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Dishonor Jokes

TIL that you can get dishonorably discharged from the Navy for boarding the wrong vessel just once.

Whoops, wrong sub

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Tough to be Irish

"What's your name?", asked the teacher.

"Mohammad," he replied.

"You're in Ireland now," replied the teacher, "So from now on you will be known as Mike.

" Mohammad returned home after school.

"How was your day, Mohammad?", his mother asked.

"My name is not Mohammad...

The bull gets dishonorably discharged from the Animal Military.

He acted cow-ardly on the field of battle.

Why was the Marine dishonorably discharged?

He was rotten to the Corps.

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She kept busy

A man arrived home early from work and caught his sexy young wife in bed with another man…
The dishonored husband challenged the other man to an old-fashioned duel using his pistols, announcing angrily, "Whoever manages to shoot first and kill the other, gets her…"
The other man agreed to th...

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Guy comes back from deployment after a year...

And immediately when he gets home, he shows his wife a new trick he taught himself. He drops his pants and looks at his member and says "Soldier, ten-hut!"
His member immediately shoots errect.
She finds this ammusing.
"Baby," he says "there is more."
He looks down at his member and says...

Did you hear about the military drum major who was dishonorably discharged?

It was for conduct unbecoming.

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WW2: an Italian officer, an imperial Japanese officer and a German officer got captured

They all sit in a cell and wait to be interrogated by the Allies.
The German says: "My superior genetics will let me withstand every torture! I won't tell them anything!"
The Japanese says: "I will never dishonor my country and tell them our secrets!"
The Italian says: "I guess I'm fucked."...

A joke from Ukraine about cultural differences [my translation].

[edit - grammar]

In a psychological experiment, three women - Arab, French, and Ukrainian - are asked the same question: "suppose you survive a shipwreck and are stranded on an uninhabited tropical island ... with fifteen brutal, muscular, stressed-out sailors, and noone else, what would you ...

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A Russian army officer was fired after having sex with James Bond during a mission.

It was a dishonorable discharge.

An Italian young lady is about to go on a walk with her beau when he grandmother warns her...

She tells her granddaugter this:

He will try to kiss you, but you shouldn't let him, even if it feels nice, for it will dishonor you.

He will try to move his hands under your blouse or skirt, you may like it, but you must not let him do it, for it will greatly dishonor you.

H...

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Have you ever heard about the marine that got caught jerking off?

Let’s just say he had a dishonorable discharge.

Origin of the word asian

Me: Bro, it's summer break. Why are you still studying
Ming: I must get A for my exams or I'll bring dishonor to my family
Me: Just because you're Asian? Besides, exams aren't even close. Let's hang out.
Ming: ASIAN WITHOUT A IS SIN

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What do you call it when a veteran nuts in a prostitute?

Dishonorable discharge.

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What is the military term for premature ejaculation?

Dishonorable discharge

What happens when you eat too many Navy beans?

You might end up with a dishonorable discharge.

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Two British army generals are catching up in the mess hall after years of not seeing one another during WWII.

“So Reginald, how you been my old mate?”

“Oh good good. Survived some close calls but can’t complain. How’s the ol’ wife Montgomery?”

“She’s well. Doing well.”

“And Manfred? You see him much?”

“Yep he’s fine. Lost most of his hearing in the battle at Vimy, but bless hi...

All men are the same!

Grandma is seeing that her grandchild, a young woman, is getting ready to go out, dressing up nicely and being all nervous. So she asked her grandchild about her plans.
"Why, I am going out on my first date with a handsome young fella, Grandma! I am so excited!"

The Grandma raised her eye...

I’m going to invent a super laxative for the military.

I think I’ll call it Dishonorable Discharge.

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Different sayings same thing

1. Having a threesome with a couple of no-shows.

2. DJ the VJ.

3. Dopamine farming.

4. Double clicking your mouse.

 5. Badgering the witness.

6. Summoning the semen demon.

7. Blood bending.

8. Shaking hands with the unemployed.

9. Making Jesus ...

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It’s my half cake day soon so I thought I would post a joke.

A older Marine just came back from deployment and went to the local brothel to get some. He lays his money down and asks for the best girl they have. The madam tells him to go into the room and get undressed and he does.

A few minutes later a very vivacious blonde walks in and introduces her...

Did you hear about the battery who deserted his unit in battle?

He was dishonorably discharged.

I'll show myself out now.

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My Ex-girlfriend had a really weird fetish

She liked to dress like herself and act like a fucking bitch all the time.

In WW I, US soldiers could be court martialed for contracting gonorrhoea.

That's why they call it a "dishonorable discharge".

Did you hear about the soldier who threw up on his commanding officer?

It was a dishonorable discharge.

