I just got hit in the head with a can of Pepsi

Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.

An airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa had a malfunction....

... and went down. A few weeks later, Pepsi sent a rescue plane. They searched the area and found a tribe of cannibals. They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash. The Chief said, "Yeah." When asked where the crew was, the Chief replied, "We ate the cr...

The CEO of Pepsi was just fired

He tested positive for Coke

What do they call Pepsi in Mexico?

Pepyes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pfizer & Pepsi to Merge

The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Me: What's the wifi password?

Bartender: You need to buy a drink first.
Me: Okay, I'll have a coke.
Bartender: Is Pepsi okay?
Me: Sure. How much is that?
Bartender: $3.
Me: There you go. So what's the wifi password?
Bartender: "You need to buy a drink first". No spaces, all lowercase.

The Weeknd is doing the Pepsi Half Time Show

...but all the songs are about coke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A politician, drug dealer, beekeeper, priest, doctor, lawyer, accountant, engineer, prostitute, programmer, nurse, chef, forensic analyst, biologist, truck driver and a writer walk into a bar

It is a big bar. Very big one. And empty, or at least it was empty until this large group of people entered it.

They all form a queue in front of the bar and order drinks one by one. The politician gets a Heineken, the drug dealer orders a Budweiser, the beekeeper gets a mead, the priest buy...

A Husband and Wife at Custody court

The judge looks sternly at the ex wife.


Judge: “why do you think you deserve custody of the child?”


Ex wife: “I brought him into this world so I should have custody of him”


Judge: “that is a simple yet good reason.”


Then the judge looks towards the...

Why does Pepsi always achieve its goals?

It’s soda termined.

How did the Pepsi CEO react when he was fired?

He got soda pressed that he developed a Coke habit.

neighbor got a job driving a pepsi truck, they fired him the next day.

he tested positive for coke.

How do russians drink pepsi?

Gulag gualg gualg

DUDE!! I went to the gas station to get a Pepsi

DUDE!! I went to the gas station to get a Pepsi and as I walk up, I noticed these 2 Policemen watching a woman smoking while pumping her gas. I saw her and thought, is this lady stupid and crazy, especially with the Policemen standing RIGHT there. Anyway, I minded my own business and went and picked...

So I asked the bartender for a rum and coke. He said, "Is Pepsi okay?"

"Sure, whatever," I said.

So he handed me a glass of pepsi and coke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s ironic Whitney Houston did all those Pepsi endorsements

Then over dosed on Coke

I was really looking forward to a drink of Pepsi but when it arrived, it was flat.

Soda pressing.

Batman order a drink. Waiter asks, "Pepsi or Coke?"

Batman responds, "Just ice."

I shoplifted 23 cans of Pepsi from the store and got arrested, but the judge dropped the charge

He knew i stole 23 cans of Pepsi, but he said that doesn't make a case.

Why did the crushed Pepsi kill himself

He was soda pressed

Divorce, custody and Pepsi Cola...

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his child...

Why do Anti-Vaxxers drink Coke and Pepsi?

Because they think Dr, Pepper causes autism

Handjobs are like Pepsi.

Never your first choice but you'll take it anyway.

Nobody ever asks how Coca-Cola is doing...

It's always, "Is Pepsi okay?"

The power of Pepsi

So a couple of friends of mine, one black, one white were at a protest and wondered which carbonated drink makes the police the most peaceful. Turns out it really is Pepsi. You see, my white friend went up to the front of the protest and shouted to the cops "Anybody wanna buy some Pepsi?!" and the c...

What did the Swiss man do after working 35 years as a Pepsi taste tester?

Peeecolaaa

An engineer accidentally gave a medical school exam. See his answers:

1. Antibody - One who hates his body .

2. Artery - Study of Fine Paintings or military, not sure.

3. Bacteria - Back door of a Cafeteria .

4. Coma - Punctuation Mark .

5. Gall Bladder - Bladder of a Girl .

6. Genes - Blue Denim.

7. Labour Pain - Hurt at Work...

I got beaten up after I told a customer “we don’t have coke, is Pepsi okay?”

