Affects Jokes - 21 Hilarious Affects Jokes

They say weed affects memory

If that’s true, why do I never forget to buy weed?

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I have OCD which severely affects my life.

Every time a girl gets turned on, I turn them off again.

What do you call a virus that affects the command line?

Terminal Illness

What type of arthritis disproportionately affects Canadians?

Psorryatic arthritis.

Dyslexia affects people in different ways

Especially today, on Friday the 13th

People always seem surprised by the way spicy chorizo affects their digestion. Seems like...

No-one expects the Spanish ring excretion!

It’s a shame coronavirus affects the infirm and elderly most

If it affected idiocy instead there’d be a lot more toilet paper available

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People say smoking weed affects the memory.

Well that's a load of , I never forget to smoke.

Addiction has drastic affects on your body.

I used to be addicted to washing powder. I'm clean now.

Whenever I drink the first thing it affects is my balance

Just look at my bank account.

Did you see the study on how the moon affects the earth?

Apparently it's making waves

TIL the host of Dirty Jobs is now a college proffesor who teaches students about money management and how spending affects the world around them.

The course is called Mike Rowe Economics.

There is a new virus which only affects Muslims.Where do they put the infected?

In the Quran-tine room!

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A soldier who has recently been promoted to corporal is taken to a bar by his sergeant.

The sergeant orders ten shots of tequila. The corporal is about to order the same, when the sergeant says, "Are you sure about that?"

"Of course I'm sure!" replies the corporal. "I am no longer a private. I am a corporal now!" So the sergeant lets him order ten shots of tequila.

Afterw...

What's the name of that addictive thing that affects my short-term memory? I use it all the time, but can't remember what's it's called...

*Googles* ... "Oh yeah! The internet!"

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I went to the doctor about my negativity and he diagnosed me with Optical Rectalitis, a condition that affects the nerve between my and eyeballs...

It gives me a outlook on life.

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A man has a personal problem

A man is convinced of himself that he has problems. He constantly thinks about and he knows this ruins his life. One day, he finally goes to a psychiatrist, to try and fix whatever makes him think about constantly. She, the psychiatrist, agrees to try treating him.

\- Okay, let m...

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It’s been a long week in the greengrocers ….

It’s been a long week in the greengrocers but it finally gets to Friday night and three best mates - a lemon, a potato and a pea - decide to have a couple of beers after work, as so often happens, soon they’re on a full on pub crawl...

They have a great night, hitting pub after pub , knocki...

Two army boys, Leroy & Jasper....

Two Army boys, Leroy & Jasper, from the hills of Kentucky were promoted right from privates to Sergeants because of their great marksmanship with rifles.

Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says, "Hey, Jasper, There's the NCO Club. Let's you and Me stop in." "But we's privat...

Two rednecks join the army, after a couple of years they both are higher up in the ranks

Jim-bob "hey huck, we got to go to that STD talk later", huck "No we dont", jim-bob "why not ?", huck " because them STD's only affects the privates"

Here's an interesting statistic about herd mentality:

It affects 10 in 10 people.

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