UPJOKE
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Milkshake Jokes

What does a knife have in common with a milkshake?

They both look amazing, but you usually regret your choices once they're in your stomach.

What do you call a mythical milkshake?

Legendairy

I was drinking my milkshake on a cliff and thought to myself...

Wow, this is ledge ‘n dairy!

If a cow is cold, you get a milkshake. But what do you get when the cow is even colder?

A dead cow

What is it called when you stab a milkshake?

Shakespeare

(credit to my brother)

Where do milkshakes come from?

From epileptic Cows.

Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes?

Because he uses only the highest-quality ingredients.

Why are racists bad at making milkshakes and smoothies?

They don't blend.

The Library

This is one of my favorite jokes that NOBODY ever thinks is funny. It is funnier when spoken, but since I have no friends, Reddit will have to do.

Here it goes:

A guy walks into a library. He strolls up to the counter and looks at the librarian dead in the eyes and screams “MA’AM I’LL ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cow Jokes

What do u call a cow with 4 legs? A cow

What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Tri-tip

What do u call a cow with 2 legs? Lean Meat

What do you call a cow with 1 leg? Steak

What do u call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

Where do you find a cow with no legs?
R...

A lady walks into an ice cream shop. "Can I get a chocolate scoop on a cone?" she asks.

"Sorry, ma'am, but we're out of chocolate ice cream," says the man behind the counter.
"Oh, well then can I get a chocolate sundae?" she asks.
"We're out of chocolate," he repeats.
"Well, how about a chocolate milkshake?"
The man is frustrated at this point and decides to teach h...

A drunk walks into a library...

He goes up to the desk and slurs: I'll have a burger, fries and a milkshake.

The librarian replies: Sir, this is a library!

***whispers*** Sorry, I'll have a burger, fries and a milkshake.

What do you call a cow in a tornado?

\-A **milkshake**

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After ordering a milkshake, a man had to leave his seat in the restaurant to use the rest room.

Since he didn't want anyone to take his shake, he took a paper napkin, wrote on it, "The world's strongest weight lifter," and left it under his glass.

When he returned from making his pit stop, the glass was empty. Under it was a new napkin with a note that said

"Thanks for the treat...

My Milkshake Brings all the Boys to the Yard.

All of them!
Over the horizon three and a half billion men are heading to me.
Millions die in the stampede.
All for me and my milkshake.
What have I done?

What do you get when you motorboat a woman who breastfeeds?

A milkshake

A man and woman are on a first date, everything is going great between them.

The man suggests they go to a local milk bar to share a milkshake, but the woman declines, saying she can’t have that stuff. Whilst searching for somewhere else to go, a car comes out of nowhere barreling towards them. The man is able to push his date out of the way, but the car runs over his foot, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys are lost in the desert.

They're starving and dying of thirst. Off in the distance, they see a large trailer, surrounded by trees, so they start walking towards it.

The first guy can't make it up the stairs, so he sits down outside in the shade. The second guy walks in and sees shelves upon shelves of food and water...

A penguin is driving his car through the desert

All of a sudden he finds himself broken down and he's in the middle of nowhere. He pushes his car all the way to the nearest mechanic, takes him days. By the time he arrives he's sweating like a pig, exhausted, basically just barely alive. The mechanic takes the car to his workshop and gets the peng...

A man walks into a bar wit a giraffe

He sits down at the bar and orders himself a pint and a milkshake for the giraffe.

He finishes his pint, the giraffe finishes it's milkshake and he orders another for each of them.

Again they finish and have another.

After the third the giraffe drops down dead. The man gets u...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You have two cows..

USA: You have two cows. You outsource a farm to milk them and sell the milk to those who can afford it. You then use the profit to buy someone else's cow for your butcher to make steak with.

Russia: You have two cows. When you get sober you remember that the mafia took them away from you, so ...

Did you hear why Mike Tyson stopped ordering milkshakes?

They made him thick.

Cow jokes

What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake
What do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef
What do you call a cow with 3 legs? lean beef

My wife is lactose intolerant...

so whenever she drinks milkshakes, it gives her the milk shakes.

Entitled Parent Joke

So I was at a restaurant with my family and this woman came up with a child. She looked about 40 with blonde hair. The child looked about 5 with also blonde hair. The child was crying at the time and the woman started to nag at us. Apparently, the child wanted a dessert and, lucky for us, we were th...

So a man owns a pet giraffe...

...and one day decides that he is peckish. So he goes down to his local McDonalds, giraffe in tow. He decides that he will have a hamburger; he buys one for the giraffe too. Then decides he's still hungry, so he has some fries. Again, the giraffe gets the same. The man then decides he is thirsty, an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think i'm lactose intolerant

I've had 6 milkshakes today and feel like crap.

My cow got Parkinson's

Now she only produces milkshakes.

The yard.

Son: Dad!

Dad: What is it son?

Son: Boys are gathering into our yard!

Dad: ...How many boys?

Son: All of them...

Dad: MY MILKSHAKES!

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