Where did the baseball keep its lemonade?

In the pitcher!

I gave my crush a glass of lemonade yesterday, and she seemed to instantly fall in love with me.

I think I schwepped her right off her feet.

If life gives you lemons make lemonade...

If life gives you melons your dyslexic.

What's the most profitable part of owning a lemonade stand?

Selling the antidote.

A duck walked up to a lemonade stand, and he said to the man, running the stand

"Quack"

A lemonade seller and the businessman.

A lemonade seller was standing in the hot sun selling lemonade. A customer, who is a businessman approached him and asked him the prices.


"$3 for a full glass, $30 for 5 empty ones."


Astonished, the businessman asks him, "What is that supposed to mean?" The seller remained sil...

What kind of scientist put bubbles in lemonade?

A FIZZicist

Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?

Benedict Arnold Palmer

Three Southern Belles are sipping a lemonade on the porch swing one hot summer day.

The first one says "Ah heard tell of a boah kissin' anothuh boah. They call them 'ho-mo-seck-shules'."

They all giggle and fan themselves.

The second one says "Wail, AH heard of a gurl kissin' anothuh gurl. They call them 'lez-bee-ans'."

They all turn slightly red and sip their ...

GOP Lemonade Stand

A Republican senator has set up a lemonade stand selling lemonade for a dollar to raise money for his campaign and remind his constituents of “the good old days”. It’s a big success, as many parents and grandparents take their children and grandchildren to show them how they used to make money back ...

When I was a kid, I had a lemonade stand. I'd give away the first glass for free and charge $20 for the second.

The refill contained the antidote.

A boy was at a lemonade stand.

He was deciding between a glass or a full pitcher. He told the seller he was really thirsty, to which they replied, "Take a pitcher, it'll last longer".

What did Jay-Z say when Beyonce released Lemonade?

I got 100 problems.

If the musicians, Ice T and Lemonade formed a band, what would it be called?

Arnold Palmer

When life hands you lemons.....Make lemonade

Then, find someone for whom life has handed them Vodka....

A philosopher and a political scientist are drinking lemonade on a porch in a nudist colony. The philosopher says, "I suppose you've read Marx?"

The political scientist replies, "Yes! It's these darn wicker chairs!"

Why do orthodox rabbis like lemonade so much?

Because, it's acidic juice.

What does Batman have in his lemonade?

Just ice.

Lemonade

A man stumbles upon a little girl's lemonade stand and asks, "How much for a glass?" "First one's twenty-five cents," she responds. He hands her the money, downs the lemonade, and asks for another. "The second cup is twenty-five dollars", she states. Confused, the man asks, "Why?"

"This one h...

What's the difference between AIDS and lemonades?

My son died of AIDS.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does hitler not like jewish lemonade ?

Its to hasidic

Did you head about the rabbi who only drank lemonade?

He's an acidic Jew....

Three men are looking for somewhere to have a drink.

There are three beverage stands. The lemonade stand, the iced tea stand, and the fruit punch stand. As it’s a hot summer day, the men agree to quench their thirst and decide which stand to go to.

The first man says to the other two, “Because I’m thirsty and behind on my citrus intake, I’ll be...

A man sees a lemonade stand

A man sees a lemonade stand run by a small girl. He notices that 1 glass of lemonade is $1 and that 3 glasses are $5. The man explains to the girl that buying 3 glasses for $5 is more expensive than buying 3 glasses for $1 each. The girl disagrees and says that it costs less to buy 3 glasses for $5....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day while at the farmers market a man came upon a cart with a sign that read “Magic Apples”

He asked the farmer what could possibly be magic about apples. The farmer handed him a fruit and said try it. After taking a bite the man said to the farmer, “It’s a fine apple, but still just an apple.” To which the farmer replied “Turn it over”. The man turned the apple over, took another bite, an...

Good, Better, Best

GOOD:



A Madison, WI policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn’t getting many. Then he discovered the problem. A 12-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand-painted sign, which read, “RADAR TRAP AHEAD.”

The officer later found a young accomplice ...

Ghoul in the Pub (Credit to Paul Sloane & Des MacHale)

Bill, a tourist in Devon, spends the day sightseeing, then decides to finish the day at a pub in a nearby village. He gets absorbed in the rustic atmosphere, but in the midst of drinking a Guinness, he notices what appears to be a ghoul drinking from a small green bottle, across the room. This perso...

the heads of Coors, Budweiser and Guinness go to lunch.

So, the heads of Coors, Budweiser and Guinness are all sitting in a restaurant. When the waitress comes over she takes their drinks order first

- 'Ill have a silver bullet' says the Coors guy
- 'Ill have the king of beers' says the Budweiser guy
- 'Lemonade please' says the head of Guin...

Would you like a free coupon?

A man is selling lemonade from a sidewalk stand. A boy rides by on his skateboard.

"WOULD YOU LIKE A FREE COUPON?!" the man shouts at the boy. The boy is so startled that he falls backwards off his skateboard.

The boy wasn't wearing a helmet and cracks his head open on the sidewalk. Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, a red fruit loop looked at himself in the mirror and said, "I need to become an orange fruit loop."