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[NSFW] a soldier was home from tour and was naked in bed with his wife

As they talked it was obvious the mood was moving towards sex. So the soldier gets out of bed and stands at the side of the bed. He says to his wife "I learned this really neat trick. Do you want to see it?"

The wife replies "of course!" So the soldier looks down at his penis and says in a gr...

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[NSFW] [LONG] A soldier returns home from Iraq...

Greeted by his wife, he hugs her tight, and she's ready to jump his bones. He stops her however, and tells her, "Baby, while I was away, I want you to know, I didn't stray in thought or body. I spent every waking moment thinking of you, and in that process, I developed a new trick." This certainly h...

An elderly man was lying on his death bed

and in his bank account had 300,000 dollars. Being a man that didn't trust wills and didn't want the government to get their hands on the money, he decides to call over his three most trusted people. He calls over his priest, his lawyer, and his doctor and gives them each 100,000 dollars. He then...

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Marine

A Marine goes to a hooker, things start heating up and she notices he isn't hard. She asks if he needs help getting it up. Too which he replies, no ma'am I've got complete control over my body. He then yell "Private Ten Hut" and his dick gets hard.. impressed the prostitute asks if he can get it...

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A Drill Sergeant goes to a strip club...

A drill sergeant stationed at Fort Benning heads down to the strip club on a friday night. He's having a good time, having a few drinks. One of the strippers takes a liking to him and offers a private dance. He agrees and they head to the back room. While she's dancing, she asks him what he does for...

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A German soldier, Japanese soldier, and Italian soldier...

A German soldier, Japanese soldier, and Italian soldier are POWs in an allied camp during WWII. They are in their cells and agree not to talk while being interrogated by their captors.

The German soldier is taken first. The other two hear blood curdling screams of pain and within minutes the...

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A fine taster once entered a restaurant and challenged the restaurant owner.

He told the restaurant owner to serve him anything, and he'd be able to identify it. The restaurant owner accepted the challenge, and the starter meal was served. The guest tasted it, thought about it for a few seconds and then said: "This is a patĂŠ from a wild boar, duck and common quail. The wine ...

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A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year tour unaccompanied to Shemya, Alaska.

The first night he got home, he exclaimed to his wife, "Honey, I want you to know that I haven't wasted all this time alone. Instead, I've mastered the art of mind over matter. Just watch this!"

And with that he dropped his trousers and shorts and stood before her in his altogether.

"N...

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A crusty old sergeant major walks into a brothel in Korea...

He walks up to the receptionist and says, "I'm a sergeant major, I've seen combat in every major conflict for the last 35 years, and I want the best goddamn hooker you've got in this place!"

The receptionist nods and leads him to one of the back rooms. Waiting there is a stunningly beautiful ...

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Three men are travelling through a desert...

... They come upon a tent, and inside is a group of 72 beautiful virgin women that are scantily clothed. The men decide to get friendly with the girls, and not too long afterwards a man adorned in golden jewelry and exotic silks steps into the tent with body guards flanking him. "What are you doing ...

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A marine and the call girl.

After a long tour of duty in Afghanistan, a U.S. Marine gets some well earned R&R state side. Seeing as he hasn't been with a woman for quite a while he decides to have a call girl meet him at a motel.

Once the girl arrives she suggests they get naked and get into bed, as the Marine strip...

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A command Sergeant Major retires

A command Sergeant Major(CSM) retires from the military, he decides to celebrate at the local brothel. Upon entering he speaks with the attendant and asks for a room and the most beautiful woman available. He proceeds to his room with the lady, and sits down on the bed. After a few minutes the lady ...

A Priest, an Imam, and a Rabbi were at a cafe, having a discussion...

when an old man walks up to them. "Excuse me, you shepherds of faith, but I've been told I'm going to die soon, and I'm worried I won't be able to take my riches with me. But I want to help out your causes as well, so I figure you can help me. I've never been a man of faith, but to cover my bets, I'...

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A drill sergeant walks into a bar...

And orders a beer and a shot. The bartender obliges, ant tells him it’ll be $10. The drill sergeant slams both drinks. He turns to the bartender and says, “I tell you what, I will show you a trick so good, you’ll give me both those drinks for free.”
The bartender says, “This better be a good...

The camping story

A couple of years ago I went out camping in the woods with a few of my friends. It was a dark and stormy night, and we felt very alone in our little tent, so we started telling scary stories.

I described how the hills we were in used to be coal mining country, and the coal mines were dark and...

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Why I changed my name

Well, for my story to make any sense, I need to clarify that I'm somewhat of a celebrity in my country. I think even internationally people have heard about me, though I'm not too sure about it (fortunately the people who know about me also tend to be technologically a bit behind the curve, so you d...

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