My first and last day as a drug dealer.

An Arabic man goes to visit his friend in Canada.

First they go out to lunch and the Arabic man orders “a Bebsi and a bizza”. His friend corrected him and said it was Pepsi and pizza.
The next day, they went to camp in the woods. The Arab goes to pee and comes running back.
“What happened?!” exclaimed his friend.
“I saw a pear!”

What's the difference between Pepsi and coke?

I don't like putting Pepsi in my coke.

Wonder what makes pepsi taste like it does?

They just water down some coke.

Ill have a pepsi please

Four CEO's meet up at a bar. Its the CEO of Budweiser, CEO of Heineken, CEO of Carlsberg and CEO of Guinness. The CEO from Budweiser orders a Bud and says "the best selling beer in america" and enjoys a sip. The CEO of Heineken orders him a Heineken, says "the best selling beer in Europe" and takes ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man asks for a Pepsi at a restaurant.

That’s the joke. Fuck Pepsi.

I got a job offer at Pepsi today!

I just hope they don’t drug test me and find Coke in my system.

Just quit my job as a Pepsi salesman..

For me, the job had lost its fizz

Guy walks into a bar

Guy to the bartender: I’ll take a Jack and Coke
Bartender: pepsi ok?
Guy: ...sure
Bartender: *starts mixing coke and pepsi*

A State Government Employee sits in his office, and out of boredom decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet

He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This would look nice on my mantelpiece," he thinks, so he takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice-cold diet Pepsi right now!" POOF! A Pepsi appears before him ...

Sean Spicer, United Airlines CEO and Pepsi's PR team walk into a bar...

They're all getting fired, so drinking on a Tuesday is acceptable.

I Walk Into A Bar

I sit down and ask the bartender for a drink.

He gets me a drink and I drink it.

Then I pay him and walk out.

I then get in my car and drive to the supermarket.

I arrive at the supermarket and get out of my car.

I go up to the entrance and grab a shopping cart...

Did you hear about the guy who crushes Pepsi cans with a hydraulic press?

It's sodapressing.

Pepsi: Well THAT was the PR nightmare of the century.

Fox News: Hold my beer.

United Airlines: Jinx, owe me a Coke?

Pepsi: For reals?

Sean Spicer: Make it a double.

Why was the Pepsi crying while lifting weights?

Because he was soda-pressing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dicks and vaginas are like Coke and Pepsi.

I strongly prefer one, but my dad says they both taste the same.

Why does pushing my finger against a bottle of Pepsi make me sad?

Because it's soda pressing.

My brother threw a can of Pepsi at me from the roof...

I'm just glad it was a soft drink otherwise that may have caused some serious damage.

What's the difference between Taylor Swift and a stale Pepsi?

The stale Pepsi won't write a song about me after I dump it.

I thought I would be happy with the new Diet Pepsi formula, but

Aspartame died when i drank the new Diet Pepsi

A dwarf walks into a bar, he's very, very thirsty.

The dwarf approaches the counter. It's very high up, so he can't see the other side.

He tries anyway and says: "Can I have a Coke please?"

(no answer)

He tries to jump as high as he can, saying "Can I have a Coke please?"

(no answer)

He jumps up and down, saying ev...

I feel like a plastic bottle in a Pepsi factory

I'm soda pressed.

Pepsi had a new idea about how to package their cola

But then they canned it.

Have you heard of the Pepsi Challenge?

I always choose Coke.

Whats the difference between Crystal Pepsi and Jesus

Crystal Pepsi came back

Man orders a drink from the bar

Man: "Rum & Coke please"

Bartender: "Rum and coke? Um, Is Pepsi OK?"

Man: "Yeah, Pepsi is fine."

Bartender: "Great, one Pepsi & Coke comin' right up."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.   

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.   

After careful consideration by a team of...

