A bear is ordering lunch and he says “I’ll have a sandwich and a.....cola

The person taking his order asks”what’s with the big pause”
the bear says “I don’t know, I was born with them”

Please stop making new flavors of coca cola.

Either you put the cocaine back or leave it alone.

Nobody ever asks how Coca-Cola is doing...

It's always, "Is Pepsi okay?"

Coca Cola employees can't dance...

But they can Tango.

Soylent Cola, the soda made from grinding up people, is said to not have a set flavor

They say the taste varies from person to person.

I had to quit my job at the Coca-Cola factory today...

... It was Soda Pressing

There’s one good thing about being hit in the head with a bottle of Coca Cola

It’s a soft drink

I like American cola just fine, and Mexican cokes are even better!

But Columbian coke is especially great!

A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and … cola

“Why the big pause?” asks the bartender.

The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was an asshole with the bartender before asking an iced coca cola from him; but he gave me a glass of ice without my beverage.

Just ice served.

Class trip to the coca-cola company factory

I hope there's no pop quiz


Cause I'm diabetic

Fun Fact: if you drop a can of Coca-Cola on your foot it will hurt.

A little ironic considering it's a soft drink.

People never ask how Coca Cola is feeling

They only ask if Pepsi is okay

I just saw a video of someone crushing a 6 pack of Coke in a hydraulic press. All that wasted cola made me so sad.

It was soda-pressing

How does a pyromaniac react when they get flammable Coco cola for Christmas?

He's soda lighted!

A woman who drank 10 litres of Coca Cola every day has died.

She ate a Mentos and they found her head 3 blocks away

I just bought some Coca Cola stocks.

It's nice to have some liquid assets.

The PR team of Coca-Cola decided it was time for something big...

So they called Putin with an offer.

"Hello, Vladimir Vladimirovich, we have a very special offer for you. For 20 billion dollars you will return Russia's old flag, the communist one and with tiiiny tiny letters in the upper right corner will be the logo of Coca-Cola."

Now Putin didn't ...

Pepsi had a new idea about how to package their cola

But then they canned it.

What did the psychiatrist say to the Coca-Cola?

Don't bottle up your feelings.

A cop pulls over a car. He walks up, and smells a heavy weed smell. The man turns to him, and his eye are redder than a Coca-Cola can. The cop looks at him and says, "How high are you?!?!?!?"

The driver responds, "He, he. No officer, it's 'Hi, How are you?'"

A Coca Cola salesman returns from his Middle East assignment...

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.

A friend asked, “Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?”

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unkn...

A sad man walks into a Coca-Cola carbonation factory...

But he leaves because it was just soda pressing.

A bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola (Russian Joke)

A man comes to the shop:
- Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola.
Half an hour later he comes again:
- Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola.
An hour later he comes again:
- Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of... of Sprite. It seems Coca-cola makes me...

I'm more of a Coca-Cola person...

soda speak.

Yeah I got a job at Coca Cola...

It's sodapressing.

A local grocery bagger has been bagging cola on top of bread.

Many were concerned that their bread would be flattened. His response to their concerns was "It's fine. They're soft drinks"

Condoms galore

Nike Condoms: Just do it.


Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.


Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.


Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.


Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.


Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: T...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.   

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.   

After careful consideration by a team of...

Digging a hole

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along b...

It is my first time in court and I heard the judge shouting, "Order!!"

So I replied fried chicken, mac and cheese and cola. Now I'm being escorted out by two officers. I think we are going to a restaurant.

What’s a pirate’s favorite drink?

Arrr, sea cola.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Redditor got bored and decided to try an experiment...

There was a case of Coca Cola in the corner of the basement, next to a case of store-brand Cola. He decided to test the effects of each on the ants that infested the basement. He spilled a small puddle of each on the floor and watched as the ants crowded around the sugary liquids. At some point the ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell

As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil.

Satan: Why so glum?

Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell!

Satan: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. Are you a drinking man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Satan: Well y...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A priest goes on vacation

The priest in a small town decided to go on vacation for a week. He called his apprentice and told him to take over his activities. He warned him he would also have to take confessions. The apprentice had no idea how to do that but the priest assured him it was easy. "Just listen to them and tell th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Man gets fired from his job...

...And dreading going home to his wife, he instead heads to a nearby bar. The man saddles up to the bar and orders a Jack and Coke. The bartender smiles, pulls an apple from under the bar, shines it against his shirt, and sets it on the bar.

"I said a Jack and Coke," complains the man. "Wh...

What do you call an egg soda?

Yolka-cola

What would America do if Russia painted the moon red?

Paint Coca Cola over it in white.

Coma victim...

A man wakes up after being in a coma for 20 years. Immediately he calls his bank to see how his savings have grown with interest over the last two decades and is told he has $144,833,411, 19 in his account.

“Whooo- Hoo! I’m a multi-millionaire!”

He hobbles down the hallway giggling t...

