Name two animals that should be endangered but are not!

Donkeys and Elephants

Everyone says that as a nice guy/gentleman, I'm a dying breed and that I should be on the endanger species list.

I wonder if there is a breeding program for my kind.

Note: First time posting on r/Jokes

What do you call it when an environmentalist cuts down an endangered tree?

Treeson.

People who eat endangered birds...

...will die lonely and full of egret.

Why are pandas endangered?

Because bamboo shoots.

Eggs have recently been added to the endangered species list

Due to excessive poaching.

In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah and said:

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unen...

Why are some species of cat always endangered?

Because cheetahs never prosper

Did you hear about the guy who fell into the endangered Mollusk exhibit?

An aquarium employee ran up to the railing and shouted "I'll go get help, don't move a mussel!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rectum Stretcher

I was on my way to work a few months ago and I'm going under an overpass. A cop pulls out, flips on the siren and sex lights, so we pull over. He sidles up to my window and asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"35?" I ask, knowing it's a 35 mph zone.

"Radar has you going 37," h...

Blue lives matter

There’s only 100 smurfs, their an endangered species.

A man is on trial for killing and eating a spotted owl.

He tells the judge, "I'm sorry it was endangered, but I had been lost in the woods for five days and I was starving." The judge deliberates a while and dismisses the case. Before the man leaves the judge whispers, "Between you and me, how did it taste?" The man replies, "It was sort of like a cross ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hiker gets lost in the woods...

A hiker gets lost in the woods and spends the next two days wandering around with no food. Finally, he spots a bald eagle on a ledge, hits it with a big rock, and begins eating it raw.

A park ranger stumbles on the scene and arrests the hiker for killing an endangered species.

In court...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So the Judge says "OK, I see that circumstance and duress made you eat the endangered spotted owl. NOT guilty." Then he leans over and whispers "Between you and me, what does a spotted owl actually taste like?"

The accused says "A cross between a bald eagle and an Amazon Imperial Parrot."

Good News: The Giant Panda is no longer considered 'Endangered'.

Bad News: It's now considered 'Extinct'.

It's no wonder falcons are an endangered species

They've got an extreme choking problem.

Last night, I had dinner at one of those illicit restaurants where you can dine on endangered species.

I left there full of egret.

Endangered meal

One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost. For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out. He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle. He killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly, a couple of park rangers ha...

Are black men becoming an endangered species?

No! Endangered species are protected by the law.
-Chris Rock

It’s okay for me to use gorilla glue but as soon as I start using horse glue everyone gets all angry

Aren’t gorillas like, super endangered? WTF

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is sitting on the bank of a river with a turtle

And an officer from the fisheries board approached him. The officer says to the man "do you know it's illegal to poach turtles out of this river - they're an endangered species"?

The man says to the officer, "no this is my pet turtle. I bring
him down here everyday and let him go for a sw...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny overheard a couple of girls in school

The kids were whispering "Purple flowers, purple flowers," and giggling. Curious what this meant, Johnny asked his friend.

"Jimmy, what does purple flowers mean?" Johnny asked.

Little Jimmy looked at Johnny in horror and said "I'm not gonna be friends with someone who says stuff like t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A parole officer makes a house visit...

He walks sternly and silently into the house then to the upstairs hallway. He stops, reaches up and pulls a chord which releases a smaller set of stairs. He trudges up them and at the top he stands with a scowl as he examines the unfortunate scene. He yells, "What the hell, are you ever going to get...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I recently sailed around the world on one of those “once in a lifetime” cruises.

The cruise was scheduled to take 6 months, visit all 7 continents, and make port calls in over 30 different cities. I was very excited and could not wait.

The cruise began with several uneventful stops along the gulf off Mexico and down the Eastern side of South America. As we neared the sout...

Aboriginal Rituals

A couple years back, I stumbled on a surprising reference to the astonishing longevity of Aboriginal shamans living in the Australian outback. Reliable birth records aren't available before the early 20th century, but government officials have noted an astounding number of nonagenarians and centenar...

A man is arrested for killing a condor

A man is arrested for killing an endangered condor. Before the judge, the man says, "Your honor, I only killed the condor to feed my hungry family."

The judge says, "Well, I can't charge a man for feeding his family. And I'm curious so I'll let you off with a warning if you answer one questio...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A train in the US derailed for a bit then went back on track...

after the train stopped, the boss of the station had a talk with the train driver

Boss : What happened ?!

Train driver : There was a guy in the middle of the track!

Boss : so ? next time you have to hit the guy and not endanger the lives of hundreds of people.

Train drive...

So a panda walks into a bar

Orders a salad and just after paying his bill whips out a Gloc and shoots one of the other bar patrons. The bartender asks what the hell his problem is and the panda says "I'm a panda look me up in the dictionary" then grabs his coat and walks out the door.

The bartender not knowing what else...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today i realised that Kung Fu Panda was actually a very progressive movie

Not only is the protagonist such a minority that he is literally an endangered species, he is also portrayed by a Black man

Horrible joke I made up as a kid

Why are frogs on the endangered species list?

Because they croak a lot!

So I Was Going to Kill Myself

But I hear whales are endangered.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When driving, they say it is always better hit the animal rather than swerve.

You know, for safety reasons. Swerving endangers everybody around you.

So, I was driving one day, and all of a sudden, a dog jumps out of nowhere and runs across the road! Luckily, i somehow manage to miss him.

I had to chase the fucking thing across a field for 15 minutes before i co...

Wild Condor

A group of bird watchers is out in the woods and sees a Wild Condor flying in the sky. Everybody is elbowing each other, pointing at the bird and focusing their binoculars. Right about then... a loud gun shot is heard and the bird falls out of the sky. The bird watchers all go running to where th...

A small town in Florida

Ok so there's a tiny town called Hugh in Florida. It's right by the Everglades. Beautiful place, river runs through the main part of town where there are a lot of fish and other assorted water creatures that swim in it. Storks, cranes, and many other tropical fish. Well one day a creature decided t...

Scooby and the gang on Family Fortunes

The host goes to Daphne and asks her to name an endangered African animal, she ponders for a second and then a voice in the background goes "Rhino!"

The host says "I know you do Scooby, but it's not your go..."

2 old ladies are in a car...

When a state trooper spots them on the highway. He notices that they are going very very slowly in the passing lane, and decides to pull them over because going too slowly can be just as dangerous as going to fast!

When he approaches the car, he notices that the old lady in the passenger's se...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.