Remember that every dead body on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person

Stay lazy, my friends

Cop 1: This murder seems racially motivated.

Cop 2: Hate crime?

Cop 1: Of course I hate crime. That’s why I’m a cop.

Motivation

Today I saw three people jogging out the window, and this motivated me to go and close the window.

The workers at Coca Cola factory are always enthusiastic and motivated to work....

That’s the sprite.

Is My Joke Racially Motivated

If My Black Friend Told Me To Say It?

A company owner was asked a question, "How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"

He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."

What does the pirates say to motivate eachother during a race?

Rum bottle, RUM!

What motivates teens to protest climate change?

They're doing it for the Greta good.

How dads of kenya motivates their kids?

by saying: 'kenya do this?'

What really motivates people to work out in southeast asia?

Eye of the Thai girl.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Long ago, a king issued a challenge to see who can first cross a crocodile-infested river.

On the day of the challenge, the participants were shocked to see how dangerous the river actually was. Crocodile backs were visible nearly every part of the river and the width of the river seemed to stretch miles away to the other bank.

The king, eager to see some violent gory entertainment...

I was looking for a type of medicine to motivate me

My friend recommended Aspirin.
“Why”
“Because after taking it, I’ve been Aspirin to do great things”

My sister hates Christmas because it means wrapping, and she hates wrapping.

I tried to motivate her by saying she was more than capable of wrapping, but she wouldn’t listen. So I decided to help by dropping a beat for her.

I got fired after telling my boss that he motivates me...

To find another job..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Three Challenges

**TL;DR:** Jokes don't have TL;DRs.

A man named Andrew walks into a bar, makes his way to the stool and asks the bartender for some Whiskey, on the rocks.

As the bartender serves Andrew his order, his eyes fall on a relatively large jar of money filled with $100 bills. He gets curious...

My company just conducted a one-day motivation training for all the junior employees. It was a roaring success.

All the junior employees are really motivated to find new jobs now.

How does Sauron motivate his army?

With Mordor-vation!

My doctor said the best thing I could do for my health was to go outside more. He told me to pick a fun outdoor hobby to motivate me to get out of the house.

So I started smoking.

Got asked how to motivate a team at work today

Apparently a baseball bat is the wrong answer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar

And sees a huge sign behind the bar that says, "free drinks if you can complete the bar challenge". The man orders a beer and asks the bartender about the bar challenge. The bartender tells him that its a rigorous 3 step challenge that if you complete it you get all your drinks that night for free. ...

Two genius economists were arguing about how incentives motivate changes in behaviour

Chinese joke from the 1990s.

Two genius economists A and B were arguing about how incentives motivate changes in behaviour. They walked past a pile of dog dung, and A said to B:

“I’ll give you 50 million dollars if you eat that pile of dog dung!”

B thought about it, worked out i...

Dogs, Not Marriage or Kids, Motivate Millennials to Buy Homes

I don't know how they afford it though.

Dogs are expensive.

What does a Mexican carpet fitter say to motivate his colleagues?

Underlay! Underlay!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the difference between being self-motivated and being too hard on yourself?

Viagra.

No motivation. Why bother if people don't notice my creative work?

It just seems that lately nobody really notices all the work I do. It seems like no matter how much effort i put into my works, no matter how much I invest in improving my skills via education, books, conferences, no matter how much i try to 'get in the spotlight' and display my art, people seem to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a youth who lived in Russia.

He was orphaned at the young age of 5. He only had one mother, Mother Russia. With no one to take care of him, he was left to fend for himself. He was poor and worked in the coal mines, to earn a mediocre salary to last him a day or two.

One day after a hard day at work, he walked down a si...

Why does reddit love motivated people?

Because we give it r/all.

Why is electricity so motivated?

Because they conduit

I don't want to just get motivated. I want to be driven.

Like, literally, I want to recline in the passenger seat while someone is driving me to my goals.

A rich man walks into a poor village.

Walking around, he notices that people are bathing with dirty water from the nearby pond. He suddenly feels motivated to do a good deed and calls all the villagers to the village square to announce this good news. “I will build three faucets in each and every home in this village, everybody will ha...

Interviewer: What drives you? Candidate: The bus mostly.

Interviewer: I mean what motivates you to get out of bed in the morning?

Candidate: Missing the bus!

What do you say to a motivated ghost?

That's the spirit!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I went to Japan on holiday,

and I had a very close online Japanese friend I met on a Guitar Hero forum, and we arranged to meet up.

I thought he was a guy, but then this really cute girl with short, brown hair shows up, easily a 9/10. She's called Nao and even though it's the first time we had met in real life, we get a...

A young man wants to become a lumberjack, so he goes to the forest and starts chopping.

After a few days of doing this, he realizes he is simply not fit for this type of job. On his final day of trying to chop down trees, he notices an old scrawny man chopping down trees as if he was a woodpecker, the amount of hits he made grew more and more each swing. The first swing was one hit, th...

What motivated Hercules to face off against Cerberus?

Alcmene triple-dog-dared him.

Schwarznegger is at the gym

Arnie is spottin a dude at the gym. The guy is clearly strugglin, so he tries to motivate him to do just 2 more reps.

For a sec his attention is diverted, and the guy who's lifting lies and says "Did it Arnie, 2 more reps was all i had in me".

Arnie, angry and not one to be fooled says...

Hey guys, why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 began a racially motivated crime spree on April 28th, 2000 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, which left five individuals dead and one paralyzed.

I hear they are putting Donald Trump on the penny.

It's to help motivate us to phase them out over the next four years.

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