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When Japan invaded China in World War II...

...imagine how many people died from friendly fire.

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An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines.

He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
...

I'm sick of all these World War II jokes on here!

Anne Frankly, they're terrible!

In World War II ...

There are a few companies of soldiers in the earthworks, but the strangest by far are the troops in D-company. They actually organized themselves, from officers down to privates, based on the whims of a wildebeest they somehow keep as a pet. Naturally, everyone things this is a bit odd, and as such ...

A World War II Spitfire pilot is speaking in a church and reminiscing about his war experiences...

"In 1942, the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember one day, I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared!"

There were a few gasps from the parishioners and several of the children began to giggle.

"I loo...

What did the child say after World War II ended?

"Look, ma! No Hans!"

My grandfather personally killed 30 German aviators during World War II

He was the worst mechanic the luftwaffe had.

In the darkest hours of World War II, a British Commando unit was waiting to go behind enemy lines into Norway

During the planning of the mission, it was decided that their rifles would need protective covers against the extreme cold of Norway. The contract to manufacture the covers was given to a pharmaceutical company that also manufactured condoms.

Before the Commandos deployed, Winston Churchill p...

Three Americans who died in battle: a World War I soldier, a World War II soldier, and a Civil War soldier are waiting to get into heaven

Since there seems to be a massive line of people ahead of them, they decide to start chatting amongst themselves.

The WWI soldier says, "So, there I was in the trenches, fightin' that evil German overlord with ridiculous facial hair!"

The WWII soldier says, "Well, *I* was on Omaha Beac...

Where did the Russians send the Italians during World War II?

The gabagulag.

No one should have been surprised by the rise of the USSR after World War II.

I mean, there were red flags everywhere.

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There were many heros in World War II...

Like the guy who killed Hitler

Out of all the enemy leaders during World War II, who could run with the most speed?

Mussolini, because he was the fascist

During World War II, four men are captured by the German forces...

During World War II, four prisoners are captured and brought back to a German base, set to await the death penalty in their cells. The prisoners are a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman and an Englishman.

One morning, a German officer comes in and tells the prisoners, "You are to be lined up a...

My Grandfather once told me about how he fought bravely in World War II, so I asked him how many years he served for the U.S.

He replied "Nein."

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World War II Pilots crash on a deserted island

World War II is in full force, and a Japanese biplane and an american plane both crash after a dogfight on a deserted jungle island.

An American pilot, a German Pilot, and one Japanese pilot meet on the beach and figure they'll call a truce until they're rescued.

"Alright you guys" sa...

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At one point in World War II, Hitler actually couldn’t find his moustache

Turned out to be right under his nose the whole damn time

My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences.

During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, “How did you know the war was over?”

He replied, “They stopped shooting at me.”

Why did everyone want to go to Italy during World War II?

They were Fascistanating

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What did the Nazi do after World War II?

He became a veteran Aryan.

My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II...

Since my grandfather had served during the war, I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, "Did you ever kill anyone?"

He got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, "Probably. I was the cook."

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A World War II Pun

A German child was playing outside. Eventully, he was so exhausted that he went inside and asked his mother for a drink. She brings him a cup of water. After a sip, he asks "Mother, why can't I have something sweeter?" She replies, "I couldn't give you anything else because our Führer does not want ...

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It was at the height of world war II…

… and Hitler decided to invade Britain. So he asked the head of the Kriegsmarine to study plans for a water assault on Britain and carrying ground troops.

After a brief study, the admirals conveyed with the Führer, and told him that it was absolutely impossible, there was no way the Reich cou...

An American soldier

is fighting in Germany in World War II. The battle is so intense, men are dropping everywhere. Finally, the Americans run out of ammunition. In a panic, a soldier approaches his Sergeant. "Sarge, we're out of ammo! What are we going to do?" The Sergeant looks around, and all he can find is a broom. ...

