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There may be some validity to the sexual assault claims against Donald Trump.

After this election, it is clear he doesn't take no for an answer.

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Can you believe a man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter...

How dairy!

A sniper rifle and an assault rifle meet eachother at a dance party

They get along quite nicely and go out for a drink. The assault rifle falls in love with the sniper rifle, and decides to ask if the sniper rifle wants to be her boyfriend. However, the sniper rifle declines. Distraught, the assault rifle asks why he said no, to which the sniper rifle replies:
...

I was assaulted by a group of mimes.

They did unspeakable things to me.

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Ron Jeremy was arrested for sexual assault

Because Ron Jeremy is 67 years old, Prosecutors are worried the evidence won't stand up in court.
Further, Ron Jeremy is entitled to a jury of his peers. Prosecutors are afraid it will be a hung jury.

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A man goes into his doctors after being assaulted by an elephant in the jungle.

As the man explains what happened in the jungle the doctor is confused.
"Well, I can't see any injuries on you, so what happened?"

The man responds
"Well you see Doc, the elephant knocked me down and.... Had his way with me.. I know it's bad but can you have a look for me?"

The d...

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Is it really sexual assault

...if you say no Cuomo after?

The police are trying to say I "assaulted" this geezer with a sheet of sandpaper!

But all I did was rough him up a bit.

Did you hear about the guy who assaulted a reposter on a prescription drug sub?

He was a pharma karma farmer harmer.

They lifted there blades, in one last final assault...

The battle was long, perilous, and gruesome. The twins made it through nearly three quarters of the enemy battalion before reaching the final lines of the fray. Wielding naught but rags and broken tools after their endless nightmare, they saw the end stretching over the thin horizon.

One last...

The soldier who got assaulted by pepper spray and mustard gas in WW2...

... Is now a seasoned veteran.

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Just found out that my old 3rd grade teacher is now doing time in prison for sexually assaulting a student.

I gotta say, he always rubbed me the wrong way.

A man was arrested today for assaulting a legless man on the subway.

Turns out he was lack toes intolerant.

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I got kicked out of Comic-Con for assaulting a guy who didnt know who Keanu Reeves played in The Matrix

That was the second time I've been called a neo-nazi.

New 911 audio recordings of Chris Browns assault on Rihanna has been released to the public for the first time.

It’s called Chris Browns greatest hits.

The other day I punched a white dude and got arrested for assault,

Today I punched a black guy and got arrested for impersonating a police officer.

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I hate sexual assault jokes-

Really, no one asked for them.

I was doing friendly finger pistols to a neighbor the other day on my way to the car.

I was later charged for assault with a handgun.

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Comedian Jeff Dunham has been accused of sexual assault

After allegations from his coworkers saying that he's been fisting them for decades.

Just look up his Youtube channel if you want to see evidence of this abuse. Millions have just sat by and watched while these poor souls suffered through tremendous pain right in-front of them.

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A Cop Pulls a Little Old Lady Over for Speeding

Cop pulls over a little old lady and asks for her licence and registration. When she pulls out her wallet, he sees a handgun in her purse.

"Ma'am, is that a gun in your purse?"

"Yes, Officer, it's a .38 Smith & Wesson revolver."

"Please place that purse on the passenge...

“THERE’S ASSAULT ON THE BASE!“

Screamed the guy who put Sodium Chloride on soap.

"Is it a crime to throw sodium chloride into enemy's eyes?"

"Yes, that's assault."

"I know its a salt but, is it a crime?

I used to make bets with a cop that he’d never get away with assault.

He beat me every time.

French assault rifle for sale

Never fired, dropped only once.

What is it called when you get assaulted by a fish?

Aseasault.

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Did you hear about the number of sexual assault allegations against Bill Clinton involving coercive oral sex?

It's jaw dropping.

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What do you call a sexual assault at a vineyard?

A Harvey Winestein

Two peanuts were walking down the street, then one was assaulted

peanut

I went to buy an assault rifle today

Astonished by the price, I asked the clerk:

"Do I get a student discount?"

