I love throwing house warming parties

**But for some reason the police keep calling it 'Arson'.**

I have a friend named Arson!

His name is actually Carson, but we call him that because he’s blind

"Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"

"Yes, we arson."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bestiality enthusiast, an arson, a sadist, a necrophile, and a masochist are right outside a psych ward when a cat passes by.

The beastialty enthusiast says "let's fuck the cat," the arsonist says, "let's fuck the cat, then burn it," the sadist says, "let's fuck the cat, burn the cat, then kill it," then the necrophile says, "let's fuck the cat, burn the cat, kill the cat, then fuck it again," and finally the masochist say...

What do you call survivors of brothel arson?

Pistachios



What does the shepherd call the sheep he just sold? Cashews

What’s another name for a pearl necklace? Chestnut

What’s on the other side of a gloryhole? Walnuts

What was the peeping Tom doing? Pecan



Please help me fill out my nut pun reper...

What do overweight people and arson at prisons have in common?

cellulite

A child sets fires around the community.

Mom: My son is a fire starting monster. I raised a criminal.
Dad: It's arson.

A woman gives birth to a boy...

Husband: I know what we should name him.


Wife: What?


Husband: 'Setting a house on fire'


Wife: What? Why?


Husband: Because he is arson.

What do you call a collection of weapons kept for the purpose of burning down buildings?

An arsonal

A man had an affair with a school secretary.

A man had an affair with a school secretary. A few years later, the secretary got the wrong number and called the man...

“Sir, I’m sorry to inform you of this, but your child has committed a serious crime on school ground.”

“Oh no,” the man replied. “Was it arson?”

A cigar smoker bought several hundred expensive cigars

And had them insured against fire. After he'd smoked them all, he filed a claim, pointing out that the cigars had been destroyed by fire. The company refused to pay, and the man sued. A judge ruled that because the insurance company had agreed to insure against fire, it was legally responsible. The ...

Honey, I accidentally set your son on fire!

Just kidding, it’s not your son, it’s arson.

That booty’s on Fire

I guess you could say its arson

Pyromaniac

A pyromaniac teenager decides to burn his family's house down. The cops approach his parents and say, "Looks like someone left the stove on."




"Oh, no," They replied, "it was arson."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just a typical story repost with a little twist

A proud farmer lying on his deathbed, asked his three sons to find one object that can be used to fill the inside of the barn. The one who can deliver will be chosen as his heir to the farm.

So the oldest son goes to the market to get hay while the middle son go get leaves and the youngest s...

A kid's parents were told that their kid was involved in a fire

The parents said in unison "But arson didn't do it!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Principal: Sorry for calling you in, but your son set the school on fire.

Parents: Arson?

Principal: Yes, your son.

A kid decides to burn his house down

His parents just manage to get out as flames engulf the house and they see the kid across the road, looking delighted. The dad wraps his arms around his wife, tears welling up in their eyes, and says ‘that’s arson’.

After our house burned down, the cops told us that it could be someone we know.

I asked my wife, “Could it be arson?”

What did the pyromaniacs say when their kid told them he wanted to be a firefighter?

*gasp* YOU'RE NOT ARSON ANYMORE

I divorced my wife because she went psycho and burned the house down.

But don't worry. Arson is doing fine.

An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a statistician all walk into different rooms, each containing a bucket of water and a garbage can that is on fire.

The engineer walks into his room. He sees the fire, then sees the bucket. He immediately grabs the bucket and dumps the whole thing on the fire to put it out.

The physicist walks into his room and sees the fire and bucket. He takes out a sheet of paper and calculates exactly how much water he...

What did one fire tell to her husband, after their son's birth?

Honey... This is Arson.

After burning a building, a son asks his father

"Are we pyromaniacs, Dad?". The father replies, "Yes, we arson"

But your honor, I didn't mean to hurt anyone when I was playing with fire.

I was just arson around!

Two Parents Get Arrested

A couple is arrested after they get caught burning their son’s name on farms. Picture a big bonfire, but it spells their son’s name.

It’s a tense ride into the station. The parents are obviously nervous, so the officer makes some small talk.

After a while, though, the curiosity gets ...

So I live in a small town

The town is really small. There some rich people, but not a lot. One of them, however, is my neighbor. He is a doctor, but also owns a tiny motel with his wife called the Spanish Inn. A couple of years later, the motel mysteriously burns down. The couple tries to file for insurance, but the inspecto...

A man goes to jail.

Lets just say his name is Phil. After he gets settled in he goes out to the wreck yard. Another inmate notices he is new, approaches him and asks him what he's in for. Phil tells him he has a drug and arson charge. The inmate says, so you lit something on fire and got caught selling drugs? Phil says...

After a terrible fire that brought down their home, a man and his wife were grasping for answers

"Do you think it was arson?", she said.

"Which one?", he replied.

A police officer calls two parents...

"I'm sorry, but your child was caught setting fire to a building yesterday evening."

"No, not arson!"

Threw my new neighbors a house-warming party...

The police called it arson. Whatever...

Motel insurance scam (x-post /r/Unexpected)

A few years ago, I lived in a small rural town in southwestern Texas, near the border with Mexico. My town had a few rich people living in it, and among these was my neighbor. He was a doctor, and also owned a little motel called the Spanish Inn. It was a nice place, and the doctor enjoyed keeping u...

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