Vandals have attacked the National Origami Museum in Tokyo

We'll keep you updated as the story unfolds

Took my kids to the dinosaur museum today.

Spent the whole day looking up at the giant sculptures , I discovered a new species.

Myneckisaur.

This is my first dad joke post :)

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There’s a painting in a museum

There’s a painting in a museum of 3 naked black men sitting on a bench, but the man in the middle has a pink penis. The artist behind the painting is unknown, and no one really knows why the man in the middle has a pink penis. The curator has a story about how pink represents equality at birth, howe...

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Three men are dying...

Three old men are on their deathbeds. The first says "I've lived a good life. I've supported my family, I've donated to charity, I've lived a good life. But my greatest disappointment is never having sex with an absolutely beautiful woman."

The second man says "I'm a very rich man. I have sev...

A Russian, a Frenchman, and an Englishman are in an art museum admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the gardens of Eden.

The Englishman takes a look at the painting and says "They look so calm, they must be British!"

The Frenchmen responds "no no! They're naked, so beautiful, they must be French!"

The Russian says "They have no food, no shelter, nothing but an apple to eat, and they are being told this...

I looked across the museum hall and spotted my ex girlfriend, but I was too self conscious to say hello.

There was just too much history between us.

As I was leaving the Museum, the alarm went off

Am I really that old?

I was at the museum recently.

I asked a worker there if I was allowed to take pictures.

He said no, they had to stay on the walls.

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones.

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old these bones are?"

The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age ...

Two women archaeologists are down in Mexico excavating an ancient Mayan burial ground looking for some remains to take back to their museum.

Unfortunately, everything they run across is badly decomposed. One of the two says, "We don't seem to be having much luck."
The other replies, "Keep on digging, honey, a good Mayan is hard to find!"

Went to the Air and Space museum today.

There was nothing there.

Our school for dyslexia took a trip to an insect museum.

It wasn't quite what we expected, but our tour guide from Alabama treated us like family.

My son just had his first day at the British Museum, his first task was to guard a multi million pound glass vase...

Apparently he said he smashed it!

What did the Cat burglar say when he was caught stealing from a French art museum?

I did it for the Monet

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I went on a tour of the fellatio museum recently

My mind was blown by the experience.

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"You've seen mine every day for the last 30 years," said my wife, "so why on earth do you want to visit the Vagina Museum?"

I replied "because at least they'll let me inside it."

Air and space

I visited the Air and Space Museum…Nothing was there.

I don't trust museums

They have too many skeletons in their closet.

Told my friend I went to the waxwork museum and they had a waxwork of a medieval knight wielding his weapons.

"Tussauds?"

"Nah, he was holding a mace."

A Tour Guide at a dinosaur museum is guiding around a group of people. Looking at a T-Rex he says

"This fossil is 23,000,011 years old." One of the members of the group asks out of curiosity, "Wow, how'd they find out such a specific number?" the guide replied "Well, it was 23,000,000 when I started 11 years ago."

*Source: Reader's Digest*

A western guy gets a job polishing statues in a natural history museum in India

Before he starts working, some locals warn him of the last man who did this job. "Ve should inform you that the insect exhibit is cursed and the poor man's kid vound up dead after he vas seen cleaning here."

The guy says to them, "sounds like a bunch of superstitious nonsense!" and proceeds t...

What do you call a person who loves crocodiles?

A crocophile.

Came up with that one while at the science museum, wife gave a groin and shook her head.

I went to a museum and I asked if I could take a picture...

The guard was adamant that the pictures stay on the wall.

I went to a museum to feed the animals...

...but they were all stuffed.

Where did the father candle take his son for a trip?

To the Wax Museum.

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Clara was on a cruise by herself for vacation.

She was at the railings, staring at the ocean, watching the sunset. Then, a man walked down the stairs, watching her. He decided to start talking to Clara.



"Maam, you hsve very pretty eyes. Would you like to go eat dinner with me?"



Clara blushed and accepted, taking his...

There was a lad named John

There was a lad named John who was dealt a bad hand since he was born. He was an orphan who was brought up in a for profit orphanage, leading him to suffer mental trauma amongst other issues. After turning 16, he was kicked out of the orphanage with no support whatsoever. Not knowing what to do, he ...

A tour guide is leading a group through a museum in London.

“This mummy here is over 5,000 years old,” the guide told the group. “It’s possible that Moses saw it.”



A tourist raises her hand and asks, “When was Moses ever in London?”

