UPJOKE
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Why did the shark eat a pineapple before attacking the sailor?

Pineapple makes seamen taste better

A man had a cattle ranch that he ran with his two daughters.

One day their only bull went crazy, broke through the fence and killed the man. The bull was injured and was attacking everything and everyone in sight. The daughters had to put him down. They needed a new bull, but they only had $1000 in cash. So one daughter decided to go to town and see if she co...

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him..

Guess that's what I get for having a pure bread dog.

My Roomba accidentally went out the front door, and the neighbourhood animals immediately started attacking it.

Nature abhors a vacuum.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Spanish attacking footballer say to the journalist asking if he wanted to win the match?

I'll pass.

Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking...

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the Mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.

"Well done, son! Now ...

Why does Kim Jong-un keep attacking South Korea?

Because he doesn't have Seoul?

My brother went to jail. He didn't take it very well. He was yelling insults and attacking everyone, he even threw his faeces on the wall.

I don't think we will play Monopoly with him again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was talking a walk this afternoon when, out of nowhere, the pavement started viciously attacking me.

Fucking psycho path

Will carrying a torch save you from an attacking bear?

Depends on how fast you can carry it.

A man in USA sees a dog attacking a girl!

A man in USA sees a dog attacking a girl!
He kicks the dog, it dies!
Newspapers report
"LOCAL HERO SAVES LADY FROM DOG"

Man says i'm not American
Report changed
"Foreign Hero Saves girl from Dog"

Man says:
Actually I'm Pakistani
Breaking News:
"Terrorist killed ...

A woman is accused of attacking her husband with several of his guitars

The Judge asked "First time offender?"

She replied, "No, first time a Gibson, then a Fender."

A giant snake is attacking the city.

It wraps around buildings, crushing them, and swallows people whole. A pair of office workers get eaten, and one of them starts to panic as they wind up in the snake's stomach. However, he notices that the other worker is still calm.

"How can you be so calm," he asks, "when we're going to die...

Vegans need to lay off attacking others for their eating habits....

The last thing we need is another Spinach Inquisition.

A giant fly is attacking New York, but don't worry...

The SWAT team is on it.

I keep having bad dreams about an ancient Egyptian mummy attacking me while I'm cooking. I call them my...

Rameses kitchen nightmares.

Music artists need stop attacking people for no reason

They producing the wrong hits.

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