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Pepsi Jokes

Coke vs Pepsi…

Well, I wouldn’t recommend snorting Pepsi so Coke wins.

Why was the Pepsi employee fired?

He tested positive for coke.

A Pepsi exec convinced several of his competitor's employees to smuggle out their secret recipe.

He was arrested on charges of industrial espionage.

The others were charged as Coke-conspirators.

Nobody ever asks how Coca-Cola is doing...

It's always, "Is Pepsi okay?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pfizer & Pepsi to Merge

The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Ordered Jack and Coke. Bartender asked if Pepsi was ok. I said sure

So he made me a Pepsi and Coke

Me: What's the wifi password?

Bartender: You need to buy a drink first.

Me: Okay, I'll have a coke.

Bartender: Is Pepsi okay?

Me: Sure. How much is that?

Bartender: $3.

Me: There you go. So what's the wifi password?

Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase.

For years I've stuck with coke but recently tried switching to pepsi.

But the bubbles really burn my nose.

Handjobs are like Pepsi.

Never your first choice but you'll take it anyway.

The CEO of Pepsi was fired today

They found traces of Coke in his system.

The power of Pepsi

So a couple of friends of mine, one black, one white were at a protest and wondered which carbonated drink makes the police the most peaceful. Turns out it really is Pepsi. You see, my white friend went up to the front of the protest and shouted to the cops "Anybody wanna buy some Pepsi?!" and the c...

A Husband and Wife at Custody court

The judge looks sternly at the ex wife.


Judge: “why do you think you deserve custody of the child?”


Ex wife: “I brought him into this world so I should have custody of him”


Judge: “that is a simple yet good reason.”


Then the judge looks towards the...

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All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.   

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.   

After careful consideration by a team of...

A cruel and spiteful restauranteur whose restaurants only served Pepsi products, died suddenly, and was shocked to find himself in heaven

As he approached the pearly gates, St Peter cheerily asked, “Would hell be OK instead?”

What do they call Pepsi in Mexico?

Pepyes

A asked the waitress for a pepsi. She told me she had Coke.

I said That's cool, I'll have a gram and a Pepsi.

I just got hit in the head with a can of Pepsi

Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s ironic Whitney Houston did all those Pepsi endorsements

Then over dosed on Coke

Can you all please stop hating on Pepsi, Coke, and Orange Crush?

Seriously, it's soda pressing.

What do you call a hooker who uses Pepsi for lubrication?

A Pop-tart.

How do russians drink pepsi?

Gulag gualg gualg

Why does Pepsi always achieve its goals?

It’s soda termined.

How did the Pepsi CEO react when he was fired?

He got soda pressed that he developed a Coke habit.

Divorce, custody and Pepsi Cola...

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his child...

The Weeknd is doing the Pepsi Half Time Show

...but all the songs are about coke.

DUDE!! I went to the gas station to get a Pepsi

DUDE!! I went to the gas station to get a Pepsi and as I walk up, I noticed these 2 Policemen watching a woman smoking while pumping her gas. I saw her and thought, is this lady stupid and crazy, especially with the Policemen standing RIGHT there. Anyway, I minded my own business and went and picked...

I shoplifted 23 cans of Pepsi from the store and got arrested, but the judge dropped the charge

He knew i stole 23 cans of Pepsi, but he said that doesn't make a case.

Why did the crushed Pepsi kill himself

He was soda pressed

An airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa had a malfunction....

... and went down. A few weeks later, Pepsi sent a rescue plane. They searched the area and found a tribe of cannibals. They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash. The Chief said, "Yeah." When asked where the crew was, the Chief replied, "We ate the cr...

Why do Anti-Vaxxers drink Coke and Pepsi?

Because they think Dr, Pepper causes autism

I attempt to throw my empty Pepsi can into the nearest bin

I miss the bin and the can hits a kid, the kid starts crying, I walk up to him and say "don't cry! It was only a soft drink!"

I was really looking forward to a drink of Pepsi but when it arrived, it was flat.

Soda pressing.

Ill have a pepsi please

Four CEO's meet up at a bar. Its the CEO of Budweiser, CEO of Heineken, CEO of Carlsberg and CEO of Guinness. The CEO from Budweiser orders a Bud and says "the best selling beer in america" and enjoys a sip. The CEO of Heineken orders him a Heineken, says "the best selling beer in Europe" and takes ...

What's the difference between Taylor Swift and a stale Pepsi?

The stale Pepsi won't write a song about me after I dump it.

First day on the job as a drugdealer

*giggles*

"We don't have coke, is Pepsi ok?

*gets stabbed*

I got a job offer at Pepsi today!

