Layer Jokes - 68 Hilarious Layer Jokes

What's the difference between 4-layer toilet paper and a liberal arts major?

You don't find 4-layer toilet paper at McDonalds!

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I’m an on the outside, but I’m like an onion

You peel back the layers, find the same thing and just start crying

Wanna hear a joke about the ozone layer?

[depleted]

Layer at the police station: "I won't say anything without my lawyer present. "

Police officer: "YOU ARE THE LAWYER!"

Lawyer: "Yes, I know, so where's my present?"

3 jokes instead of 3 layers of cake. Let's go!

What is at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck

Where are all average things made?
The Satisfactory

What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly Squats

Enjoy!

Applied for a job designing paralax layers...

...Failed the background test.

For Sale: Thick layer of dust.

As seen on TV.

There's a new skin treatment where expensive shoe leather is used to scrub and remove a layer of dead skin

It's called a Jordan peel

I caught my neighbor putting a layer of topsoil on my allotment

The plot thickened

A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady.

A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. "No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes," he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his...

I couldn't remember what the brown rough stuff was on the outside layer of tree trunks...

I asked my cat and she said, "Meow". No help.

I asked my bird and he said, "Tweet". Useless.

I asked my dog and they said "Rhytidome, you buffoon."

I like having layers on my bed.

That’s just a blanket statement.

I bought a pug for my wife.

Despite the bulging eyes, wrinkles and layers of fat, the pug seemed to like her.

I read about how in ancient Rome gladiators had a layer of fat to protect them in combat.

I'm gonna start telling people I have the body of a gladiator.

What did the Mexican carpet layer say to the apprentice?

Underlay underlay!

These days my boss has been getting on my nerves. See I'm a brick layer and he is always yelling to layer the bricks faster and faster...

These days everyone wants instant stratification.

A man goes to the psychiatrists wearing nothing but a layer of saran wrap.

When the man asked the Doctor to give him a diagnosis, the Doctor replied: "Well, clearly I can see your nuts."

John was in the fertilized egg business.

He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
...

A joke as told by my grandpa, circa 1985. He was about 75 at the time and his dad taught this to him: Two brick layers were building a wall when they came up a brick short

Get it? A brick short!

Ok ok, most people don't get that joke. Here's a bonus joke:

A man and woman are sitting on a trolley car, she has an annoying yappy dog and he's smoking a cigar.

"Can you put out that nasty cigar?!"

"Can you make that rat shut up?"

The old ...

Hey, imagine if there was something you could put in your body that could let you see a whole new layer of existence and change your perception of reality?

Bro, that would be dope.

A Geologist from Alabama could tell you the chronological order of Sandstone Layers, but not their exact ages

You could see they're into Relative Dating.

...

*Sigh*

I know you expected that punchline. My apologies, when I'm under pressure my sediment jokes turn a little schist.

Please stay gneiss in the comments.

What did Sherlock say as he studied the layers of rock?

Sedimentary, my dear Watson.

I called to the toilet paper manufacturer to complain about a dysfunctional layer of the product...

They wouldn't re-ply.

Architects call a layer of bricks a wythe. After the Great Fire of London, where thousands of wooden buildings were destroyed, King Henry VIII passed a law that the walls of all new buildings must be made of at least six layers of brick.

This is known as the six wythes of Henry the Eighth.

As I suspected, someone has been secretly adding layers of soil to my garden during the night.

This comment has been overwritten and deleted forevermore by the user in response to the API changes June 2023.

I have learnt that beauty is only skin-deep. That once you pull back the layers, you realise...

Being a cannibal isn't for everyone.

In early The Who gigs their drummer would sometimes go on stage dressed in nothing but a layer of blue paint. However, he didn't do it too often.

In fact, it would only happen once in a blue Moon.

I walked into my bosses office and yelled, "Three to five cellular layers of skin."

"What?" he laughed.

"I'm just saying what's on everyone's lips."

What does a McChicken, a whopper, a beefy 5-layer burrito, and an extra most bestest pizza have in common?

They've all seen me naked.

A family of moles wake up from hibernation.

They start digging up to the surface to get some air and stretch their legs. When they arrive, there’s a layer of concrete that wasn’t there before. They dig around the concrete and Papa mole pokes his head out and smells fresh pancakes.

“Oh, they must have built a pancake house up there! It ...

Where do clowns get their air from

The Bozone layer

A Male kangaroo walks into a bar. He orders a scotch and starts talking about the good old days when nobody was on their phones, when video games were for the rich, and the ozone layer was whole.

“Ok boomer”

A Muslim man came to the USA many years ago.

He found love, got married and had a son.

The son eventually graduated University, found a wife, got married and moved away for job reasons.

Unfortunately, one day the old man's wife passes away, leaving him alone in his house with a huge garden.

After a lot of grief, the man ...

Archaeologists recently discovered a tomb

When they dug the remains up they saw that the skeleton had a fine layer of chocolate on it and after months of intense research they discovered that it was the remains of the famous Pharaoh Rocher.

A man walks into a bakery with a salmon under his arm and says “do you have fish cakes?” The chap behind the counter replies, “No”.

“That’s a pity, it’s his birthday”.

I was going to make a cake day joke...
But I feel like it would have too many layers

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A man dies and goes to heaven...

Here's one I heard a while ago, not sure if it's been on here before. Works better if read aloud.

John finds himself in heaven after dying in a car accident. He sees nothing but a golden ladder ahead of him and a sign telling him to climb it. He begins to climb, up through a layer of clouds....

so... about geology puns

So, right, geology puns need to hit ***hard*** , i suppose.. To make the jokes better you can add a ***layer*** into it, the delivery should be ***segmented*** and indicated to make it easier to understand the joke, you don't always need to fulfil this instruction tho, i mean we didn't need to do no...

