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Cola Jokes

Nobody ever asks how Coca-Cola is doing...

It's always, "Is Pepsi okay?"

You know where they make those little cola cans?

Out in Minisoda

a bear walks into a bar and says, "give me a whiskey and... cola"

"why the big pause?" Asks the bartender.

The bear shrugged. "I'm not sure; I was born with them."

It’s disgusting. They used to make COCA-Cola with REAL Cocaine! So you can probably guess what they used to make shamPOO with!

Yep, child labour.

Please stop making new flavors of Coca-Cola …..

Either put the cocaine back in it or leave it alone.

The PR team of Coca-Cola decided it was time for something big...

So they called Putin with an offer.

"Hello, Vladimir Vladimirovich, we have a very special offer for you. For 20 billion dollars you will return Russia's old flag, the communist one and with tiiiny tiny letters in the upper right corner will be the logo of Coca-Cola."

Now Putin didn't ...

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All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.   

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.   

After careful consideration by a team of...

The CEO of Coca-Cola calls Vladimir Putin.

“Mr Putin! I noticed you’ve changed the Russian anthem. Do you have any plans to change the colors of your flag as well and return to the previous purely red flag? If you’d put a Coca-Cola logo in the corner, we’d solve all your financial troubles for the next five years.”

Putin puts the CEO ...

I feel bad that nobody’s checking up on Coca Cola’s well-being.

When everyone asks if Pepsi is okay.

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.

A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the...

A young man came to the library counter and said, "Give me some fries and a cola."

The receptionist at the counter was surprised and said, ”Young man, this is the library!"

The young man looked apologetic and repeated in a small, quiet voice, "Give me some fries and a cola."

I'm going on a Coca-Cola factory trip next week.

I hope there's no pop quiz.

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Russia has been cut off from CNN, CBS, ABC Pornhub, Facebook...

US is working depriving Russians of McDonalds, Coca-Cola and US fastfood. They continue with these sanctions and Russian people will probably be the most healthiest, well adjusted, spiritual and well informed people on the planet.

My friend works at Coca-Cola but he's still really sad about it

His job is soda pressing

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My sex-life is like Coca Cola....

...first it was normal, then it was light and now it's zero!

A man got hit in the head with a can of cola.

He’s alright tho, it was a soft drink.

Divorce, custody and Pepsi Cola...

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his child...

How did the Coca Cola can feel after being steam rolled?

It was soda pressed.

I had to quit my job at the Coca-Cola carbonation factory.

It was just soda pressing.

Why did the Coca-Cola Company go under?

They ran out of Leaders.

Coca Cola employees can't dance...

But they can Tango.

What did Cola say to his buddy Mentos?

"You're overreacting."

A marketing team had to make a Coca-Cola ad for Arabia

So they sent their best man on the job. When he came back, they saw that the campaign failed miserably and nobody was buying the product. So the team asked him what happened. He explained:

We made a billboard with three images. On the first one, there is a person that is very unhealthy and a...

Yeah I got a job at Coca Cola...

It's sodapressing.

A long time worker at a coca cola just lost his job

He is soda pressed now.

People never ask how Coca Cola is feeling

They only ask if Pepsi is okay

You heard about the latest Coca-Cola acquisition?

That’s going to Costa lot.

I just bought some Coca Cola stocks.

It's nice to have some liquid assets.

What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?

Baking soda

I like American cola just fine, and Mexican cokes are even better!

But Columbian coke is especially great!

A woman who drank 10 litres of Coca Cola every day has died.

She ate a Mentos and they found her head 3 blocks away

A bear is ordering lunch and he says “I’ll have a sandwich and a.....cola

The person taking his order asks”what’s with the big pause”
the bear says “I don’t know, I was born with them”

What did the psychiatrist say to the Coca-Cola?

Don't bottle up your feelings.

Soylent Cola, the soda made from grinding up people, is said to not have a set flavor

They say the taste varies from person to person.

What if I lifted a pack of Coca-Cola over my head for twenty minutes a day every day?

