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Bombard Jokes

I absolutely hate donating blood. As soon as you walk through the door you get bombarded with questions.

I absolutely hate when they ask
“Where did you get it?”
“Why is it in a bucket?”

Girls on dating apps get bombarded with too many lame and boring messages

For them, finding the good ones is like finding a needle in a hey-stack.

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During a military assault by Hun, Mulan’s company suffered a bombardment and she was knocked out.

When she wakes up, the doctor tells her: “I have bad news for you, buddy.”

Fears that her true identity has been found out, she nervously asked the doctor what is it.

“I just checked your injuries and, well your dick is gone.”

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A girl is invited to her boyfriend’s family dinner. But she made a mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans beforehand. When she is on her way, she feels the need to fart, but she figures she can wait until she gets to his house.

When she arrives, his parents are so happy to meet her. His parents immediately invite her to the dining table. Since dinner is almost ready, she feels bad to step out. She figures she can wait until dinner is over. Unfortunately, 15 minutes later, she can’t hold it any longer. At the same time, his...

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A guy went on a date with a beautiful girl

There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl. Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans. Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies.When they got there, he asked her...

A quote from a WWII veteran...

If you see a group of soldiers but don't know where they're from fire a stray bullet in their direction and see how they react.

If they respond with precise rifle fire they're British.

If they respond with a frenzy of machine gun fire they're German.

If they try running away the...

An old Man is in the big city the first time in his life for an doctors apointment.

He takes a taxi, a mercedes, to get to his appointment. The whole ride he bombards his driver the most stupid questions about live in the big city. The taxi driver gehts more and more irritated about the questions.

Finally the man asks: "What´s the star in the middle of your hood for?"
...

I’m proud of this joke, please don’t judge my work too harshly.

There once was a man named Ish. He was a curious guy, always trying to find out new things. He decided to take a trip all around Europe.

He went to France, Germany, Belgium, Portugal, and eventually ended up smack dab in the middle of Spain. He, being the curious guy that he was, immediately...

A man was looking after a parrot for his brother.

For several days he was bombarded loudly at all hours by its swearing and noisy intrusions. His warnings to behave were ignored. Eventually, in frustration, he opened its cage, grabbed it, and threw it into his freezer. After five minutes he relented and replaced it on its perch. It was suddenly hum...

A doctor and a lawyer are at a party...

People at the party keep coming up to the doctor and asking him for medical advice. The doctor gets aggravated that he cannot enjoy the party because of the constant medical questions. He notices that his lawyer friend is sitting peacefully in a corner and hasn't been disturbed all night.

The...

A depressed man walks into a lawyer’s office...

“I’ve been accused of stealing!” he exclaims. “They day I stole canned ham from the back of a delivery truck. But I’m innocent!”
“Alright,” the defense attorney says. “I’ll take your case. But it’ll cost you $5000.”
“I’ll pay you $2500 now, and pay the rest after the trial,” the man says.
...

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One day the Pope...

Decides to get rid of all the Jews in the Vatican. Of course this brings an uproar in the Jewish community until finally the pope calls for a silent debate for the Jews to stay. So the Jews send the Rabbi.

The Pope and Rabbi start their debate, with the pope raising three fingers. The Rabbi r...

One day, an old man was hammering a large, wooden stake into his garden.

Unfortunately, that same day, the captain of the Navy was walking past. When the stake caught his eye (despite it being very basic and unattractive), he decided he wanted to own it. So, he waited for the old man to leave, and promptly pulled it out and carried it away to his submarine, where he foun...

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One sunny day in Auschwitz

One sunny day in Auschwitz Hitler was standing in front of a big pit.
Nervously, in line in front of him, few hundred jews were standing.
Hitler would call one by one, and give orders to them...

Feet together, spread your arms in 90° angle...

As soon as he complied Hitler p...

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Traveling Friar

This simple friar came upon a small village with a convent upon a nearby hill. Crossing through the village he was bombarded with a strange greeting from many of the local women. "5 shillings for a blowjob!" Thinking to himself this must be local workers hawking but as to what a blowjob was he had...

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A woman is out golfing when she hits her golf ball into the woods. When she goes to retrieve it, she finds a talking frog trapped beneath a fallen tree...

"Please!" the frog cries, "Help me! If you can just lift up this tree even just a little bit, I will be free! And I'll grant you three wishes!"

The woman quickly agrees, and throws her weight into the tree. She can't lift it much, as it's quite heavy, but she does manage to move it just barel...

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There was a man in Ukraine who operated a train for a living.

He showed up to work one day extremely drunk and starting hitting people on the tracks, killing a few before he was caught and arrested. State law deemed that death via the electric chair was an acceptable punishment for his deeds.


The day he was put to death, they asked him for any last ...

A group of soldiers was fighting against a group of rebels...

They had been fighting for a few years now, and many people, including innocent citizens, had lost their lives during this period. The soldiers tried and tried to rid the city of the rebels, but the latter was a strong resistance and were hard to defeat. Regardless of the many new personnel, bases a...

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The year: 2029. A brilliant scientist is constructing the first sentient artificial intelligence.

He's working out of his garage in San Francisco, living on charitable donations from his worried friends. He dropped out of college when he realized he could change the world — there's no going back; his life is dedicated to this project. At first, he is met with failure upon failure. But then, he r...

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