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Commando Jokes

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A reporter, a foodie and a commando are captured by terrorists

The terrorist leader tells them that they each get one request.

The reporter says "Well I have been a proud reporter all my life. I would like to make a video and report the situation one last time before I die"

Terrorist says "OK" and allows him to make the report.

Then he asks...

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Commando was sent on a mission in occupied country

General gives him the details. ‘You will arrive at the spot at 5am, there will be a plane waiting for you. When you will be in the air, open the sealed letter with the details of the mission, it will be in the plane, along with the parachute. Once you will be above the drop zone, jump off the plane ...

My newspaper had a story about a sovereign citizen “going commando” in public.

They got charged for indie-cent exposure.

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A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.”

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger &am...

Army commando recruitment - from India

A Man was being interviewed for the post of a Commando in Army.

Interviewer: "We want a person with a suspicious mind; always alert, merciless; ready to attack; high sense of hearing & most importantly; having a killer instinct. So Do you think you are eligible?"

Man: "No Sir; but ...

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A man's wife loves to go commando...

When she's wearing a dress and one day she goes to the mall to get a new pair of shoes. The salesman helps her try on a few pairs and notices jer lackbof underwear. He says "Miss I could eat that pussy full of ice cream."

She gets offended and storms home to complain to her husband and deman...

Why do witches go commando when riding around on their brooms?

Better grip.


Happy Halloween :)

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An old man was sitting on a train...

across from a blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he was unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realized she was going commando

She saw him staring and inquired, "Are you looking at my vagina?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," he replied and promised t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the evening of 24 December 1944...

...a team of Allied commandos were taking advantage of the German revelry, sneaking behind enemy lines to kill or capture the kommandant of the nearby Nazi base, Klaus von Braun.

From their position in the shadows, they watched the kommandant as he passed from soldier to soldier, thanking...

A Scotsman, an Englishman, and an Irishman

A Scotsman, an Englishman, and an Irishman - all commandos, are parachuting into Germany in WW2.

They land in a field and are spotted by a German soldier who gives pursuit. Their only hiding spot a nearby barn.

They run into the barn looking for somewhere to hide and can only see 3 hem...

What do you call a Hebrew commando?

GI Jew

The bravest men and women in the world are military commandos.

Think about it: all that running, getting shot at, dangerous missions deep into enemy territory... and all while not wearing any underpants!

Why did the drill sergeant refuse to wear underwear under his uniform?

so he could have easy access to his privates while in commando.

A young Army officer was severely wounded in the head by a grenade

, but the only visible, permanent injury was that both of his ears were amputated.

Since his remaining hearing was sufficient, he remained in the Army. Many years later he eventually rose to the rank of Major General.

He was, however, very sensitive about his appearance. One day the G...

What do you call a Jewish person that doesn't wear underwear?

An Israeli commando!

WW2

During WW 2 a British commando is trained to drop into France and sabotage the enemy. He is given a full training and in his last session he is told where he will be dropped and that a bicycle will be there for him so he will be able to move around easily.

As he gets ready in the plane to j...

What does a General wear to bed

Nothing, he goes commando

Some dude went to a Halloween party dressed as Santa.

He was approached by someone who said "Really? You dressed as Santa?"
The man replied "Almost. You see, I went commando."
The person was surprised at the response. So he asked "why does that change anything?"
The man smiled, and slyly replied "Today, I am dressed as Saint Knicker-less"

What kind of underwear do the GI Joes wear?

None, they go commando.

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