A third-grade class is on a field trip to the museum when they come across a mummy exhibit.

The display has a sign in front saying “2982 BC.”

One of the kids asks his friend, “What do you suppose that means?”

His friend thinks for a few seconds, then concludes, “It must be the license plate number of the car that hit him.”

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Joe visits his favorite museum's new exhibit.

Joe was on his way to his favorite museum. The museum had announced a new exhibit and he was extremely excited to be one of the first people to ever see it, since he got some early access tickets. When he got there, there were about 12 other people who had also gotten a ticket for today, so he assum...

What does a tank museum and a zoo have in common?

They both have Panthers, pumas, tigers and elephants.

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An older couple were exploring art museum...

...when they came across a painting that they didn't quite understand. It appeared to be three naked black men sitting on a bench, the one in the middle had a white penis. This made the couple ponder for a while.

What was the message? Was it a commentary on racism? Perhaps an insight into cla...

What do you call 2 petri dishes enjoying themselves at an art museum?

Cultured

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My boyfriend and I had sex in a paleolithic museum

Unfortunately, we're both positive for hepatitis BC, now.

Art thieves pillaged a museum of European 17th and 18th century artwork. They smashed windows, stole paintings, destroyed exhibits, and even did a number on the light fixtures. Everything about the place is a mere ruin of what it was yesterday.

It's all baroque now.

The great thing about the Alzheimers museum is...

No matter how many times you go, it always seems new.

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The artist and the museum (long)

An artist is approached by a man who says he's to be the curator of a new museum dedicated to General George Custer and he wanted to hire the artist to paint a mural that was to be the centerpiece of the largest display.

The artist agrees and asks the curator if he had any particular subject...

Mr. Hoover sold vacuums. He dreamed about vacuums. When on vacation he went to the vacuum museum. He would dump dirt on the floor when he got home just so he could vacuum. One day he decided to try a career in stand-up comedy. Why was he a complete failure as a comedian?

He was mute.

A cop sees a man walking a penguin on the street

The cop stops him and says
"Hey, you can't have that animal out here in public! Take it to the zoo where it belongs."
The man says " Sure no problem officer."
The next day the cop is standing on the same spot and sees the same guy walk by with the same penguin. He gets real mad and goes up...

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I got banned from the museum for life after smacking the ass of Michalangelo’s David

I think that’s when I really hit rock bottom

A few numbers were on a field trip (dont mind my character choice)....

...when they stopped to admire the view and take a rest for a bit.

Four, being a good painter, decides to spend the break by painting some things. But instead of painting the view, he paints the beautiful pickup truck they have been riding on.

After he finished, he realized how well ma...

A guy goes to a museum

On the tour, the tour guide shows them an exhibition and tells them, "this is the very first, teepee designed to securely hold criminals. The Native Americans used it to house convicts".

The next day, the guy is passing the museum and sees they are taking down the name on the front of the mus...

So I rang the tourist office and asked:-

'What's the quickest way from the Holiday Inn to the museum?'
'Are you walking or driving?'
'Driving.'
'Well, that would be the quickest way.'

"I broke a statue"

Museum Administrator : "Sir, that's a 700 year old statue that you just broke"

Visitor : "oh..really ?....thank God...I thought its brand new"

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[Long] Hey Pete

A group of friends go to a crowded museum. A bet is set that anyone who slaps that fat bald guy on the back of the head without getting one in return, will have free lunch. One of them, Cal, accepts the challenge. walks up to the guy. gives him a big fuckoff smack in the head and says "hey Pete, wha...

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Ed and Linda met on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.

When they discovered they lived in the same city, only a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Linda to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Linda was ind...

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A rich, eccentric man owns a museum of giant, alphabet-shaped objects.

The grand opening is planned for soon. He's filled up most of his exhibits, but he's still looking for a final touch to the Q room. He puts up an online ad campaign and waits to hear back, delaying the opening until he can find a good Q. After about a month, he's about to give up and close down the ...

What's on display at the French War Museum?

Running shoes

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A professor takes his class to a museum

A professor take this class to a museum. He goes on to tell the class about many art sculptures and the meaning behind each and every detail. All of a sudden a janitor appears calls out the professor for being wrong about his whole lecture. Shocked the professor says,
“Well if you think you know ...

I just got fired from my job in Museum

They said they're not happy with my work here, which is ridiculous, i only worked here for 2 days and already sold 2 picassos.

I took my son to the space museum last weekend.

They charged us $5.50 to stand in an empty warehouse.

