If a co worker is sick, is it considered a staff infection?

I really just came up with this joke all by myself, this is a big moment for me.

A man infected with Covid19 walks into a bar and infects everyone

He spread positivity.

What do you call a red head with a yeast infection

A ginger bread house

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man badly wanted to lick the princess' boobs.

He decided to ask his friend Johnny, who works in the palace. He promised 2,000 gold coins to Johnny, he agreed instantly with the deal.


A few days later, Johnny goes and sprinkles itching powder on the princess' bra while she was taking a bath. The plan worked successfully, when the pr...

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Is it true that dogs have bacteria in their mouths that can cause infections?

And on an unrelated note, does anyone know where i can buy peanutbutter flavoured condoms?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

US President Donald Trump tested and was not infected by the Corona virus. Experts from the Robert Koch Institute are not surprised.

The virus has been shown to affect lungs, not assholes.

The Coronavirus infects you very quickly

The first person who had it was infected right off the bat.

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A man takes a walk with his new girlfriend who he's been dating for three months

About 20 minutes into the walk, they pass a park and see two bunnies mating. The woman says "how does the male bunny know that the female bunny is ready for sex?" The man says "it's natural, the male can smell it".

The couple continues to walk for another 20 minutes and they pass a forest whe...

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

   The first mathematician orders a beer 

The second orders half a beer 

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies 

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2 

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The barten...

After contracting Covid-19 Famous Rapper DMX has promised to infect every human on earth with the virus.

This is apart of his earlier promise that "X gonna give it to ya"

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?

A quarter pounder with cheese

A group of mountain climbers all contract Coronavirus, but are strangely unable to infect anybody else.

This is because scalars aren't vectors.

TIL Severe Yeast Infections Can Lead to Pregnancy

You could end up with a bun in the oven!

Gee, I wonder if SARS-CoV-2 mutated to the point where it could infect birds...

I guess you could call the disease it causes "CO*R*VID-19," eh?

"The surgery went successful Mr. Dawson, we removed the infected vertebra from your spine."

Dawson: "Doc you sure this will solve my problem?"

Dr: "Don't worry, we got your back!"

I’m a supervillain from Italy, I have the power to infect people with deadly diseases.

It’s-a-me, Malario.

-Sir, you have a bladder infection.

-What’s that?

-Urine trouble, sir.

What’s the funniest infection?

Athlete’s foot. It causes the feet to crack up.

The W.H.O officially announced that dogs cannot get infected by the Coronavirus. Therefore, dogs can basically leave quarantine.

So, i guess you could say.... W.H.O let the dogs out.

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A blind man goes to his local Subway everyday for lunch

One Monday, he went up to his subway and ordered his usual BLT. He enjoyed BLT’s, and they were easy to order since he couldn’t point at the ingredients he wanted due to his blindness. The worker gave the man his sub, and the man ate his sub only to find it tasted sweet and juicy. He went up to the ...

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My wife has a yeast infection..

Now she understands what it’s like to be with an irritating cunt.

Vaginal yeast infections

Will make the south rise again!

Why God? Why?

One day a fellow was watching Fox News and learned about a new virus that was rapidly spreading and quickly killing those who got sick with it. The nightly news reports got worse and worse, this Covid-19 virus was spreading around the world and killing increasingly large numbers of people. But he wa...

People thought Trump getting infected would change his views on Covid...

...I guess he is asympathetic.

She had a yeast infection so bad

I stuck a hotdog up her and it came out a corn dog.

Did you hear about the group of Kansas City football players who all contracted skin infections while smoking marijuana?

The Joint Chiefs of Staph

Did you hear about the coronavirus infection rate spiralling out of control in the Irish capital?

It's Dublin.

This is so awful. It must go on to infect others.

An Ancient Greek walks into his tailor’s shop with a pair of torn trousers.

“Euripides?” Says the tailor.

“Yeah, Eumenides?” Replies the man.

My old doctor said he could tell if someone was infected with HIV with just a stethoscope...

