Steve just got a job at the beverage factory and is getting a tour from the manager on his first day. The manager spends this time explaining the different assembly lines.

"Over here," the manager says, "is the lemonade assembly line. we take the product, package it up and prepare it to ship....

Man to Friend : "Yesterday, i found my wife with another man in bed."

Friend : "What did you do?"

Man : "I went angrily to the kitchen to find a knife. When i found one, i sharpened it carefully. I ran fast to the refrigerator to get lemons and used the knife to cut the lemon and make lemonade for me."

Friend : "What about the man?"

Man : "Of cour...

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One day, a red fruit loop looked at himself in the mirror and said, "I need to become an orange fruit loop."

It was a daunting task. But after working out for two hours a day, with five-gram weights, and getting a degree in economics, *wa-zaam!* he was an orange fruit loop. But he was still hungry.

Again Looking at himself in the mirror, he said, "I need to become a yellow fruit loop." It was a d...

A man's friend is having a party at her house.

The man is invited. he asks what kinds of food and drinks there will be. His friend tells him there will be hot dogs, salad, burgers, club sandwiches, and pizza, and for drinks there will be beer, wine, lemonade, and fruit punch. The man is excited about these options, and is in a great party mood. ...

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Dating in 1962

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1962 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.
He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.
"Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?...

Ghoul in the Pub (Credit to Paul Sloane & Des MacHale)

Bill, a tourist in Devon, spends the day sightseeing, then decides to finish the day at a pub in a nearby village. He gets absorbed in the rustic atmosphere, but in the midst of drinking a Guinness, he notices what appears to be a ghoul drinking from a small green bottle, across the room. This perso...

What do you call a medical treatment based on lemons?

Lemonade.

There was a boy who grew up in San Francisco and he absolutely loved watching the street cars going up and down the streets.

His goal, when he grew up was to eventually drive those things. Before he even graduated high school, he applied to the street car driving school. He got accepted and once he graduated high school he headed off to training. After months of classes and tests, he was off to his first day of work as an...

Brewers Convention

There's a big convention of brewers from all over the world. At the end of the first day, Nils, Hank and Paddy go for a drink together to share their thoughts. They get settled at the bar, and the landlord comes over to take their order.

Nils says, "I've worked for Carlsberg for ten years, so...

Sick Lemon and Sick Bird

What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment


What do you give a sick lemon?

Lemonade

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A homeless man walks into a restaurant...

He sits down at a table and asks to speak to the manager. The manager walks over to the man and says

"Can I help you?"

"I'm going to be honest with you. I have no money to pay for a meal. But I want to make a little wager with you. I want you to take any spoon that you want and then I ...

[DEATH ROW]

WARDEN: Last meal?

CON: Just a glass of lemonade please

*Drinks lemonade/Burps*

WARDEN: Pardon

[CON WALKS FREE]

Ok, so lets share our Christmas cracker jokes. Mine was awful.

A bottle of lemonade fell on a barmans head. Why wasn't he hurt? It was a soft drink.

What's the name for the emergency service for lemons?

Lemonade

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr. Cheerio, the Fruity Cheerio (long, but it's worth it)

Once upon a time, there was a Fruity Cheerio. He was a poor cheerio, and lived on the streets. He had no family, and begged other cheerios for money every day. One day, Mr. Cheerio decided to pray to the Cheerio God.

"Dear Cheerio God. I am your humble Cheerio servant. I kindly ask that you ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

ADVICE FROM RON - A RETIRED HUSBAND

It is
important for men to remember that, as women
grow older, it becomes harder for them to
maintain the same quality of housekeeping as
when they were younger. When you notice
this, try not to yell at them. Some are
oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an
oversensitiv...

What do you call assistants that help citrus fruit?

Lemonade.

If you see someone doing a crossword puzzle

Whisper in their ear, 7 up is lemonade.

A woman comes home from work...

And as she's pulling into her driveway, she sees that next door, the wife is mowing the lawn while the husband sits on the porch drinking lemonade.

It was an exceptionally hot day, and the woman is so shocked and outraged that she decides that she's going to give the husband a piece of her m...

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