That would be soda pressing.

I drank way too much cola today and now I don't feel so good.

I think I have dyspepsia.

A bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola (Russian Joke)

A man comes to the shop:
- Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola.
Half an hour later he comes again:
- Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola.
An hour later he comes again:
- Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of... of Sprite. It seems Coca-cola makes me...

There’s one good thing about being hit in the head with a bottle of Coca Cola

It’s a soft drink

How does a pyromaniac react when they get flammable Coco cola for Christmas?

He's soda lighted!

Pepsi had a new idea about how to package their cola

But then they canned it.

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a gin and tonic from the bartender...

The bartender places an apple in front of him. "This isn't a gin and tonic!" the man says angrily. The bartender says "oh but it is. This is a magic apple. Just take a bite."

The guy takes a bite. "That tastes just like gin!" The bartender grins and says "turn it around..." the guy does so an...

Fun Fact: if you drop a can of Coca-Cola on your foot it will hurt.

A little ironic considering it's a soft drink.

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One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell

As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil.

Satan: Why so glum?

Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell!

Satan: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. Are you a drinking man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Satan: Well y...

It is my first time in court and I heard the judge shouting, "Order!!"

So I replied fried chicken, mac and cheese and cola. Now I'm being escorted out by two officers. I think we are going to a restaurant.

A man comes home from the grocery store with a 12 pack of Coca Cola and throws a can at his friend.

Friend: What the hell?! What was that for?!

Man: Relax, it was only a soft drink.

I just saw a video of someone crushing a 6 pack of Coke in a hydraulic press. All that wasted cola made me so sad.

It was soda-pressing

A local grocery bagger has been bagging cola on top of bread.

Many were concerned that their bread would be flattened. His response to their concerns was "It's fine. They're soft drinks"

Went to the Coca-Cola factory last week. At the end of the tour our guide asked if I would like a complimentary beverage

"Sure. I'll have a regular Coke, please."

"Is Pepsi okay?"

The judge says "Order!"

The defendant spoke. He said, "Yeah, I'll take a cheeseburger with fries, and can I get a large Coca-Cola with that as well?"

What is a pirates favorite soft drink?

Arrr Sea cola

5 Russian Jokes about Vodka

#1

A Gentleman comes to the shop and asked,

- Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola.

After Half an hour he comes again and asked again,

- Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola.

After one hour he comes again and asked to the shopkeeper...

Red Moon

NASA is getting transmission from their moon mission astronauts.

“Houston, we have a problem. Russians just landed on the moon.”

“It’s OK, continue your mission, ignore the Russians.”

“Houston, we have a problem. Russians started to paint moon red.”

“It’s OK, continue you...

Jack Sparrow was talking to Forrest Gump.

Jack asked, "Do you know what a pirate's favorite drink is?"

Forrest thinks for a second, and says "Hi-C?"

Jack shakes his head.

Forrest thinks again and says "Oh, I know. It's Arrrr-Sea Cola."

Jack shakes his head again and says "Rum, Forrest. Rum".

Three CEO's from different beer companies are sitting at a bar...

And the one from Bud light says, "Alright barkeep, give me a tall glass of bud light!" And then the second one, from Miller light says, "ok barkeep, serve me a nice bottle of cold miller light!" And then the CEO of Guinness says, well, "I suppose I'll have a glass of Coca-Cola." The other two tu...

The Dean of the College of the Cardinals was at his wits end

The conclave had been contentious, and no clear leader emerged after many days of bickering. He needed a break, and was resting in his private office when there was a gentle rap at the door.

"What is it? Is there word of a new Pope?"

"Not exactly, sir."

"Who is it that disturbs...

A cop pulls over a car. He walks up, and smells a heavy weed smell. The man turns to him, and his eye are redder than a Coca-Cola can. The cop looks at him and says, "How high are you?!?!?!?"

The driver responds, "He, he. No officer, it's 'Hi, How are you?'"

