How do you get a bear to stop attacking you?

Shave your chest, and lose some weight.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Spanish attacking footballer say to the journalist asking if he wanted to win the match?

I'll pass.

My Roomba accidentally went out the front door, and the neighbourhood animals immediately started attacking it.

Nature abhors a vacuum.

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him..

Guess that's what I get for having a pure bread dog.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The boy got his ass kicked by his bully after he followed his father’s advice.

The boy thought forsure that playing a nice tune on his violin would dissuade his bully from attacking him through the power of music.

He didn’t understand why it didn’t work, his father was a wise man. The father’s advice advice to the boy was:

“Son, sometimes you must respond to a ph...

Why does Kim Jong-un keep attacking South Korea?

Because he doesn't have Seoul?

My brother went to jail. He didn't take it very well. He was yelling insults and attacking everyone, he even threw his feces on the wall.

I don't think we'll play Monopoly with him again.

Vegans need to lay off attacking others for their eating habits....

The last thing we need is another Spinach Inquisition.

Music artists need stop attacking people for no reason

They producing the wrong hits.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was talking a walk this afternoon when, out of nowhere, the pavement started viciously attacking me.

Fucking psycho path

Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking...

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the Mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.

"Well done, son! Now ...

A giant snake is attacking the city.

It wraps around buildings, crushing them, and swallows people whole. A pair of office workers get eaten, and one of them starts to panic as they wind up in the snake's stomach. However, he notices that the other worker is still calm.

"How can you be so calm," he asks, "when we're going to die...

A giant fly is attacking New York, but don't worry...

The SWAT team is on it.

I’m an Anti-vax and I don’t care what you think.

I’m sick and tired of seeing people who are anti-vax getting bullied on social media. We have good reasons to feel this way and simply bad mouthing us or attacking us is not going to change our mind. We will not be silenced.

I for sure will never have one again. No chance, no matter what you ...

A man in USA sees a dog attacking a girl!

A man in USA sees a dog attacking a girl!
He kicks the dog, it dies!
Newspapers report
"LOCAL HERO SAVES LADY FROM DOG"

Man says i'm not American
Report changed
"Foreign Hero Saves girl from Dog"

Man says:
Actually I'm Pakistani
Breaking News:
"Terrorist killed ...

Will carrying a torch save you from an attacking bear?

Depends on how fast you can carry it.

A woman is accused of attacking her husband with several of his guitars

The Judge asked "First time offender?"

She replied, "No, first time a Gibson, then a Fender."

If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?

The fly S.W.A.T. Team!

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