What do motivated tires say?

We move.

Officer 1: This murder seems racially motivated.

Officer 2: Hate crime?

Officer 1: Of course I hate crime, idiot. That’s why I became a cop.

A company owner was asked a question, "How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"

He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."

I lost my job as a gym instructor because I tried to motivate a guy on the rowing machine

He didn't like being whipped

What motivates teens to protest climate change?

They're doing it for the Greta good.

How dads of kenya motivates their kids?

by saying: 'kenya do this?'

I was looking for a type of medicine to motivate me

My friend recommended Aspirin.
“Why”
“Because after taking it, I’ve been Aspirin to do great things”

My company just conducted a one-day motivation training for all the junior employees. It was a roaring success.

All the junior employees are really motivated to find new jobs now.

I got fired after telling my boss that he motivates me...

To find another job..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a youth who lived in Russia.

He was orphaned at the young age of 5. He only had one mother, Mother Russia. With no one to take care of him, he was left to fend for himself. He was poor and worked in the coal mines, to earn a mediocre salary to last him a day or two.

One day after a hard day at work, he walked down a si...

How does Sauron motivate his army?

With Mordor-vation!

Two genius economists were arguing about how incentives motivate changes in behaviour

Chinese joke from the 1990s.

Two genius economists A and B were arguing about how incentives motivate changes in behaviour. They walked past a pile of dog dung, and A said to B:

“I’ll give you 50 million dollars if you eat that pile of dog dung!”

B thought about it, worked out i...

My doctor said the best thing I could do for my health was to go outside more. He told me to pick a fun outdoor hobby to motivate me to get out of the house.

So I started smoking.

Got asked how to motivate a team at work today

Apparently a baseball bat is the wrong answer

What does a Mexican carpet fitter say to motivate his colleagues?

Underlay! Underlay!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the difference between being self-motivated and being too hard on yourself?

Viagra.

A young man wants to become a lumberjack, so he goes to the forest and starts chopping.

After a few days of doing this, he realizes he is simply not fit for this type of job. On his final day of trying to chop down trees, he notices an old scrawny man chopping down trees as if he was a woodpecker, the amount of hits he made grew more and more each swing. The first swing was one hit, th...

No motivation. Why bother if people don't notice my creative work?

It just seems that lately nobody really notices all the work I do. It seems like no matter how much effort i put into my works, no matter how much I invest in improving my skills via education, books, conferences, no matter how much i try to 'get in the spotlight' and display my art, people seem to ...

Interviewer: What drives you? Candidate: The bus mostly.

Interviewer: I mean what motivates you to get out of bed in the morning?

Candidate: Missing the bus!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I went to Japan on holiday,

and I had a very close online Japanese friend I met on a Guitar Hero forum, and we arranged to meet up.

I thought he was a guy, but then this really cute girl with short, brown hair shows up, easily a 9/10. She's called Nao and even though it's the first time we had met in real life, we get a...

Why does reddit love motivated people?

Because we give it r/all.

Why is electricity so motivated?

Because they conduit

I don't want to just get motivated. I want to be driven.

Like, literally, I want to recline in the passenger seat while someone is driving me to my goals.

Hey guys, why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 began a racially motivated crime spree on April 28th, 2000 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, which left five individuals dead and one paralyzed.

Schwarznegger is at the gym

Arnie is spottin a dude at the gym. The guy is clearly strugglin, so he tries to motivate him to do just 2 more reps.

For a sec his attention is diverted, and the guy who's lifting lies and says "Did it Arnie, 2 more reps was all i had in me".

Arnie, angry and not one to be fooled says...

Why did the rooster cross the road?

In these troubled times, it can be hard to truly understand anyone’s motivations. True, the grass is always greener on the other side, and one might cross the road in hopes that those pastures truly will be more full of bird seed and such. But in doing so, one risks not only the near certain death...

What do you say to a motivated ghost?

That's the spirit!

What motivated Hercules to face off against Cerberus?

Alcmene triple-dog-dared him.

I hear they are putting Donald Trump on the penny.

It's to help motivate us to phase them out over the next four years.

Little Johnny

Little Johnny's father noticed that Johnny was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate Little Johnny into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, his father said, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

Litt...

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