The 41+ Best Motivate Jokes

A company owner was asked a question, "How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"

He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."

[At the scene of the murder] Cop 1: This seems racially motivated.

Cop 2: Hate crime?

Cop 1: Of course I hate crime, moron. That’s why I’m a cop.

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How do you motivate a police dog?

You remind him that snitches get bitches.

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Get Motivated

Next time you feeling down, remember life is all about perspective

I have a friend,
Who exercises and plays basketball everyday
has sex two-three times a day
Reads two books a week

Yet everyday he complains about how much he hates prison🤷‍♂️

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What motivates a grammar nazi?

Word domination.

What does the pirates say to motivate eachother during a race?

Rum bottle, RUM!

Two genius economists were arguing about how incentives motivate changes in behaviour

Chinese joke from the 1990s.

Two genius economists A and B were arguing about how incentives motivate changes in behaviour. They walked past a pile of dog dung, and A said to B:

“I’ll give you 50 million dollars if you eat that pile of dog dung!”

B thought about it, worked out i...

After hearing a speech on how to motivate employees,

the business owner posted signs that read "Do It Now" in every department
It was impossible for the employees not to see them all through the day.

A friend dropped by a week later. Seeing the signs, he asked if the scheme really worked.

"Well," said the business owner, "not exactly ...

I was looking for a type of medicine to motivate me

My friend recommended Aspirin.
“Why”
“Because after taking it, I’ve been Aspirin to do great things”

Why are the Taiwanese so competitive, high-achieving, and motivated?

They have Taipei personalities

My doctor said the best thing I could do for my health was to go outside more. He told me to pick a fun outdoor hobby to motivate me to get out of the house.

So I started smoking.

Remember that every dead body on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person

Stay lazy, my friends

Got asked how to motivate a team at work today

Apparently a baseball bat is the wrong answer

So I noticed my wife put on some weight lately

For her birthday I got her a dress 2 sizes smaller with a note “I’m looking forward to seeing you in this” thinking this might motivate her.

The next day, I found the exact same note for me except it was on a pack of large sized condoms.

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How do you pick a motivated astronaut dog?

It‘s the one that’s always sniffing Uranus.

What do you call a personal message that motivates one to feel alive and do things?

Carpe DM

Motivation

Today I saw three people jogging out the window, and this motivated me to go and close the window.

Is My Joke Racially Motivated

If My Black Friend Told Me To Say It?

What motivates teens to protest climate change?

They're doing it for the Greta good.

My company just conducted a one-day motivation training for all the junior employees. It was a roaring success.

All the junior employees are really motivated to find new jobs now.

How dads of kenya motivates their kids?

by saying: 'kenya do this?'

What really motivates people to work out in southeast asia?

Eye of the Thai girl.

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Whats the difference between being self-motivated and being too hard on yourself?

Viagra.

No motivation. Why bother if people don't notice my creative work?

It just seems that lately nobody really notices all the work I do. It seems like no matter how much effort i put into my works, no matter how much I invest in improving my skills via education, books, conferences, no matter how much i try to 'get in the spotlight' and display my art, people seem to ...

I got fired after telling my boss that he motivates me...

To find another job..

Why does reddit love motivated people?

Because we give it r/all.

Why is electricity so motivated?

Because they conduit

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So I Went To Japan On A Holiday

and I had a very close online Japanese friend I met on a Guitar Hero forum, and we arranged to meet up.

I thought he was a guy, but then this really cute girl with short, brown hair shows up, easily a 9/10. She's called Nao and even though it's the first time we had met in real life, we get a...

I hear they are putting Donald Trump on the penny.

It's to help motivate us to phase them out over the next four years.

What motivated Hercules to face off against Cerberus?

Alcmene triple-dog-dared him.

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A Finnish and a Japanese company decided to organize an annual rowing competition with 8-man teams.

A Finnish and a Japanese company decided to organize an annual rowing competition with 8-man teams. Both teams trained long and hard. When race day came, both teams thought they were in top shape, but the Japanese won by far in the mile.

After the defeat, a defeatist mood prevailed among the ...

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Two guys, Billy and Bob, head out in the woods, hunting for bear...

They hike to where their tree stand is, in the thickest part of the forest, set their bait, climb into the stand, hunker down and wait. Before too long, a small black bear comes by to check out the bait, and the hunters shoot it dead. They climb down and begin the work of butchering the carcass, whe...

Little Johnny

Little Johnny's father noticed that Johnny was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate Little Johnny into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, his father said, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

Litt...

My friend betrayed me on the test when I asked him where the light rays parallel to the principle axis of a concave mirror meet

I mean, he did try to motivate me by shouting "Focus! Focus!", but that hardly helps.

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With great enthusiasm and singing a song

Reagan visits the USSR and is amazed by the capital construction he has seen.

Reagan: "How do you manage to build structures like this? Your logistics is shit, you have no technology and people are apathetic."

Gorbachev: "Soviet people built it all with great enthusiasm and while singi...

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Management Knows Best

A Japanese company and a Swedish company decided to have a row competition as a publicity stunt. Both teams trained long and hard. Competition came and the Japanese won by 1 kilometer. The Swedish company's leadership was shocked. But in this major crisis, the leadership showed its value: They wante...

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Long ago, a king issued a challenge to see who can first cross a crocodile-infested river.

On the day of the challenge, the participants were shocked to see how dangerous the river actually was. Crocodile backs were visible nearly every part of the river and the width of the river seemed to stretch miles away to the other bank.

The king, eager to see some violent gory entertainment...

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The Three Challenges

**TL;DR:** Jokes don't have TL;DRs.

A man named Andrew walks into a bar, makes his way to the stool and asks the bartender for some Whiskey, on the rocks.

As the bartender serves Andrew his order, his eyes fall on a relatively large jar of money filled with $100 bills. He gets curious...

A group of dwarves get jobs as coal miners

After a week or so, one of the workers really stood out and was getting special treatment from the supervisor, Moe. The other dwarves complained to HR and threatened to go on strike.
The supervisor was called into the office and reprimanded. He explained that he was only trying to keep the harde...

The Engineer's Interview

An engineering firm is looking to fill a position, and has interviewed a few dozen applicants. They've winnowed it down to just three candidates, and they're all bright, motivated, and experienced. To make the final decision, the interviewer decides to pose one last question to each of them. He tell...

Schwarznegger is at the gym

Arnie is spottin a dude at the gym. The guy is clearly strugglin, so he tries to motivate him to do just 2 more reps.

For a sec his attention is diverted, and the guy who's lifting lies and says "Did it Arnie, 2 more reps was all i had in me".

Arnie, angry and not one to be fooled says...

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