It was a daunting task. But after working out for two hours a day, with five-gram weights, and getting a degree in economics, *wa-zaam!* he was an orange fruit loop. But he was still hungry.

Again Looking at himself in the mirror, he said, "I need to become a yellow fruit loop." It was a d...

A man's friend is having a party at her house.

The man is invited. he asks what kinds of food and drinks there will be. His friend tells him there will be hot dogs, salad, burgers, club sandwiches, and pizza, and for drinks there will be beer, wine, lemonade, and fruit punch. The man is excited about these options, and is in a great party mood. ...

What do you call a medical treatment based on lemons?

Lemonade.

The beverage factory

Steve just got a job at the beverage factory and is getting a tour from the manager on his first day. The manager spends this time explaining the different assembly lines.

"Over here," the manager says, "is the lemonade assembly line. we take the product, package it up and prepare it to ship....

The next person

The next person that asks me for a pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade and a slice of orange in the same cup is gonna get a punch.

What's the name for the emergency service for lemons?

Lemonade

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a duck walks into a bar

he asks "got any peanuts??"

the bartender says

"haha. I've heard this joke, but this isn't a lemonade stand. go away"

"but I want peanuts?" the duck says

"we don't sell any. go away."

so the duck walks away.

the next day, he walks back and asks the bartender...

What does Trump enjoy on hot day after golfing?

A so-called lemonade, a so-called air conditioner, and his so-hot daughter.

There was a boy who grew up in San Francisco and he absolutely loved watching the street cars going up and down the streets.

His goal, when he grew up was to eventually drive those things. Before he even graduated high school, he applied to the street car driving school. He got accepted and once he graduated high school he headed off to training. After months of classes and tests, he was off to his first day of work as an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A homeless man walks into a restaurant...

He sits down at a table and asks to speak to the manager. The manager walks over to the man and says

"Can I help you?"

"I'm going to be honest with you. I have no money to pay for a meal. But I want to make a little wager with you. I want you to take any spoon that you want and then I ...

Brewers Convention

There's a big convention of brewers from all over the world. At the end of the first day, Nils, Hank and Paddy go for a drink together to share their thoughts. They get settled at the bar, and the landlord comes over to take their order.

Nils says, "I've worked for Carlsberg for ten years, so...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dating in 1962

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1962 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.
He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.
"Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?...

A bear walks into a bar..

A bear walks into a bar and asks the barman for "One Corona, two margaritas and.........a lemonade". The barman replies "Sure, but why the big pause?". The bear looks down and says "That's the way I am".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My life story

When i was young, i had big dreams. I lived in a small town out of southern Virginia. I helped my dad with the farm while my mom and sisters made food and washed the clothes. At the end of the day I just wanted to be out in the world. When i turned 18 i finally was able to do that. I was accepted in...

Sick Lemon and Sick Bird

What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment


What do you give a sick lemon?

Lemonade

Ok, so lets share our Christmas cracker jokes. Mine was awful.

A bottle of lemonade fell on a barmans head. Why wasn't he hurt? It was a soft drink.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

ADVICE FROM RON - A RETIRED HUSBAND

It is
important for men to remember that, as women
grow older, it becomes harder for them to
maintain the same quality of housekeeping as
when they were younger. When you notice
this, try not to yell at them. Some are
oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an
oversensitiv...

If you see someone doing a crossword puzzle

Whisper in their ear, 7 up is lemonade.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr. Cheerio, the Fruity Cheerio (long, but it's worth it)

Once upon a time, there was a Fruity Cheerio. He was a poor cheerio, and lived on the streets. He had no family, and begged other cheerios for money every day. One day, Mr. Cheerio decided to pray to the Cheerio God.

"Dear Cheerio God. I am your humble Cheerio servant. I kindly ask that you ...

There's a little known country in central Europe that is ruled by a monarchy... (x-post /r/dadjokes)

Not many people are aware of its existence but I assure that it is there all the same. The king of this little land faces a lot of difficulty. He wants to make his kingdom into a sovereign nation but unfortunately they do not have the infrastructure, population, or economy to do so. In fact, this sm...

What's Intelligence?

Joe and his buddy Jim are digging a ditch, while their foreman sits on a lawn chair in the shade, drinking lemonade. It's a hot day, and Joe starts wondering why the foreman isn't doing any of the work. "Hey Jim?" he asks. "How come we're down here digging the ditch, and the boss is up there, drinki...

A woman comes home from work...

And as she's pulling into her driveway, she sees that next door, the wife is mowing the lawn while the husband sits on the porch drinking lemonade.

It was an exceptionally hot day, and the woman is so shocked and outraged that she decides that she's going to give the husband a piece of her m...

A corpse walks into a bar...

And asks the bartender for a lemonade.

"Of course!" says the bartender, "I've never seen a stiff drink!"

Courtesy of the video game Fable 3.

What do you call assistants that help citrus fruit?

Lemonade.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Favorite Golf Joke

A guys is working on his game by hitting golf balls into a net in his backyard. It's a pretty hot day and his wife comes out to bring him some lemonade. Just as she approaches from the side he takes a swing and shanks it. The ball zoom right towards his wife, goes into her mouth and she drops to ...

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