You know where they make those little cola cans?

Out in Minisoda

How did the Coca Cola can feel after being steam rolled?

It was soda pressed.

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My sex life is like Coca-Cola.

First it was normal, then light and now zero.

A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and … cola.”

“Why the big pause?” asks the bartender.

The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.”

Nobody ever asks how Coca-Cola is doing...

It's always, "Is Pepsi okay?"

My friend works at Coca-Cola but he's still really sad about it

His job is soda pressing

Please stop making new flavors of Coca-Cola …..

Either put the cocaine back in it or leave it alone.

I had to quit my job at the Coca-Cola carbonation factory.

It was just soda pressing.

A long time worker at a coca cola just lost his job

He is soda pressed now.

Why did the Coca-Cola Company go under?

They ran out of Leaders.

A man got hit in the head with a can of cola.

He’s alright tho, it was a soft drink.

I feel bad that nobody’s checking up on Coca Cola’s well-being.

When everyone asks if Pepsi is okay.

A marketing team had to make a Coca-Cola ad for Arabia

So they sent their best man on the job. When he came back, they saw that the campaign failed miserably and nobody was buying the product. So the team asked him what happened. He explained:

We made a billboard with three images. On the first one, there is a person that is very unhealthy and a...

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A dumb kid walks into an ice cream shop...

Kid: “I’ll have a scoop of vanilla and a scoop of chocolate please.”

Clerk: “Sorry kid, we're out of chocolate.”

Kid: “OK. Make it a scoop of strawberry and a scoop of chocolate.”

Clerk: “No, no, you don't understand, it’s *chocolate* we're out of,”

Kid: “Ah, OK. Then gim...

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.

A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the...

What if I lifted a pack of Coca-Cola over my head for twenty minutes a day every day?

That would be soda pressing.

The Dean of the College of the Cardinals was at his wits end

The conclave had been contentious, and no clear leader emerged after many days of bickering. He needed a break, and was resting in his private office when there was a gentle rap at the door.

"What is it? Is there word of a new Pope?"

"Not exactly, sir."

"Who is it that disturbs...

What did Cola say to his buddy Mentos?

"You're overreacting."

Divorce, custody and Pepsi Cola...

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his child...

A bear is ordering lunch and he says “I’ll have a sandwich and a.....cola

The person taking his order asks”what’s with the big pause”
the bear says “I don’t know, I was born with them”

I like my co-workers the same way I like Coca Cola.

I don't like Coca Cola.

A man comes home from the grocery store with a 12 pack of Coca Cola and throws a can at his friend.

Friend: What the hell?! What was that for?!

Man: Relax, it was only a soft drink.

There’s one good thing about being hit in the head with a bottle of Coca Cola

It’s a soft drink

Soylent Cola, the soda made from grinding up people, is said to not have a set flavor

They say the taste varies from person to person.

Went to the Coca-Cola factory last week. At the end of the tour our guide asked if I would like a complimentary beverage

"Sure. I'll have a regular Coke, please."

"Is Pepsi okay?"

I just saw a video of someone crushing a 6 pack of Coke in a hydraulic press. All that wasted cola made me so sad.

It was soda-pressing

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I was an asshole with the bartender before asking an iced coca cola from him; but he gave me a glass of ice without my beverage.

Just ice served.

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Pfizer & Pepsi to Merge

The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Coca Cola employees can't dance...

But they can Tango.

I like American cola just fine, and Mexican cokes are even better!

But Columbian coke is especially great!

What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?

Baking soda

A woman who drank 10 litres of Coca Cola every day has died.

She ate a Mentos and they found her head 3 blocks away

How does a pyromaniac react when they get flammable Coco cola for Christmas?

He's soda lighted!

Class trip to the coca-cola company factory

I hope there's no pop quiz


Cause I'm diabetic

People never ask how Coca Cola is feeling

They only ask if Pepsi is okay

Fun Fact: if you drop a can of Coca-Cola on your foot it will hurt.

A little ironic considering it's a soft drink.

I just bought some Coca Cola stocks.

It's nice to have some liquid assets.

A cop pulls over a car. He walks up, and smells a heavy weed smell. The man turns to him, and his eye are redder than a Coca-Cola can. The cop looks at him and says, "How high are you?!?!?!?"

The driver responds, "He, he. No officer, it's 'Hi, How are you?'"

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smelly and colored dick

One guy comes straight from a fast food restaurant with a hamburger in one hand and a cup of cola in the other. Equipped like this he goes straight to the toilet. Standing in there he tells another guy that he can't put his drink or his food down because of a lack of space. So he asks the other man ...

A bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola (Russian Joke)

A man comes to the shop:
- Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola.
Half an hour later he comes again:
- Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola.
An hour later he comes again:
- Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of... of Sprite. It seems Coca-cola makes me...