I just hope they don’t drug test me and find Coke in my system.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dicks and vaginas are like Coke and Pepsi.

I strongly prefer one, but my dad says they both taste the same.

A blonde woman walks into a library

A blonde woman walks into a library and talks to the lady at the front desk and says " I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi."

The lady replies "Ma'am, this is a library."

The blonde looks around, then whispers " I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi."

...

My brother threw a can of Pepsi at me from the roof...

I'm just glad it was a soft drink otherwise that may have caused some serious damage.

If you get pulled over and you have some Coke in your car, you’re likely to get arrested.

However, if you get pulled over and you have some Pepsi in your car, you’re likely to make a new friend.

Remember to always brush your seatbelts, buckle your teeth, and drink Pepsi.®️

Have you heard of the Pepsi Challenge?

I always choose Coke.

What did the Swiss man do after working 35 years as a Pepsi taste tester?

Peeecolaaa

Why does pushing my finger against a bottle of Pepsi make me sad?

Because it's soda pressing.

Why was the Pepsi crying while lifting weights?

Because he was soda-pressing

Sean Spicer, United Airlines CEO and Pepsi's PR team walk into a bar...

They're all getting fired, so drinking on a Tuesday is acceptable.

I feel like a plastic bottle in a Pepsi factory

I'm soda pressed.

Pepsi: Well THAT was the PR nightmare of the century.

Fox News: Hold my beer.

United Airlines: Jinx, owe me a Coke?

Pepsi: For reals?

Sean Spicer: Make it a double.

Pepsi had a new idea about how to package their cola

But then they canned it.

Did you hear about the guy who crushes Pepsi cans with a hydraulic press?

It's sodapressing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man asks for a Pepsi at a restaurant.

That’s the joke. Fuck Pepsi.

I got beaten up after I told a customer “we don’t have coke, is Pepsi okay?”

My first and last day as a drug dealer.

I was fired from my last job because they searched my desk and found coke

But who wants to work at Pepsi Co anyways

Man orders a drink from the bar

Man: "Rum & Coke please"

Bartender: "Rum and coke? Um, Is Pepsi OK?"

Man: "Yeah, Pepsi is fine."

Bartender: "Great, one Pepsi & Coke comin' right up."

My friend told me I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between drinking coke and drinking pepsi

I responded, “wait, y’all be drinking the coke?”

I feel bad that nobody’s checking up on Coca Cola’s well-being.

When everyone asks if Pepsi is okay.

My first and last day as a drug dealer.

Car pulls up. Guy rolls the window down. "You got any coke?" Me: "Is Pepsi OK?" Dude shot me in the leg.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two DEA officers were called into their superiors office after an operation didn’t quite go to plan.

Superior: “Gentlemen, do you want to debrief me on this latest raid?”

Officer Jones: “well, sir, as I recall it, first of all I used the battering ram to flatten the door. Then, within a few seconds of getting inside, I found at least 25 ounces of coke and weed all over the coffee table” ...

There once was a guy so dumb, he got sent to colombia for coke

He returned with pepsi

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Richard Pyror?

One was burnt by Pepsi and one was burnt by coke.

somewhere in a alternate universe

A patron at a restaurant is asking for "new coke" and the waiter is saying "is clear Pepsi ok"?

Guy walks into a bar and orders a whiskey-coke.

Bartender asks if Pepsi is okay and guy says that's fine.

Bartender turns around to make the drink and when finished presents the drink and says "here's your pepsi-coke."

A man walks into a bar and asks for a rum and Coke

The bartender says "sorry to disappoint, but is Pepsi okay?"

It had been a long day, so the man said "yeah, that's fine"

The bartender turned to pour the drink, then handed it to the man.

"Here you go. Pepsi and Coke"

A State Government Employee sits in his office, and out of boredom decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet

He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This would look nice on my mantelpiece," he thinks, so he takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice-cold diet Pepsi right now!" POOF! A Pepsi appears before him ...

A man walks into a bar and orders a whisky-coke.

Barman : "Sorry Sir, we have only Pepsi".

The man : "I don't mind".

And the barman serves him a glass with half Pepsi, half Coke.

Waiter: Can I take your name and order?

Man: I'm Jon and I'll have a coke

Waiter: We only serve Pepsi I'm afraid

Man: Oh ok I'm Pepsi and I'll have a coke

Waiter: ok man

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm a pretty neutral guy.

I find it hard to choose sides.

I mean, I have an uncle who drives a truck for Pepsi and a cousin who sucks dick for coke.

Whats the difference between Crystal Pepsi and Jesus

Crystal Pepsi came back

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cardi B did a promo at the superbowl

It was for Wet Ass Pepsi

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