A Polack, An American and an Englishman all go skydiving...

The polack jumps fist, the American waits ten seconds, then the Englishman jumps a moment layer.

The Polack pulls his chute and it opens. The American pulls his, and it fails to open. He falls screaming passed the Polack. The Englishman pulls his chute, and it fails to open. He ...

I was going to make a cake day joke...

But I feel like it would have too many layers.

What do you call an construction worker?

A brick layer.

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Guy dies and goes to hell.

Satan meets him and tells him he’s got to pick between 2 rooms. They go into the first room, and it’s full of people standing on their heads on a marble floor. He takes him to the second room, and it’s full of people sitting in an 18-inch deep layer of , drinking coffee. Guy figures that he like...

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So a duck walks into a bar...

So a duck walks into a bar a says, "hey can I get a beer?". Bartender says "holy a talking duck"

Duck: look man I've been doing construction all day and I really just want a beer

Bartender: you should join the circus, you'd make a killing

Duck: what the is the circus g...

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Three Hunters.

Three hunters, Bill, Eric, and Justin were going deer hunting, but they were having no luck. Bill says he needs to take a dump. He gets up and wanders away to find a log. While he was gone, Eric shot a deer. They skinned it. Bill didn't come back. They cleaned it. Bill **still** didn't come back. So...

Speedy Gonzales

What was Speedy Gonzales's day job?

Carpet layer.

"Underlay! Underlay! Underlay!"

A man walks down the street when he finds a ladder going all the way to the clouds

(Long) The man being a curious fellow decides to climb the ladder to see where it goes. After he makes it past the clouds he sees the most hideous woman sitting naked atop the layer of clouds. The woman calls to him saying "Take me now, or climb the ladder to success". The man thought success sounds...

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Is it the first line or the punchline that goes here?

In the days of the wild west, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the fastest gunfighter in the world.

He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong.

Sitting in a saloo...

I love my six pack so much,

I protect it with a layer of fat.

Why don't you see too many short jokes about wedding cakes?

There are too many layers to it.

Person with a double neck is

A multi-layered person.

When I was younger my dad taught me the easiest way to catch a bear.

First you need to dig a hole about 6 feet wide and 12 feet deep. Then you put a thin layer of ash from a campfire just enough to cover the bottom of the hole. The next step is to place a ring of peas all around the edge of the hole. Then when the bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash hol...

My jokes are like onions...

They're layered.
And because if you dissect them I'll cry.

Carruthers and Blenkinsop have been lost in the desert for many days, and they just finished the last of their water that morning.

Blenkinsop says "Carruthers, old chap, to be perfectly honest it looks like we're finished," and Carruthers says "You're probably right, old fellow, but never say die, what? You never know what's over the next sand-dune."

Prophetic words, for over the next sand dune they spy what appears to b...

3 Kids are arguing about who's dad is the fastest...

At lunch, the first boy says his dad is the faster because he is a brick layer & when he drops a brick from the 5th floor he can run to the ground level & be there before the brick hits...

Not bad says the 2nd boy, but my dad is faster.

He is a professional archer. ...

What is the cheesiest line you ever said to anyone?

Me: Double cheese margherita with cheese burst crust and triple layer extra cheese.

They say ugly girls have great personalities...

That's because ogres have layers

Most annoying joke ever

A man dies and is sent to the first level of hell. There he sees two queues. He joins the back of one and asks what the queues are for. He is told one is for a glass of wine and the queue he joined for a leg of lamb. After a millennia he gets to the front and eats his lamb. Once finished a door open...

Running a chicken farm is more complicated than I thought.

There are so many layers...

Watson asks Holmes

What type of rock is this? It has many layers compressed together.

My wife has been keeping secrets from me.

I just built a fence and put down some paving. Turns out not only is she a master carpenter she's also an expert brick layer. If only I had known earlier I could have sought her advice before I did the work. It would have saved me from making all the obvious mistakes she pointed out after the work ...

What's the difference between winter and Photoshop?

There is none. They're both frustrating and are more tolerable when you use a lot of layers.

I firmly believe in taking care of one's body...

That's why I protect mine in a thick layer of fat.

I'm really worried about my wife and this weather

Ever since it started snowing, she's seemed really depressed. We've had strong, cold winds blowing lately, and freezing rain forming layers of ice over the snow. All she does is stand frozen at the window, staring, and I think she might be depressed.

If this keeps up I might need to let her i...

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"I just bought an elephant and it was the best purchase ever"

While walking down the street, a man meets a friend he hasn't met for a while. They stop and chat, talking about what's new in their lives. The friend mentions having bought an elephant pretty recently.

"It was the best purchase ever! It grazes on my lawn, keeping it perfectly trimmed. I ...

Nerdy cell pickup lines

- These were some of my biology notes from freshman year. I actually remembered the functions from these jokes

Are u a golgi apparatus? Cause I need help processing my feelings for u

Are we proteins in a golgi apparatus? Cause we’re being shipped

I hope you aren’t a controsome c...

My abs are so perfect...

...that i keep them safe and sound under a protective layer of beer belly.

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A callow youth walks into a talent scout’s office…

…gingerly cradling a cardboard box with some small holes poked in two sides.

After sitting nervously among a four-foot-tall sword swallower, a violinist with six-fingers on each hand, and a contortionist named LuLu LaFrance who whispered something in his ear that turned him beet red, the...

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Geologists may not always get along, but when the schist hits the fan...

Its coarse-grained, metamorphic layers can be split into thin irregular plates from the impact.

My political ambition...

So my big plan is to one day create a huge political scandal.

The main piece of evidence will be encoded on a layered MIDI file that has to be discovered, decoded, and played at just the right frequency.

Then I can laugh maniacly while I sit and watch all the news stories about MIDIgat...

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