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I recently fell in love with Naval History

World War II submarines in particular fascinates me. Japan's I-400-class and the US's Gato class submarines are my absolute favorites. These are the subsifellfor.

German spies during world war two.

So my dad told me it a few years back and I still like it.
That's how it goes:

During world war II the Germans trained these super duper mega ultra spies.
They could speak fluent English, fluent French and fluent Russian.
Knew the history of every said enemy country.
Knew how t...

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So little Johnny is sitting in class one day.

The teacher asks,
“I want everyone here to go home and come up with a story that has a moral.”
So the next day the teacher calls on lil Susie. The teacher says,
“What is your story Susie?”
She replies,
“You have 12 eggs and only 4 of them become chicks.”
The teacher asks,
“Ok, ...

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When I was in elementary school, we had this old crusty WWII fighter pilot vet come speak to my school…

He was telling us about a dog fight he was in. “So there I was in my Mustang, I had three f***ers to my right, two f***ers to my left, and one f***er right in front of me.” My teacher got red with embarrassment and jutted in, “Boys and girls, the Fokker was a kind of plane used by Germany in World W...

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It's a well-known fact that Hitler...

It's a well-known fact that Hitler often consulted astrologists and people involved in the occult to get direction while Germany fought in World War II.

One day he decided to thank his chief astrologer and called him into his office to say, "we've done really well in the war and I'm grateful...

My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away

He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade

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A traveler notices an old man pounding drinks in an Irish pub...

He walks over and asks if the man is ok. He replies, "You know, I built the bridge that spans the stream in the middle of this village. But do you think they call me MacInnis the bridge builder?"
"No?" Responded the traveler.
"You're damn right they don't. I fought for the Allies against the ...

British clock in german hands

During world war II, a british clock found its way into german hands. The strange thing about this clock was it went tick-tick-tick-tick, instead of tick-tock-tick-tock. The germans could not figure this out.

Finally, it went to the gestapo. Their chief interrogator softly whispered to the c...

Is there a correlation between the size of a nose and the sense of smell?

Because I read somewhere that back in World War II people with big noses smelled gas much more often.

WW2 pilot recalls a morning patrol in front of son's school class

A grade school teacher, who was doing a unit on World War II heard that the father of one of her students had been a fighter pilot during the war with one of the Scandinavian Air Forces. She invited him to come in and speak to the class. The guy was more than happy to talk, and began with a story ...

ATTENTION: This afternoon I will attempt to travel back in time and change history.

You'll know I've succeeded if Germany loses world war II and Wednesday comes after Tuesday.

Show and Tell with Grandpa Olie

A boy has brought his Grandpa Olie into class, to tell about some of his experiences as a pilot in World War II.

"Well," the old man begins, "I remember this one time, I was flying on patrol, when this one Fokker surprises me from behind!"

A few of the kids in the class start to snicke...

So I was shopping online for antique guns.....

and I got to the World War II section. I selected guns of French origin. They were all in mint condition.

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A Finnish WWII air force verteran was about to give a talk to an American high school.

He was stereotypically Nordic: pale skin, fair hair, and a heavy accent.


He introduced himself and began with a vivid description of his first dogfight in the Lapland War. "Literally the moment after we take off and got through the fog we saw them. Eight pesky Fokkers were spread out an...

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Look what the wind blew off!

A soldier and his longtime girlfriend had just gotten married and were enjoying their honeymoon in a romantic oasis; both were virgins and had waited years for their consummation. As they were about the make love he was contacted by the army who said World War II had just begun and he had to be depl...

Perceptions vary

Following World War II, a general and his lieutenant boarded a British train. They sat across from an attractive young lady and her grandmother. As the train departed, it entered a long tunnel. Total darkness encompassed the train for approximately thirty seconds. In the darkness of those moments, t...

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Germany loses at home, and Japan beats America in overtime...

M. Night Shyamalan's pitch for a World War II movie.

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