Because they’re useful hearing AIDS

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What infection can you get for having nasal sex?

Sniffilis

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was Friday night. Frank, Jim and Ed were at the game ready to watch 26 infected zombie girls tear each other to pieces.

Tied around the inside of the arena, the infected girls are labelled A-Z, with fresh meat tied to their backs to entice them to fight. The winner is the last one standing.

Over 50,000 spectators watch from the stands behind a wire fence, betting slips in hand and eager for the fight to begin....

I just found out my grandparents got infected.

I can’t believe it honestly. I told them to use protection and stuff but they wouldn’t listen and now the whole care homes got it. Oh well at least it’s easy to treat chlamydia now a days.

What did the doctor say to the patient suffering from a bacterial infection?

Ah, I see you're a man of culture as well

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Nsfw. Why do women get yeast infections?

Because God wanted them to know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt.

The real reason all the libraries are closing is not to help stop the spread of infection.

Its becuase after all the toilet paper was gone, people all started to check out the books with 1000+ pages

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The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday...

It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.


The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection, and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.


Doughboy is ...

There was a story in the news this morning (really!), that researchers have determined that dogs can tell who is infected with COVID-19 with 96% accuracy, even before someone is symptomatic.

My dog is scaring me to death. He came over to me just now, wearing a surgical mask and face shield. I think he's trying to tell me something.

Also suspect that when you go to the hospital with COVID symptoms, they will do a DG scan. It's like a CT scan, only with a dog instead of a cat.

Why are pirates terrified of COVID-19 infection?

Because they have a high Arr value

COVID-19 plagues a rural country town in the States.

Lockdowns have been imposed, and the infection rate is rising fast. An overweight and diabetic anti-masker is standing on the steps of the church, going against lockdown procedures, when a bystander coming from the grocery store walks by. “Better return home man, the infection rate is rising fast!”<...

My girlfriend constantly suffers from urinary tract infections

I told her she put the uti in cutie.

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What did the Japanese man say when he got infected by coronavirus

CORONANI ??!!

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Apparently I'm going to hell because I infected the Donkey next door.

They said I must not COVID my neighbor's ass.

The moment we find out dogs really could sniff out coronavirus infections...

We'd ask WHO, let the dogs out! WHO! WHO!

I live in MD and the governor is all “Don't go to the bar. Don't meet up with your friends. Don't come home with an infection.”

Honestly, Gov. Larry Hogan is starting to sound like my wife.

What phrase is 5 words long, makes you a part of a secretly hated society, is as infective as a virus and stays in your memory forever, but is only mentioned on occasion?

“I just lost the game”

With over 1,000,000 people infected with coronavirus in the US, I’m beginning to fear for my own life

Thank god I live in America.

"China reports no new coronavirus local infections!" says a Chinese national to random strangers on the Internet

"But Hong Kong and Taiwan are still reporting in new cases" replied the random guy on the Internet.

"No… Hong Kong and Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"

One thing at a time.

Once upon a time, a little old lady went to the doctor.

She said, "Doc, I don't know what's wrong, but I've had an constant problem with flatulence for weeks now. It's not much inconvenience, because they're quiet, and they don't stink, but I've farted 4 times just while I explained this to ...

During WWII a badly injured British pilot has to bail out over occupied France.

He's found, in very bad shape, and transferred to the medical wing of a German prisoner of war camp. After a week, the doctors tell him that the infection in his left leg means they're going to have to amputate. "OK," says the airman. "Just, if you would, do me one favour. Drop the leg over my airba...

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A man with anal infection went to the doctor,the doctor said "the only cure that exist, is to stick a cucumber in your butthole"

so the man went back home to his wife, explained to her what happened, and asked her to help him out.

man: "honey you should do as the doctor instructed me to do"

wife: "okay, what should I do?"

man: "hold one butt cheek with your left hand and, the other with your right hand,...

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Introducing: The Karen Infection Collection toy line!

