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Violation Jokes

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Bicycle Safety Violation Ticket

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike.
The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid says, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tai...

Traffic violation

After pulling a farmer over for speeding in an urban area, the police officer starts to lecture him about his callous disregard for public safety. The officer goes on and on, even belittling the farmer saying he must be a "hick from the sticks" and not know how to behave in a civilized area.
<...

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Health Violation

A man orders a hot dog with relish from a street vendor. The vendor grabs the dog with his bare hands and puts it on a bun. He then applies the relish with his fingers. The man pulls out a badge and says, "I'm the health inspector and I'm shutting you down!" The vendor pleads with the inspector and ...

When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a school teacher.

The judge rose from the bench.
“Madam, I have waited years for a school teacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight.
“Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times!"

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That one was a violation!

Him: Hey, girl ... I want to get into your pants!

(\*looks at his friends thinking he has done something great\*)

Her: Sorry I already have one asshole in my pants

(\*PS: plz don't hate me ... I do not have a good sense of humour \*)

NSFW What did one OSHA violation say to the other?

I can't tell you. Its not safe for work

What is a pirate's LEAST favourite letter?

Dear Sir or Ma'am,


we are cutting your internet connection due to illegal downloading and copyright violations.


Sincerely, Internet Provider

Activists Sued for Copyright Violation after portraying Trump as Jafar in Aladdin Stage Show.

Judge says Pantomime to Tyrancy was Tantamount to Piracy.

Soviet Curfew

A man in Moscow is walking home after his day at work and he walks past a security checkpoint. One of the guards calls to him and tells him to stop, but he takes off running. The guard raises his rifle, takes aim, and shoots him dead in the street. The other guard stares at him.

“What did you...

Did you hear about how Tom Cruise belittled his film crew over Covid violations?

Normally he's the one that be little...

A police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations...

Closing time comes around and the officer observes a man stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before finding his. Then he sits in his car fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone else had left the bar and drove off by now. Finally, the ...

When complementing viola players, please please please for the love of god do NOT call it a violin!

That's a violation.

A cop started crying while he was writing me a ticket.

I asked him why and he said, "It's a moving violation."

Santa Jingle…

He's making a list.

He's checking it twice.

Gonna find out who's naughty or nice.

Santa Claus is in violation of the General Data Protection Regulation (EU) 2016/679

People need to stop putting flyers on my car.

I don't want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."

I was going to make a social media platform called "Please Try Again Later",

but I figured Reddit would sue me for copyright violation.

I am a builder from Sioux Falls, and I was recently in Madrid at a local tavern, and couldn’t believe the amount of code violations in their building practices. This led me to accept that they are their own culture and....

Nobody inspects the Spanish inn condition.

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Comcast has received a notification by a copyright owner, or its authorized agent, reporting an alleged infringement of one or more copyrighted works made on or over Comcast's High-Speed Internet service (the 'Service'). The copyright owner has identified the Internet Protocol ('IP') address associa...

A History of Mazda

(I hope this isn't technically a Rule 6 violation)

Mazda is suffering in car sales, and so begins some new lines of products and tag lines.

They get into gardening, bloom bloom,

The military, boom boom,

Condoms, coom coom,

Textiles, loom loom,

Psychedelics,...

How come when NASA shows pictures of their black hole, it’s “breaking news”

But when I show pictures of mine it’s an “HR violation”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can’t astronauts jack off in the shuttle?

Because working under a suspended load is an OSHA violation

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Santa's gifts

A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street, when a little girl On her new shiny bike stopped beside him.

'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'

'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket f...

A thief was arrested for stealing the world’s finest perfume.

It was a *fragrant violation* of the law.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A motorcycle officer stopped a man who ran a red light.

The guy was a real jerk, demanding, “Why am I being harassed by the Gestapo?!”
The officer calmly told him of his violation.
The man erupted in a tirade, questioning the officer’s ancestry and sexual orientation in explicit terms.
The officer took it in stride, saying nothing. When he finis...

Santa is entangled

Eureka! I have it. Santa's wave function is entangled with the wave functions of all non-naughty kids and all presents. Observation on Christmas morning collapses the wave function, so presents appear instantaneously under the trees of all good kids. No violation of relativity in Santa's travel. ...

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Arizona bill proposes charging porn consumers $20 to fund Trump's border wall. [OC]

In other words: If you cum, they will build it.

(Resubmitting due to rule violation the first time)

I was just minding my business at lunch when a police officer came and took a handful of my Chinese food...

it was a blatant violation of my rice.

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Did you hear about the doctor who fucked a zoo animal?

He was charged with a HIPPO violation

Wanna know why China has 5 stars in their country flag?

It's how much they rated themselves for the human rights violations

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Dad says anything

While out for a walk with my puppy on the community trail along the river this morning, I -a dad- came across an elderly gentleman who seemed inclined to give me an impromptu lecture on the etiquette of keeping dogs on leashes, as well as a short soliloquy on municipal governance bylaws and the vari...

Did you hear the one about Xi Jinping?

This joke has been flagged for violations of our *new* content policy, specifically our policy against inappropriate speech.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A motorcycle cop stops

a driver for running a red light. The driver
is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer,
demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!


So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist
instantly goes on a tirade,...

A rat along with two of his best buddies walk into a bar

the bar had to be shut down due to health violations.

A cop pulls a motorist over on the highway

"Do you know your lights are out?" asks the police officer.

"Yup," answers the driver. "But I don't care."

"And do you know how fast you were going?"

"Oh, probably about 20 miles over the limit."

"Can I see your license, sir?"

"I don't have one."

"Well, wel...

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Emerson, Lake, and Palmer walk into a bar. . .

RESUBMITTING WITHOUT LINKS



Picture it. June, 1971. London.



Keith Emerson, Greg Lake and Carl Palmer are celebrating the release of their album Tarkus at the Seven Stars Pub.



Very quickly, both ELP and their BACs are riding high.

Nothing can spoil t...

Our baby's new nickname is Assad...

..because he keeps assaulting us with gas that is definitely in violation of the Chemical Weapons Convention.

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