I was assaulted this morning by six dwarves..

...Not Happy.

How to know everything you need to know

Once upon a time, a woman moved to a cave in the mountains to study with a guru. She wanted, she said, to learn everything there was to know. The guru supplied her with stacks of books and left her alone so she could study. Every morning, the guru returned to the cave to monitor the woman’s progress...

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My dad got incarcerated for assault during a parent teacher meeting.

He stood on principal.

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During a military assault by Hun, Mulan’s company suffered a bombardment and she was knocked out.

When she wakes up, the doctor tells her: “I have bad news for you, buddy.”

Fears that her true identity has been found out, she nervously asked the doctor what is it.

“I just checked your injuries and, well your dick is gone.”

Why was the angry golfer so upset to be charged with assault?

They claimed he hit the victim 6 times, not 4.

A guy enters in a bar, angry af, with an assault rifle.

The whole place goes silent as he slams the door.

Angry guy : Who in here slept with my wife?!?

Some random guy at the back of the bar starts to laugh.

Angry guy : What's so funny?!?

Random guy : No chance you have enough bullets in that gun !

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Roy Moore says he’ll bring “Alabama values” to Washington, but I’m not so sure. I mean, he sexually assaulted teenage girls...

But he wasn’t related to any of ‘em!

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Are you offended by sexual assault jokes?

\#MeToo

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A prostitute walks into a judge's chamber.

Looking clearly a case of physical assault the judge gave her a seat and asks , "Dear. You look battered. What happened? "

She replied, " I was with one of my clients. We had a really good time and then he thrashed me like this."

The judge asked her to explain what happened with all th...

A biker is riding by the zoo when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries ...

A biker is riding by the zoo when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage, and hits the lio...

*assault rifle tips fedora*

M’16.

How does a car feel when assaulted?

Alarmed

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A 95 year old man was founded not guilty of sexual assault...

He was however arraigned with charges of assault with a dead weapon

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Donald Trump said, "I declare April as Sexual Assault Awareness month."

His aide said, "So what do think are some good ways to prevent it?"

Trump replied, "Prevent it?"

Polyphemus the cyclops learns his assaulter's name and yells to Poseidon to strike him down Poseidon asks why?

Polyphemus:
"He's O-dissing-us"

Another three nuns joke....Three nuns are walking home late one night when suddenly they are attacked by three men.

The men pull them into the bushes and begin to assault them.

The first nun, clutching her rosary beads says, "forgive him Lord, he knows not what he does."

The second one closes her eyes and says, "forgive him Lord, he knows not what he does."

The third nun says, "this one does...

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A male teacher is teaching physics in an all girls school. One day, he was teaching the topic of electricity.

"A net electrical charge means the resulting electrical charge on an object. It normally means if an object has a majority of positive or negative charge. Do you understand?"

To this, his students stared at him blankly, some shaking their heads cautiously.

The teacher sighed and tried...

Did you hear about the power source that was arrested for assault?

It was charged with battery.

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Why didn't the saxophone get fired from his teaching job after multiple accusations of sexual assault?

he was a tenure sax

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I lost my job at the hospital today for sexual assault....

It's not my fault that they put up a sign that said, 'stroke patients downstairs'.

A girl picked me up from bar, took me to her place , blindfolded me, promised to show me the time of my life , and pegged me with her strap on. My friend says I was assaulted.

I failed to see the problem.

A detective was interviewing the victim of an assault.

The victim described the assailant as a leather box with a handle on it. The culprit was arrested 30 minutes later.

It was a brief case.

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I stopped hanging out with one of my friends when he was charged with sexual assault;;

I'm worried he might rub off on me.

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Captain Hook is claiming that he was sexually assaulted by his first mate some years ago.

It's a classic case of he said, Smee said.

Police Officer: Ma'am, can you describe the person who assaulted you?

