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Ravish Jokes

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and a homely brunette...

..are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the French...

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Once upon a time there lived a ravishing Queen with huge tits..

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague,Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor.Horatio thought about...

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ravishing young girl

In a train compartment, there are three men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic. Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1, I’ll show you my legs." The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of t...

A poor old lady was forced to sell her valuables to avoid eviction.

As she rummaged through her dusty belongings, she came across a dull copper kettle. Intrigued by it’s possible value the old woman dusted it off and BAM! A genie erupted from its neck.

The genie says “I have seen your plights, and will grant you three wishes.”

The woman, astounded, t...

The problem with the goose

A peasant goes to a country fair and buys two chickens, a bucket, an anvil, and a goose. Walking back to his village he meets a woman who asks him for directions to the village.
- Come with me, but let’s take a shortcut through the woods, much faster.
- No way! I know you men, once we’re in t...

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A German ugly man, a ravishing blonde and an ultra-hot brunette are sitting in a train on its way through the Alps.

The hotties are talking and at some point the man listens to this:

Blonde: "I heard Native Americans have not only nice dicks but they are also very long!"

Brunette "Yes, I've heard of that. The weird thing is that Polish men also have very nice penises but they are also very thick!"...

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They made an engaging looking couple in the swank restaurant: The man was handsome, graying and obviously well off; the woman was a joy to any eye - very young, ravishing and delectable.

As they each read their menus, the gentleman asked his date what she would like to eat.


She scanned the menu yet again, and said, "To begin, I'll have two champagne cocktails, then a dozen oysters on the half shell and a tureen of turtle soup. As entrees I'll have the filet of English s...

A farmer was walking into town to do some errands

He picked up the pail he'd left at the blacksmith for repairs, a brick he needed to repair a wall, and two chickens and a duck he'd ordered to increase his stock. Carrying all this, as he was walking home, he encountered the schoolmistress, a thin, plain middle-aged lady. "Sir," she said. "I need to...

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A couple went golfing one day at a very exclusive course lined with million dollar homes.

On the third tee, the husband cautioned, Honey, be careful when you drive. If we break one of those windows, it'll cost us a fortune to repair.

Of course, she immediately shanked her drive right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed, I warned you to watch ...

One day Adam stood in the garden of Eden and asked

"God, what is this life without a companion to live it with?"

God looked down upon Adam and responded. "How Adam, would you like your companion to be formed?"

"God, I would like you to create for me a companion who is beautiful as a sunrise, smells like wild flowers, is as wise as an...

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NSFW. Bob is complaining about his sex life..

.. to his friend Joe.

"It's so boring, just one position, in-out repeat as necessary while Jane just stares at the ceiling."

Joe strokes his chin thoughtfully and says "you need to start being dynamic, spontaneous, dominant and innovative! As soon as she comes to bed just surprise her ...

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A middle-aged couple is having trouble in bed.

A middle-aged couple is having trouble in bed - namely, the husband is having trouble making his wife orgasm. They visit a sex therapist who recommends they hire a young man to give the wife a foot massage during sex, hopefully to relax her and help her orgasm. They try it, and the husband fucks his...

Blonde Revenge

A smart-talking man who thought he could charm the birds off the trees met his match one night.

The man had just learned that his father only had days to live and then he would inherit over 10 million pounds. Overjoyed at the promised wealth, he celebrated at the local wine bar, where he saw ...

I walked into the pub

And the barman said, “Your wife looked quite ravishing last night. Now what can I get you, Dave?”


“Whatever you’ve been drinking, mate.”

A farmer goes to a livestock dealer

and buys an anvil, a bucket, two chickens, and a goose. The farmer looks at his purchases and says, “Damn, I WALKED here. How am I gonna carry all this home?

The livestock dealer said, “Why don’t you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and c...

An old man goes to a church

He enters the confession box, kneels and says

"Father, I am 60 years old. I have been married for 35 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old. She was hot and gorgeous. I ravished her and she enjoyed every moment of it"

T...

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Death or Ruru?

Three men were flying over a deserted island. They experienced plane troubles and are forced to land. They soon were greeted by a group of Pigmies who kidnap them and take them back to their camp.

The three are given a choice as to their future. The Chief asks the first guy: "Death or Ruru?...

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A man and a woman go out to dinner...

This is during the time the Mad Cow disease ravished Britain. A man and a woman are sitting at a table when the waiter approaches them, asking "what would you like for dinner?"

The man replies, I'll have a fat juicy steak, medium rare with all the trimmings. Gravy and roast potatoes please. T...

Three women were shopping at the market place in a foreign country...

A ravishing brunette, a scientist redhead, and a famous Blonde. As they explore the area, they find a fancy antique store with various interesting items, but the most alluring was a big oval mirror with a golden exquisite frame.

 

So they ask the owner about it, and he says "a...

A man goes to confession at his church

He kneels before the priest and says, "Father, I'm afraid to confess something."

"Speak, my son," the priest consoles. The man looks nervous, but begins.

"Last night, my wife and I were having dinner together for the first time in a while. At one point, right in the middle of the meal,...

It's a busy day at the gates of heaven...

... bombings, cancer, shark attacks—the line at the pearly gates is never short. Old St. Peter, fatigued by his endless service, decides to take the afternoon off for some well deserved R&R. However, after shooing the new arrivals off to limbo for the evening, three men remain in line to enter H...

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Old man goes to the doctor...

An older gentleman goes to the doctor and tells him he has erectile dysfunction. The doc scratches his chin, and then snaps his fingers.

"I've got just the thing for you! This is a new medicine; just cleared clinical trials. You'll feel like you're twenty again!"

"Anything to get me ba...

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It’s Friday the 13th, and St. Peter is having a busy day at the pearly gates...

…and needs to get creative to make sure he can make it through the backlog. So he decides that only people with really shocking deaths can get into Heaven today.

So the first guy in line comes to St. Peter’s desk, and when asked to describe his death, he says “Well I was a successful busines...

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