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Affects Jokes

They say weed affects memory

If that’s true, why do I never forget to buy weed?

If Alkohol negatively affects short-term memory,

then what does alcohol do?

People always seem surprised by the way spicy chorizo affects their digestion. Seems like...

No-one expects the Spanish ring excretion!

What type of arthritis disproportionately affects Canadians?

Psorryatic arthritis.

It’s a shame coronavirus affects the infirm and elderly most

If it affected idiocy instead there’d be a lot more toilet paper available

What do you call a virus that affects the command line?

Terminal Illness

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have OCD which severely affects my sex life.

Every time a girl gets turned on, I turn them off again.

Dyslexia affects people in different ways

Especially today, on Friday the 13th

TIL the host of Dirty Jobs is now a college proffesor who teaches students about money management and how spending affects the world around them.

The course is called Mike Rowe Economics.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People say smoking weed affects the memory.

Well that's a load of shit, I never forget to smoke.

**A man and his girlfriend are getting undressed together for the first time.**

The man took off his shoes and socks revealing feet with missing and deformed toes.
"What happened to your feet?" his girlfriend asked. "I had a childhood disease called Tolio " the man said. "Don't you mean Polio?" "No, Tolio, it only affects the toes."

Not wanting to ruin the mood the ...

What's the name of that addictive thing that affects my short-term memory? I use it all the time, but can't remember what's it's called...

*Googles* ... "Oh yeah! The internet!"

Addiction has drastic affects on your body.

I used to be addicted to washing powder. I'm clean now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to the doctor about my negativity and he diagnosed me with Optical Rectalitis, a condition that affects the nerve between my asshole and eyeballs...

It gives me a shitty outlook on life.

There is a new virus which only affects Muslims.Where do they put the infected?

In the Quran-tine room!

Whenever I drink the first thing it affects is my balance

Just look at my bank account.

Did you see the study on how the moon affects the earth?

Apparently it's making waves

newlyweds.

A couple gets married and go on a honeymoon, they get to the hotel and go up to their room. They start to get ready for bed.

They had never seen each other naked, so, he stood in from of her and took off his trousers, both of his knees are twisted and scarred.

She asked him “what happe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A soldier who has recently been promoted to corporal is taken to a bar by his sergeant.

The sergeant orders ten shots of tequila. The corporal is about to order the same, when the sergeant says, "Are you sure about that?"

"Of course I'm sure!" replies the corporal. "I am no longer a private. I am a corporal now!" So the sergeant lets him order ten shots of tequila.

Afterw...

We're Sergeants Now!

Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says, "Hey, Jasper, there's the Officer's Club. Let's you and me stop in." "But we're privates," protests Jasper. "We're sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside. "Now, Jasper, I'm ...

Two rednecks join the army, after a couple of years they both are higher up in the ranks

Jim-bob "hey huck, we got to go to that STD talk later", huck "No we dont", jim-bob "why not ?", huck " because them STD's only affects the privates"

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