Woman: Oh yes, officer. I'm certain it was that man on the TV who hijacked that truck full of electric razors.

Police Officer: Ma'am, I'm afraid you been hit by, you've been struck by, a smooth criminal.

What do you call an assault by a Pacific Islander?

Hawaiian Punch

I think that people who say AR-15 stands for assault rifle are stupid.

Armalite?

The #Metoo movement is getting out of hand! Now there are assault allegations against Slenderman!

But don't worry, they're all faceless accusations.

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what do you call a robot that is sexually assaulted?

R2 me2

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I got charged with sexual assault for slapping a geodude on the ass...

I think my life is over now that I've hit rock bottom.

A cop walks into a bar

Then places it under arrest for assaulting an officer

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Why was the Water's sexual assault case against the Oil thrown out of court?

All of the physical evidence was immiscible.

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BREAKING NEWS : Buddy, the golden retriever from "Air Bud", makes his response to the accusations of sex assault

"I don't even know that bitch"

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Bill Cosby was charged with sexual assault

I guess the proof was in the pudding

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Captain Morgan now facing sexual assault accusations. Local authorities asking victims one question.

Have you had a little Captain in you?

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Michael J Fox is the next hollywood star accused of sexual assault.

His victim said "his hands were everywhere"

A robot assaulted a man.

He was charged with battery.

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I'm proud of myself, I stopped two sexual assaults last night.

I stayed in.

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A criminal gets arrested. NSFW

After the arrest he is put into his usual cell. After entering the cell he greets everyone as he is familiar with all of them. After the greetings, he notices an unfamiliar guy sitting alone in the corner that he has never seen before.
"First time?" He asks. The stranger nods in agreement. "What ...

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A friend of mine was sexually assaulted by a gang of mime artists last night...

They did unspeakable things to him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Finally decided to get some counseling on sexual assault.

Turns out, it’s only for the victims.

How do you call an assault made by twins?

Attack of the clones

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A blind man walks into a biker bar andvorders a beer

While supping on his beverage, he asks the barmaid if she would like to hear a blonde joke.

The barmaid, in a rather gruff tone says
"Listen here sir, because of your disability, i will warn you now, im 6'2", weigh 300 LBS and lift weights in my free time. Im also blonde, the young ...

So Two guys are sitting in a prison cell.

the small guy turns to the larger guy and asks
*"So what are you in for then?"*


*"armed bank Robbery, theft of a vehicle, and assault of an officer."*
the large guy replies, with a rather solemn look.
The smaller guy nods and says *"oh.. how long are ya in for?"*
...

Went to to the doctor the other day to check my reflexes

Now he's suing me for assault because I made him infertile

A slug was assaulted by a snail...

...and the snail was arrested and brought to trial.

At the trial the judge said, "OK, slug, tell the court what happened."

The slug said, "I don't know, your honor...everything happened so fast."

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With all the recent allegations of sexual assault...

I want to come out that I sexually assaulted a lamp. I know it isn't illegal, but it does shed light on my past

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David Blaine has reportedly been accused of two sexual assaults.

Apparently he touched two women and they disappeared.

Why did the English teacher assault his dumb student?

He was hoping for a sentence.

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Why do male victims in Hollywood forget their sexual assault incidents?

They were feeling Spacey.

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My dad just got arrested for assaulting a minor..

Which is bullshit, he didn't even work in the mines!

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I was sexually assaulted by a ghost.

Didn't see it cuming.

Did you hear they arrested the Energizer bunny?

Yeah, assault with a battery.

Apparently he just kept going on the guy.

I hear they're charging him.

A pastor was charge for assault after claiming he was a pacifist.

He also stated that if anybody disrespects the Bible they will catch these pastor fist.

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The Hamstrung Limpet

Do you know what the hamstrung limpet is? Well let me tell ya...

One fine spring day, a boy on a playground had a burning question. It was a rather odd question, so he decided to confide in a fellow child
He walked up to a little girl on the playground, and asked her, “Do you know...

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