Between my friends, museum is code word for Strip Clubs...

... because NO TOUCHING!!

I went to a museum of modern art the other day and saw a cone statue.

I really enjoyed it and would have liked to prolong my visit, but it was truncated.

Why did the console player faint at the museum?

Because there were so many frames!

which rapper can you find at an art museum?

Xzibit

I tried to visit the contraceptive museum

But they wouldn't let me come inside.

The joke about the museum guide

Visitor: "How old is that Tyrannosaurus skeleton?"

Guide: "70,000,006 years."

Visitor: "Wow. How can you be so precise?"

Guide: "They told me it was 70,000,000 years old when I started working here."


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[Source](https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinteresting/...

The dinosaur at the museum

A guy is visiting a museum and he sees a dinosaur's skeleton.

Curious about it, he asks the guard next to it:

- Excuse me, sir. How old is this dinosaur?

- It is 65 million years, 4 months and 13 days old.

Amazed by his answer, he says:

- Wow!, How can you be so pr...

Air and Space Museum

So a 5 year old boy is walking around in the air and space museum, but he doesn't seem to be having a good time. Naturally, his mom asks him what's bothering him, and he responds: "Mom, it's just too boeing."

City council wanted to demolish the local clown museum.

They couldn't because it's a hysterical landmark.

A few years back, I was an extra for the movie "Night at the Museum".

We were all supposed to be wax during the day, and one time the director got real mad at us for moving a bit during a scene. I don't know what he was on about though, I've never Ben Stiller!

What's the point of having Hellen Keller's house turned into a museum?

If she never saw it why should I?

So I used to work at a street sign museum.

As you can imagine, it's a museum full of street signs.
My boss told me that in the "'Where to find this' signs" section there was a typo and I had to fix it.
Because I was a poor college student at the time and needed money so I did as he said and changed some of the words.
Then the nex...

Today, I saw a painting unveiled at a museum, but it was merely a red dot on canvas.

It must have been a period piece.

Two art theives were going about their business at an art museum.

One said to the other, "Grab the Monet and let's Gogh."

Two criminals are trying to get away from an art museum in their getaway van after stealing pieces from 3 artists.

One gets in and turns the key. The van won't start.
The other one turns and asks, "Why aren't we moving?"
"I have no Monet to buy the Gascan to make the Van Gogh."

The man, the Curator, and the Wax Museum.

A man walks into a wax museum. Inside finds a display of little wick people on a giant map of the United States. However, one of the people, a cowboy is placed in New York City. He calls the curator and asks why that one isn’t over in a place like Texas or Oklahoma.

“Oh, Ed doesn’t fit in ...

Why did the cheese go to the museum?

To get cultured

A man and his wife are in an art museum and come across....

A portrait of a beautiful woman covered only in leaves. Wife goes to move on to the next exhibit and husband is still there staring at the portrait she asks what are you waiting for?

Husband says... Fall

Did you hear the one about the guy accused of robbing the art museum?

I heard he got framed

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A museum curator was explaining an old gun

'To fire the gun you insert the Flint in the flintlock ; put the ball into the barrel with charge of powder from a powder horn and wad of cotton. The charge is then rammed down the barrel and tapped a few times with ramrod. Then the ramrod is replaced in the holder, the gun is cocked and then it is ...

I was going to take another trip to the pencil museum

but decided it was pointless.

A children's museum SOUNDS like a good idea...

...but I would imagine it's hard to breathe inside those little glass cases.

I tried to buy admission to the World-famous Knife Museum...

...but people kept cutting in line.

I went to a space museum, because they where having a prize drawing for a car.

I didn't win the car but they gave me a constellation prize.

I had a dream I was in a part of the US that was filled with nothing but museums.

It was State of the Art.

Black Friday at the geology museum was great!

There were so many great shales!

A very old German veteran took the bus home after visiting a history museum.

On the bus, he decided to take a quick 10 minute nap.

When he woke up, his shoes were gone.

Surprised, he asked the young lady sitting beside him if she had seen it. She replied in the negative.

After some more minutes of searching around without success, his frustration turned ...

The Auschwitz-Birkenau Museum released a PSA that visitors were not allowed to play Pokemon GO!

Because they didn't want people pretending to be Ash

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I was at the Natural History Museum

and I saw the Neanderthal exhibit. Those guys were buff studs.

no homo

What do museums and girls have in common?

It is always look but don't touch.

Did you hear about that new wax museum in Arizona.

And... it's gone.

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