This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man badly wanted to lick the princess' boobs.

He decided to ask his friend Johnny, who works in the palace. He promised 2,000 gold coins to Johnny, he agreed instantly with the deal.


A few days later, Johnny goes and sprinkles itching powder on the princess' bra while she was taking a bath. The plan worked successfully, when the pr...

I started a charity for the billionaire hedge fund investors affected by the Game Stop Short Squeeze.

But Soon after, I realized there’s already a Charity for them, The US Government.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lemon, a potato, and a pea all had a tough week working at the grocery store...

...so they decided to let off some steam with a bar crawl at the weekend.

They had a great time, hitting bar after bar, knocking back drinks, but being so genetically different, the alcohol affected them each in different ways: the lemon got very acidic and refluxy; the potato, being a big...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys are driving down a highway

The guy in the passenger seat asks the driver to pull over cuss he need to take a piss. They pull over and the guy gets out to take his piss. Suddenly the guy in the car hears a scream and runs over

Turns out his friend got bitten by a snake in the dick. The first guy calls his dad who is a ...

The cattle population is being affected by the pandemic.

They have cowronavirus.

Being in quarantine hasn't really affected me.

But I do think it's strange that in one box of rice there were 6839 rice kernels and in another it was 6723.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to the doctor because his penis has turned orange.

The doctor examining him, is baffled how his penis has turned orange and poses some probing questions. "What do you do for a living", he asks.

"I am a truck driver"

"Do you work long hours"

"Oh yes, most days are twelve to sixteen hour days usually in heavy traffic"

The...

I heard due to the pandemic jobs of all types have been affected. Even employment rates for hitmen are down 75 percent...

On the bright side, demand for ninja assassins is through the roof!

I wonder how this whole coronavirus thing has affected Wuhan china cymbal sales.

I think the market has crashed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

< Athletes foot! >

I made up this joke in 2010

........................................................

A very active runner was hit by a power shovel. The affect was to shear his privates off. When he got to the hospital the doctor tried to reattach it, but to no avail. The doctor then noticed that...

A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.

He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy,

"You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.

It would taste better if you bought o...

We are all affected by gravity. What you get if it was removed?

Gravy.

How did the whole town get affected by lead poisoning?

Someone added lead to the central water supply. Then one thing lead to another.

A recent study shows that 6 out of 7 persons affected with dwarfism are not happy.

They are grumpy, sleepy, dopey, bashful, sneezy and doc.

Even The Proclaimers have been affected by the coronavirus

The government has urged them to restrict their walk to 5 miles

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Each president has subconsciously affected the porn industry in various ways [NSFW]

During the Clinton era, infidelity and work place scenarios became really popular.

During the Bush years, the demand for "dumb blonde" types hit an all time high.

During Obama's presidency, the interracial genre took off.

And recently, incest porn has become really popular.

Wife asks her man a serious question one day...

It was a beautiful morning, however wife had a serious question to ask her husband.

"Babe", she reckoned. "If I die tomorrow, how will you be affected by my death?"

Husband did not question the intent behind asking such a question, indeed he was smart.

"Babe, if I lose you, I'll...

The Seagull and The Octopus

There once was a seagull with sore feet. He had been perching on a seaside railing all day and was starting to get blisters. He had tried going swimming, but the salt water seemed to irritate them and make them worse. He had tried flying, but he soon got so tired that he had to stop. He was in agony...

It’s a shame coronavirus affects the infirm and elderly most

If it affected idiocy instead there’d be a lot more toilet paper available

When I shot up the classroom, killed my teacher and everybody else in the building it really affected my family.

I'm home schooled.

Regarding r/internetexplorer's decision to go private.

In a display of unity, our subreddit has chosen to vehemently reject the staffing decision made by Reddit and will be going private. CEO Ellen Pao's decisions have negatively affected this site and we stand with the rest of Reddit in this timely matter.

Apparently there’s a beef shortage on the rise.

Good news is fast food restaurants shouldn’t be affected.

I heard Anheuser Busch is sending 9 truckloads of canned water to the areas affected by Hurricane Matthew.

Who knew there was such a demand for Bud Light after a disaster?

Did you hear about the biologist who grew a new bacteria that affected all races equally?

It was a PC culture.

Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger

are talking to each other about their long careers as action heroes. Sly says, "You did some okay comedy, but you have the governorship and political success to be proud of."

Arnold says, "You've had so much recognition in Hollywood. I've never been nominated for an Oscar, you have have been ...

Encouraging a sick relative

The pandemic swept over the land and finally affected this one small town and one family in particular. Little Billy's beloved grandfather fell sick and had to be taken to the hospital. The family checked in with him virtually several times a week, and Billy's mother coached him on what to say duri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A snake bit a man on his penis

Two friends were hiking deep in the woods for a few days. On the second day, while one hiker is peeing, he is bitten by a snake on his penis. Through excruciating pain, he manages to crawl back to the campsite to his friend.

\*"A snake bit me on the penis!! You need to go get help!"\*
...

A girl from a strict family.

There was a girl from a very strict family. Her father absolutely hated fruits and no one in the family was allowed to eat them. As far as the girl knew her Uncle had died from choking on an apple which is why they were banned.

All through her school years she longed to taste any fruit, s...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.