What did the psychiatrist say to the Coca-Cola?

Don't bottle up your feelings.

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Translation attempt: A Mexican, an American, and a Canadian compete with the Devil to see who gets out of hell

The Devil tells the three of them that whoever can fool him gets out of hell.

The Canadian is first. He is a good guy who never plays jokes on people, so he takes out a coin and makes a pretty basic magic trick. The Devil vaporizes him.

The American is next.

He walks towards th...

The PR team of Coca-Cola decided it was time for something big...

So they called Putin with an offer.

"Hello, Vladimir Vladimirovich, we have a very special offer for you. For 20 billion dollars you will return Russia's old flag, the communist one and with tiiiny tiny letters in the upper right corner will be the logo of Coca-Cola."

Now Putin didn't ...

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(One of my dad's favourite jokes) - A mute man meets one of his mute friends

'Hello' his friend says.

The mute man is shocked, and points to indicate his friend's sudden use of speech.

'Oh yes,' the friend replies, 'I've found a fantastic doctor that helped me speak. Here, have his contact details and give him a visit'

The mute man excitedly goes to se...

Pepsi had a new idea about how to package their cola

But then they canned it.

I'm more of a Coca-Cola person...

soda speak.

A local grocery bagger has been bagging cola on top of bread.

Many were concerned that their bread would be flattened. His response to their concerns was "It's fine. They're soft drinks"

A man is showing an alien around earth

"Let's go to a pub", says the man.

They go in. The Alien walks up to the bartender and orders a pint. The bartender sets the pint down and the alien hands him 3 milk bottle tops.

"uh sorry we don't accept th-"

The man interrupts the bartender and explains the situation.

...

Vending machine

A guy from the past travel to the future and sees a vending machine. He's confused so he asks a person how does it work. The person says "You first put a coin, then you click here and there you go" a can of Cola falls and the person takes it. The guy from the past gets exited so he brings out all hi...

What's a toad's favorite drink?

Croaka-Cola

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Two guys walk into a bar

They go up to the barman who asks them what they want to drink. One guy asks for a pint and the other a vodka and coke. The barman reaches under the bar and produces the pint, then reaches under the bar and produces an apple.

The second man asks the barman he is doing so the barman tells him ...

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A man is driving when he notices a new bar has opened up

He decides he could use a drink, so he walks in and takes a seat at the bar. He is greeted by the bartender who promptly asks him what he would like to drink. “I’ll take a... I’ll do a Crown and 7-Up,” the man says. The bartender nods his head in acknowledgement, does a quick search under the counte...

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All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.   

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.   

After careful consideration by a team of...

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A Guy and an Ostrich Walk into a Bar

The guy tells the bartender: "I'll have a whisky." The ostrich says: "I'll have the same."

The bartender gives them their drinks, and when they finish, tells them: "That'll be 7.46$."

The guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out 7 dollars and 46 cents exactly, without even having paus...

"Dad, what's capitalism?"

"Here, take this £5 note and go and get me a BLT with a large coca cola."

The boy left his house and took the only possible route, up a huge hill. He got to the counter and made the order.

"That'll be £7.34," said the assistant.

"I only have £5, mister," said the boy. The assist...

I went to the world of coke today...

I can say it's a lot better than the world of Coca-Cola.

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"Secret code"

This joke is set in India where the traffic rules are just as lax as the traffic cops.

One day, while riding to work on his bike, John realized he had forgotten his helmet.
He knew the cops would catch him when they saw this and that he'd have to bribe his way out of a heavy fine.

S...

What is a Karen's favorite cough drop?

Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-cola!

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A Soda Called Sup

Back in the 80's, the Coca-Cola company sold Sup, a combination of Sprite, 7 Up, and a secret ingredient that was never revealed. It was a beloved beverage that was unfortunately discontinued within a couple months and without any intention of going back on store shelves. People started buying Sup l...

It is my first time in court and I heard the judge shouting, "Order!!"

So I replied fried chicken, mac and cheese and cola. Now I'm being escorted out by two officers. I think we are going to a restaurant.

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A jew and an American are on a train together. (Sorry for a possibly incorrect or missing flair, I can't flair for some reason)

The American has lots of food. Burgers as the main course, coca cola as the drink, and Twinkies for dessert. The jew has very little food, just some dried fish.



The jew tells the American: "You should give me your burgers and other food in exchange for my fish. It contains phosphorus ...

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A penguin walks into a bar

And orders a glass of coke. The bar tender slides the penguin a cool can. The penguin immediately slides the can back. “Bartender, I do believe I ordered a glass.” Confused, the bar tender pours a glass of Coca Cola and the penguin gets up. A man stops the penguin and asks “Why wasn’t a can ok?” The...

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One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell

As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil.

Satan: Why so glum?

Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell!

Satan: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. Are you a drinking man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Satan: Well y...

