Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

What's the resemblance between a battery and Jeff Epstein?

They both die in a cell!

I just wanted to use the last 1% of my battery to tell you

The Zodiac Killer is Te

Robin: Hey Batman, the Batmobile won’t start!

Batman: Did you check the battery?

R: What’s a “tery”?

My battery powered dinosaur toy has stopped working.

I guess it just has a bad case of e-reptile dysfunction.

What did the little battery yell when it stepped on a lego?

AAA

A battery and a pair of jumper leads walk into a bar.

Battery: three drinks now!

Bartender: I'm not severing you.

Battery: why not!

Bartender: because you and your mates look like you're about to start something.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend met a prostitute who connected battery wires to his testicles.

I said, “Holy shit! How much did she charge you?”

It's great when battery positive terminals are marked.

When it comes to helping identification, it's a big plus.

Did you hear about the firework and the battery who got in a fight the other night?

Apparently one was charged but the other one was let off..

Whats the difference between a Wife and a Battery?

A Battery has a positive side.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Car Battery and a Bra walk into a Bar...

Car Battery and a Bra, walk into a bar.
The Car battery asks the Barman “Two beers please mate for my partner and I”
The Barman looks at the Car Battery and Bra and refuses to serve them.
The car battery, looking confused asks why?
The Barman replies “ Because your friend is off her tit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do a woman's anus and a 9 volt battery have in common?

You know its against your better judgement, but you put your tongue on it
anyway.

A man was caught stealing a used battery from a neighbour.

Police: Why did you commit the crime, sir?

Man: Oh, I heard it was free of charge.

A man attacked and stole a battery from a Muslim sovereign.

He was charged for a-sult-an' battery.

So the police arrested this old battery...

They said they had DNA evidence placed him at a crime scene.




They tested his cells and decided they couldn't charge him.

Battery salesmen are the best.

They always have the most energy.

Today I ran out of battery on my phone and I had to spend a few hours with my family.

They seem like nice people.

if apple had named battery acid

it would probably be called "apple juice"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse

"I'm a professional. In over 20 years, I've never laughed at a patient."

"Ok then," said Bob, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the smallest male part the nurse had ever seen. In length and width it was the same size as a AAA battery.

Unable to control herself, the nurse...

While I was at work, someone hooked up a car battery to my front door.

As you can imagine, I was shocked.

I totally understand how battery's feel!

Because i'm never included in things either.

Do any of you want to buy a dead battery?

I’m not charging much for it.

Recent studies show that electric vehicles made by BMW have a ten percent better battery life.

Because they don't waste electricity by using their blinkers.

Did you hear about the lonely battery?

Poor guy was never included.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman's asshole is like a 9-volt battery.

You know you shouldn't, but sooner or later you're going to put your tongue on it.

I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector.

The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick.

If you lose your fingers your girlfriend basically turns into a truck with no battery...

You can’t turn her on so she demands to be toed.

Why did the battery store go bankrupt?

Everything was free of charge.

What’s the fastest charging battery in the world?

Usain Volt

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do a 9V battery and a womans asshole have in common?

You know it's wrong, but sooner or later, youre gonna stick your tongue in it.

Tesla have announced they are going to build the worlds biggest battery.

Yet it still won't last a day on an iPhone

An elderly couple is in church. The wife says to the husband, "I've let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?"

The husband says, "Change the battery in your hearing aid."

Did you hear about the power source that was arrested for assault?

It was charged with battery.

Chris Brown is so good at Battery

Elon Musk just hired him for Tesla.

The authorities caught the dying battery

He was not charged

I've invented a way of getting my motorbike going without a battery.

I'm going to do a kickstarter for it.

How does an Apple Watch owner know that it's midday?

It's already run out of battery.

Long after the death of all humans, a group of aliens come to Earth.

The first thing they find? A Nokia phone still on half battery and in working condition.

A falling battery killed a man today.

It was charged with murder.

My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.

So I took the battery out of the smoke alarm.

I feel like a battery

because I am not included in anything :(

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