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Soft Drink Jokes

What’s the opposite of a soft drink?

Alcohol




Get it? Because it’s a “hard drink”
No?
Really?
Please?
I am slowly spiralling into madness
Help me
Anyone there?

What state has the smallest soft drinks?

Minisoda

I used to work for a soft drink can crusher

It was soda pressing

What is a pirates favorite soft drink?

Arrr Sea cola

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I participated in an adult film with the promise of a refreshing soft drink after the shoot.

I got a Squirt.

What's Moses' favorite soft drink?

Mountain Jew.

What is the only sized soft drink you can order in North Korea?

Supreme Liter.

Which U.S. state is famous for its extra-small soft drinks?

Minnesota!

why are 8,9 and 10 always eating snacks and soft drinks?

Because they are in the 7/11

What do you call somebody who only drinks soft drinks?

I'm not entirely posutive, but I'm sure they are soda-hydrated.

What is a video game art designer's favorite soft drink?

Sprite.

Three women decide to compare their husbands to soft drinks.

Three women are out to brunch, and they're talking about who has the best husband. One of them decides they should compare their respective husbands to soft drinks (sodas).

First woman: "My husband is like 7UP, because he's 7 inches and he's always up."

Second woman: "Well my husband i...

What's Fred Flintstone's favorite soft drink?

Mountain Yaba-daba-do


^I don't know if this is original but it just popped into my head. ^^I'll see myself out..

I dreamed last night that I was swimming in an ocean of soft drink

Then I woke up and realised it was just a Fanta sea.

I have a soft drink fetish

when my girlfriend asked what i wanted to do tonight, i replied, “mount and dew me”

Which soft drink is one with the force?

The Fanta Menace

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pepsico have teamed up with a leading pharmaceutical company to created a viagra infused soft drink.

I cannot wait to pour myself a stiff one

The store I worked at fired me for not putting enough variety on their soft drinks display.

Apparently I had too many lines of coke.

Which part of America can’t sell full-sized soft drinks?

Minne-soda.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you have sexual relations with a fruit-flavored soft drink?

Cool aids

They used to call me fat, but then I gained another 66% with soft drinks.

Now they call me fanta.

What's the best selling soft drink in Italy?

Dr. Pepe

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.   

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.   

After careful consideration by a team of...

So I made a Guardians of the Galaxy themed soft drink.

I call it Groot beer.

A doctor was addressing a large audience in Oxford "The materials we put into our stomach should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

. Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High transfat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But... There is one thing that is the more dangerous to all us...

What is Lionel Messi's favorite soft drink?

Si, era Missed

Me and my wife got into an argument once so she smashed a glass coke bottle over my head

Thank God it was a soft drink

I got hit in the head with a can of Dr. Pepper today

Luckily I’m not hurt, it was a soft drink

Determination

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along b...

A young man watched as an elderly couple sat down to lunch at McDonald’s.

He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the old gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, etc, until each had exactly half. Then the old man poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup...

Three friends are sitting around talking about their boyfriends

The first girl says to the other two, “let’s play a game and say a drink that we like that our boyfriends remind us of. I’ll go first. My boyfriend is like sprite; he’s light and bubbly and sooo refreshing after my last couple relationships.”

The second girl says “ok, umm… mine would be a che...

My brother threw a can of Pepsi at me from the roof...

I'm just glad it was a soft drink otherwise that may have caused some serious damage.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The stubborn duck

A duck walks…waddles into a pub. Goes up to the bar and says, “Got any coffee?”

The barman says, “No - we don’t sell coffee. Only beers, wines, spirits and soft drinks.” and the duck leaves.

The next day, the exact same thing. “Got any coffee?” says the duck.

“No”, replies the b...

I accidentally dropped a full two liter bottle of ginger ale onto my bare foot.

Fortunately it was a soft drink.

Me: *hits friend with a soda can*

Friend: Ouch! Why did you do that?

Me: Stop complaining, it was a soft drink afterall.

*insert Seinfield theme*

A man comes home from the grocery store with a 12 pack of Coca Cola and throws a can at his friend.

Friend: What the hell?! What was that for?!

Man: Relax, it was only a soft drink.

There's a new machine at the gym, it does absolutely everything

Soft drinks, potato chips, chocolate cookies and candy

If I smash a bottle of coke on your head...

It probably won't hurt since it's soft drink

Fun Fact: if you drop a can of Coca-Cola on your foot it will hurt.

A little ironic considering it's a soft drink.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Girl and Her Sniper Rifle

I had a friend named Sierra once. She was a pretty chill girl. Really only had two defining characteristics about her though, her love of lemon-lime sodas and her innate marksmanship. She was a damn good crackshot.


Her dad was a bit of a gun nut. Owned lots of rifles including a classic...

A local grocery bagger has been bagging cola on top of bread.

Many were concerned that their bread would be flattened. His response to their concerns was "It's fine. They're soft drinks"

I attempt to throw my empty Pepsi can into the nearest bin

I miss the bin and the can hits a kid, the kid starts crying, I walk up to him and say "don't cry! It was only a soft drink!"

The guy with spoons up his nostrils

A man goes into a hotel, orders for a cold drink with a straw to sip it, and sits there with the handle of the tablespoons up both his nostrils. People find it weird, but he does it, every day.

It's about a month, and no one knows why he is doing what he does. Finally, the waiters decide that...

3 Women are Talking About Their Husbands

But since all of their husbands are named Bubba, they are getting confused about which one they are referring to...

So they decide to give each of their husbands a nickname based on a soft drink.

After a couple of seconds, the first woman says that she wants to refer to her husband as ...

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