A Dutchman and German man were sat next to one another on an aeroplane.

The German took off his shoes and then stood up to get a drink. He asked the Dutchman if he would like him to fetch him a cola too. The Dutchman said that would be very nice. While the German man was getting the drinks, the Dutchman spat into his shoes. Towards the end of the flight, the German put ...

What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croaka-cola

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The bartender with magic apples

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "can I get a Jack and Coke?"

The bartender replies, "I'm sorry, but we're all out of alcohol! We've got some magic apples if you'd like to try one of those."

The man reluctantly agrees to try an apple.

"Hey, cool! It tastes like Jac...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The confessional.

There was a parish church in a secluded village. The village feast was coming and usually it gets very busy. The only priest, fr.steve, responsable for the church was getting old and decided he needed help for this one.

So he got a young new priest to help him from the priest college.
...

A couple after a divorce are at court over who could keep the child.

So the mother goes:" i carried that child for 9 long months and gave birth to it under a lot of pain. I should keep it.

The judge asks the father if he has anything to add.

The father calmly replies:" let me explain this situation with a metaphor; if you walk up to a coca-cola machine,...

Three CEO's from different beer companies are sitting at a bar...

And the one from Bud light says, "Alright barkeep, give me a tall glass of bud light!" And then the second one, from Miller light says, "ok barkeep, serve me a nice bottle of cold miller light!" And then the CEO of Guinness says, well, "I suppose I'll have a glass of Coca-Cola." The other two tu...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Winning Blonde !!!

A beautiful blonde walks into a casino and over to a soda machine and arrives there just before a business man who's come to quench his thirst. She opens her purse and puts in 50 cents , studies the machine , presses the Diet Coke selection , and out comes a Diet coke , which she places on a counter...

5 Russian Jokes about Vodka

#1

A Gentleman comes to the shop and asked,

- Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola.

After Half an hour he comes again and asked again,

- Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola.

After one hour he comes again and asked to the shopkeeper...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A sales representative enters a house

A sales representative who sells vacuum cleaners entered a house and started throwing goat shit at the carpet, the owner is shocked and asks him why did you do that!

The sales man answers him: "This is a very good vacuum cleaner! it can clean all that shit, if it doesn't, I'll eat all of it"<...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three women compare their husband's penises to soda pop

Three middle-aged women sit on a porch and joke about their husbands and agree to use soda pop to describe each man's penis.

The first women says "Mountain Dew." as her husband gets hard like a mountain and just wants to "do do do"

The second women describes her husband's penis as "7up...

A cannibal tribe captures an American, a German and a Russian.

"Alright guys. As you last wish, you get to order a drink. And then you have to shoot that parrot from a three mile distance with this old rifle. If you hit the parrot, you will be released, otherwise we are going to eat you".

American: "Alright, give me a bottle of Coca Cola." He drinks the ...

Meanwhile in a library

A blonde enters the library and asks the librarian: "2 cheeseburgers, fries and a diet cola, please! '
The librarian answers : "excuse me lady, but this is a library". The blonde asks the librarian to come a bit closer and whispers quietly: "2 cheeseburgers, fries and a diet cola, please..."

Moon race

During Cold War when the space race was at its highest. Following is an report of communication between Houston and US moon rocket.

USMR: Houston, we see the SSSR ship approaching the Moon.

Houston: You have your orders. Just wait.

USMR: Houston, the SSSR ship is in the Moon orb...

3 brewery presidents walk into a bar...

3 brewery presidents walk into a bar. One from Corona, Coors and Guinness.

The president from Corona says to the bartender, "Give me a Corona, the best Mexico has to offer" and the bartender hands him one.

Next, the Coors president orders a Coors saying "Hand me the only beer in the ...

Putin is at a press conference...

Reporter: Good day, I'm John Smith from the Coca-Cola company. Mr president I have a question. You've been trying to get the old times back, and bringing the good old communism back.

Putin: Communism bring back russia, yes

Reporter:Why don't you also bring the old red flag back? And m...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The first customer into a new bar...

walks over to the barman.
"Jack and coke please, mate." he says. The barman, without a word, bends down and pulls an apple from the fridge, placing it on the bar in front of his customer. "Er... I asked for a Jack Daniels and coke, mate." says the guy, confused.
"Just bite it." says the ba...

An older couple were having a hard time remembering things..

They arrived home from a walk and after a few minutes watching Television, the wife suddenly looks at her husband and says to him:

"You know, I could really go for some icecream! Would you mind going to the kitchen and getting me some?"

Her husband, always happy to be kind, walks to th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

After I asked my mom money to go buy candies at the cornerstore, and she gave me a 5$, my grandfather told me...

"Back in my day I could walk into a cornerstore with 50c in my pockets and walk out with a bag of chips, a bag of liquorice, a coca-cola, an archie's comics and a chocolate ice cream cone... You can't do that anymore... Fucking security cameras everywhere!"