A man is asked to refill the drinks

So he picks up the jug, and goes off to refill the jug.


He arrives at the Cola. There is a line, so he moves on.


He arrives at the Fanta. There is a line, so he moves on.


He arrives at the Water. There is a line, so he moves on.


He arrives at the Punch...

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Sex life

My sex live is like Cola,
first it was good,
then it was light.
Now it is zero.

I've decided to switch to Pepsi and now it's the Max!

— Brain, do you remember if we have locked the door this morning?

— I don’t know... but I remember a Coca-Cola ad from 1998, if you are interested.

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Mum are you sure I'm a polar bear?

Mum are you sure I'm a polar bear?

Yes, why?

Are you really sure?

Yes, of course you are a polar bear, I'm a polar bear, your dad is a polar bear, your grand parents are polar bears, you are a polar bear?

Definitely?

Yes! You were in the coca cola advert and the...

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Man gets fired from his job...

...And dreading going home to his wife, he instead heads to a nearby bar. The man saddles up to the bar and orders a Jack and Coke. The bartender smiles, pulls an apple from under the bar, shines it against his shirt, and sets it on the bar.

"I said a Jack and Coke," complains the man. "Wh...

I saw two diseases drinking some soda

It was Hep C and Ebola sharing a Pepsi cola

Father and his special daughter are driving back to her mom's.

Father drives past a sign "7/11"
Daughter yells with excitement "Hotdog! Ice-creams"
Father says " ok we can get a hotdog"
He stops at the 7/11 walks in with the daughter and she yells to the clerk " Toilet ! Hotdog ice cream!" They clerk quickly hands her the bathroom key as the father che...

Three CEO's from different beer companies are sitting at a bar...

And the one from Bud light says, "Alright barkeep, give me a tall glass of bud light!" And then the second one, from Miller light says, "ok barkeep, serve me a nice bottle of cold miller light!" And then the CEO of Guinness says, well, "I suppose I'll have a glass of Coca-Cola." The other two tu...

About 6 months ago I got a promotion

So naturally I wanted to celebrate. On my way home I grabbed a handle of captain and a litre of cola. I invited my friend Frank to have a few drinks with me. We ordered a pizza, played some Mariokart, got drunk and passed out. Nothing crazy.

The next morning Frank was still there (he usually ...

As Covid19 winds down, another virus is spreading like wildfire

Covid19 may be winding down, but a brand new virus, the ID10t virus, is spreading like wildfire.
Symptoms of the ID10t virus include mental and comprehension issues. Symptoms include schitzophasia, a condition where words are misunderstood. A victim may hear or read a words like "baking soda" a...

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A Redditor got bored and decided to try an experiment...

There was a case of Coca Cola in the corner of the basement, next to a case of store-brand Cola. He decided to test the effects of each on the ants that infested the basement. He spilled a small puddle of each on the floor and watched as the ants crowded around the sugary liquids. At some point the ...

What’s a pirate’s favorite drink?

Arrr, sea cola.

5 Russian Jokes about Vodka

#1

A Gentleman comes to the shop and asked,

- Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola.

After Half an hour he comes again and asked again,

- Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola.

After one hour he comes again and asked to the shopkeeper...

Digging a hole

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along b...

A couple after a divorce are at court over who could keep the child.

So the mother goes:" i carried that child for 9 long months and gave birth to it under a lot of pain. I should keep it.

The judge asks the father if he has anything to add.

The father calmly replies:" let me explain this situation with a metaphor; if you walk up to a coca-cola machine,...

What is a frog's favorite soda?

Croak-a-cola

A Dutchman and German man were sat next to one another on an aeroplane.

The German took off his shoes and then stood up to get a drink. He asked the Dutchman if he would like him to fetch him a cola too. The Dutchman said that would be very nice. While the German man was getting the drinks, the Dutchman spat into his shoes. Towards the end of the flight, the German put ...

Condoms galore

Nike Condoms: Just do it.


Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.


Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.


Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.


Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.


Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: T...

What would America do if Russia painted the moon red?

Paint Coca Cola over it in white.

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The confessional.

There was a parish church in a secluded village. The village feast was coming and usually it gets very busy. The only priest, fr.steve, responsable for the church was getting old and decided he needed help for this one.

So he got a young new priest to help him from the priest college.
...

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Winning Blonde !!!

A beautiful blonde walks into a casino and over to a soda machine and arrives there just before a business man who's come to quench his thirst. She opens her purse and puts in 50 cents , studies the machine , presses the Diet Coke selection , and out comes a Diet coke , which she places on a counter...

Coma victim...

A man wakes up after being in a coma for 20 years. Immediately he calls his bank to see how his savings have grown with interest over the last two decades and is told he has $144,833,411, 19 in his account.

“Whooo- Hoo! I’m a multi-millionaire!”

He hobbles down the hallway giggling t...

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