A mathematician and his colleague go to a diner…

Professor Wilkins, a professor of topology, and his colleague, Professor Thompson of the statistics department, go to a diner near their building for lunch.

“So, what do you figure the chances are that I can get a free donut with lunch if I ask the waitress nicely?” asked Wilkins.

“Fre...

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"Secret code"

This joke is set in India where the traffic rules are just as lax as the traffic cops.

One day, while riding to work on his bike, John realized he had forgotten his helmet.
He knew the cops would catch him when they saw this and that he'd have to bribe his way out of a heavy fine.

S...

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A Redditor got bored and decided to try an experiment...

There was a case of Coca Cola in the corner of the basement, next to a case of store-brand Cola. He decided to test the effects of each on the ants that infested the basement. He spilled a small puddle of each on the floor and watched as the ants crowded around the sugary liquids. At some point the ...

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(One of my dad's favourite jokes) - A mute man meets one of his mute friends

'Hello' his friend says.

The mute man is shocked, and points to indicate his friend's sudden use of speech.

'Oh yes,' the friend replies, 'I've found a fantastic doctor that helped me speak. Here, have his contact details and give him a visit'

The mute man excitedly goes to se...

What's a toad's favorite drink?

Croaka-Cola

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Three women compare their husband's penises to soda pop

Three middle-aged women sit on a porch and joke about their husbands and agree to use soda pop to describe each man's penis.

The first women says "Mountain Dew." as her husband gets hard like a mountain and just wants to "do do do"

The second women describes her husband's penis as "7up...

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Pfizer & Pepsi to Merge

The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

I went to the world of coke today...

I can say it's a lot better than the world of Coca-Cola.

Vending machine

A guy from the past travel to the future and sees a vending machine. He's confused so he asks a person how does it work. The person says "You first put a coin, then you click here and there you go" a can of Cola falls and the person takes it. The guy from the past gets exited so he brings out all hi...

Determination

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along b...

What is a frog's favorite soda?

Croak-a-cola

Thought of it this morning

So you know why they had cocaine in Coca Cola. Guess the name was right under our noses this whole time

Meanwhile in a library

A blonde enters the library and asks the librarian: "2 cheeseburgers, fries and a diet cola, please! '
The librarian answers : "excuse me lady, but this is a library". The blonde asks the librarian to come a bit closer and whispers quietly: "2 cheeseburgers, fries and a diet cola, please..."

What would America do if Russia painted the moon red?

Paint Coca Cola over it in white.

What do you call an egg soda?

Yolka-cola

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Translation attempt: A Mexican, an American, and a Canadian compete with the Devil to see who gets out of hell

The Devil tells the three of them that whoever can fool him gets out of hell.

The Canadian is first. He is a good guy who never plays jokes on people, so he takes out a coin and makes a pretty basic magic trick. The Devil vaporizes him.

The American is next.

He walks towards th...

A man is asked to refill the drinks

So he picks up the jug, and goes off to refill the jug.


He arrives at the Cola. There is a line, so he moves on.


He arrives at the Fanta. There is a line, so he moves on.


He arrives at the Water. There is a line, so he moves on.


He arrives at the Punch...

"Dad, what's capitalism?"

"Here, take this £5 note and go and get me a BLT with a large coca cola."

The boy left his house and took the only possible route, up a huge hill. He got to the counter and made the order.

"That'll be £7.34," said the assistant.

"I only have £5, mister," said the boy. The assist...

A couple after a divorce are at court over who could keep the child.

So the mother goes:" i carried that child for 9 long months and gave birth to it under a lot of pain. I should keep it.

The judge asks the father if he has anything to add.

The father calmly replies:" let me explain this situation with a metaphor; if you walk up to a coca-cola machine,...

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A penguin walks into a bar

And orders a glass of coke. The bar tender slides the penguin a cool can. The penguin immediately slides the can back. “Bartender, I do believe I ordered a glass.” Confused, the bar tender pours a glass of Coca Cola and the penguin gets up. A man stops the penguin and asks “Why wasn’t a can ok?” The...

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