A latino goes to buy soda for 75 cents, he puts 65

The machine reads ‘dime’ so he gets closer and whispers Pepsi

A man goes up to his drug dealer and asks, “Hey, I want to try something stronger. Got any coke?”

His dealer shook his head. “Would Pepsi be okay?”

There once was a guy so dumb, he got sent to colombia for coke

He returned with pepsi

If you get pulled over and you have some Coke in your car, you’re likely to get arrested.

However, if you get pulled over and you have some Pepsi in your car, you’re likely to make a new friend.

Remember to always brush your seatbelts, buckle your teeth, and drink Pepsi.®️

3 men stranded in a desert approached by a genie

One of them is smart, one a sugar addict, and one stupid one.

a slide appears in front of them and the genie says whatever they say as they go down it will be what they land in.

The smart on goes down, and yells "water", and lands in a big pool of fresh, clean water.

Then the su...

Here's a joke my cocaine dealer used to tell:

"Is Pepsi ok?"

I feel bad that nobody’s checking up on Coca Cola’s well-being.

When everyone asks if Pepsi is okay.

I was fired from my last job because they searched my desk and found coke

But who wants to work at Pepsi Co anyways

Coke is too hard to work into a palindrome

**Bartender who talks in palindromes:** Yako, is Pepsi okay?

What's the most important question for a philosophy graduate?

Whether Pepsi is ok.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex life

My sex live is like Cola,
first it was good,
then it was light.
Now it is zero.

I've decided to switch to Pepsi and now it's the Max!

Guy walks into a bar and orders a whiskey-coke.

Bartender asks if Pepsi is okay and guy says that's fine.

Bartender turns around to make the drink and when finished presents the drink and says "here's your pepsi-coke."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets a blow job from a woman at work.

Feeling guilty, he runs to the nearest church looking to confess his sins. He checks the confessional but the priest is nowhere to be found. He sees an alter boy and thinks maybe he’ll know what punishment the priest usually gives for infidelity.

He approaches the alter boy and says “Hey ki...

A man walks into a bar and asks for a rum and Coke

The bartender says "sorry to disappoint, but is Pepsi okay?"

It had been a long day, so the man said "yeah, that's fine"

The bartender turned to pour the drink, then handed it to the man.

"Here you go. Pepsi and Coke"

A man walks into a bar and orders a whisky-coke.

Barman : "Sorry Sir, we have only Pepsi".

The man : "I don't mind".

And the barman serves him a glass with half Pepsi, half Coke.

a drugaddict was going to buy some drugs from a drug dealer

when they finally met, the drug dealer asked: so... what do want?

client: I want some uh... Coke.

drug dealer: is pepsi ok?

I saw two diseases drinking some soda

It was Hep C and Ebola sharing a Pepsi cola

A blonde woman walks into a library

A blonde woman walks into a library and talks to the lady at the front desk and says " I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi."

The lady replies "Ma'am, this is a library."

The blonde looks around, then whispers " I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi."

...

Went to the Coca-Cola factory last week. At the end of the tour our guide asked if I would like a complimentary beverage

"Sure. I'll have a regular Coke, please."

"Is Pepsi okay?"

Waiter: Can I take your name and order?

Man: I'm Jon and I'll have a coke

Waiter: We only serve Pepsi I'm afraid

Man: Oh ok I'm Pepsi and I'll have a coke

Waiter: ok man

All he wanted was a coke

Larry was a lonely wanderer, traveling the vast country of the United States.

One evening, after a long day on the road he came across a small town named Healdsburg, after the founder Harmon Heald. Larry decided to stop in for a meal and a good nights rest. For his supper he had a wonderful ...

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Richard Pryor?

One got burned for Pepsi, the other got burned for coke."

A man walks into a bar. (long)

Every night on the way home from work, a man visits his favorite bar and orders six shots of whiskey. He quietly sits at the bar, drinks each shot and heads home,

One night, the guy drinks his six shots and then tells the bartender that he's had the worst week of his life and today was the w...

Condoms galore

Nike Condoms: Just do it.


Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.


Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.


Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.


Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.


Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: T...

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