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Affected Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Each president has subconsciously affected the porn industry in various ways [NSFW]

During the Clinton era, infidelity and work place scenarios became really popular.

During the Bush years, the demand for "dumb blonde" types hit an all time high.

During Obama's presidency, the interracial genre took off.

And recently, incest porn has become really popular.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked a prostitute if her livelihood was affected by the pandemic.

"Same as usual." she said. "The clients, they come and go."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a tragic birth defect that affected a young couples' first born child.

The doctor looked at the new parents and said. "Your baby is healthy, but he was born without eyelids. The parents were shocked and the new mother started to weep.

"Is there anything that can be done to fix this?" She asked, choking on her tears.

The doctor thought a moment when an ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man met this lady at a bar and they decided to go to her place to have sex after the bar closed...

They're in the bedroom and he takes off his shoes and
socks."My goodness what happened to you're feet?"She asks.

"I had tolio," He replied.
"Dont you mean polio?" She asks."No. This just affected my feet. It's called toelio."She thought nothing of it and continued to undress.
He tak...

I recently asked a friend who operated a crematorium about how COVID had affected him

He said all the extra work left him feeling burned out

The cattle population is being affected by the pandemic.

They have cowronavirus.

A recent study shows that 6 out of 7 persons affected with dwarfism are not happy.

They are grumpy, sleepy, dopey, bashful, sneezy and doc.

How did the whole town get affected by lead poisoning?

Someone added lead to the central water supply. Then one thing lead to another.

We are all affected by gravity. What you get if it was removed?

Gravy.

I wonder how this whole coronavirus thing has affected Wuhan china cymbal sales.

I think the market has crashed.

I started a charity for the billionaire hedge fund investors affected by the Game Stop Short Squeeze.

But Soon after, I realized there’s already a Charity for them, The US Government.

It’s a shame coronavirus affects the infirm and elderly most

If it affected idiocy instead there’d be a lot more toilet paper available

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lemon, a potato, and a pea all had a tough week working at the grocery store...

...so they decided to let off some steam with a bar crawl at the weekend.

They had a great time, hitting bar after bar, knocking back drinks, but being so genetically different, the alcohol affected them each in different ways: the lemon got very acidic and refluxy; the potato, being a big st...

I heard due to the pandemic jobs of all types have been affected. Even employment rates for hitmen are down 75 percent...

On the bright side, demand for ninja assassins is through the roof!

When I shot up the classroom, killed my teacher and everybody else in the building it really affected my family.

I'm home schooled.

A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Shiner...

He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy,
"You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.
It would taste better if you bought one at a time."...

Apparently there’s a beef shortage on the rise.

Good news is fast food restaurants shouldn’t be affected.

I heard Anheuser Busch is sending 9 truckloads of canned water to the areas affected by Hurricane Matthew.

Who knew there was such a demand for Bud Light after a disaster?

Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger

are talking to each other about their long careers as action heroes. Sly says, "You did some okay comedy, but you have the governorship and political success to be proud of."

Arnold says, "You've had so much recognition in Hollywood. I've never been nominated for an Oscar, you have have been ...

Two men die and go to heaven, St. Peter meets them at the Pearly Gates

"Gentlemen," he says, "I'm very sorry, but your condos aren't ready yet, so I can send you back to Earth for a few days in whatever form you wish."

"Well," the first man says, "I always thought I'd like to be an eagle soaring majestically over the Grand Canyon."

"And I'd like to be a r...

Let me explain

A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon.

They opened the champagne and began undressing.

When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked,

\- "Ewww - what's wrong with your feet? Your toes look...

BREAKING NEWS: Children are expected to get significantly lower number of gifts year.

It was reported that stocking up of gifts has been tremendously affected as the balloon transports owned by Santa Logistics has already been shot down 3 times in the last one week.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his newlywed wife are about to consummate marriage.

A man and his newlywed wife are about to consummate marriage. Both are nervous and start getting undressed. The man takes his shoes and socks off and the woman shrieks "OMG! What's wrong with your feet?" The husband, having grossly misshapen toes replies "When I was a kid I contracted toelio." The b...

One good tern deserves another

Arctic terns, birds long famous for their thousands of miles migratory habits, have been profoundly affected by climate change. Researchers have determined that as landmarks have disappeared due to loss of ice, some terns get stressed to the point of prematurely ending their flights.

Exposur...

When I moved to Florida, I couldn't fit in

Finishing 3rd Grade really affected my social life there.

A teacher asks her class to come up with a sentence...

...that contains the word "contagious."

Amy stands up and says "Last week my mummy had the flu. It was contagious." "Very good," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"

Then Becky stands up and says "a long time ago the Bubonic Plague affected a lot of Europe and because it was very contagiou...

I was watching a really good documentary about Quantum physics the other day



But I decided to stop watching in case I affected the outcome

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