*Wheeze with laughter through your ventilator as you watch your children make short-term memories with... The Karen Infection Collection!*

*They'll love spending their last days playing with their new favorite toys, like Protestor Pete - who comes with accessories like a vial of crocodile tea...

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A guy goes to the doctor because of blue balls.

He comes in to the doctors office and says

"Doctor! Doctor! One of my balls is completely blue! It doesn't hurt, but im really afraid"

The Doctor looks at the patients testicle and agrees that it doesn't look very good. The doctor decides to be on the safe side and removes the patien...

It is now recommended that high risk groups take mud baths when infected with COVID-19.

It won't save you, but it will help you get used to the feeling of the dirt.

Just found out my grandma has been infected

I knew I should have used protection!

Unfortunately men are still getting infected even when they abide by social distancing

That's because six feet to them is in reality 5'8"

So there's only one state with no confirmed coronavirus infections, do you know which one it is?

The state of denial

I got a highly contagious viral infection from online communities.

It must be all those social media influenzas.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross the cabbage patch doll and the pillsbury doe boy?

A ugly little bitch with a yeast infection

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman comes home from the Gynecologist

She tells her husband “The doctor says I have an infection, and I can’t put anything in there for two weeks, so no sex”

Her husband says “well what did your dentist say?”

How did Alice feel when her doctor told her she is genetically more likely to develop a yeast infection?

Thrush-traited

She said I have an infectious smile

I smiled and now she has urine infection.

Good news, you can't get infected if you don't have a license

It's only a Car-ownavirus.

I saw a loved up couple on the train.

The woman was caressing the man's genital warts, and it made me feel uneasy.

I hate public displays of infection.

Fighting COVID-19 by contact tracing and quarantining those with connections to infected people means that...

Poor Kevin Bacon never gets to leave his home.

What did the doctor say to the man with a serious urinary tract infection?

Urine trouble

What do you call a toxic work environment?

A staff infection

What do they call it when your eye is infected with COVID-19?

Corona-Iris. I'll see myself out.

Did you hear about the virus that only infected children's computers?

Yeah I thought it was just a pdf-file.

Doctor told me I have viral eye infection...

Must be the cornea virus

I never thought I'd have a fungal infection

But then it grew on me.

Why can't Trump get infected by coronavirus?

Because he has presidential immunity!

How can you tell if someone's infected with the coronavirus?

They have a lime wedge sticking out of the top of their head

Me and my infections finally got together

and had a staff meeting

What do you call a frat house infected with coronavirus?

Brovid-19

COVID 19 infection is asymptomatic in children, but has an elevated fatality rate among the elderly.

They should call it "KO Boomer."

In the distant past your limbs would simply be cut off if you got an infection

This was the med-evil period

Hey girl, are you a urinary tract infection?

‘Cuz ur-in-ate out of 10

What does a modern excutioner, with a sense of humor do, before injecting lethal injection?

\- Disinfect the arm, to prevent infection.

News: A Major Fashion Label Releases a Cream for Yeast Infections

It's called "Gucci Coochie Goo".

According to the Chinese Zodiac, 2020 was the Year of the Rat

So we've been spending the entire year holed up, only briefly leaving to get food, running at the sight of other humans, and transmitting infection.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just got an eye infection for rubbing it too hard.

I guess I can’t masturbate for awhile now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Singles on a deserted island

A luxury cruise ship offered a cruise for young singles only. But halfway through the voyage, the ship crashed. The Captain had been having a affair and didn't see the giant rock formation. The cruise ship went down in record time (as did the Captain). Most people on board were too drunk to act fast...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man and a young woman are fooling around when the young woman starts to feel a little more kinky than usual and asks the guy to use his toe on her.

The young man shrugs and decides, Why not? and then proceeds to pleasure his girlfriend with his big toe.

The next day the young man wakes up and notices that the flesh of his toe is sore and a little pink and tender. He ignores it, but after a few days decides to go see his doctor when the s...

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