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Arson Jokes

I love throwing house warming parties

**But for some reason the police keep calling it 'Arson'.**

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bestiality enthusiast, an arson, a sadist, a necrophile, and a masochist are right outside a psych ward when a cat passes by.

The beastialty enthusiast says "let's fuck the cat," the arsonist says, "let's fuck the cat, then burn it," the sadist says, "let's fuck the cat, burn the cat, then kill it," then the necrophile says, "let's fuck the cat, burn the cat, kill the cat, then fuck it again," and finally the masochist say...

What do they call arson in France?

Crime brulè

A kid decided to burn his house down.

His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."

"Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"

"Yes, we arson."

I've been told by people I light up a room

According to police it's called arson and those people are "witnesses"

I have a friend named Arson!

His name is actually Carson, but we call him that because he’s blind

A woman gives birth to a boy...

Husband: I know what we should name him.


Wife: What?


Husband: 'Setting a house on fire'


Wife: What? Why?


Husband: Because he is arson.

What do parents say when the find out their son got arrested for setting a building on fire

“That’s arson!”

Factory arson

A factory producing frozen Chinese dumplings is reported to have suffered the worst case of arson in recent history, presumed to be the work of a disgruntled worker.

The police chief said he had never seen a case of such wonton destruction.

What do you call survivors of brothel arson?

Pistachios



What does the shepherd call the sheep he just sold? Cashews

What’s another name for a pearl necklace? Chestnut

What’s on the other side of a gloryhole? Walnuts

What was the peeping Tom doing? Pecan



Please help me fill out my nut pun reper...

me and my pyromaniac wife have a child

He is arson

Your son didn't start a fire

It was arson

What do overweight people and arson at prisons have in common?

cellulite

What chemical got it's nickname from starting fires?

Arson Nick

Dad I burnt the school down, am I in trouble?

"You arson."

A child sets fires around the community.

Mom: My son is a fire starting monster. I raised a criminal.
Dad: It's arson.

Two parents go on a date night and leave their son at home whom seemed to love fire.

When they returned, the house was covered in flames. The parents rushed to the police and fire fighters and asked “Where’s arson?!”

"Did you know your son lit the barn on fire!?!"

You mean "arson"?

Honey, I accidentally set your son on fire!

Just kidding, it’s not your son, it’s arson.

What do you call a collection of weapons kept for the purpose of burning down buildings?

An arsonal

After our house burned down, the cops told us that it could be someone we know.

I asked my wife, “Could it be arson?”

What did the pyromaniacs say when their kid told them he wanted to be a firefighter?

*gasp* YOU'RE NOT ARSON ANYMORE

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Principal: Sorry for calling you in, but your son set the school on fire.

Parents: Arson?

Principal: Yes, your son.

Did you know that Jesus was actually crucified for starting fires everywhere?

He died for arsons.

Frank and Fiona Lames were very upstanding citizens.

They worked very normal 9-5s, were involved in the community, and cheered for [insert reader’s favorite sports team].


The lovely couple had two teenage children: Felicity and Felix. The two youngsters were nothing like their parents. They went were pranksters and miscreants, always getti...

Pyromaniac

A pyromaniac teenager decides to burn his family's house down. The cops approach his parents and say, "Looks like someone left the stove on."




"Oh, no," They replied, "it was arson."

A man had an affair with a school secretary.

A man had an affair with a school secretary. A few years later, the secretary got the wrong number and called the man...

“Sir, I’m sorry to inform you of this, but your child has committed a serious crime on school ground.”

“Oh no,” the man replied. “Was it arson?”

A kid decides to burn his house down

His parents just manage to get out as flames engulf the house and they see the kid across the road, looking delighted. The dad wraps his arms around his wife, tears welling up in their eyes, and says ‘that’s arson’.

My kid asked if we are a bunch of pyromaniacs

I said, "yes, we arson."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Watching a presidential debate with a friend.

Republican: I am going to smoke crack and burn down all the houses in your hometown.

Democrat: I will also burn down all the houses in that same town, but I will smoking meth, not crack.

Third party rep: I don’t do drugs and disavow arson.

Me to my friend: “I think I’m going to ...

A kid's parents were told that their kid was involved in a fire

The parents said in unison "But arson didn't do it!"

A cigar smoker bought several hundred expensive cigars

And had them insured against fire. After he'd smoked them all, he filed a claim, pointing out that the cigars had been destroyed by fire. The company refused to pay, and the man sued. A judge ruled that because the insurance company had agreed to insure against fire, it was legally responsible. The ...

What did one fire tell to her husband, after their son's birth?

Honey... This is Arson.

How did the pirate warn his child about a fire he had set?

He yelled “Arson!”

I divorced my wife because she went psycho and burned the house down.

But don't worry. Arson is doing fine.

Two Parents Get Arrested

A couple is arrested after they get caught burning their son’s name on farms. Picture a big bonfire, but it spells their son’s name.

It’s a tense ride into the station. The parents are obviously nervous, so the officer makes some small talk.

After a while, though, the curiosity gets ...

A man goes to jail.

Lets just say his name is Phil. After he gets settled in he goes out to the wreck yard. Another inmate notices he is new, approaches him and asks him what he's in for. Phil tells him he has a drug and arson charge. The inmate says, so you lit something on fire and got caught selling drugs? Phil says...

After burning a building, a son asks his father

"Are we pyromaniacs, Dad?". The father replies, "Yes, we arson"

After a terrible fire that brought down their home, a man and his wife were grasping for answers

"Do you think it was arson?", she said.

"Which one?", he replied.

Threw my new neighbors a house-warming party...

The police called it arson. Whatever...

A police officer calls two parents...

"I'm sorry, but your child was caught setting fire to a building yesterday evening."

"No, not arson!"

An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a statistician all walk into different rooms, each containing a bucket of water and a garbage can that is on fire.

The engineer walks into his room. He sees the fire, then sees the bucket. He immediately grabs the bucket and dumps the whole thing on the fire to put it out.

The physicist walks into his room and sees the fire and bucket. He takes out a sheet of paper and calculates exactly how much water he...

But your honor, I didn't mean to hurt anyone when I was playing with fire.

I was just arson around!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just a typical story repost with a little twist

A proud farmer lying on his deathbed, asked his three sons to find one object that can be used to fill the inside of the barn. The one who can deliver will be chosen as his heir to the farm.

So the oldest son goes to the market to get hay while the middle son go get leaves and the youngest s...

Motel insurance scam (x-post /r/Unexpected)

A few years ago, I lived in a small rural town in southwestern Texas, near the border with Mexico. My town had a few rich people living in it, and among these was my neighbor. He was a doctor, and also owned a little motel called the Spanish Inn. It was a nice place, and the doctor enjoyed keeping u...

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