UPJOKE

Effects Of Jokes

A mother was teaching his child about the side-effects of alcohol.

She gets two short glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.

She says "I want you to see this."

She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around.

She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately.

She then says, feeling that she has made ...

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I've been reading so much about the bad effects of smoking, drinking and sex that I've finally decided

To give up reading

One of the effects of ADHD…

Is that you can’t

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I'm a scientist studying the effects of beastiality between humans and dogs.

If you want to speak with me I'll be in my lab.

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For class today, I brought in a drug addict to show kids the adverse effects of drugs.

This man was a real mess. He would use coffee as a stimulant throughout the day, alcohol to alleviate his anxieties, sweets for his depression, TikTok to get dopamine hits, and shitty TV at night to mindlessly pacify him.

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The effects of marriage on sex.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

10 years and 45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.

What do they call the side effects of lactose intolerance in France?

Smelly derriere (dairy air)

Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person's walk...

And the result was staggering.

My doctor warned me one of the side effects of my new medication was an increased urge to gamble

I told her I’d bet $50 that wouldn’t happen to me.

The effects of COVID-19 on Trump

White House press secretary Kayleigh McEnany said “President Trump remains in good spirits, has mild symptoms, and has been working throughout the day.”

Who'd have guessed COVID-19 would improve Trump's work ethic?

The effect of pot on shore birds...

On the beach yesterday I saw a researcher blowing clouds of pot smoke on shore birds to study the effects of marijuana on their flying. He was very thorough, making sure he dosed every single one he saw.

It was his intention to leave no tern unstoned.

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What's the difference between a jungle cat who wrote his PhD thesis on the economic effects of taxation, and the order of insects that includes butterflies and moths?

One's a leopard doctor of tax economy, the other's a lepidopteral taxonomy

Apparently one of the side effects of coronavirus is no taste...

Thoughts go out to all the Nickelback fans out there

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I tried to reverse the effects of viagra

It was just too hard

A farmer spent over $12 million to see the effects of marijuana on cows...

The steaks had never been higher.

The NHS has just revealed a list of long-term side effects of vaccines!

- Old age
- Grey hair
- General decrease of diseases

Side effects of sleeping in church.

A lady dozed off while the pastor was preaching. When she woke up, she heard the pastor saying, “Stand up!”. To look attentive, she stood up and the pastor said, “Thank you young lady and God bless you! Please remain standing.” The pastor continued, “Anyone else who has been unfaithful to her husban...

After months of preliminary testing, Dr. D. Johnson's supplement to cure the side-effects of COVID-19 went into final trials

Unfortunately the drug only allowed you to smell what the rock was cooking

What are the negative effects of smoking marijuana?

You now have less marijuana.

When I read about all the negative effects of drinking ...

I gave up reading right away.

I don't really know about the effects of nocturnal drinking

I'm just taking a shot in the dark.

Scientists are studying the effects of marijuana on the arctic tern, a species of bird.

The studies are so intense they have stated "We are leaving no tern unstoned."

Hippopotamuses are seemingly unconcerned about the effects of climate change on their habitat

It's as if they lived in de Nile

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A researcher was conducting a study on the effects of gore across various cultures

He selected an American, a European, and a Japanese man. To see the reactions of these people, he used a picture of a man with his toes freshly amputated.

The American man seemed a bit squeamish when presented with the picture, but otherwise he was okay.

The European man wrinkled his f...

A farmer invested $10 million of his own money for a research on 'effects of Marijuana on cattle'.

The steaks were high.

Scientists were divided over the effects of the changes in the earth's magnetic field.

They were polarized!

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20-Year double-blind university study in Sweden on the effects of diet on sex drive

Have you heard about this new study?

Researchers in Sweden tracked 2,000 couples from the moment they first started dating out to twenty (20) years forward.

Obviously, most of the couples ended up getting divorced, but their behavior and health was still tracked throughout the study....

I was part of a scientific study on the calming effects of listening to the Three Tenors.

I felt great, but was in the control group. It turns out I was listening to Placebo Domingo.

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I've been reading a scientific paper on the effects of group masturbation

It's rather long so I need someone to help me finish.

Studies show the effects of divorce on young children are complex.

Sadness and anxiety are common, but many are just happy to be single again.

Today I made an in depth presentation about ground breaking research on bad effects of the two legged posture in humans

It was well received. In fact they even gave me a standing ovation.

During the revolutionary war, a foreign scientist published a paper discussing the environmental effects of the boston tea party.

Unfortunately the scientist did not understand the number system used by the americas at the time and tried to wing it.

People to this day talk about the base 10 massacre.

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I was once photographed out partying whilst drunk, drugged up and looking very much worse for wear. The news media got hold of it and my picture was splashed across the tabloid papers with the headline "The Terrifying Effects of Substance Abuse".

When I first saw it, I went home and had a long hard look at myself in The Mirror.

And then in The Sun, The Daily Star and The Tribune. I thought to myself "Now that's fucking Rock 'n' Roll"

Republicans were just informed about the effects of Global Warming on the polar ice caps

They're losing their cool!

Have you guys heard about the drastic effects of erosion on the Great Pyramids?

Yeah, they're kinda pointless now.

Bruce Willis has admitted to making an "error of judgement" after reportedly being asked to leave a Los Angeles store for refusing to wear a face mask. Apparently, he wasn't even aware of the effects of his actions until a young boy walked up to him and said...

"I see dead people."

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A drunkard was zigzagging his way through the streets at 4AM. Two policemen in a car decided to approach him...

One cop asked "where are you going at this time of night?"

"I'm going to a lecture"

"A lecture?! At this time of night? What about?!"

"About the effects of alcohol and drugs on the human body. The damages caused by living a reckless life. The degradation that free love and sex ...

I recently discovered that 1 in 8 Americans is an alcoholic

I also discovered that 1 in 8 Americans actually suffers from the effects of alcoholism; the rest seem to have a pretty good time

A man is stopped by the police at midnight and asked where he's going.

“I'm on the way to listen to a lecture about the effects of alcohol and drug abuse on the human body."

The policeman asks, "Really? And who's going to be giving a lecture at this time of night?"

"My wife", was his reply.

Guy in a Lamborghini

Guy's driving down the road in his new Lamborghini. Stops at a light next to an old man on a moped.

The old man looks over and says "Say, that's a pretty spiffy looking car there, son. It looks fast."

Guy says "It sure is."

Old man looks at the interior and says "Looks luxurious...

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Desert Island Dicks

A man who has been shipwrecked on a desert island for several years is beginning to feel the effects of being starved of sex for so long. However, the only living creatures on the island are a pig and a dog. One day, the man decides he’s had enough and thinks to himself that it has to be the pig. Bu...

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I tell my dates I have a PhD in sex talk.

They are not as impressed when learning my dissertation was on the "effects of female ultrasonic vocalization on male impotence in rats"

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